01 January 2019
938
R. Linda:
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's hope anyway. I know for both of us, a new year that isn't fraught with people acting crazy, poor health issues, and monetary angst, would be in order. I will hope that for you and me, so we'll see what happens.
In the meantime, the new year started great and not with a bang which be what none of us wanted in the first place. The ball dropped, and nothing exploded so all was right with 2019 coming in a bit snowy up here last night but today it be as windy as the tundra, but the temps are more like the tropics. We'll take it!
For me Mam, the last day of the year was rather strange. The mailman came to give her a package she hadn't ordered. She was mystified as it was addressed to her from an overseas company she never heard of. Upon opening the box she finds a very expensive item. At first, she be confused because she never ordered it. Could she use it? Well, it wasn't on her high list of priorities, but yes, she could. She went to each of us asking if we sent her the item as a late Christmas present. No, none of us had but we were impressed.
She went online and when she saw the cost of the item she was really flummoxed. She rang up Ben, no, no, he hadn't sent her the item, and would not have thought it something she'd want or need. Ok then. She rang up Sheila, no, she too hadn't sent it and certainly the old geezer didn't because he hasn't her address and that would be totally bizarre since he be broke and why send me Mam a present after all this time?
The expensive item was sitting on me desk in the office until someone fessed up they sent it, but I be sure no one is lying about not being the sender. A mystery for sure, until she went back and realised one item she ordered never came. On further investigation, the item came from a foreign department store with chains under another name, the name on the mysterious item box. So she was sent the wrong item! This came to light this morning, so last night she was all a-wonder.
To add to her confusion, a friend of Sean's came over last night to help ring in the New Year or so he said, I think Sean told him me Mam was in the kitchen whipping up all manner of goodies since there was nothing really on the telly. Yeah, we had tried to get through Rockin' New Year's Eve but the very young girls singing nasal songs with sexy dance numbers was rather a deterrent than a must-watch, though O'Hare was all about that. We tried First Night Boston, but it was local reporters walking the dark streets stopping those who were out and about and asking uninteresting questions. I mean did I really care about a stranger's new year resolutions? Nah. We switched over to Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen on CNN and the two were soaked like rats and showing clips of Cohen crawling on his knees in leather harness and chains with Britney Spears dancing and singing over him. Yuck! Me Mam got up disgusted and said, "I be goin' ta the kitchen." Which translated means, she was going to cook up a storm so we all went with her.
She made a sweet pumpkin dip you dip gingersnaps in, there were the usual chips and dips, she had two baked ziti in the oven from the early evening, and Italian baked chicken wings. She made up spring rolls and dumplings, and she had cake, I mean the woman was prepared! In the middle of this feast, Sean rang up his new boss a young guy with a sheep farm. Without asking us if we wanted a stranger in our midst he invited him over and he came . . . smelling of sheep!
He be a young man in his early 40s, single, a musician and a sheep farmer by trade. He bought his guitar, ukulele, and banjo. Entertainment had arrived! He be black-haired, with hair tied back in a man bun, heavy eyebrows and a long almost ZZ Tops-like beard. Me Mam was studying his face trying to see what he looked like under all that hair. But even more importantly he was studying me Mam! She didn't at first realise this, but after a while, it was obvious he had a thing for me, MAM!
I will say Mam has always been attractive, but she's me, Mam. Do you remember the ghoul at the Halloween haunted hike? Well, here was another one, but this one knows she's me Mam and old enough to be his. He didn't seem to care, he was all about teaching her to play guitar or ukulele or banjo, any or all of them. She told him no, she had a trigger finger and if it locked it hurt and her nails were too long. Oh yeah, all kinds of excuses but he persisted. You could tell he wanted to put his arms around her and give her a hug, and he did before the night was done much to her eye-popping chagrin. She kept disappearing and he'd ask where she was, and I said, "Hiding out."
"Then let's go find her." He said.
"No, she'll be back," I said offering him some libation to keep him at the kitchen island.
