I Issued A Challenge to the Irish Clan

15 June 2026

1169

R. Linda:

Since the ill-fated donkey barrel race (see Story #1165 Donkey Barrel Racing - You Haven't Lived! 06 June 2026), I needed to challenge the 'guys' to get back for all the shenanigans they pulled on me during that absolute masterpiece of chaos. 

Rumour had spread that I wouldn't let it go, and to be fair, I wasn't going to. By the time I'd finished composing meself (and questioning me life choices), I decided the response (or, more truthfully, revenge) would be less about speed, balance, or livestock-related humiliation—and more about dignity, documentation, and public embarrassment.

Therefore, in me infinite wisdom, I issued them a challenge: no more donkeys, no more barrels (the empty kind, which I now suspect is a deeply suspicious phrase), no more questionable 'rules' explained mid-race by men who clearly made it up as they went along. This would be simple, straightforward RULES (made by ME).

I challenged each one of them to visit their favourite pub—anywhere in the world they happened to be hiding, avoiding responsibility, or recovering from their last poor decision. They must take three photos: one clearly outside the pub, to prove it wasn't just a cardboard cut-out situation or a suspiciously convincing mural, or something they simply described convincingly after the fact. A second one inside the pub, ideally showing them looking as though they belong there (or at least haven't been thrown out yet), and the third, holding their fav beverage like in a low-budget commercial, they are not absolutely not being paid to promote. Yes, no causal crap, no, it has to be like they are in a freaking commercial and to look convincing, no matter how embarrassing it is in front of a roomful of strangers. Yes! 

Failure to comply would result in immediate forfeiture of all future bragging rights, along with the formal admission that I did not lose the donkey barrel race—it was, in fact, a "strategic misunderstanding involving terrain and livestock temperament, which be a completely normal thing that happens to winners.

Here is the list of the RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, which this time would be simple. Clear. Unfairly enforced. As all good rules are.

1. The Outside Proof

•     Must clearly show the pub sign or entrance
•     None of that: "I stood vaguely near a brick wall and called it culture." Submissions will be accepted only if they can be authenticated.

   1a. The Pub Clause

•      Must be a real pub, not "Donnie's Garage Bar & Grill (question legality pending and emotionally questionable)."
•      Must be their favourite, not the nearest one they either crawled or collapsed into by accident.

2. The Inside Proof

•      At least one photo inside.
•      Alternatively, the pub must clearly contain other humans, proving it is not a set piece built for deception (oh, I know they are capable).

3. The Witness Rule (optional chaos)

•   A stranger must appear in one photo (preferably confused but legally consenting).
•   Bonus points if they look like they're mid-story or mid-toast in what resembles a low-budget COMMERCIAL, even if no product exists and no one asked for this.

4. The Victory Condition

•      First one to complete the 'mission' earns "temporary dignity restoration."
•      Last one is officially crowned "Donkey Barrel Champion of Regret."
•      Upon completion, the donkey barrel race henceforth be referred to only as: "The   Incident That Must Not Be Mentioned."

And yes, yours truly will participate to show them how it's done. Stay tuned, I set this in motion last weekend and already have one submission, and I gotta tell ya, it's a doozy. Not saying who, or mentioning Jamie and Padraig's names, no, no, I'd never do that. 

Gabe

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