20 January 2004
43
R. Linda:
This weekend I got off of following the Gov around because me work schedule has been long hours and the powers that be, decided I could have some time to meself. Taking advantage of the break I was going to sleep in, but Tonya had other ideas. She and her boyfriend Ben, broke up and she now had a lot of time on her hands. She isn't ready for the dating scene so mostly she sits at home and reads or gives herself facials with Alison and the facial expert, Phoebe McGlick.
Alison went to Foxboro to watch the Patriots game and that left me being the only one around, as Ms. Phoebe took herself off to a spa for the weekend. In a dead sleep I was dreaming I was at some theatrical show where they were drumming loudly, until I realised the drumming was someone knocking me door down. I crazily got up, twisted in me bed sheets and bumped into the hot air balloons, waving me arms in a frenzy. I must have hit every table in the flat with me right knee trying to make me way to the door.
Rubbing me knee with one hand, and opening the door with the other, I dropped the sheet in me drowsy state of mind and was standing there in me altogether before realising I was undressed. I quickly grabbed up the sheet and got it wrapped around me somehow, and as I tried to right it, Tonya tried to help me, I lost me balance and went crashing down and well, there was Tonya somehow tangled along with me.
To make this really ugly, Mrs. McBride (a woman of 80 odd years) who is deaf as a post but certainly not blind, came to the door and stood there looking down at us. This made me scramble more for the sheet to hide meself as Tonya rolled off laughing hysterically. She got herself up and ushered Mrs. McBride inside the flat she came out of. Seeing I had some time I got up, left the door open in me haste (and the sheet on the floor), and ran for me bedroom throwing on a pair of jeans without underwear, because who had time?
I was just buttoning up the top button when Tonya came back, closing the world out as she came in. I zipped up as she went to warn me by pointing at me just as I got me privates caught in the zipper. I have to tell you I was more than wide awake, that did it for me. The pain was horrible and she ran over trying to help me! Between me yelping in agony and trying to move away from her fumbling fingers, I managed to make it worse and had a good piece of testicle caught in the freaking zipper.
I know you are probably laughing but this was no laughing matter. Tonya meanwhile, was scolding me to hold still because if I kept moving I'd make it worse, and if I would let her help I wouldn't go childless. I was not seeing the biology in it at the moment, but the pain was so intense I let her have at it.
I lay on the couch on me back, hands over me eyes because I didn't want to see what she was going to do to free me, I just knew it was going to hurt. I moved one finger anyway because I guess I did want to steel meself for when she ripped the skin off me jewels. I looked just in time to see her unbutton the top of the jeans, grab the fabric by both sides and RIP!
OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I was in more pain than before and there I was with me goods showing and her shouting, "Hold still, let me see how bad it is."
I couldn't hold still! I was jumping around yelling it freaking hurt. While I did that she ran to me water closet for peroxide and cotton balls. She chased me all over the flat until the pain had me twisted in a knot and I sat down. Instantly, she was on me with the peroxide-drenched cotton balls. I thought it would sting and I'd end up going through the water-spotted ceiling, but it didn't, it actually helped.
Exhausted and feeling slightly free of pain, I let her do her thing while I threw me embarrassed head back and slammed me eyeballs shut to blot it all out. She started telling me I would have a little gash for a while but it would probably heal with no scar. I didn't answer her, I cocked one eyebrow and opened one eye, but she was busy dabbing away. I sighed and closed me eye.
Both of me eyes flipped open when she said, "You know for a white boy you're pretty well endowed."
Well, that did it for me. I pushed her back and stood her up with me, took the peroxide bottle and escorted her to the door.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" She said wedging herself between me and the open door. "I came to ask you something."
She didn't get to say what because there was Mrs. McBride back from wherever it was she had gone, staring at me open jeans and me injured jewels hanging out. Before I could react, Tonya had shoved me back in the room and came back in slamming the view from Mrs. McBride with a loud bang.
I grabbed the sheet from the floor and placed it over me injured exposed parts.
"Don't you think it is a little late for that Gabriel? I've seen 'em so get used to the idea. Here let me zip you up right so you can be decent at least."
"NO!" I shouted moving away from her. I could see it now, the rescue squad trying not to laugh as they worked to disengage me penis from me zipper, Tonya's fingers caught in the zipper with it, oh no, no way was I letting her near me. I kept the sheet and eyed her. "What did you want?" I asked, emphasising the word "what."
"I wanted to know if you wanted to go into Salem to see a psychic reader with me," she answered.
"No," I said getting angry now that the pain had subsided and she caused all this for a stupid question. I realised none of this would have happened if she hadn't come knocking me door down.
"Ok. If you change your mind I'll be next door." She turned to go, then turned around. "You really need to put some Vaseline on that." She smiled and left me to me embarrassment which was probably more painful than the gash on me right jewel. I sighed and stripped off the jeans. Sitting in me altogether, thinking it best not to confine the bruising in tight jeans, the door opened and there was Mrs. McBride. I froze, naked on the couch, TV remote in hand: She winked and wagged her finger at me, then quietly closed the door.
