Interviewing a Gadhafi or a Gadfly or a someone

27 February 2011

367

R. Linda:

With all this chaos going on in North Africa, is it any wonder I have sleepless nights? And I blame it on the Gadhafi family; yes, I do. Every time I turn around, there's Moammar in a new dress and then Saif rambling on about nothing important, and then the former soccer son complaining he can't travel. Which makes me want to say to him in particular, "Welcome to the world of your people! They can't travel either. Your airport be a mess." Anyway, it was one more view of Daddy that put me over the edge. The Mary Poppins moment with the umbrella. That did it for me. Yes, it did. I had just finished a program with Christiane Amanpour having a "conversation" with Saif Gadhafi.

Then she was walking around calm, scenic Tripoli, talking to the camera like she was out for a day of sightseeing. I'd had enough and flipped the station, and where I landed, there was a voice-over highlighting the life of Moammar. There he was, looking quite the handsome and dashing military colonel, and then there he was dressed in several outfits Michael Jackson would have been jealous of. Then there he was looking a wee bit scruffy with what I think he thinks passes as designer stubble, but ohhh no-no, and then there he was looking like his eyes were all black under very hooded eyelids, a very bad complexion, and talk about facelifts! If anyone needs one, OH YEAH AND A HAIRCUT! I be trying not to get on the hats. OH MY GOD THE HATS! Does he have his own personal haberdasher, or what? Slowly, we made it to the cross-dressing, and I was so out of there that I flipped the TV off and went to bed, totally inundated with all THAT.

I tossed, and I turned, and I dreamt I was still watching the telly, and it was THIS I was watching:


Reporter Imapoor: So, am I hearing gunfire?

Safway Gadfly: No, no. That's fireworks. The young people are celebrating and dancing in the streets.

Reporter Imapoor: What are these things in the street? They look like shells.

Safway Gadfly: No, no. That's seashells. The seashells in Libya contain a lot of metal and get sculpted into cylinders by rolling around in the sea. We are close to the sea after all.

Reporter Imapoor: Are those bullet holes in the walls of those buildings?

Safway Gadfly: No, no. Those are what we call Libyan gutters, so when it rains, the water flows through the holes.

Reporter Imapoor:  Oh my God, what is that? That just went whizzing over my head and looked like a rocket missile.

Safway Gadfly: No, no. That was a honey bee. They grow big here. Not to worry.

Reporter Imapoor: What is going on up there, you see? There is a crowd of people chanting. I don't understand what they are saying.

Safway Gadfly: They praise my family and say how wonderful it has been to gather in rush hour traffic with so many of their neighbours.

Reporter Imapoor: Neighbours? I think I see men throwing stones at another group of men over there.

Safway Gadfly: No, no. Those are not stones. They are playing the first game of Libya, dodgeball.

Reporter Imapoor: Oh. Look over there; they are tearing down what looks like a poster of your father.

Safway Gadfly:  No, no. They will replace it with a newer one, that is, the poster committee at work!

Reporter Imapoor: Are those protesters being dragged away by mercenaries?

Safway Gadfly: No, no. Those people know there is a sale at Best U Buy Now, and they are racing each other to get their first.

Reporter Imapoor: Who is that man on the roof dressed like a woman?

Safway Gadfly: That is my father. He designs women's clothing, and he tries them on to make sure they are comfortable. He wouldn't create anything HE wouldn't wear.

Reporter Imapoor: Well, he seems to be shouting with the people below, who are raising their fists at him. What is that about?

Safway Gadfly: I think they don't like that particular dress.

Reporter Imapoor:  I understand your father has been appearing on television a lot lately. What is his next television appearance?

Safway Gadfly: Oh, you haven't heard? He's the next Bachelor coming up next season.

Reporter Imapoor: You're joking.

Safway Gadfly: No, no. He will have a first for the show, be the new Bachelor and have his choice of 25 men and women. Then, he can decide whether to wear dresses or dress like a colonel. 

THEN I WOKE UP. NIGHTMAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gabe
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