17 May 2012
535
R. Linda:
After a day of Gaelic speakers, western scenery, an afternoon of ease in a local pub and some very photogenic abbey ruins, we made our way to Ashford Castle for the night. What a place it is! We knew ahead of this was the piece de resistance of our castle stays and we were not disappointed.
The best part of this for me was the fact that here I was staying in an amazing place, the grounds were absolutely gorgeous, in every direction you turned, beautiful. The inside of the castle be medieval and classy. So it was in an impressed state of mind that I followed the man with our bags to our room. He opened the door for us and Tonya stepped in oohing and ahhing and I thought wow, this is going to be great! Until I saw the room was PINK! Yes, R. Linda, everything in the room was PINK! I looked around me thinking I was in a woman's boudoir. I wanted to say to our presenter of the PINK room, you're joking, right? But he had his tip and he was GONE! And there I stood tongue-tied in the middle of a very large PINK bedroom, with pink curtains, pink bedspread, pink EVERYTHING.
Here see for yourself:
We were in a tower, so we had windows on three sides which was lovely, only the light seemed to enhance the glow of pink on the walls. I spent a lot of time looking OUT and that's when I saw Mam and Da (the two love birds out the window) I took this of them.
Tonya and I like to have a drink in our room when we come in from a long day of speeding, I mean "touring" but this was the first time I decided NAH. We went downstairs to find the bar but Tonya found the tea and scones first and she was off for the tea room. It was early so I sat down thinking to meself how nice a stiff drink would be, well maybe a few of them to blind me from the pink room, but it was tea instead. She did the ordering while I sat there sighing.
"Really Gabriel? Man up!" She said her eyes narrow slits in her head. I did notice the hair was a halo of Afro-ness but refrained from pointing it out. I said nothing, just toyed with me napkin looking around thinking it was probably a sure bet no one else in the tea room had a pink room.
The tea came and the wife had ordered the Lady's something or other that had to be every scone type the castle had to offer. There were five tiers of goodies and two pots of tea!
"Really Tonya? All this for the two of us? OH OH wait a minute, you're mother isn't joining us is she?"
"You know you better stop with MY MOTHER that's getting on my nerves." She hissed as quietly as she could.
"Well, it's true, YOUR mother has been driving me up a pole and she does it on purpose, even me own mam doesn't do that and you know she engages in the let's rattle Gabe game too."
"Oh stop. Here eat this," she said handing me a scone filled with chocolate and covered with clotted cream that she was having a field day dolloping out.
Reluctantly I took it, wanting instead to keep the bickering going. I took a bite.
"Ummm this be to die for," I said savouring every little taste. "You want half?"
"No, I want THIS," she said helping herself to something full of custard and cream with sugar all over it.
I will admit for an hour of sitting there putting on massive pounds from five tiers of confections I was pretty over the pink room. That is until Tonya asked me if I wanted to stop in the bar before we went back to our room for a Pink Squirrel.
"Oh ha ha. Do they still make those things?" I asked her amused.
"Sure they do in the States, I don't know about here, but you could find out."
"No thanks, I'll pass. I just want to lie down and let all this digest, I'm stuffed."
And just as we got to the lift, who should appear but the two love birds in from strolling the grounds. They had worked up an appetite they had, and wanted to have an early dinner and thought it would be nice if we all dined together, but we had just consumed 5 million calories and weren't hungry. Me mam put the face on, that's the disappointment, I'm gonna die soon, you ingrate face. It works on Tonya every time and I found we were now going up to get changed for an early dinner. I was thinking I was going to be sick. But I couldn't do a bloody thing about it. I got up to me room and it seemed pinker in the twilight then it did before. Ugh.
I took a quick shower and shaved and that seemed to help the sluggishness until I tried to button me trousers and found I couldn't. Talk about muffin tops there it was! I got me belt and put that over the open button but it was on the last hole in the belt! So I buttoned me jacket so you couldn't see I couldn't get the waistband together. I tell ya! Then it was downstairs to the dining room, where not only my parental units were waiting, but the in-laws as well. GRRREAT!
Because the tour was paying for the dinner Dragon and Tony were at Ton and me to have every course there was. I had said I didn't want an appetiser but one was ordered for me anyway along with soup! I ate the oysters because I like them, the soup was fennel and I ate some. I just couldn't do it. I felt FAT.
