The Linda Letters by Gabriel O'Sullivan: I survived a corn maze!

25 October 2019
968

R. Linda:

Well, well, well! I have for years seen corn mazes and never (can you believe it?) been through one. It took a five and six-year-old to get me through me very first maze! Did I like the experience? I cannot say. At times it was boring and felt like an endurance walk, at others, it was somewhat intriguing and fun.

Recently, Tonya's brother Bruno came up with his wife and two kiddos for a visit. This of course excited all of us because we always have a good time UNLESS the Dragon be among the lot of us, but she wasn't.

Last Sunday we were going to go apple picking (because you know I can't get enough apple pies in me), some pumpkin hunting, then we were going for a hayride, and lastly, maybe the corn maze. You know ever since me story Watch Out For Dangerous Corn Mazes (11 Oct. 2011) and a certain couple's experience, I haven't exactly relished going through one. I was secretly hoping it would be ploughed down or if not, no one would remember they wanted to spend their day in a cornfield. But they did remember and the maze was prominent as you came in and well, there was no going home for coffee and apple cider doughnuts. At least not just yet.

Here is the lovely maze.

Enter if you dare

But first, we went apple picking and just for you I have photos of meself to post because I know you want to see if I be still sporting that muffin top!

We were late this year hardly many apples left

Then, we went to the pumpkin patch and as you can see from the photo I got me a really nice Pumpkin Pete.

Me and Pete

The wives went on the hayride with the kiddos, so I have no photos to share not being on the ride. Bruno helped get the kids on the hayride and got smeared with mud thanks to little shoes. So this be him and me looking up a dry cleaner.

Not one close

But then I will post photos of me in the corn maze so you know I really did wend me way through the tall corn all of the while thinking the children of the corn would pop out at me and I'd die of an apparent heart attack in a corn maze, which, when you think about it would be a fitting end to yours truly.

Corn stalks almost reach the sky and they are thick -- that's why they are scary. Plus they sound like old bones when the wind blows

At first, we started the maze with Bruno out front, but like his mother the Dragon Lady he was useless and it was dead ends galore to the point me feet hurt from stepping on old downed stalks and ears of hard corn. Before anyone else could complain, the five-year-old (Bruno's son) and the six-year-old (me son) shouted for us to "JUST STOP!"

"Here you guys let us lead the way," the five-year-old said, "you are takin' all the wrong turns."

And so we followed along, rolling our eyes that we may never see the light of day again because we were letting near infants take us on a tour of tall corn stalls never to be seen again. I thought that, yes I did, but they actually got us through the giant maze and out the other side. I will admit, I was looking for openings to escape at one point in our almost an hour of walking through what starts to look like the same path one walks down on every turn of the maze.