10 March 2017
852
R. Linda:
At the behest of the blue-haired person requesting a story (see below the lovely shade of blue), and me having none to give, I decided to look for one in the only place I know for sure I'd get one. I made a call to Weasil. Yup, I didn't want to do it, but I did. Sometimes, I get the Weas, or as is more often the case, I get a person I don't know who has the misfortune to end up with the Weasil's former phone number.
852
R. Linda:
At the behest of the blue-haired person requesting a story (see below the lovely shade of blue), and me having none to give, I decided to look for one in the only place I know for sure I'd get one. I made a call to Weasil. Yup, I didn't want to do it, but I did. Sometimes, I get the Weas, or as is more often the case, I get a person I don't know who has the misfortune to end up with the Weasil's former phone number.
 |
| Ah yes, blue as the sea, very nice R. Linda - I like it better than the purple |
Well, this time I got the young whippersnapper right off, and was somewhat surprised that happened, which is often my reaction. When I get a stranger with his former number they always talk in high harassed voices, and seem near the edge of breaking, so I was glad that wasn't the case this time.
"So Weas, you want to get together?" I asked with some hesitation.
"Yuppers, dats up me street." He replied eagerly.
We made plans to meet at a doctor's office where he had an appointment. I wondered why he'd be seeing an American doctor when he lives in Scotland, but I didn't ask because you know what happens, he gives me some lame explanation that confuses the hell out of me.
I met him just as he was being called in for his "exam." He gestured I should come with him, which was not what I wanted to do. The nurse looked kind of sceptical like she wasn't sure who I was and why I was accompanying a fully grown man into an exam room.
"He's me, nanny." Weasil quipped to my denying such a thing.
"Well, he can sit over there, but first I want you to pee into this jar for me." She gave him a plastic container.
"Well, as long as I dunt hafta drink it when I'm done, okie dokie." He said and off he went.
I was left to sit there waiting and wondering. But I didn't have long he was back in a jiffy.
I was lost for words not sure what was going on. I said out of habit, "How's it hanging?"
And the answer was, "Long and limp."
Oh boy, I was regretting this idea for a story more and more.
"Sos wot ya think of da nursie?" He grinned switching gears.
"I don't know." I shrugged. Really? We were discussing women?
"She smells of glue and chardonnay to me," Weasil said unabashedly.
I asked him why we were there and he said because he needed to have a drug test, that some medication he was taking was making him feel strange. I bit my tongue wanting to say that's normal for him, but I did not. Another nurse came in and drew blood.
"Sumthin's wrong," Weasil said watching the red stuff being drawn.
"What do you mean?" The nurse asked.
"It should be blue."
And -- we were done and out of there.
We decided to get lunch because he told me he was feeling faint from so much blood loss. Right.
"So Weas, you want to get together?" I asked with some hesitation.
"Yuppers, dats up me street." He replied eagerly.
We made plans to meet at a doctor's office where he had an appointment. I wondered why he'd be seeing an American doctor when he lives in Scotland, but I didn't ask because you know what happens, he gives me some lame explanation that confuses the hell out of me.
I met him just as he was being called in for his "exam." He gestured I should come with him, which was not what I wanted to do. The nurse looked kind of sceptical like she wasn't sure who I was and why I was accompanying a fully grown man into an exam room.
"He's me, nanny." Weasil quipped to my denying such a thing.
"Well, he can sit over there, but first I want you to pee into this jar for me." She gave him a plastic container.
"Well, as long as I dunt hafta drink it when I'm done, okie dokie." He said and off he went.
I was left to sit there waiting and wondering. But I didn't have long he was back in a jiffy.
I was lost for words not sure what was going on. I said out of habit, "How's it hanging?"
And the answer was, "Long and limp."
Oh boy, I was regretting this idea for a story more and more.
"Sos wot ya think of da nursie?" He grinned switching gears.
