292
R. Linda:
I was remiss last February when I forgot me anniversary. For this forgetfulness I promised to do anything to make it up to a very irritated wife. She told me I could (come springtime), prepare the garden for her vegetables. I had covertly glanced out at the snow covered veggie bed and it looked so much smaller in the snow. I agreed of course, thinking she'd forget all about it. But she didn't.
As you already know, that preparing of veggie garden was a disaster for yours truly. What with getting bitten by fire ants, getting me legs scraped up with chicken wire and worse, getting wrapped up in the stuff with me neighbour Lois, the flasher. Tonya ended up doing it all herself and I must say, I look out me window and there are the tomato, pepper, lettuce, zucchini, cucumber, radish, carrot and whatever other plants she's got out there, all doing quite well. She tends it meticulously and we will be feasting on salad this summer, no doubt. Yum. Not.
So because that project backfired on me, I promised to do something else. Our small water closet (bathroom to you) between the kitchen and mud room needs a new toilet and sink. Because the house is an antique, the wife wants one of those Victorian high level cistern type things that are not easy to come by. I have searched high and low until finally I found a company that ships them out. I thought I'd surprise her with this since it be something we've talked about for the last few years, as we knew the bathroom was going to have to be redone. The flood had rendered it useless and it was one of the rooms we had hoped to fix with the insurance money, only the rest of the downstairs was so badly ruined from the water damage, we couldn't. It has been in the back of me mind all this time to get it done even if I had to do it meself.
I know your heart probably stopped at that last statement, but I have been reading up on remodeling bathrooms and I be sure I can do this. To make a long story short, Tonya decided to go visit her family in Jersey with the children for the holiday weekend. I was staying home to do some odd jobs around the house (anything to get out of visiting the Dragon-in-law on her own turf). Tonya knows me well and I did have to promise no lounging around in the hammock. Ordinarily that's exactly what I would do, but me brain was telling me I should do something nice for Tonya and soon, because she hadn't forgotten the missed anniversary and the veggie garden fiasco was still fresh in her mind. My God, she might punish yours truly by bringing the dragon back for the summer! Gulp.
Unbeknownst to Tonya, I had made arrangements to have the toilet delivered to me old neighbours house last Wednesday while she and I were at work. He said he'd hide it in the barn and when I was ready, tractor it up to the house. He even offered to spend his Memorial Day weekend helping get the small water closet together in time for Tonya's arrival home on Monday.
Tonya left Thursday night with the kiddies and I took crowbar in hand and ripped out the sink, toilet and floor. Friday I left work early and stopped at the local DIY store on me way home and bought tile and a sink. That night I ripped out the medicine cabinet and got the walls prepared. Saturday morning I was ready to give it a go. Me old neighbour came up as I was getting the sink uncrated. Lucky for me, his son-in-law is a plumber and he had given him a call since he had seen the ripped up floor boards and destroyed pipes. It took a good part of the day but the son-in-law Bill, got the plumbing in and good thing too, because when it got to the sink, I would have reserved the hot water with the cold. But before we could put the sink and cistern in we had to get the floor done. I would have done that arse backwards too and then found out I'd have to rip it all out because the floor comes first. Oi!
I was going to put the floor down in tile squares but Bill said the new floors these days are going down in triangular fashion, and so he took to cutting the tiles, as me old neighbour measured and I spread the tile mortar and placed the tiles in with the spacers. I knew nothing of cement backer board, mesh wire, etc., but certainly learned how to do a tile floor if ever I need do another. We got the walls done as well, I had painted the ceiling prior, so by nightfall I was able to grout the tile and worked me arse off well into the wee hours. The next day both men came back and we got the sink cabinet, sink and Victorian cistern and overhead light in. It all worked!
I offered up some beers and we sat in the kitchen staring in at our work. I know three tool types feeling good, admiring their work and knocking back beers, typical. I told them I'd have them back for a salad party and Bill offered to bring the dressing, that's how stupid we got. I could never have done it without them. I don't know why I thought that small room would be easy. I didn't realise how destroyed the piping was from the flood, though we had everything turned off in that room after the flood because nothing worked and what sort of did, flooded.
This morning I got it all cleaned up, put the finishing touches in like soap dish, tissues (yes, I be thoughtful), even went out and got a french toilet roll holder since I be not sure about drilling holes in the wall tile. It looks like someone else's house it does, me main concern be that I did the design meself and most times me taste and Tonya's are opposite. I was sweating she might hate it.
