02 January 2016
Story #794
R. Linda:
So here is what happened, such as it was. As you know, I fell over one of the kiddo's dirt bikes backwards and did a number on me mended leg, which was once a broken mess. Not only did I undo the repairs to the thigh, but I also took out me knee in the process, which meant a total replacement.
I found meself transported to a large hospital where I was given the news of major surgery and a convalescence period of possibly 12 weeks. I did not care at the time, I just wanted to be fixed and out of pain quickly, though I knew I could be waking up to even more pain, but at least I'd be mended (I hoped).
A woman anesthesiologist came to me gurney and told me she was a former military doctor. What she was going to do for me was somewhat experimental but had great results for a quicker get up out of bed and go period. Further, I'd be getting a saddle block of sorts where they would numb me spinal area so I would not feel anything from the waist down, and I'd have a very restful sleep, nothing like the dark void usually associated with surgical anaesthesia. I was half getting this for the stress I found myself under, but alright, let's get the show on the road.
R. Linda:
So here is what happened, such as it was. As you know, I fell over one of the kiddo's dirt bikes backwards and did a number on me mended leg, which was once a broken mess. Not only did I undo the repairs to the thigh, but I also took out me knee in the process, which meant a total replacement.
I found meself transported to a large hospital where I was given the news of major surgery and a convalescence period of possibly 12 weeks. I did not care at the time, I just wanted to be fixed and out of pain quickly, though I knew I could be waking up to even more pain, but at least I'd be mended (I hoped).
A woman anesthesiologist came to me gurney and told me she was a former military doctor. What she was going to do for me was somewhat experimental but had great results for a quicker get up out of bed and go period. Further, I'd be getting a saddle block of sorts where they would numb me spinal area so I would not feel anything from the waist down, and I'd have a very restful sleep, nothing like the dark void usually associated with surgical anaesthesia. I was half getting this for the stress I found myself under, but alright, let's get the show on the road.
I was given the spinal, which was a peripheral nerve block, and the next thing I knew, I was napping. I had dreams of being in Disney World, caught up in the Beauty and Beast cartoon when I awoke, fully conscious, without that drug haze, and I knew exactly where I was and what had been done (which in itself is not usually the case when one is trying to wake up from heavy anaesthesia). I knew who everyone was, and I found that totally amazing. I asked if music was playing while I was being operated on, and yes, it was. Was Disney World discussed? Yes, it had been. Wow, I thought I was still conscious on another level! How cool was that?
The surgical doctor told me I had a catheter filled with pain medication (also used by the military) to ease me pain, and it was inserted into me thigh and would stay there for four days, at which time the visiting care service would remove it. This is called the ON-Q pain relief system. It is a pump that pumps the flow of painkiller needed in the area being operated on. I was asked if I needed pain medication, and to be honest, I had no pain to speak of, so no, I did not. When the catheter was removed, I did not need the pain meds then either. The catheter had me free of pain so I could move me leg normally. The only slight hindrance was the swelling, but after a week at home, it was nearly gone because exercising the leg caused the fluids to dissipate more quickly than normally. This got me into PT sooner and free of the cane within two weeks. I walk normally, and some of the area around the knee, in particular, is still a wee bit numb, but as I exercise, it is slowly disappearing. After two weeks of outpatient physical therapy three times a week, I will now be down to two.
It appears that I won't need a 12-week recovery. This new process with a new version of the knee that allows pivoting and flexing of the knee joint was all part of a military procedure, I was told. Seems with so much going on, I assume in Afghanistan and Iraq they needed to get our boys up and out of the danger area, and this process was developed to do just that. It was so successful that they are beginning to use it on stateside patients. So far, the results are positive.
While I was in the hospital, which was only a two-day stay (they could have released me the next day, actually), I had some exciting encounters. One was the 4 a.m. vampire call for blood by a jolly bloodsucker who had a Jamaican accent that was wonderful to listen to; it was all sunshine and a bit of Pirates of the Caribbean. I noticed on me hospital I.D. bracelet the letters HAR on the side. I forget now what it stood for, so being me silly self, I asked him for the magic word or no blood. I had him "harring" like a pirate each time he saw me. I am sure we woke me bedmate up laughing like two bloody fools, but I blame it on the drug in me leg making me slightly insane. His excuse, I dunno, just that he told me he'd become me resident vampire for me stay. He even told me he was so good at taking blood he could do it in the dark, and yes, stupid me challenged him, but he at least had the presence of mind to just tell me to take his pirate word for it. Har!
I was known as the rock star on me floor because I was up and out of bed the same day I had surgery, and walking, or I should say running, down the halls. Me hospital PT person was at me to "slow it down," but I tell ya, I felt really good. It wasn't until the circumstances of the green scrubs came to light that I lost me rock star glow. I had noticed the sweatpants I wore were too tight around the then-swollen incision. Me physical therapist told me the material was hindering my walking, so he got me a pair of green scrubs from the supply closet. I put them on. They were comfy and did not cling to the swollen knee. I started out for a stroll, I did. It was early, and the cleaning staff had come on. It was initially bizarre, me with me walker, clopping down the hall and getting these looks from the staff like, "What are you doing?" I was perplexed. I came back to me room to find a woman in green scrubs making me bad. She stopped and glared at me.
"You think you're funny?" She hissed.
"Huh?"
"The green scrubs." She pointed out, slapping the sheet in the air.
"What about 'em?"
"Those are what WE wear. The cleaning staff. Are you making fun?" She said, busy making me bed.
"Uh, no," I said, looking down at me green outfit and then at hers. They were the same.
"You should be glad someone hasn't come and got you to change dirty bed linens, mop the bathroom, or push a gurney with a patient in it somewhere."
She left me, me bed freshened to contemplate all that. Well, I was going home, so me chagrin did not last but for five seconds. I got me coat and belongings as the discharge nurse came in with me wife. She looked at me strangely, but now I knew why. I did not explain, but if I saw me PT person I'd have a few choice words for him, I would. Tonya thought I looked like I was about to perform surgery and said such just as the cleaning woman came back with fresh towels.
"Looks like an oversized Kermit the Frog to me." She said, still irritated at yours truly's garb.
Oh well, so it was. I went home with me cleaning person scrubs, not caring too much for the fall from rock star grace. I might have been feeling a wee bit bad, I made the cleaning staff think I was making fun of them when in reality it was me PT person. Obviously, he had a grudge against them and used me to bang that on through. I had seen one of them arguing with him for using the fresh towels for exercise equipment a few days before he dressed the best patient he had in their scrubs. He knew I'd make the rounds (a dumb fecker that I was at the time) and that'd get them. And it did!
I hope for meself I don't have to return to that hospital anytime soon. I be sure I will be remembered by everyone, yes, R. Linda, everyone!
Gabe
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