Well, she meandered back in at intervals and at one of them he cornered her again and asked her if she liked some band she never heard of. She had no clue who Bella's Bartok was and when she heard them she was wishing she never had. His description was a band with dreadlocks, glitter and wore women's skirts! So no, not her type of entertainment. He even looked around for his phone and said, "Siri play Bella's Bartok." And of course, Siri sassed him back and said she didn't know that song. Tonya told him to ask our Alexa, so he went to Alexa (which he never heard of - must live under sheep dip I guess) and was instructed how to talk to her. He asked her to play the song he wanted but she played the right band, a different song. He was encouraged by this somehow and said, "Alexa, play such and such." She played the same song again. Not deterred, he asked her again, "Alexa SWEETHEART play such and such."
Well, Sean joined in and the two of them had such endearments for Alexa who at one point shut up on them. She wouldn't answer, and she wouldn't play any music, so the endearments got more intense with the word 'please' said many times over. Well, she wouldn't cooperate and Mam whispered, "See even Alexa doesn't want his attentions."
All I could think as I watch and listened to the two Bozos sweet talking and being ultra polite to an automated robot was, "WHO ARE YOU? SHE'S NOT REAL ALL THAT MEANS NOTHING TO HER."
Well, throughout the night the two of them became abusive to Alexa. Asked her stupid questions which evidentially she went silent on again, and would only indicate she was there by flashing a reddish pink light and saying notta.
"I tink she be warnin' da two of yas not ta mess wit 'er." Mam said as she sprinted out of the room. And she had a good reason it was nearly 12 o'clock and she wasn't about to be kissed by the hairy sheep farmer. Instead, she spent the bewitching hour happily locked in her room with her cat. She said if she was spending the New Year with a hairy thing it was Molly her cat.
Today I had a history on the Alexa app that was way long. I went through it and the abuse she took from those two blockheads not even a robot could put up with. They even tried to get her to make phone calls to their friends and text messages. Thank the good Lord none of those people are in me Mam's contacts since the Alexa be hers. The best was several times over one or both of them kept asking Alexa how much zero times zero was. She answered twice and then nothing. They are easily amused.
We opened fortune cookies before we went to bed and Sean's friend had left. Me Mam's said, "A partnership shall prove successful for you."
"Uh oh," I said, "Sheep raising business for you?"
Well, let us hope not. Sean tells me his friend be a handsome devil under all that hair. I don't care if he's Rob Stark (me Mam's fav character from GOT), he's old enough to be me brother, so NO MAM FOR HIM!
Gate
Copyright © 2019 All rights reserved
938
R. Linda:
 |
In the meantime, the new year started great and not with a bang which be what none of us wanted in the first place. The ball dropped, and nothing exploded so all was right with 2019 coming in a bit snowy up here last night but today it be as windy as the tundra, but the temps are more like the tropics. We'll take it!
For me Mam, the last day of the year was rather strange. The mailman came to give her a package she hadn't ordered. She was mystified as it was addressed to her from an overseas company she never heard of. Upon opening the box she finds a very expensive item. At first, she be confused because she never ordered it. Could she use it? Well, it wasn't on her high list of priorities, but yes, she could. She went to each of us asking if we sent her the item as a late Christmas present. No, none of us had but we were impressed.
She went online and when she saw the cost of the item she was really flummoxed. She rang up Ben, no, no, he hadn't sent her the item, and would not have thought it something she'd want or need. Ok then. She rang up Sheila, no, she too hadn't sent it and certainly the old geezer didn't because he hasn't her address and that would be totally bizarre since he be broke and why send me Mam a present after all this time?
The expensive item was sitting on me desk in the office until someone fessed up they sent it, but I be sure no one is lying about not being the sender. A mystery for sure, until she went back and realised one item she ordered never came. On further investigation, the item came from a foreign department store with chains under another name, the name on the mysterious item box. So she was sent the wrong item! This came to light this morning, so last night she was all a-wonder.
To add to her confusion, a friend of Sean's came over last night to help ring in the New Year or so he said, I think Sean told him me Mam was in the kitchen whipping up all manner of goodies since there was nothing really on the telly. Yeah, we had tried to get through Rockin' New Year's Eve but the very young girls singing nasal songs with sexy dance numbers was rather a deterrent than a must-watch, though O'Hare was all about that. We tried First Night Boston, but it was local reporters walking the dark streets stopping those who were out and about and asking uninteresting questions. I mean did I really care about a stranger's new year resolutions? Nah. We switched over to Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen on CNN and the two were soaked like rats and showing clips of Cohen crawling on his knees in leather harness and chains with Britney Spears dancing and singing over him. Yuck! Me Mam got up disgusted and said, "I be goin' ta the kitchen." Which translated means, she was going to cook up a storm so we all went with her.
