256
R. Linda:
I will send you me new address as soon as I be set up in me little room with the padded walls.
Me butt hurts from sitting on me office chair watching cartoons last night. I went to get up to put the little one to bed and found meself not really standing. Instead, I was a bent pretzel. It was the same position I had in me chair, I looked like Mr. Crab and when I went to scoop up the wee one, he had started pointing and laughing at me. I had to run, yes if you can call it that, to catch him up for bed.
I did have to come out of the back room chasing the laddie in that pretzel-like position, passing by the Dragon who was still warm and toasty in me blankie watching me telly. She did make some remark that went something like, you look ridiculous doing that Gabriel, straighten up.
Well, it wasn't because I wanted to be in that position, I could not straighten up.
Amid much laughter from the Airport at me expense, I got him to bed and got in too. I decided it was too painful to try to sit next to the bed and read the storybook, so I eased meself in and tried to gently straighten me legs. I opened the book and read him all about these two dumb pigs that had a smart brother and knew a windy wolf. Well, I should say I tried to read the story amidst twenty questions on what were the pigs names, where did they come from, can pigs really talk, do wolves like bacon, etc.
Once the Airport was falling asleep, I clicked off the overhead light and tried to stand upright like a human being, but I was still bent at the waist. At least me legs were straight. In the forward motion position of looking like a man ready to run a race I crept, yes I crept out of the darkened room into the hallway. I sort of threw up me hands when I saw the Dragon was still up and wrapped in me blanket on me couch. I tried to walk softly passed her but of course she saw me and made another remark, "You aren't funny Gabriel. O'Hare has gone to bed and if you are trying to make me laugh you are far short of that."
No? You think? Break your face you try, I thought to meself. I stopped and explained why I was in the painful contorted position I was, but she thought I was making that up for sympathy because I didn't get a Valentine heart full of chocies. Well, I have never been one to milk a regret and I wasn't about to start now, I said, "Yeah, you caught me milking it for all I'm worth," and with that I started forward again and she clucked at me and as I made me way to me bedroom door, I inadvertently head butted the wife who was in the process of coming out to find out what the chatter was about.
Talk about fast, that damned Dragon was off the couch in a flash seeing to her "poor darling daughter" and saying how she saw the whole thing, me butt heading me wife because I didn't get any chocolates. I gotta tell ya, if I wasn't all bent over I would have taken that woman by the scruff and thrown her in the snow. But I couldn't, I was still in bent position and trying to console the wife and explain meself all at the same time.
All this commotion awakened the Airport and he was out there in the thick of it, all of us talking at the same time. Finally, in me bent position I led the wife over to the couch sat her down, threw me green blankie over her and went to sit next to her, but the Airport got there first, and so I started to her other side, but the Dragon was sitting there. I was still stuck in that bent position and everyone but me was consoling Tonya who was looking at me with real concern. FINALLY, someone actually saw I was in a lot of pain and not purposely being a jerk.
She shut the other two up and then she tried to help me straighten. It was too painful. She had me lie on the floor and then she sat on me back. Wowey wow wow but that hurt, but it unlocked me pelvis so I was straight. BUT I couldn't get up. She decided I should stay where I was and she'd get a hot pack for me pinched nerve. She went to the kitchen and the other two were still sitting on the couch, neither asked me if I was all right, neither asked me if they could do anything for me, not that's I'd expect the Airport to, but all the same I was ignored.
"How many fingers to you have O'Hare?" The Dragon asked him.
"All of them," he answered with a big smile.
I was like bloody hell, that's a damn good answer.
"How many toes do you have?" She persisted and got the same answer. "Well, how many is all of them?"
"How many do YOU think?" He said back.
I was more and more impressed with the lad. He was saved anymore of the Dragon's inquisition when Tonya arrived back with a welcomed wet/heat pack. It was the nicest thing anyone could have done for me. She made sure I got up slowly and carefully took me off to tuck me in. She was none too happy with her mam and that was even better as far as I was concerned. Maybe now she'd take notice that the woman had taken me place in me own home and I, being polite for Tonya's sake, had let her and see the price I was paying? I think she did because she shut the bedroom door once I was comfy WITH me green blankie (I had requested it when she asked if there was anything she could get me), and went out and had a conversation with the Dragon, the wee one sent off to bed.
