05 April 2022
1066
R. Linda:
I had reason to travel to Delaware not long ago, and on my drive home (at the request of me wife) I stopped in to see the Dragon Lady and family. They talked me into taking another day (it being Friday), and staying for a "nice visit." I was knackered and not in me right mind to do such a thing, but I did in spite of me good senses.
Tonya asked me to take the Dragon out to lunch and give her father some respite from the constant Dragon chatter he is subject to day in and day out. I didn't want to, I really did not, but I did it to please the wife I did.
The next day Lady Dragon and I went out for an early lunch to a place down the Jersey shore the Dragon likes. Now I had been there once way back when Tonya took me to meet her family and we all went out for luncheon. The place is on the water and looks elegant and this it be. There are five courses, a type of homemade cracker with homemade spread, followed by artisan soup, a gourmet salad, an entree and dessert.
When we arrived the place was hopping, not as much as usual but there was a good size crowd there. Dragon mentioned that the last time she was there with Big Tony, they were practically the only ones. With the pandemic restrictions lightening up, and it being a nice day (warm for that time of year), everyone it seemed decided it was a good day to go out to eat, and it was Saturday after all.
We were in a queue to get in, and there was one of those toney-type women with her well-dressed daughter next to us. The child was coughing which made an older couple move out of line and they went to the end to get away from her. Dragon was upset with this too, as the child, well dressed or not, was not really coughing into her hand but germs were floating in the air. At least that is what Dragon theatrically whispered to me. The mother, of course, heard that and moved the child in front of her.
This mother and child were talking about the girl's sister and I got it right away there was something not right about the child. Her eyes were strange, and her voice had an edge like a deaf person. It seems it was her twelfth birthday and her mother was treating her to lunch and mom time, and they were discussing her doing the same for her sister when her birthday rolled around. I thought isn't that sweet? Apparently, the Dragon did not share my thoughts.
It wasn't long before we were all seated and guess who we were seated next to at the closest table? Yup, mother and daughter. I traded seats with Dragon to get her away from the cougher and we were chatting amicably when suddenly she leaned towards me and said, "There is something wrong with that child!"
I agreed and let it go. But that wasn't the end of it.
"I can't stand that shrill voice," she said, and to my horror ripped out her hearing aids (yes, she finally got a pair) and said, "There that will do it. Now I can't hear her."
I did not want to reprimand Dragon or cause a scene so I just shook me head
Our order was taken and we were left to the homemade crackers and spread. The crackers were all busted up to which Dragon took exception that they were no more than crumbs and how were we supposed to eat them in small bits and pieces. I said to make do, it was fine and I spread some garlic spread on a small bit of cracker and well, tasteless as it was I ate a couple of bits. Dragon notta. She was all for calling the waitress over to replace the broken bits but I stopped her. As it turned out I ate almost the entire plate of cracker bits such was my nerves listening to Dragon. One of the waitresses saw the plate was nearly empty and replaced it with another. This too, was broken bits and that's when the Dragon pounced.
"Young lady, can't you see these crackers are all broken into small pieces?"
"Oh yes Mam, that's the way they are supposed to be." And smart move, the waitress turned on her heel and left Dragon open-mouthed with an, "I never!"
With that she stands up, gets her coat and purse and announces to the entire room, she is leaving. I quickly got my coat as well and looked at the waitress to pay the bill, but she looked pissed off and waved us off. I guess the bits of cracker were free. What can I say, it was embarrassing.
Dragon was yards ahead of me in the parking lot but I caught up to her and said, "What were you thinking?" She ignored me and got in the car slamming the door so hard I was surprised the inertia lock didn't kick in. I got in and said, "Ok where to?"
She pointed across the street to a seafood place. We could have walked the distance, but no, I put the car in gear and across the road we went.
The crab shack was quaint but not as upscale as the place we had left, but SHE didn't seem to care when usually she does care about nonsense like that. So we are seated, given menus and asked what drinks we might want to start off with. If I wasn't driving I would have ordered something really strong, but instead, it was a Pepsi for me and a Mermaid Water for her. Mermaid Water was a blue-coloured drink laced with coconut water and lots of vodka. AND the Dragon had two of those!
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| The drink of the day |
Halfway into her first drink she looks over and sees a sign over a cold table filled with what I assume were fish sandwiches and salads for those on the go with no time to sit down and eat. She stared and then huffed at it. I looked at the sign as she started to read it, "Crab to go! Whatever does that mean? Scoop up a bunch of crabs and run and hope they don't latch onto a finger?"
"It says Grab and go, not Crab to go." I corrected. Sheesh the woman!
"Well, ya could have fooled me," says she. Well, the sign did is all I can say!
I ignored the obvious, and we ordered and got rubbery seafood, the kind that seemed to have been left out and a day old. I could hardly eat my order and well, Dragon played with hers like my 8-year-old does.
I had given Dragon a bit of a lecture on waitstaff and servings of food that may have a few outside ingredients added if you don't treat your waitstaff nicely. Of course, with two of the potent drinks she had consumed, I was wondering if her taste buds were dead. I could smell the alcohol from across the table.
When the bill came Dragon smiled sweetly at the waitress who asked if everything was as expected.
"I can't wait to come back and . . . not do this again." The Dragon said with a toothy (but lopsided) smile.
The waitress looked taken aback but took me card and left to check us out.
When she came back she placed the bill and card in front of me for my signature and said to us -- yes both of us-- "I am sorry you did not enjoy your meal."
Dragon without losing a beat looked up at her and said, "Yes, and your tip will reflect that."
I dropped the pen in mid-signature and looked at her with me mouth open.
"Close your mouth you look like a lost guppy," Dragon commented.
I told the young girl, that Dragon was joking, she had a rye sense of humour. The poor thing went off and I finished signing and leaving her a GOOD tip, in spite of Dragon. After all, the food wasn't the waitress's fault.
As we were leaving to go, Dragon turned to me as we headed for the door and said, "This was all very exciting, it makes me want to throw a party."
I wanted to push her out the door because everyone was looking at us. She did tell me that she wondered if the waitress in the first place called the seafood place to tell them we were on our way and to give us the worst food in the house.
"Where do you get these ideas from?" I queried.
"I wouldn't put it passed them." She said getting into the car. And then looking at me, who had a Pepsi, not an alcoholic beverage she says to top the afternoon off, "Two drunks look at each other and they both think they're sober!"
I was speechless. Was THAT directed at sober me, or the waitresses? No clue, but I couldn't get home fast enough. I dropped her off, said feigned goodbyes and hustled out of Dodge as fast as me rental car could take me.
Never again!
Gabe
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