"I don't know." I shrugged. Really? We were discussing women?
"She smells of glue and chardonnay to me," Weasil said unabashedly.
I asked him why we were there and he said because he needed to have a drug test, that some medication he was taking was making him feel strange. I bit my tongue wanting to say that's normal for him, but I did not. Another nurse came in and drew blood.
"Sumthin's wrong," Weasil said watching the red stuff being drawn.
"What do you mean?" The nurse asked.
"It should be blue."
And -- we were done and out of there.
We decided to get lunch because he told me he was feeling faint from so much blood loss. Right.
I foolishly said, "I want something I can sink me teeth into," to change the subject, and he said, "Yeah but den yer gonna hafta pull em out of whatever you sank them into."
"You're being awfully cheeky today." I quipped as we made our way into a pub where he ordered a black and tan.
I sat there affronted by that, trying to think of something to say but I was speechless. He knew what he did, and stuttered, "Takin' a bit of da sauce of da dog."
"You have had a few of those this morning?" I asked incredulously since he was supposed to have fasted for the urine and blood test.
"Dey will nevah know."
"Oh yes, they will."
We ordered burgers, me with fries, his with crisps which were slow in coming, so Weas being Weas got up and got the platters that were sitting on the end of the bar waiting for pick up by a very busy waitress.
"Your fries are delicious," he said handing me the plate with the fries.
I was stunned, but that was typical of the Weasil. He'd take a few crisps and reach over and take a few of my fries. He was pretty full by the end of lunch and I was still hungry since he ate most of mine. But he wanted to take off so that was it.
Because he has done all there is to do in Boston, we took the trip back to my neck of the woods. I knew this was an excuse to stay at me abode since I was the only one with a vehicle. However, I have found the bus schedules out of Manchester so I be feeling a bit better that I have a way of unloading the Weasil back to Boston.
Well, R. Linda, call this me unlucky day because when we arrived, in me driveway a limo was leaving and a limo spells D-R-A-G-O-N. Yup, there she was at the door waving at Weasil, not me, she loves Weas. Behind her in the gloom was me Mam, her lips tight, her brows knit, looking extremely unhappy. And she would be, she and the Dragon-Lady don't see eye to eye.
Mam came bursting down the steps and she caught hold of me arm as Weas went to hug the Dragon.
"Ya need ta take her out somewhere, she's bean here all a 2 minutes an' drivin' me nutters!"
"Okay, okay," I said as she roared back up the stairs and shut the door!
I stopped the love-fest by announcing we should go out for another lunch or tea. Weasil put both hands on his belly and made a face like he was full, but Dragon was all about tea. Weasil decided tea was okay "sorta" and I piled them into me car and off I drove. As I swung into the centre of town which is laughable for a centre of town, because there really isn't one. Dragon saw a sign that said MOANA playing for two nights only.
"I didn't know you had a movie theatre, Gabriel," Dragon said all astonished. "Where is it?" She asked looking around the town centre as if it was in camo.
I swung around the corner and down a long road past a few farms.
"What's all that in the fields?" The near-sighted Dragon asked.
"Potatoes!" I said, when in actuality they were this year's crop of rocks.
"I see they are all shoving up through the dirt, what a crop I didn't know New Hampshire grew so many potatoes."
Weasil was looking at me with a new found respect and an evil grin.
I got to the end of the road where there was one big field with a drive-in screen and stopped the car.
"Here's our movie theatre," I said proudly.
Dragon squinted and then put on her glasses. She was silent for a moment looking at the "theatre."
"Oh my," she said taking off her glasses and looking at me in pity. "You have one of the only two remaining drive-ins in the country."
"Yes, yes we do," I said proudly and drove on.
I was headed to the next town over which was a little bigger than my own and with a large population of expat Brits, one of them had opened a tea shop. As I made me way down the road, Weasil pointed to an above-ground pool and pointed it out to the Dragon Lady.
