14 April 2013
658
R. Linda:
I know I will be starting off making very little sense, but I have just been released from the Institution for the Creatively Insane, so bear with me.
I realise now that the constant Christmas music was the least of me aggravations. The celebration (just so we don't lose track of the why of all this) was Guido's upcoming 4th birthday. We can't celebrate it with family on THE day, because not everyone was available on that day. So, someone, I be not sure who decided to celebrate it on the first available date that they could get EVERYONE together.
Yesterday at the abode, people kept arriving at all odd hours and somehow they all managed to eat Birthday dinner at the same time which was a remarkable feat in itself BECAUSE the old Christmas fav of the ageing hippies amongst us I'll Be Stoned for Christmas played quite a few times during dinner, AND after the long pre-birthday eve party the night before, I was pretty done by THE after Birthday dinner breakfast.
I want to know why relatives can't all arrive at the same time. We started with Friday, my mother-in-law and father-in-law arrived with the only unmarried sibling in the family (and she brought a friend!) and it seems to me THAT is when the Christmas music started (something called I'll Be Home For Christmas). Because they were HERE they decided we should have just a small birthday celebration for the turning four (not until the end of the month) birthday boy, Guido, because . . . well because they could. Any excuse for a party, I tell ya.
The next day the rest of the in-laws and their kiddos arrived with a few invited friends. I tell ya my house looked like a hostel for a very strange mix of people. That they all got along was a Godsend. I had prior, gotten lists of inns and hotels and such, but they all wanted to stay with us, even though I told them we did not have enough beds or rooms. They, in turn, told me they did not care, they'd "rough it" and camp out in their sleeping bags. What could I say? My septic system will never be the same? Oi!
This was not my idea to begin with. I had come home from work a few months ago, knackered and sleepy and the wife was chattering about Guido's birthday coming up, wouldn't it be nice to have her parents up since they had been up for O'Hare's birthday. And I in a state of static inertia had said, "Whatever you want Ton," and that was my fatal mistake because the parents came with all the many daughters, sons, their significant others and KIDS! Suddenly, I found meself invaded by the in-laws -- ALL OF THEM!
As the sun dawned to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas, I came to find my Jersey in-laws had invited me neighbours (the Chemical Couple, the Old Couple, and Lois -- our resident flasher), for breakfast; which was a continuation of the birthday dinner the night before! I tell ya. The entire Abdullah group was still in pyjamas when they came down to brekkie at 7 a.m.! I fixed breakfast, and Guido opened more presents when the neighbours arrived, which had me wondering why they hadn't given them to him the NIGHT BEFORE!
The Family Abdullah's excuse was he needed something to open the next morning. WHY? The party was over. Or, at least I thought that, but the never-ending Christmas music should have clued me in. The child had three days of present opening. I was the only one who didn't know that. No one bothered to tell me an Abdullah Family birthday goes on for days and it moves around! Yes, it does. No one gets their gifts all in one sitting, no, it is several sittings! I can still hear Joy to the World in my mind playing over and over and over and . . . !
The Christmas music was Guido's idea and I was beginning to understand why. To him it WAS Christmas! Gees the in-laws need to get a grip. Here I was thinking, make breakfast and then everyone goes home!
As breakfast progressed (I was sweating like a stuck pig flipping pancakes, frying eggs, making toast, and pouring coffee), I realised I was the only one doing the cooking, the serving, and even the cleanup on kiddie aisle 5! Everyone else was shouting out egg or pancake orders, asking me for more syrup (like I had time to go tap a few trees), and I was near beside meself!
When finally the 30-odd people milling about my kitchen were fed, I sat me down for my own breakfast to find I was the only one at the table, the rest finished and moved into the living room. As I realised the maple syrup was gone, the butter left was one tiny pat and worst of all, I was about to find out the coffee was gone and what was left was cold. This caused me to look around the kitchen for anything I could put on top of me sad pancakes. As I looked around at all the dishes piled in the sink, I realised they were all left for me to clean up! Yup.