The parents had ordered us all wine so we had not one but three bottles of that and you would have guessed right a bottle a couple. Oi! One glass would have been enough as it was a heavy red affair they had selected because we were all having lamb. I had hoped for a long interval between courses but that didn't happen. Bread and butter was brought over and I be a big bread fan, and I adore Irish butter which I could just eat out of the crock if I could get away with it. I know cholesterol city and clogged arteries, but I forced meself a couple slices because I wouldn't be getting any of that when I went home. The main course came and I tell ya, I looked at it wishing it wasn't there. I looked at Tonya and she prodded hers with her fork then to gross her mother out she went, "Baaa baaaaaaaaah" which had the desired effect.
"Honestly Tonya I wish you wouldn't do that, it is like eating Bambi," Dragon said.
"Bambi was a deer," Tonya said with a grin.
"Same thing," her mother said poking her lamb as if it would baa.
If I could have put me elbows on the table and covered me face while they ate I would have. But I couldn't, so I toyed with the meat. I cut it into little bits and then mixed it in the gourmet potatoes to hide it. I thought I did a good job until I noticed Mam staring at me like I was ten. I forked it all out and started to eat. It was good, but the process was painful, I could feel the zipper of me trousers unzipping slowly as me gut got wider.
"What's that noise?" Tonya leaned toward me and whispered.
"Me trousers, I'm afraid I couldn't button the top button and now the zipper be splitting and me belt buckle be pressing into me expanding stomach and I be very uncomfortable."
I said this seriously, but Tonya instantly had her napkin to her mouth and she feigned coughing when she was laughing at me dilemma.
"Not funny," I whispered to her as she got herself under control. "I do not know how I will be able to get up from this table without everything bursting and me trousers falling down."
She giggled at me and I was serious. I ate what I could and when Mam wasn't looking I re-hid the lamb in the potatoes. When the waiter took me plate for clearing he did a double take then looked at me and said with disdain, "You didn't like your food?"
"Oh no, no," I said, "Was just a lot for me." I was all apologetic.
"Oh, I thought maybe you did not like it." He said whipping it away and probably back to the kitchen to tell the chef on me. It was like I had a lot of nerve or something.
When everything was cleared the waiter came with the dessert menus. Talk about being ill, just the thought of a gushy dessert was enough to send me stomach into rebellion.
"Why don't we have the Creme Brûlée with Irish coffee, extra on the whipped cream," Tony suggested as everyone nodded except me and Tonya who opted for no dessert, just a cup of regular coffee. "Ah come on now you two you're on vacation, live a little!"
The "Okay" was out of Tonya's mouth before I could even respond, me reflexes were all in slow motion by that time. I sighed looking down at me stomach and then I gasped as I pulled me napkin up to hide the shirt that the buttons were straining to stay together where the big gaps of flesh could be seen between the straining cloth.
"What now?" Tonya whispered to me.
"Me shirt buttons are about to give way," I told her in a whispered panic.
"Well, button your jacket," she said in way of help.
I grabbed each side and pulled but it wouldn't fit together. I looked at her aghast and she looked at me her eyes gigantic with amazement.
"Oh boy," she whispered.
Lucky for me, everyone else was chatting. Well lucky for me until I realised they were talking about food and that subject didn't help.
The Brûlées appeared with the thick Irish coffees with extra cream and I was so uncomfortable I didn't know how to get out of eating or drinking any of it. I sat there toying with the custard taking the smallest bites I could manage and while it was rich and creamy it was too rich and creamy for someone who had made a pig of himself with scones!
I sipped at the coffee, but that too was too much for me. I was hoping no one would notice but someone did. Tony said, "Come on Gabe, don't you like the dessert? Eat up."
I looked at Tonya and she shrugged. I took a healthy bite of the custard and said, "Yum" and took another until Tony looked away and conversation started again.
But then something unfortunate happened, one of me shirt buttons popped and it landed in the centre of Dragon's Creme Brûlée. Tonya looked in horror as another one jettisoned into space and landed on an empty table. Lucky that. But then a third went flying into the air and I don't know where it landed, but I put me napkin on the table and shrugged out of me jacket holding it in front of me I got up. Tonya did the same.
"Forgive us, but we have to leave," she said grabbing me by the arm as we hoofed it out of there as fast as we could before me whole shirt ripped open and me pants fell down.
I don't know what they thought or what any of the other diners thought at the time, I just knew I was about to explode if I didn't get out of there. Like I told Tonya, I could now go for days without eating, I was the most filled with food than I had ever been in me entire life! And the experience hadn't been a good one.
Needless to say, I did not have a very good night. Dragon was called into our room at 2 a.m. with her bottle of PINK stuff that Pepto Bismol actually was horrible going down, but did settle me dicky tum.
"You can't take him anywhere can you?" Dragon said to Tonya while I lay on the bed moaning. She shook her head and left the pink stuff and went back to her room.
"Can you die of overeating?" I moaned.