"Dere iz da town pool!" He gestured magnanimously.
I stopped the car, she put her glasses on and looked incredulously at the old pool.
"It is small and above ground!"
"Yuppers," Weasil said all proud. "All dey could afford."
Okay, it was hard not to laugh at how incredibly gullible the Dragon is, but to be honest there was more than a grain of truth in what Weasil said. That above-ground pool WAS the town pool when there were maybe ten people in the town. Now there are a few hundred, which made the concept rather bizarrely ridiculous. But SHE believed it.
Well, we got to the tea place to find it closed. The sign on the door told us the only day it was closed was this one. There was another sign in the window with a British flag in the background. It said, "Send Nigel Farage back to Britain." That started a discussion because you know Weasil isn't a Nigel fan. We piled back into the car and it was decided (mostly by me) to stop at Dunks for coffee.
Now the Dunks I go to is in that same town over since it is bigger than my own town and we do not have one, well, it is the logical choice. It is an old building with a sound system that distorts voices from the shop to the car and back. There have been many a time the person on the Dunks end sounds garbled and I have ended up with an order I didn't order or got so frustrated, I'd go inside to order. So to meself I be thinking, "This should be good, wonder what we'll end up with this time."
So I pull up and Minnie Mouse on more helium than usual says, "Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, how may I help you?"
So Weasil, being Weasil holds his nose and says back in his Mickey Mouse voice, "I'll hafa large cold caramel swirl, vanilla latte with a dash of espresso and a dozen assorted doughnuts but hold the jelly doughnuts, the French crullers, and the apple cinnemum-mum ones."
Silence. Nothing came over the speaker for at least three minutes which prompted Weasil still holding his nose to say several times, "Hello! Hello! Did ya faint? Or did ya close up and go homie?"
The microphone crackled and then Minnie came back and repeated his order telling him to drive up.
"No, no there is more," I said in me normal voice which got me a WHAT? I looked at Weasil and he grinned leaning over me to speak again as Mickey. Dragon told him what she wanted and I did as well so he ordered. Dragon was having fits of laughter which the person on the other end was not pleased about.
"What is so funny please?" Minnie asked.
"Oh, nothing." I said and got a "WHAT?"
"Oh yeah, can I change me order to a hot cappuccino please?"
"A hot cup of bingo?" Minnie asked.
"NO, a hot cappuccino." I tried again.
"A hot cup of beano? We don't have that and I don't know what that is. Is there something else?"
UGH!
"Surprise me then," I said, which is what I usually end up saying.
"OH, IT'S YOU," Minnie said somehow recognising me voice.
We drove up for our order and all three Dunks workers were at the window and they all looked less than pleased with us. Upon seeing this, Weasil went into hysterics covering his face and saying, "Please dunt spit in me coffee!"
I told the three unhappy people that their sound system sounded like they were on helium.
"Well, you sounded the same," The girl said taking my money.
"Ooh sumone's not had enuff coffee," Weasil whispered theatrically. That didn't endear us because as we pulled away and Weasil opened his box of doughnuts, he had 4 of each of the doughnuts he said he didn't want. I was going to pull around and go inside to rectify the "mistake" but he said that was okay he'd eat them anyway and didn't want to put up with "grouchy persons of unknown origin."
Dragon was telling us she thought salt was in her coffee not sugar, but Weasil took a sip (much to her horror and handed it back) and said no, otherwise I would have driven back there. I was in a moving vehicle with two overly imaginative types and knew not to take their word on anything.
Weasil and Dragon had both ordered iced coffees and it was a freezing day. They sat there complaining (as they sipped) how cold they were. I tell ya! Who orders iced coffee on a degree-negative day! I turned on the heater and because I had a hot coffee, started to sweat profusely.
"Damn it is hot," I said hoping they'd tell me to turn the heat down or off.