This morning Tonya told me not to get up, I would have me brekkie in bed. I was like whatho? This was fantastic so I fluffed up me pillows and straightened me blankets, folding the green one at the foot so as not to spill anything on it, and waited with a big smile for the door to open and me hot brekkie of eggs, bacon, coffee and toast to waft it's way in. Yup. But what came in with the tray full of food wiped the smile off me face fast. It was the Dragon, her eyes glistening evil as she waltzed in with the tray.
"Good morning Gabriel, I trust you had a good night?"
"Uh yeah, thanks," I said, as she placed the tray on me lap, after not having a good night and now a worse morning.
"I thought since you head butted Tonya, I'd give her a rest off her feet and I told her I would prepare your breakfast. Here you go, pouched egg, toast (no butter), we don't want that evil Mr. Cholesterol on your bread now do we dear? Oh, and here is your coffee, decaf so you don't get wired and strange since we know that's what coffee does to you. And here is the best part, some ready cooked bacon to keep the grease at a minimum. You enjoy dear," she said. "Oh and you don't need THIS," she whipped off me green blankie from the end of the bed. "Too many blankets will overheat your brain, and well with what's left of it that would be terrible, wouldn't it dear?"
I was gobsmacked. She had taken me prize blankie and left me with the most disgusting breakfast I had ever seen. I do NOT like pouched eggs, I want butter on me toast and I detest decaf coffee. Come on, I wanted to shout. And to add insult to injury everything on that plate was cold including the coffee. I swear I tell Tonya any of this and what the Dragon said -- she won't believe me. I know that's what the Dragon is counting on, that I'll look the idiot while she be looking pristine innocent. I want to ask Tonya how long I have to endure this torture because her mother be making me a crazier person than I already am, but I be basically sitting on me tongue not to give the Dragon any satisfaction she's got to me. Ugh!
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I will send you me new address as soon as I be set up in me little room with the padded walls.
Me butt hurts from sitting on me office chair watching cartoons last night. I went to get up to put the little one to bed and found meself not really standing. Instead, I was a bent pretzel. It was the same position I had in me chair, I looked like Mr. Crab and when I went to scoop up the wee one, he had started pointing and laughing at me. I had to run, yes if you can call it that, to catch him up for bed.
I did have to come out of the back room chasing the laddie in that pretzel-like position, passing by the Dragon who was still warm and toasty in me blankie watching me telly. She did make some remark that went something like, you look ridiculous doing that Gabriel, straighten up.
Well, it wasn't because I wanted to be in that position, I could not straighten up.
Amid much laughter from the Airport at me expense, I got him to bed and got in too. I decided it was too painful to try to sit next to the bed and read the storybook, so I eased meself in and tried to gently straighten me legs. I opened the book and read him all about these two dumb pigs that had a smart brother and knew a windy wolf. Well, I should say I tried to read the story amidst twenty questions on what were the pigs names, where did they come from, can pigs really talk, do wolves like bacon, etc.
Once the Airport was falling asleep, I clicked off the overhead light and tried to stand upright like a human being, but I was still bent at the waist. At least me legs were straight. In the forward motion position of looking like a man ready to run a race I crept, yes I crept out of the darkened room into the hallway. I sort of threw up me hands when I saw the Dragon was still up and wrapped in me blanket on me couch. I tried to walk softly passed her but of course she saw me and made another remark, "You aren't funny Gabriel. O'Hare has gone to bed and if you are trying to make me laugh you are far short of that."
No? You think? Break your face you try, I thought to meself. I stopped and explained why I was in the painful contorted position I was, but she thought I was making that up for sympathy because I didn't get a Valentine heart full of chocies. Well, I have never been one to milk a regret and I wasn't about to start now, I said, "Yeah, you caught me milking it for all I'm worth," and with that I started forward again and she clucked at me and as I made me way to me bedroom door, I inadvertently head butted the wife who was in the process of coming out to find out what the chatter was about.