"You can die of anything, but I think you'll live to see another omelette."
"THAT be NOT funny," I said me voice fading as I mercifully fell into a deep food-induced coma.
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
(All photos are the property of © 2012 Irish Memories)
R. Linda:
After a day of Gaelic speakers, western scenery, an afternoon of ease in a local pub and some very photogenic abbey ruins, we made our way to Ashford Castle for the night. What a place it is! We knew ahead of this was the piece de resistance of our castle stays and we were not disappointed.
 |
| View of the back of the castle. We stayed in the third tower from the left |
 |
| Front view of the castle as you drive up |
 |
| Tonya's favourite garden. spot |
Here see for yourself:
 |
| Our turret bedroom |
We were in a tower, so we had windows on three sides which was lovely, only the light seemed to enhance the glow of pink on the walls. I spent a lot of time looking OUT and that's when I saw Mam and Da (the two love birds out the window) I took this of them.
Looking out at the lough from our room that's da and mam sitting on the wall, I bet no pink room for them!
Tonya and I like to have a drink in our room when we come in from a long day of speeding, I mean "touring" but this was the first time I decided NAH. We went downstairs to find the bar but Tonya found the tea and scones first and she was off for the tea room. It was early so I sat down thinking to meself how nice a stiff drink would be, well maybe a few of them to blind me from the pink room, but it was tea instead. She did the ordering while I sat there sighing.
"Really Gabriel? Man up!" She said her eyes narrow slits in her head. I did notice the hair was a halo of Afro-ness but refrained from pointing it out. I said nothing, just toyed with me napkin looking around thinking it was probably a sure bet no one else in the tea room had a pink room.
The tea came and the wife had ordered the Lady's something or other that had to be every scone type the castle had to offer. There were five tiers of goodies and two pots of tea!
"Really Tonya? All this for the two of us? OH OH wait a minute, you're mother isn't joining us is she?"
"You know you better stop with MY MOTHER that's getting on my nerves." She hissed as quietly as she could.
"Well, it's true, YOUR mother has been driving me up a pole and she does it on purpose, even me own mam doesn't do that and you know she engages in the let's rattle Gabe game too."
"Oh stop. Here eat this," she said handing me a scone filled with chocolate and covered with clotted cream that she was having a field day dolloping out.
Reluctantly I took it, wanting instead to keep the bickering going. I took a bite.
"Ummm this be to die for," I said savouring every little taste. "You want half?"
"No, I want THIS," she said helping herself to something full of custard and cream with sugar all over it.
I will admit for an hour of sitting there putting on massive pounds from five tiers of confections I was pretty over the pink room. That is until Tonya asked me if I wanted to stop in the bar before we went back to our room for a Pink Squirrel.
"Oh ha ha. Do they still make those things?" I asked her amused.
"Sure they do in the States, I don't know about here, but you could find out."
"No thanks, I'll pass. I just want to lie down and let all this digest, I'm stuffed."
And just as we got to the lift, who should appear but the two love birds in from strolling the grounds. They had worked up an appetite they had, and wanted to have an early dinner and thought it would be nice if we all dined together, but we had just consumed 5 million calories and weren't hungry. Me mam put the face on, that's the disappointment, I'm gonna die soon, you ingrate face. It works on Tonya every time and I found we were now going up to get changed for an early dinner. I was thinking I was going to be sick. But I couldn't do a bloody thing about it. I got up to me room and it seemed pinker in the twilight then it did before. Ugh.
I took a quick shower and shaved and that seemed to help the sluggishness until I tried to button me trousers and found I couldn't. Talk about muffin tops there it was! I got me belt and put that over the open button but it was on the last hole in the belt! So I buttoned me jacket so you couldn't see I couldn't get the waistband together. I tell ya! Then it was downstairs to the dining room, where not only my parental units were waiting, but the in-laws as well. GRRREAT!
Because the tour was paying for the dinner Dragon and Tony were at Ton and me to have every course there was. I had said I didn't want an appetiser but one was ordered for me anyway along with soup! I ate the oysters because I like them, the soup was fennel and I ate some. I just couldn't do it. I felt FAT.
The parents had ordered us all wine so we had not one but three bottles of that and you would have guessed right a bottle a couple. Oi! One glass would have been enough as it was a heavy red affair they had selected because we were all having lamb. I had hoped for a long interval between courses but that didn't happen. Bread and butter was brought over and I be a big bread fan, and I adore Irish butter which I could just eat out of the crock if I could get away with it. I know cholesterol city and clogged arteries, but I forced meself a couple slices because I wouldn't be getting any of that when I went home. The main course came and I tell ya, I looked at it wishing it wasn't there. I looked at Tonya and she prodded hers with her fork then to gross her mother out she went, "Baaa baaaaaaaaah" which had the desired effect.