"Aren't you supposed to be clutching pearls while saying that?" Weasil asked. This brought Dragon to spit out her cold bevvy all over the backseat of me car in amusement. I stopped the car to hand her a box of tissues to clean her and me seat up. As I was leaning over the backseat with the box, I hadn't noticed the turkeys crossing the road. I heard a plunk on the hood of me car and as I turned around there was a turkey on me hood walking up and pecking at me windscreen. I hit the windscreen with me hand to scare the large bird but it squawked at me raising a wingspan of almost 6 feet. I've never had a panic attack, but I think what I was feeling at the time was what one felt like.
Dragon started screaming in the backseat we were going to be eaten by Thanksgiving dinner which didn't make things any better.
"A bunch of girlies," Weasil said getting out of the car.
"Oh my God, get back in here!" Dragon shouted, "They'll get you and us, close the door, close the door!"
The bird on me hood was still pecking at me through the window and I had covered me head with me hands not knowing I was doing that, it wasn't like the bird could get me, but Weasil's appearance brought the rest of the flock running to protect the big guy on the hood. I looked through me fingers to see them pecking furiously at the Weasil's shoes UNTIL they suddenly stopped and squawking ran into the woods. I looked down and saw that Weasil had on his yak shoes, you remember THOSE from Weasil's New Kicks, 7 Sept. 2016), I find Weasil's unusual attire so normal that I don't notice what he has on his feet until later.
Even the big guy on me car took off. The flock looked like a bunch of Victorian ladies hiking up their skirts and running off.
"You're being awfully cheeky today." I quipped as we made our way into a pub where he ordered a black and tan.
I sat there affronted by that, trying to think of something to say but I was speechless. He knew what he did, and stuttered, "Takin' a bit of da sauce of da dog."
"You have had a few of those this morning?" I asked incredulously since he was supposed to have fasted for the urine and blood test.
"Dey will nevah know."
"Oh yes, they will."
We ordered burgers, me with fries, his with crisps which were slow in coming, so Weas being Weas got up and got the platters that were sitting on the end of the bar waiting for pick up by a very busy waitress.
"Your fries are delicious," he said handing me the plate with the fries.
I was stunned, but that was typical of the Weasil. He'd take a few crisps and reach over and take a few of my fries. He was pretty full by the end of lunch and I was still hungry since he ate most of mine. But he wanted to take off so that was it.
Because he has done all there is to do in Boston, we took the trip back to my neck of the woods. I knew this was an excuse to stay at me abode since I was the only one with a vehicle. However, I have found the bus schedules out of Manchester so I be feeling a bit better that I have a way of unloading the Weasil back to Boston.
Well, R. Linda, call this me unlucky day because when we arrived, in me driveway a limo was leaving and a limo spells D-R-A-G-O-N. Yup, there she was at the door waving at Weasil, not me, she loves Weas. Behind her in the gloom was me Mam, her lips tight, her brows knit, looking extremely unhappy. And she would be, she and the Dragon-Lady don't see eye to eye.
Mam came bursting down the steps and she caught hold of me arm as Weas went to hug the Dragon.
"Ya need ta take her out somewhere, she's bean here all a 2 minutes an' drivin' me nutters!"
"Okay, okay," I said as she roared back up the stairs and shut the door!
I stopped the love-fest by announcing we should go out for another lunch or tea. Weasil put both hands on his belly and made a face like he was full, but Dragon was all about tea. Weasil decided tea was okay "sorta" and I piled them into me car and off I drove. As I swung into the centre of town which is laughable for a centre of town, because there really isn't one. Dragon saw a sign that said MOANA playing for two nights only.
"I didn't know you had a movie theatre, Gabriel," Dragon said all astonished. "Where is it?" She asked looking around the town centre as if it was in camo.
I swung around the corner and down a long road past a few farms.
"What's all that in the fields?" The near-sighted Dragon asked.
"Potatoes!" I said, when in actuality they were this year's crop of rocks.
