24 February 2008
222
R. Linda:
Fudge Day 16: You write: "Nothing worse than a fudge burp. Not fun, there's sugar stuck in the back of my throat. I think it was the almond fudge."
Now before I even have any fudge you are trying to gross me out. Burp indeed. And here I remember you saying it would arrive at me house on December 21. I be thinking NEXT DECEMBER since this is January 2008. Are we talking December 2008? WHAT? This coming December? Seriously, do you know how green and moldy that fudge will be? Makes me think you have too much sugar on the old brain there Mrs. Edguf.
Fudge Day 17: You again: "I've tried tracking the package. I guess they don't scan it very often. Just like last night, all I can tell you, is that it's not here. As of Monday morning, it went from Arvada to Commerce City. Maybe 11 miles? From Saturday to Monday, that's as far as it went. I don't know what route it takes so you might get it in the fall of 2009. LOL You can always use it as a doorstop in the summer."
I be hanging in there salivating over the fudge and you informed me of that up there. And doorstop? Well, if it arrives next December, it will be GREEN and UGLY. I be thinking I can use it for a doorstep for St. Patrick's Day.
Fudge Day 18: You write: "Hear the shriek in my voice? I can just see it now, brown concrete!!! GROAN."
I be stressed that you be stressed. This I take it means the fudge is still stuck in Commerce City. Oi! If it gets here later than sooner and is a hard block, we can always melt it down and use it to cement the foundation of the house or fill the potholes in the driveway.
Fudge Day 19: You write: "I hope the damn fudge gets there soon. Not obsessing much."
YOU are optimistic as always!
Fudge Day 20: You: "Damn, I forgot Monday was a holiday. So now it's anybody's guess when the package will get there. I don't think it'll be hard, just white. LOL Doesn't UPS deliver to the house? Even on holidays?"
Now you are coming up with excuses, LMAO. Holiday indeed.
Fudge Day 21: You write: "I decided to go UPS this time around because the regular post office has been tooooo slow. UPS said 5 business days for that size package. They also say I can track it. I haven't been able to. The last time I knew where it was, was Monday night and then it was in Commerce City which is about 2 miles from the house and about 8 from the UPS store where I shipped it from. I took it in on Saturday. I guess it just sat there for 2 days. So now it's anybody's guess when you'll get it. I should have sent you a catalogue and a picture of fudge. You'd have had THAT by now. LOL Well, I hope you get it and at least get to taste it before it turns to crap."
Excuse number 2. Uh-huh, on why me fudge hasn't arrived, and I noticed now it's closer to your house than the first time you estimated mileage. I love it. I thank you for that last image. Makes me really, really look forward to the fudge NOW. LOL
Fudge Day 22: Here you are: "Actually, the bin with fudge weighs ten pounds. The entire package weighs 14 plus."
Strange update, but then you are strange, LOL, and probably feeding on fudge as you send me these updates. You actually came clean on just how much that missing fudge package weighs. YIKES. Then you tell me one more time that day that you can't understand why the fudge isn't being delivered right away, and me reaction is BECAUSE SOME DELIVERY GUY IS EATING IT SOMEWHERE!
Fudge Day 23: Here you go: "I really don't want to think how the fudge will look. I've never seen a package take so long to be delivered, and I'm dreading how it will taste after this long. YUCK."
How to make me feel good, supply visuals. FOR JOY! So I fired back, "I saw me mailman, this a.m. and he looked like he had been lugging a ten-pound package around, but alas, no package yet. Maybe Tuesday. I think the post office be closed on Monday for holiday, I think, be not sure. Did you ever establish if UPS works on holidays? Anyway, it'll be a rock I tell ya by the time it gets here, LMAO. It'll make me wish I had beaver's teeth. LOL.
Fudge Day 24: I WROTE YOU for a change: "I almost thought the fudge came today. There was a UPS man cursing and struggling with something at the end of the driveway as I was driving down. I thought I should duck down if it was the heavy frozen fudge package because there is nothing worse than an angry UPS man. So I started to do that until I realised I was driving and I couldn't see over the dashboard. I almost took the poor man out by the time I pressed me foot on the gas pedal to go speeding by so he wouldn't recognise me. I stayed out an extraordinarily long time because I didn't want to go back and see he was still there cursing me for almost running him over and for having to drag a 14-pound package up the hill, two football fields long driveway. Lucky for me, he was gone by the time I got back. Later I found out a squirrel was attacking him when I drove speeding past. It seems I saved his life because I inadvertently ran over the squirrel's tail without seeing (well I couldn't see I was down under the dash) and the animal flew up in the air and ran for all he was worth."