Meanwhile, the birthday crowd in the living room was talking about going to a local inn for lunch! LUNCH? I hadn't had breakfast, but that's what they were all doing, getting their coats on and talking about who was driving with who. I sat there stunned as the old Dragon came in and told me to "Hurry up, we're leaving," and I noticed she and the rest of the Abdullahs were still in their pyjamas. Oi!
Well, with no syrup or jelly to enhance the pancakes (that were now cold), I took a gulp of cold coffee and got a mouthful of dregs. I spit them in the sink and shrugged into me jacket. A very excited Guido was chattering a mile a minute. His brother, not so much. O'Hare (I knew) was wondering what was the fuss over a 4th birthday? And it wasn't even Guido's REAL birthday.
I had no time to explain fully, but tried my best as we walked out the door to give him some explanation. I said that this weekend was the only one we could get the entire Abdullah family together AND the reason we didn't celebrate HIS birthday like this was because his birthday is near to Christmas . . . and well there you have it! He stopped and looked at me his lower lip so far out I could sit on it.
OK then, I knew that didn't sit well, so I said, "Just like mine is. Never any fuss for mine right?" He had told me that having a birthday so near to Christmas sucked because all the good stuff was held for Christmas. I, in turn, told him to try having his birthday AFTER Christmas when everything left is on sale and broken, or worse -- gone, well it didn't get any more sucker than that! That sort of appeased him.
By the time we got to the restaurant, I was starved. When we arrived, some of us had got there first and were seated. Those six neglected to tell the waitress that 24 more people were coming. So as we all started to arrive in dribs and drabs she had to get a busboy to help slide more tables together. Then another busboy until the cook was out helping slide tables together. I tell ya! This family just cannot do one thing ONCE. This was a deja vu moment for me. I remembered the same sort of thing happening at the Sturbridge wedding of an Abdullah sister and then the shock of me being presented the bill set in. Oi!
It must have seemed like the unending diner parade, which I imagine must be a real nightmare for a server. Yee-ah the memory of breakfast was still fresh in my mind. That most of her diners were dressed in their pyjamas must have been a first. She looked askance as each pyjama-clad patron came waltzing in like this was normal attire for LUNCH in a public restaurant. I did notice she asked each one if they "were staying with us?" I suppose the room number was next for billing. But when she was told no, they were staying with the nice man at the other end of the table, she looked confused until Lois came up and whispered that "the nice man down there is their psychiatrist. He often treats them to lunch if they are good." And as she began to move off she came back and said, "Just ignore the jammies, they don't know any better." I was sure that made the waitress think I was their doctor and I had brought every last mental patient in me practise to have lunch where she worked! Oh, the nerve of me! I realised this only after Lois had whispered to me what she told our waitress. Well, it was too late to correct THAT, I had every fibre of me being held in to not burst out laughing like a crazy man. Fighting for control, I suddenly realised how worn out I was.
I had a few minutes to put me feet up on a chair before anyone else arrived and was given the excitable Guido to calm down by a sister-in-law. The child was bouncing off the walls and was all about what "other presents" he was getting. I informed his greedy arse he was done and that sent him into a tailspin, which sent him flying from my lap, straight and full out on the floor, screaming he wanted "more presents NOW!" and kicking his feet, making quite the racket. This was noticed right off by his grandmother who asked me "What did you do?" I told her I had told him the presents were finished. And she got on me for that. She told me I was spoiling a perfectly happy two days for the "little fella" and I should make it up to him by going to the restaurant gift shop and buying him something. The restaurant is part of the inn, therefore, a gift shop was available.
"Go on, I'll take care of LaGuardia," she shooed me off.
My sister-in-law, who had witnessed the hissy fit and subsequent conversation, whispered I better go or SHE (the Dragon lady) would be on me the entire lunch. I didn't want to do it. It was against my better nature to give in, but I was exhausted and wanted everyone to stop. So sighing, I did go, I didn't want to, it was grating on me better judgment that all this would do is spoil the child more than he already was AND I'd have to buy something for O'Hare because it wouldn't be fair not to. In the back of me mind was who was paying for LUNCH! I would not put it past all of them to saddle yours truly with a bill for 30 people!