"I see they are all shoving up through the dirt, what a crop I didn't know New Hampshire grew so many potatoes."
Weasil was looking at me with a new found respect and an evil grin.
I got to the end of the road where there was one big field with a drive-in screen and stopped the car.
"Here's our movie theatre," I said proudly.
Dragon squinted and then put on her glasses. She was silent for a moment looking at the "theatre."
"Oh my," she said taking off her glasses and looking at me in pity. "You have one of the only two remaining drive-ins in the country."
"Yes, yes we do," I said proudly and drove on.
I was headed to the next town over which was a little bigger than my own and with a large population of expat Brits, one of them had opened a tea shop. As I made me way down the road, Weasil pointed to an above-ground pool and pointed it out to the Dragon Lady.
"Dere iz da town pool!" He gestured magnanimously.
I stopped the car, she put her glasses on and looked incredulously at the old pool.
"It is small and above ground!"
"Yuppers," Weasil said all proud. "All dey could afford."
Okay, it was hard not to laugh at how incredibly gullible the Dragon is, but to be honest there was more than a grain of truth in what Weasil said. That above-ground pool WAS the town pool when there were maybe ten people in the town. Now there are a few hundred, which made the concept rather bizarrely ridiculous. But SHE believed it.
Well, we got to the tea place to find it closed. The sign on the door told us the only day it was closed was this one. There was another sign in the window with a British flag in the background. It said, "Send Nigel Farage back to Britain." That started a discussion because you know Weasil isn't a Nigel fan. We piled back into the car and it was decided (mostly by me) to stop at Dunks for coffee.
Now the Dunks I go to is in that same town over since it is bigger than my own town and we do not have one, well, it is the logical choice. It is an old building with a sound system that distorts voices from the shop to the car and back. There have been many a time the person on the Dunks end sounds garbled and I have ended up with an order I didn't order or got so frustrated, I'd go inside to order. So to meself I be thinking, "This should be good, wonder what we'll end up with this time."
So I pull up and Minnie Mouse on more helium than usual says, "Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, how may I help you?"
So Weasil, being Weasil holds his nose and says back in his Mickey Mouse voice, "I'll hafa large cold caramel swirl, vanilla latte with a dash of espresso and a dozen assorted doughnuts but hold the jelly doughnuts, the French crullers, and the apple cinnemum-mum ones."
Silence. Nothing came over the speaker for at least three minutes which prompted Weasil still holding his nose to say several times, "Hello! Hello! Did ya faint? Or did ya close up and go homie?"
The microphone crackled and then Minnie came back and repeated his order telling him to drive up.
"No, no there is more," I said in me normal voice which got me a WHAT? I looked at Weasil and he grinned leaning over me to speak again as Mickey. Dragon told him what she wanted and I did as well so he ordered. Dragon was having fits of laughter which the person on the other end was not pleased about.
"What is so funny please?" Minnie asked.
"Oh, nothing." I said and got a "WHAT?"
"Oh yeah, can I change me order to a hot cappuccino please?"
"A hot cup of bingo?" Minnie asked.
"NO, a hot cappuccino." I tried again.
"A hot cup of beano? We don't have that and I don't know what that is. Is there something else?"
UGH!
"Surprise me then," I said, which is what I usually end up saying.
"OH, IT'S YOU," Minnie said somehow recognising me voice.
We drove up for our order and all three Dunks workers were at the window and they all looked less than pleased with us. Upon seeing this, Weasil went into hysterics covering his face and saying, "Please dunt spit in me coffee!"
I told the three unhappy people that their sound system sounded like they were on helium.
"Well, you sounded the same," The girl said taking my money.
"Ooh sumone's not had enuff coffee," Weasil whispered theatrically. That didn't endear us because as we pulled away and Weasil opened his box of doughnuts, he had 4 of each of the doughnuts he said he didn't want. I was going to pull around and go inside to rectify the "mistake" but he said that was okay he'd eat them anyway and didn't want to put up with "grouchy persons of unknown origin."