And what do you write me back? THIS: "Wanna buy some fudge? LMAO I can't even send you fudge. It never gets there."
There I be feeling kind of sketchy from me driving experience and YOU add insult to injury by writing THAT to yours truly who STILL hasn't any fudge. You are so cruel.
Fudge Day 25: I beat you to the punch again and wrote you this: "I hope you don't think I be totally demented by the things I do, like trying to hide in a speeding car without looking where I was driving, but this fudge thing has driven me over the brink, I think. It is like me mother-in-law, I never know when she'll arrive and so it be with the fudge which keeps getting bigger and heavier with each mail you send me, not to mention farther away from me house and closer to YOURS. I be quaking in me boots if it stayed in a warehouse for a few nights with the unmentionables scurrying around, then in a cold truck to be delivered, I THINK on the 21st of next December (when it's turned a 100 shades of green to remind me of Ireland - I suppose you think that funny), when the temperature here will be 1 degree or less. UPS doesn't come until the end of the day, so think about it, that fudge will have been driven around all day in frozen temps. Do you have any idea what it will look like when it gets here? Yes you do, you said it would be WHITE. Even worse, if it weighs over 14 pounds as a frozen block of fudge it might weigh over 16 pounds with all that condensation frozen in it. LMAO I be telling you right now I be hiding out when the UPS man comes lugging or more like dragging it up the hilly driveway and I do mean hilly. The driveway is 1400 yards long, LOLOLOLOL, think of it -- 1-degree weather or less, 16 pounds of frozen fun in a package, uphill all the way BECAUSE the truck can't fit through the gates at the bottom, SO the UPS guy has to WALK, OMG ROFLMAO. Please tell me you addressed it to the farm and not me by name so he won't know it be for me, LOLOLOLOLOLOL."
And I think because of me complaining and acting crazy you felt inclined to write me this: "Hey!!! I just thought of it. You'd better take the fudge seriously, or I'll hit you with it. LMAO."
To be continued.
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Fudge Day 16: You write: "Nothing worse than a fudge burp. Not fun, there's sugar stuck in the back of my throat. I think it was the almond fudge."
Now before I even have any fudge you are trying to gross me out. Burp indeed. And here I remember you saying it would arrive at me house on December 21. I be thinking NEXT DECEMBER since this is January 2008. Are we talking December 2008? WHAT? This coming December? Seriously, do you know how green and moldy that fudge will be? Makes me think you have too much sugar on the old brain there Mrs. Edguf.
Fudge Day 17: You again: "I've tried tracking the package. I guess they don't scan it very often. Just like last night, all I can tell you, is that it's not here. As of Monday morning, it went from Arvada to Commerce City. Maybe 11 miles? From Saturday to Monday, that's as far as it went. I don't know what route it takes so you might get it in the fall of 2009. LOL You can always use it as a doorstop in the summer."
I be hanging in there salivating over the fudge and you informed me of that up there. And doorstop? Well, if it arrives next December, it will be GREEN and UGLY. I be thinking I can use it for a doorstep for St. Patrick's Day.
Fudge Day 18: You write: "Hear the shriek in my voice? I can just see it now, brown concrete!!! GROAN."
I be stressed that you be stressed. This I take it means the fudge is still stuck in Commerce City. Oi! If it gets here later than sooner and is a hard block, we can always melt it down and use it to cement the foundation of the house or fill the potholes in the driveway.
Fudge Day 19: You write: "I hope the damn fudge gets there soon. Not obsessing much."
YOU are optimistic as always!
Fudge Day 20: You: "Damn, I forgot Monday was a holiday. So now it's anybody's guess when the package will get there. I don't think it'll be hard, just white. LOL Doesn't UPS deliver to the house? Even on holidays?"
Now you are coming up with excuses, LMAO. Holiday indeed.
Fudge Day 21: You write: "I decided to go UPS this time around because the regular post office has been tooooo slow. UPS said 5 business days for that size package. They also say I can track it. I haven't been able to. The last time I knew where it was, was Monday night and then it was in Commerce City which is about 2 miles from the house and about 8 from the UPS store where I shipped it from. I took it in on Saturday. I guess it just sat there for 2 days. So now it's anybody's guess when you'll get it. I should have sent you a catalogue and a picture of fudge. You'd have had THAT by now. LOL Well, I hope you get it and at least get to taste it before it turns to crap."