I found meself standing in the doorway staring at the room and I almost forgot I had to run to Manchester Boston Airport to pick up the wife and kiddies. I had picked up an anniversary card and photocopied a picture of a high level cistern and put it inside. When Tonya and me boys got off the plane, we got the luggage and because the kids were hungry stopped at the airport McDonald's. While they munched on their happy meals I gave Tonya the card.
It took a few seconds for her to read the card, she was busy staring unhappily at the picture of the toilet I had put inside.
"I don't know about you sometimes Gabriel, the card is very nice but this," she flipped the photocopy at me, "is rather insulting. Some wives get diamond tennis bracelets and I get a picture, no correct that, a photocopy even -- of a Victorian toilet."
I said nothing, knowing what I did, and smiled back a little embarrassed, shrugging me shoulders.
"One day Ton. One day you will have THAT." I said pointing at the photocopy.
She looked at me half disgusted, put the photocopy in the card and made ready to leave, but not before the little Airport got his two pence in loudly with this gem, "Hahahaha daddy you're so funny, you gave mummy a picture of a crapper, hahahaha."
"Don't use that language O'Hare, who gave you that word anyway?" Tonya chided really annoyed now and looking at me like it was me who did.
All the way home I had this stupid smile on me face, to such an extent she finally decided I was smug over the fact I gave her a belated anniversary card with a photocopied toilet in it. She was fuming by the time we arrived at the abode and I was chuckling me fool head off and knew I shouldn't because before she saw her new water closet, I might be standing in me own front yard without a head, worse be installed as a scarecrow in her veggie garden!
I unlocked the abode and in ran the kids, well one ran the other toddled in, and there was this explosion of whooping as the Airport ran back to us screaming, "WE HAVE A NEW CRAPPER!" at the top of his lungs.
I dropped the bags laughing it was all so ludicrous as Tonya took after O'Hare ready to give him a swat on his backside for the language when she pulled up short as he stood in the doorway of the water closet pointing. It was precious to see her mesmerised face, as she took it all in. Her anger slowly turned to a smile of extreme pleasure as she looked at me and no words could come out, she made sounds of surprise all the while pointing at the room.
To say me home is a happy one is an understatement, of course we are having some trouble with O'Hare's use of the word "crapper" but other than that, who'd a thunk Tonya would be happy to get a toilet for an anniversary present?
Gabe
The new crapper, I mean high level cistern.
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I was remiss last February when I forgot me anniversary. For this forgetfulness I promised to do anything to make it up to a very irritated wife. She told me I could (come springtime), prepare the garden for her vegetables. I had covertly glanced out at the snow covered veggie bed and it looked so much smaller in the snow. I agreed of course, thinking she'd forget all about it. But she didn't.
As you already know, that preparing of veggie garden was a disaster for yours truly. What with getting bitten by fire ants, getting me legs scraped up with chicken wire and worse, getting wrapped up in the stuff with me neighbour Lois, the flasher. Tonya ended up doing it all herself and I must say, I look out me window and there are the tomato, pepper, lettuce, zucchini, cucumber, radish, carrot and whatever other plants she's got out there, all doing quite well. She tends it meticulously and we will be feasting on salad this summer, no doubt. Yum. Not.
So because that project backfired on me, I promised to do something else. Our small water closet (bathroom to you) between the kitchen and mud room needs a new toilet and sink. Because the house is an antique, the wife wants one of those Victorian high level cistern type things that are not easy to come by. I have searched high and low until finally I found a company that ships them out. I thought I'd surprise her with this since it be something we've talked about for the last few years, as we knew the bathroom was going to have to be redone. The flood had rendered it useless and it was one of the rooms we had hoped to fix with the insurance money, only the rest of the downstairs was so badly ruined from the water damage, we couldn't. It has been in the back of me mind all this time to get it done even if I had to do it meself.
I know your heart probably stopped at that last statement, but I have been reading up on remodeling bathrooms and I be sure I can do this. To make a long story short, Tonya decided to go visit her family in Jersey with the children for the holiday weekend. I was staying home to do some odd jobs around the house (anything to get out of visiting the Dragon-in-law on her own turf). Tonya knows me well and I did have to promise no lounging around in the hammock. Ordinarily that's exactly what I would do, but me brain was telling me I should do something nice for Tonya and soon, because she hadn't forgotten the missed anniversary and the veggie garden fiasco was still fresh in her mind. My God, she might punish yours truly by bringing the dragon back for the summer! Gulp.
Unbeknownst to Tonya, I had made arrangements to have the toilet delivered to me old neighbours house last Wednesday while she and I were at work. He said he'd hide it in the barn and when I was ready, tractor it up to the house. He even offered to spend his Memorial Day weekend helping get the small water closet together in time for Tonya's arrival home on Monday.