She made a sweet pumpkin dip you dip gingersnaps in, there were the usual chips and dips, she had two baked ziti in the oven from the early evening, and Italian baked chicken wings. She made up spring rolls and dumplings, and she had cake, I mean the woman was prepared! In the middle of this feast, Sean rang up his new boss a young guy with a sheep farm. Without asking us if we wanted a stranger in our midst he invited him over and he came . . . smelling of sheep!
He be a young man in his early 40s, single, a musician and a sheep farmer by trade. He bought his guitar, ukulele, and banjo. Entertainment had arrived! He be black-haired, with hair tied back in a man bun, heavy eyebrows and a long almost ZZ Tops-like beard. Me Mam was studying his face trying to see what he looked like under all that hair. But even more importantly he was studying me Mam! She didn't at first realise this, but after a while, it was obvious he had a thing for me, MAM!
I will say Mam has always been attractive, but she's me, Mam. Do you remember the ghoul at the Halloween haunted hike? Well, here was another one, but this one knows she's me Mam and old enough to be his. He didn't seem to care, he was all about teaching her to play guitar or ukulele or banjo, any or all of them. She told him no, she had a trigger finger and if it locked it hurt and her nails were too long. Oh yeah, all kinds of excuses but he persisted. You could tell he wanted to put his arms around her and give her a hug, and he did before the night was done much to her eye-popping chagrin. She kept disappearing and he'd ask where she was, and I said, "Hiding out."
"Then let's go find her." He said.
"No, she'll be back," I said offering him some libation to keep him at the kitchen island.
Well, she meandered back in at intervals and at one of them he cornered her again and asked her if she liked some band she never heard of. She had no clue who Bella's Bartok was and when she heard them she was wishing she never had. His description was a band with dreadlocks, glitter and wore women's skirts! So no, not her type of entertainment. He even looked around for his phone and said, "Siri play Bella's Bartok." And of course, Siri sassed him back and said she didn't know that song. Tonya told him to ask our Alexa, so he went to Alexa (which he never heard of - must live under sheep dip I guess) and was instructed how to talk to her. He asked her to play the song he wanted but she played the right band, a different song. He was encouraged by this somehow and said, "Alexa, play such and such." She played the same song again. Not deterred, he asked her again, "Alexa SWEETHEART play such and such."
Well, Sean joined in and the two of them had such endearments for Alexa who at one point shut up on them. She wouldn't answer, and she wouldn't play any music, so the endearments got more intense with the word 'please' said many times over. Well, she wouldn't cooperate and Mam whispered, "See even Alexa doesn't want his attentions."
All I could think as I watch and listened to the two Bozos sweet talking and being ultra polite to an automated robot was, "WHO ARE YOU? SHE'S NOT REAL ALL THAT MEANS NOTHING TO HER."
Well, throughout the night the two of them became abusive to Alexa. Asked her stupid questions which evidentially she went silent on again, and would only indicate she was there by flashing a reddish pink light and saying notta.
"I tink she be warnin' da two of yas not ta mess wit 'er." Mam said as she sprinted out of the room. And she had a good reason it was nearly 12 o'clock and she wasn't about to be kissed by the hairy sheep farmer. Instead, she spent the bewitching hour happily locked in her room with her cat. She said if she was spending the New Year with a hairy thing it was Molly her cat.
Today I had a history on the Alexa app that was way long. I went through it and the abuse she took from those two blockheads not even a robot could put up with. They even tried to get her to make phone calls to their friends and text messages. Thank the good Lord none of those people are in me Mam's contacts since the Alexa be hers. The best was several times over one or both of them kept asking Alexa how much zero times zero was. She answered twice and then nothing. They are easily amused.
We opened fortune cookies before we went to bed and Sean's friend had left. Me Mam's said, "A partnership shall prove successful for you."
"Uh oh," I said, "Sheep raising business for you?"
Well, let us hope not. Sean tells me his friend be a handsome devil under all that hair. I don't care if he's Rob Stark (me Mam's fav character from GOT), he's old enough to be me brother, so NO MAM FOR HIM!
Gate
Copyright © 2019 All rights reserved