I sat there stunned for uncountable seconds before I ran and locked the door. My God, what kind of neighbours do I have anyway? I be sure I be the talk of the building. You have no idea what made-up conversations go on in me head at the moment. I be sure the laundry room is a-buzz with the subject of me privates. Be a long time before I venture down there. I guess dirty clothes are the way of it for a while along with the bruised jewel and ego.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
This weekend I got off of following the Gov around because me work schedule has been long hours and the powers that be, decided I could have some time to meself. Taking advantage of the break I was going to sleep in, but Tonya had other ideas. She and her boyfriend Ben, broke up and she now had a lot of time on her hands. She isn't ready for the dating scene so mostly she sits at home and reads or gives herself facials with Alison and the facial expert, Phoebe McGlick.
Alison went to Foxboro to watch the Patriots game and that left me being the only one around, as Ms. Phoebe took herself off to a spa for the weekend. In a dead sleep I was dreaming I was at some theatrical show where they were drumming loudly, until I realised the drumming was someone knocking me door down. I crazily got up, twisted in me bed sheets and bumped into the hot air balloons, waving me arms in a frenzy. I must have hit every table in the flat with me right knee trying to make me way to the door.
Rubbing me knee with one hand, and opening the door with the other, I dropped the sheet in me drowsy state of mind and was standing there in me altogether before realising I was undressed. I quickly grabbed up the sheet and got it wrapped around me somehow, and as I tried to right it, Tonya tried to help me, I lost me balance and went crashing down and well, there was Tonya somehow tangled along with me.
To make this really ugly, Mrs. McBride (a woman of 80 odd years) who is deaf as a post but certainly not blind, came to the door and stood there looking down at us. This made me scramble more for the sheet to hide meself as Tonya rolled off laughing hysterically. She got herself up and ushered Mrs. McBride inside the flat she came out of. Seeing I had some time I got up, left the door open in me haste (and the sheet on the floor), and ran for me bedroom throwing on a pair of jeans without underwear, because who had time?
I was just buttoning up the top button when Tonya came back, closing the world out as she came in. I zipped up as she went to warn me by pointing at me just as I got me privates caught in the zipper. I have to tell you I was more than wide awake, that did it for me. The pain was horrible and she ran over trying to help me! Between me yelping in agony and trying to move away from her fumbling fingers, I managed to make it worse and had a good piece of testicle caught in the freaking zipper.
I know you are probably laughing but this was no laughing matter. Tonya meanwhile, was scolding me to hold still because if I kept moving I'd make it worse, and if I would let her help I wouldn't go childless. I was not seeing the biology in it at the moment, but the pain was so intense I let her have at it.
I lay on the couch on me back, hands over me eyes because I didn't want to see what she was going to do to free me, I just knew it was going to hurt. I moved one finger anyway because I guess I did want to steel meself for when she ripped the skin off me jewels. I looked just in time to see her unbutton the top of the jeans, grab the fabric by both sides and RIP!
OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I was in more pain than before and there I was with me goods showing and her shouting, "Hold still, let me see how bad it is."
I couldn't hold still! I was jumping around yelling it freaking hurt. While I did that she ran to me water closet for peroxide and cotton balls. She chased me all over the flat until the pain had me twisted in a knot and I sat down. Instantly, she was on me with the peroxide-drenched cotton balls. I thought it would sting and I'd end up going through the water-spotted ceiling, but it didn't, it actually helped.
Exhausted and feeling slightly free of pain, I let her do her thing while I threw me embarrassed head back and slammed me eyeballs shut to blot it all out. She started telling me I would have a little gash for a while but it would probably heal with no scar. I didn't answer her, I cocked one eyebrow and opened one eye, but she was busy dabbing away. I sighed and closed me eye.
Both of me eyes flipped open when she said, "You know for a white boy you're pretty well endowed."
Well, that did it for me. I pushed her back and stood her up with me, took the peroxide bottle and escorted her to the door.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" She said wedging herself between me and the open door. "I came to ask you something."
She didn't get to say what because there was Mrs. McBride back from wherever it was she had gone, staring at me open jeans and me injured jewels hanging out. Before I could react, Tonya had shoved me back in the room and came back in slamming the view from Mrs. McBride with a loud bang.
I grabbed the sheet from the floor and placed it over me injured exposed parts.
"Don't you think it is a little late for that Gabriel? I've seen 'em so get used to the idea. Here let me zip you up right so you can be decent at least."
"NO!" I shouted moving away from her. I could see it now, the rescue squad trying not to laugh as they worked to disengage me penis from me zipper, Tonya's fingers caught in the zipper with it, oh no, no way was I letting her near me. I kept the sheet and eyed her. "What did you want?" I asked, emphasising the word "what."
"I wanted to know if you wanted to go into Salem to see a psychic reader with me," she answered.
"No," I said getting angry now that the pain had subsided and she caused all this for a stupid question. I realised none of this would have happened if she hadn't come knocking me door down.
"Ok. If you change your mind I'll be next door." She turned to go, then turned around. "You really need to put some Vaseline on that." She smiled and left me to me embarrassment which was probably more painful than the gash on me right jewel. I sighed and stripped off the jeans. Sitting in me altogether, thinking it best not to confine the bruising in tight jeans, the door opened and there was Mrs. McBride. I froze, naked on the couch, TV remote in hand: She winked and wagged her finger at me, then quietly closed the door.
I sat there stunned for uncountable seconds before I ran and locked the door. My God, what kind of neighbours do I have anyway? I be sure I be the talk of the building. You have no idea what made-up conversations go on in me head at the moment. I be sure the laundry room is a-buzz with the subject of me privates. Be a long time before I venture down there. I guess dirty clothes are the way of it for a while along with the bruised jewel and ego.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