Excuse number 2. Uh-huh, on why me fudge hasn't arrived, and I noticed now it's closer to your house than the first time you estimated mileage. I love it. I thank you for that last image. Makes me really, really look forward to the fudge NOW. LOL
Fudge Day 22: Here you are: "Actually, the bin with fudge weighs ten pounds. The entire package weighs 14 plus."
Strange update, but then you are strange, LOL, and probably feeding on fudge as you send me these updates. You actually came clean on just how much that missing fudge package weighs. YIKES. Then you tell me one more time that day that you can't understand why the fudge isn't being delivered right away, and me reaction is BECAUSE SOME DELIVERY GUY IS EATING IT SOMEWHERE!
Fudge Day 23: Here you go: "I really don't want to think how the fudge will look. I've never seen a package take so long to be delivered, and I'm dreading how it will taste after this long. YUCK."
How to make me feel good, supply visuals. FOR JOY! So I fired back, "I saw me mailman, this a.m. and he looked like he had been lugging a ten-pound package around, but alas, no package yet. Maybe Tuesday. I think the post office be closed on Monday for holiday, I think, be not sure. Did you ever establish if UPS works on holidays? Anyway, it'll be a rock I tell ya by the time it gets here, LMAO. It'll make me wish I had beaver's teeth. LOL.
Fudge Day 24: I WROTE YOU for a change: "I almost thought the fudge came today. There was a UPS man cursing and struggling with something at the end of the driveway as I was driving down. I thought I should duck down if it was the heavy frozen fudge package because there is nothing worse than an angry UPS man. So I started to do that until I realised I was driving and I couldn't see over the dashboard. I almost took the poor man out by the time I pressed me foot on the gas pedal to go speeding by so he wouldn't recognise me. I stayed out an extraordinarily long time because I didn't want to go back and see he was still there cursing me for almost running him over and for having to drag a 14-pound package up the hill, two football fields long driveway. Lucky for me, he was gone by the time I got back. Later I found out a squirrel was attacking him when I drove speeding past. It seems I saved his life because I inadvertently ran over the squirrel's tail without seeing (well I couldn't see I was down under the dash) and the animal flew up in the air and ran for all he was worth."
And what do you write me back? THIS: "Wanna buy some fudge? LMAO I can't even send you fudge. It never gets there."
There I be feeling kind of sketchy from me driving experience and YOU add insult to injury by writing THAT to yours truly who STILL hasn't any fudge. You are so cruel.
Fudge Day 25: I beat you to the punch again and wrote you this: "I hope you don't think I be totally demented by the things I do, like trying to hide in a speeding car without looking where I was driving, but this fudge thing has driven me over the brink, I think. It is like me mother-in-law, I never know when she'll arrive and so it be with the fudge which keeps getting bigger and heavier with each mail you send me, not to mention farther away from me house and closer to YOURS. I be quaking in me boots if it stayed in a warehouse for a few nights with the unmentionables scurrying around, then in a cold truck to be delivered, I THINK on the 21st of next December (when it's turned a 100 shades of green to remind me of Ireland - I suppose you think that funny), when the temperature here will be 1 degree or less. UPS doesn't come until the end of the day, so think about it, that fudge will have been driven around all day in frozen temps. Do you have any idea what it will look like when it gets here? Yes you do, you said it would be WHITE. Even worse, if it weighs over 14 pounds as a frozen block of fudge it might weigh over 16 pounds with all that condensation frozen in it. LMAO I be telling you right now I be hiding out when the UPS man comes lugging or more like dragging it up the hilly driveway and I do mean hilly. The driveway is 1400 yards long, LOLOLOLOL, think of it -- 1-degree weather or less, 16 pounds of frozen fun in a package, uphill all the way BECAUSE the truck can't fit through the gates at the bottom, SO the UPS guy has to WALK, OMG ROFLMAO. Please tell me you addressed it to the farm and not me by name so he won't know it be for me, LOLOLOLOLOLOL."
And I think because of me complaining and acting crazy you felt inclined to write me this: "Hey!!! I just thought of it. You'd better take the fudge seriously, or I'll hit you with it. LMAO."
To be continued.
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