As I looked at the overpriced souvenirs, Tonya came in and told me she saw a necklace that she'd like to have. I would put her "over the moon" if I bought it for her. Further, she always wanted one like it, and they were so expensive unless you happened to be in the Caribbean where they were made. Not being in the Caribbean and probably never getting there, she thought today was the day! And even better, this one wasn't too badly priced. I was like WHAT?
"Woman, what are you talking about?" I asked her all confused.
"There, see that pendant, it is larimar. It is a lucky stone from the Caribbean and I saw a woman in one of those news magazines the other night that spent her last dollar on a dream trip to one of the islands, and a local woman came up and said, "You look like you need some good luck to come your way," and the woman did and she bought a larimar ring. When she got home, she bought a lottery ticket and she won over a million dollars!"
I was like really? Seriously you want me to believe she won the money because the woman on the island told her it would change her luck if she bought it. Oi!
"How much do these things usually run?" I asked looking at the pendant in the case.
"In the islands around $15.00."
I squinted down at the price tag and looked at her and said, "Tonya, for that price," I pointed at the pendant, "I could fly round trip to Barbados, spend a week there, buy one of those, and still have money left over!"
"Oh but Gabe, I really, really, want THAT one. It has such pretty colouring. It calls to me."
Oh yeah, I bet it does, I thought. It called to me wallet more I knew that much.
So, because I wanted to sleep in me own bed, have a hot dinner waiting for me every night, and have my clothes washed and hung up, I bit the bullet and bought the foolish thing. I tell ya, I need more of a backbone with these Abdullah women. And yes, I bought Guido and O'Hare gyros that flash and spark as you wave them around. Oh here, let me stick in a photo courtesy of Big Tony demonstrating.
R. Linda:
I know I will be starting off making very little sense, but I have just been released from the Institution for the Creatively Insane, so bear with me.
I realise now that the constant Christmas music was the least of me aggravations. The celebration (just so we don't lose track of the why of all this) was Guido's upcoming 4th birthday. We can't celebrate it with family on THE day, because not everyone was available on that day. So, someone, I be not sure who decided to celebrate it on the first available date that they could get EVERYONE together.
Yesterday at the abode, people kept arriving at all odd hours and somehow they all managed to eat Birthday dinner at the same time which was a remarkable feat in itself BECAUSE the old Christmas fav of the ageing hippies amongst us I'll Be Stoned for Christmas played quite a few times during dinner, AND after the long pre-birthday eve party the night before, I was pretty done by THE after Birthday dinner breakfast.
I want to know why relatives can't all arrive at the same time. We started with Friday, my mother-in-law and father-in-law arrived with the only unmarried sibling in the family (and she brought a friend!) and it seems to me THAT is when the Christmas music started (something called I'll Be Home For Christmas). Because they were HERE they decided we should have just a small birthday celebration for the turning four (not until the end of the month) birthday boy, Guido, because . . . well because they could. Any excuse for a party, I tell ya.
The next day the rest of the in-laws and their kiddos arrived with a few invited friends. I tell ya my house looked like a hostel for a very strange mix of people. That they all got along was a Godsend. I had prior, gotten lists of inns and hotels and such, but they all wanted to stay with us, even though I told them we did not have enough beds or rooms. They, in turn, told me they did not care, they'd "rough it" and camp out in their sleeping bags. What could I say? My septic system will never be the same? Oi!
This was not my idea to begin with. I had come home from work a few months ago, knackered and sleepy and the wife was chattering about Guido's birthday coming up, wouldn't it be nice to have her parents up since they had been up for O'Hare's birthday. And I in a state of static inertia had said, "Whatever you want Ton," and that was my fatal mistake because the parents came with all the many daughters, sons, their significant others and KIDS! Suddenly, I found meself invaded by the in-laws -- ALL OF THEM!