"Honestly Tonya I wish you wouldn't do that, it is like eating Bambi," Dragon said.
"Bambi was a deer," Tonya said with a grin.
"Same thing," her mother said poking her lamb as if it would baa.
If I could have put me elbows on the table and covered me face while they ate I would have. But I couldn't, so I toyed with the meat. I cut it into little bits and then mixed it in the gourmet potatoes to hide it. I thought I did a good job until I noticed Mam staring at me like I was ten. I forked it all out and started to eat. It was good, but the process was painful, I could feel the zipper of me trousers unzipping slowly as me gut got wider.
"What's that noise?" Tonya leaned toward me and whispered.
"Me trousers, I'm afraid I couldn't button the top button and now the zipper be splitting and me belt buckle be pressing into me expanding stomach and I be very uncomfortable."
I said this seriously, but Tonya instantly had her napkin to her mouth and she feigned coughing when she was laughing at me dilemma.
"Not funny," I whispered to her as she got herself under control. "I do not know how I will be able to get up from this table without everything bursting and me trousers falling down."
She giggled at me and I was serious. I ate what I could and when Mam wasn't looking I re-hid the lamb in the potatoes. When the waiter took me plate for clearing he did a double take then looked at me and said with disdain, "You didn't like your food?"
"Oh no, no," I said, "Was just a lot for me." I was all apologetic.
"Oh, I thought maybe you did not like it." He said whipping it away and probably back to the kitchen to tell the chef on me. It was like I had a lot of nerve or something.
When everything was cleared the waiter came with the dessert menus. Talk about being ill, just the thought of a gushy dessert was enough to send me stomach into rebellion.
"Why don't we have the Creme Brûlée with Irish coffee, extra on the whipped cream," Tony suggested as everyone nodded except me and Tonya who opted for no dessert, just a cup of regular coffee. "Ah come on now you two you're on vacation, live a little!"
The "Okay" was out of Tonya's mouth before I could even respond, me reflexes were all in slow motion by that time. I sighed looking down at me stomach and then I gasped as I pulled me napkin up to hide the shirt that the buttons were straining to stay together where the big gaps of flesh could be seen between the straining cloth.
"What now?" Tonya whispered to me.
"Me shirt buttons are about to give way," I told her in a whispered panic.
"Well, button your jacket," she said in way of help.
I grabbed each side and pulled but it wouldn't fit together. I looked at her aghast and she looked at me her eyes gigantic with amazement.
"Oh boy," she whispered.
Lucky for me, everyone else was chatting. Well lucky for me until I realised they were talking about food and that subject didn't help.
The Brûlées appeared with the thick Irish coffees with extra cream and I was so uncomfortable I didn't know how to get out of eating or drinking any of it. I sat there toying with the custard taking the smallest bites I could manage and while it was rich and creamy it was too rich and creamy for someone who had made a pig of himself with scones!
I sipped at the coffee, but that too was too much for me. I was hoping no one would notice but someone did. Tony said, "Come on Gabe, don't you like the dessert? Eat up."
I looked at Tonya and she shrugged. I took a healthy bite of the custard and said, "Yum" and took another until Tony looked away and conversation started again.
But then something unfortunate happened, one of me shirt buttons popped and it landed in the centre of Dragon's Creme Brûlée. Tonya looked in horror as another one jettisoned into space and landed on an empty table. Lucky that. But then a third went flying into the air and I don't know where it landed, but I put me napkin on the table and shrugged out of me jacket holding it in front of me I got up. Tonya did the same.
"Forgive us, but we have to leave," she said grabbing me by the arm as we hoofed it out of there as fast as we could before me whole shirt ripped open and me pants fell down.
I don't know what they thought or what any of the other diners thought at the time, I just knew I was about to explode if I didn't get out of there. Like I told Tonya, I could now go for days without eating, I was the most filled with food than I had ever been in me entire life! And the experience hadn't been a good one.
Needless to say, I did not have a very good night. Dragon was called into our room at 2 a.m. with her bottle of PINK stuff that Pepto Bismol actually was horrible going down, but did settle me dicky tum.
"You can't take him anywhere can you?" Dragon said to Tonya while I lay on the bed moaning. She shook her head and left the pink stuff and went back to her room.
"Can you die of overeating?" I moaned.
"You can die of anything, but I think you'll live to see another omelette."
"THAT be NOT funny," I said me voice fading as I mercifully fell into a deep food-induced coma.
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
(All photos are the property of © 2012 Irish Memories)