Dragon was telling us she thought salt was in her coffee not sugar, but Weasil took a sip (much to her horror and handed it back) and said no, otherwise I would have driven back there. I was in a moving vehicle with two overly imaginative types and knew not to take their word on anything.
Weasil and Dragon had both ordered iced coffees and it was a freezing day. They sat there complaining (as they sipped) how cold they were. I tell ya! Who orders iced coffee on a degree-negative day! I turned on the heater and because I had a hot coffee, started to sweat profusely.
"Damn it is hot," I said hoping they'd tell me to turn the heat down or off.
"Aren't you supposed to be clutching pearls while saying that?" Weasil asked. This brought Dragon to spit out her cold bevvy all over the backseat of me car in amusement. I stopped the car to hand her a box of tissues to clean her and me seat up. As I was leaning over the backseat with the box, I hadn't noticed the turkeys crossing the road. I heard a plunk on the hood of me car and as I turned around there was a turkey on me hood walking up and pecking at me windscreen. I hit the windscreen with me hand to scare the large bird but it squawked at me raising a wingspan of almost 6 feet. I've never had a panic attack, but I think what I was feeling at the time was what one felt like.
Dragon started screaming in the backseat we were going to be eaten by Thanksgiving dinner which didn't make things any better.
"A bunch of girlies," Weasil said getting out of the car.
"Oh my God, get back in here!" Dragon shouted, "They'll get you and us, close the door, close the door!"
The bird on me hood was still pecking at me through the window and I had covered me head with me hands not knowing I was doing that, it wasn't like the bird could get me, but Weasil's appearance brought the rest of the flock running to protect the big guy on the hood. I looked through me fingers to see them pecking furiously at the Weasil's shoes UNTIL they suddenly stopped and squawking ran into the woods. I looked down and saw that Weasil had on his yak shoes, you remember THOSE from Weasil's New Kicks, 7 Sept. 2016), I find Weasil's unusual attire so normal that I don't notice what he has on his feet until later.
Even the big guy on me car took off. The flock looked like a bunch of Victorian ladies hiking up their skirts and running off.
 |
| The last turkey crossing the road on the right is the Tom |
"WELL, THAT was close," Dragon said brushing herself off like she'd been out there turkey wrangling.
Weas got back into the car extremely satisfied with himself and off I drove for home.
I'd like to say once we were home things calmed down but that didn't happen. What did happen is Tonya had a teacher's conference so she wasn't home (lucky ducky), Mam had retired to her room to watch the telly (less time spent with Dragon), and I took the youngest to get him bathed and ready for bed. O'Hare I left doing homework, so the only one left with Dragon and Weasil was their buddy in crime, Guido. I had made the terrible mistake of telling Weasil YOU had blue hair. Well, he was discussing how interesting Dragon might look with green hair. Sitting there listening was me Sneaky Pete, Guido who was enamoured with the idea of having hair colour different than his own. When I came down from putting the youngest to bed, THIS IS WHAT MET ME AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS.
Weas got back into the car extremely satisfied with himself and off I drove for home.
I'd like to say once we were home things calmed down but that didn't happen. What did happen is Tonya had a teacher's conference so she wasn't home (lucky ducky), Mam had retired to her room to watch the telly (less time spent with Dragon), and I took the youngest to get him bathed and ready for bed. O'Hare I left doing homework, so the only one left with Dragon and Weasil was their buddy in crime, Guido. I had made the terrible mistake of telling Weasil YOU had blue hair. Well, he was discussing how interesting Dragon might look with green hair. Sitting there listening was me Sneaky Pete, Guido who was enamoured with the idea of having hair colour different than his own. When I came down from putting the youngest to bed, THIS IS WHAT MET ME AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS.
 |
| I TELL YA! |
You don't even want to know what his mother said when she came home.
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