As the sun dawned to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas, I came to find my Jersey in-laws had invited me neighbours (the Chemical Couple, the Old Couple, and Lois -- our resident flasher), for breakfast; which was a continuation of the birthday dinner the night before! I tell ya. The entire Abdullah group was still in pyjamas when they came down to brekkie at 7 a.m.! I fixed breakfast, and Guido opened more presents when the neighbours arrived, which had me wondering why they hadn't given them to him the NIGHT BEFORE!
The Family Abdullah's excuse was he needed something to open the next morning. WHY? The party was over. Or, at least I thought that, but the never-ending Christmas music should have clued me in. The child had three days of present opening. I was the only one who didn't know that. No one bothered to tell me an Abdullah Family birthday goes on for days and it moves around! Yes, it does. No one gets their gifts all in one sitting, no, it is several sittings! I can still hear Joy to the World in my mind playing over and over and over and . . . !
The Christmas music was Guido's idea and I was beginning to understand why. To him it WAS Christmas! Gees the in-laws need to get a grip. Here I was thinking, make breakfast and then everyone goes home!
As breakfast progressed (I was sweating like a stuck pig flipping pancakes, frying eggs, making toast, and pouring coffee), I realised I was the only one doing the cooking, the serving, and even the cleanup on kiddie aisle 5! Everyone else was shouting out egg or pancake orders, asking me for more syrup (like I had time to go tap a few trees), and I was near beside meself!
When finally the 30-odd people milling about my kitchen were fed, I sat me down for my own breakfast to find I was the only one at the table, the rest finished and moved into the living room. As I realised the maple syrup was gone, the butter left was one tiny pat and worst of all, I was about to find out the coffee was gone and what was left was cold. This caused me to look around the kitchen for anything I could put on top of me sad pancakes. As I looked around at all the dishes piled in the sink, I realised they were all left for me to clean up! Yup.
Meanwhile, the birthday crowd in the living room was talking about going to a local inn for lunch! LUNCH? I hadn't had breakfast, but that's what they were all doing, getting their coats on and talking about who was driving with who. I sat there stunned as the old Dragon came in and told me to "Hurry up, we're leaving," and I noticed she and the rest of the Abdullahs were still in their pyjamas. Oi!
Well, with no syrup or jelly to enhance the pancakes (that were now cold), I took a gulp of cold coffee and got a mouthful of dregs. I spit them in the sink and shrugged into me jacket. A very excited Guido was chattering a mile a minute. His brother, not so much. O'Hare (I knew) was wondering what was the fuss over a 4th birthday? And it wasn't even Guido's REAL birthday.
I had no time to explain fully, but tried my best as we walked out the door to give him some explanation. I said that this weekend was the only one we could get the entire Abdullah family together AND the reason we didn't celebrate HIS birthday like this was because his birthday is near to Christmas . . . and well there you have it! He stopped and looked at me his lower lip so far out I could sit on it.
OK then, I knew that didn't sit well, so I said, "Just like mine is. Never any fuss for mine right?" He had told me that having a birthday so near to Christmas sucked because all the good stuff was held for Christmas. I, in turn, told him to try having his birthday AFTER Christmas when everything left is on sale and broken, or worse -- gone, well it didn't get any more sucker than that! That sort of appeased him.
By the time we got to the restaurant, I was starved. When we arrived, some of us had got there first and were seated. Those six neglected to tell the waitress that 24 more people were coming. So as we all started to arrive in dribs and drabs she had to get a busboy to help slide more tables together. Then another busboy until the cook was out helping slide tables together. I tell ya! This family just cannot do one thing ONCE. This was a deja vu moment for me. I remembered the same sort of thing happening at the Sturbridge wedding of an Abdullah sister and then the shock of me being presented the bill set in. Oi!