Talk about fast, that damned Dragon was off the couch in a flash seeing to her "poor darling daughter" and saying how she saw the whole thing, me butt heading me wife because I didn't get any chocolates. I gotta tell ya, if I wasn't all bent over I would have taken that woman by the scruff and thrown her in the snow. But I couldn't, I was still in bent position and trying to console the wife and explain meself all at the same time.
All this commotion awakened the Airport and he was out there in the thick of it, all of us talking at the same time. Finally, in me bent position I led the wife over to the couch sat her down, threw me green blankie over her and went to sit next to her, but the Airport got there first, and so I started to her other side, but the Dragon was sitting there. I was still stuck in that bent position and everyone but me was consoling Tonya who was looking at me with real concern. FINALLY, someone actually saw I was in a lot of pain and not purposely being a jerk.
She shut the other two up and then she tried to help me straighten. It was too painful. She had me lie on the floor and then she sat on me back. Wowey wow wow but that hurt, but it unlocked me pelvis so I was straight. BUT I couldn't get up. She decided I should stay where I was and she'd get a hot pack for me pinched nerve. She went to the kitchen and the other two were still sitting on the couch, neither asked me if I was all right, neither asked me if they could do anything for me, not that's I'd expect the Airport to, but all the same I was ignored.
"How many fingers to you have O'Hare?" The Dragon asked him.
"All of them," he answered with a big smile.
I was like bloody hell, that's a damn good answer.
"How many toes do you have?" She persisted and got the same answer. "Well, how many is all of them?"
"How many do YOU think?" He said back.
I was more and more impressed with the lad. He was saved anymore of the Dragon's inquisition when Tonya arrived back with a welcomed wet/heat pack. It was the nicest thing anyone could have done for me. She made sure I got up slowly and carefully took me off to tuck me in. She was none too happy with her mam and that was even better as far as I was concerned. Maybe now she'd take notice that the woman had taken me place in me own home and I, being polite for Tonya's sake, had let her and see the price I was paying? I think she did because she shut the bedroom door once I was comfy WITH me green blankie (I had requested it when she asked if there was anything she could get me), and went out and had a conversation with the Dragon, the wee one sent off to bed.
This morning Tonya told me not to get up, I would have me brekkie in bed. I was like whatho? This was fantastic so I fluffed up me pillows and straightened me blankets, folding the green one at the foot so as not to spill anything on it, and waited with a big smile for the door to open and me hot brekkie of eggs, bacon, coffee and toast to waft it's way in. Yup. But what came in with the tray full of food wiped the smile off me face fast. It was the Dragon, her eyes glistening evil as she waltzed in with the tray.
"Good morning Gabriel, I trust you had a good night?"
"Uh yeah, thanks," I said, as she placed the tray on me lap, after not having a good night and now a worse morning.
"I thought since you head butted Tonya, I'd give her a rest off her feet and I told her I would prepare your breakfast. Here you go, pouched egg, toast (no butter), we don't want that evil Mr. Cholesterol on your bread now do we dear? Oh, and here is your coffee, decaf so you don't get wired and strange since we know that's what coffee does to you. And here is the best part, some ready cooked bacon to keep the grease at a minimum. You enjoy dear," she said. "Oh and you don't need THIS," she whipped off me green blankie from the end of the bed. "Too many blankets will overheat your brain, and well with what's left of it that would be terrible, wouldn't it dear?"
I was gobsmacked. She had taken me prize blankie and left me with the most disgusting breakfast I had ever seen. I do NOT like pouched eggs, I want butter on me toast and I detest decaf coffee. Come on, I wanted to shout. And to add insult to injury everything on that plate was cold including the coffee. I swear I tell Tonya any of this and what the Dragon said -- she won't believe me. I know that's what the Dragon is counting on, that I'll look the idiot while she be looking pristine innocent. I want to ask Tonya how long I have to endure this torture because her mother be making me a crazier person than I already am, but I be basically sitting on me tongue not to give the Dragon any satisfaction she's got to me. Ugh!
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