Tonya left Thursday night with the kiddies and I took crowbar in hand and ripped out the sink, toilet and floor. Friday I left work early and stopped at the local DIY store on me way home and bought tile and a sink. That night I ripped out the medicine cabinet and got the walls prepared. Saturday morning I was ready to give it a go. Me old neighbour came up as I was getting the sink uncrated. Lucky for me, his son-in-law is a plumber and he had given him a call since he had seen the ripped up floor boards and destroyed pipes. It took a good part of the day but the son-in-law Bill, got the plumbing in and good thing too, because when it got to the sink, I would have reserved the hot water with the cold. But before we could put the sink and cistern in we had to get the floor done. I would have done that arse backwards too and then found out I'd have to rip it all out because the floor comes first. Oi!
I was going to put the floor down in tile squares but Bill said the new floors these days are going down in triangular fashion, and so he took to cutting the tiles, as me old neighbour measured and I spread the tile mortar and placed the tiles in with the spacers. I knew nothing of cement backer board, mesh wire, etc., but certainly learned how to do a tile floor if ever I need do another. We got the walls done as well, I had painted the ceiling prior, so by nightfall I was able to grout the tile and worked me arse off well into the wee hours. The next day both men came back and we got the sink cabinet, sink and Victorian cistern and overhead light in. It all worked!
I offered up some beers and we sat in the kitchen staring in at our work. I know three tool types feeling good, admiring their work and knocking back beers, typical. I told them I'd have them back for a salad party and Bill offered to bring the dressing, that's how stupid we got. I could never have done it without them. I don't know why I thought that small room would be easy. I didn't realise how destroyed the piping was from the flood, though we had everything turned off in that room after the flood because nothing worked and what sort of did, flooded.
This morning I got it all cleaned up, put the finishing touches in like soap dish, tissues (yes, I be thoughtful), even went out and got a french toilet roll holder since I be not sure about drilling holes in the wall tile. It looks like someone else's house it does, me main concern be that I did the design meself and most times me taste and Tonya's are opposite. I was sweating she might hate it.
I found meself standing in the doorway staring at the room and I almost forgot I had to run to Manchester Boston Airport to pick up the wife and kiddies. I had picked up an anniversary card and photocopied a picture of a high level cistern and put it inside. When Tonya and me boys got off the plane, we got the luggage and because the kids were hungry stopped at the airport McDonald's. While they munched on their happy meals I gave Tonya the card.
It took a few seconds for her to read the card, she was busy staring unhappily at the picture of the toilet I had put inside.
"I don't know about you sometimes Gabriel, the card is very nice but this," she flipped the photocopy at me, "is rather insulting. Some wives get diamond tennis bracelets and I get a picture, no correct that, a photocopy even -- of a Victorian toilet."
I said nothing, knowing what I did, and smiled back a little embarrassed, shrugging me shoulders.
"One day Ton. One day you will have THAT." I said pointing at the photocopy.
She looked at me half disgusted, put the photocopy in the card and made ready to leave, but not before the little Airport got his two pence in loudly with this gem, "Hahahaha daddy you're so funny, you gave mummy a picture of a crapper, hahahaha."
"Don't use that language O'Hare, who gave you that word anyway?" Tonya chided really annoyed now and looking at me like it was me who did.
All the way home I had this stupid smile on me face, to such an extent she finally decided I was smug over the fact I gave her a belated anniversary card with a photocopied toilet in it. She was fuming by the time we arrived at the abode and I was chuckling me fool head off and knew I shouldn't because before she saw her new water closet, I might be standing in me own front yard without a head, worse be installed as a scarecrow in her veggie garden!
I unlocked the abode and in ran the kids, well one ran the other toddled in, and there was this explosion of whooping as the Airport ran back to us screaming, "WE HAVE A NEW CRAPPER!" at the top of his lungs.
I dropped the bags laughing it was all so ludicrous as Tonya took after O'Hare ready to give him a swat on his backside for the language when she pulled up short as he stood in the doorway of the water closet pointing. It was precious to see her mesmerised face, as she took it all in. Her anger slowly turned to a smile of extreme pleasure as she looked at me and no words could come out, she made sounds of surprise all the while pointing at the room.
To say me home is a happy one is an understatement, of course we are having some trouble with O'Hare's use of the word "crapper" but other than that, who'd a thunk Tonya would be happy to get a toilet for an anniversary present?
Gabe
The new crapper, I mean high level cistern.
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