It must have seemed like the unending diner parade, which I imagine must be a real nightmare for a server. Yee-ah the memory of breakfast was still fresh in my mind. That most of her diners were dressed in their pyjamas must have been a first. She looked askance as each pyjama-clad patron came waltzing in like this was normal attire for LUNCH in a public restaurant. I did notice she asked each one if they "were staying with us?" I suppose the room number was next for billing. But when she was told no, they were staying with the nice man at the other end of the table, she looked confused until Lois came up and whispered that "the nice man down there is their psychiatrist. He often treats them to lunch if they are good." And as she began to move off she came back and said, "Just ignore the jammies, they don't know any better." I was sure that made the waitress think I was their doctor and I had brought every last mental patient in me practise to have lunch where she worked! Oh, the nerve of me! I realised this only after Lois had whispered to me what she told our waitress. Well, it was too late to correct THAT, I had every fibre of me being held in to not burst out laughing like a crazy man. Fighting for control, I suddenly realised how worn out I was.
I had a few minutes to put me feet up on a chair before anyone else arrived and was given the excitable Guido to calm down by a sister-in-law. The child was bouncing off the walls and was all about what "other presents" he was getting. I informed his greedy arse he was done and that sent him into a tailspin, which sent him flying from my lap, straight and full out on the floor, screaming he wanted "more presents NOW!" and kicking his feet, making quite the racket. This was noticed right off by his grandmother who asked me "What did you do?" I told her I had told him the presents were finished. And she got on me for that. She told me I was spoiling a perfectly happy two days for the "little fella" and I should make it up to him by going to the restaurant gift shop and buying him something. The restaurant is part of the inn, therefore, a gift shop was available.
"Go on, I'll take care of LaGuardia," she shooed me off.
My sister-in-law, who had witnessed the hissy fit and subsequent conversation, whispered I better go or SHE (the Dragon lady) would be on me the entire lunch. I didn't want to do it. It was against my better nature to give in, but I was exhausted and wanted everyone to stop. So sighing, I did go, I didn't want to, it was grating on me better judgment that all this would do is spoil the child more than he already was AND I'd have to buy something for O'Hare because it wouldn't be fair not to. In the back of me mind was who was paying for LUNCH! I would not put it past all of them to saddle yours truly with a bill for 30 people!
As I looked at the overpriced souvenirs, Tonya came in and told me she saw a necklace that she'd like to have. I would put her "over the moon" if I bought it for her. Further, she always wanted one like it, and they were so expensive unless you happened to be in the Caribbean where they were made. Not being in the Caribbean and probably never getting there, she thought today was the day! And even better, this one wasn't too badly priced. I was like WHAT?
"Woman, what are you talking about?" I asked her all confused.
"There, see that pendant, it is larimar. It is a lucky stone from the Caribbean and I saw a woman in one of those news magazines the other night that spent her last dollar on a dream trip to one of the islands, and a local woman came up and said, "You look like you need some good luck to come your way," and the woman did and she bought a larimar ring. When she got home, she bought a lottery ticket and she won over a million dollars!"
I was like really? Seriously you want me to believe she won the money because the woman on the island told her it would change her luck if she bought it. Oi!
"How much do these things usually run?" I asked looking at the pendant in the case.
"In the islands around $15.00."
I squinted down at the price tag and looked at her and said, "Tonya, for that price," I pointed at the pendant, "I could fly round trip to Barbados, spend a week there, buy one of those, and still have money left over!"
"Oh but Gabe, I really, really, want THAT one. It has such pretty colouring. It calls to me."
Oh yeah, I bet it does, I thought. It called to me wallet more I knew that much.
So, because I wanted to sleep in me own bed, have a hot dinner waiting for me every night, and have my clothes washed and hung up, I bit the bullet and bought the foolish thing. I tell ya, I need more of a backbone with these Abdullah women. And yes, I bought Guido and O'Hare gyros that flash and spark as you wave them around. Oh here, let me stick in a photo courtesy of Big Tony demonstrating.
 |
| Hours of epileptic fun |
Back to the necklace, I lopped off an arm and a leg and before me fingers were taken as well to pay for the lucky pendant. Tonya wanted me to hook the clasp so she could wear it. I got it clasped and she was ecstatic. She couldn't say enough about how wonderful I am. Yup, for now. So she was all about this pendant and I was all about trying not to cry since I had just maxed out a credit card. She headed for the tables. Yes, all 30 people had arrived and the table went from one end of the room to the other. It looked like King Richard's Feast . . . in pyjamas.
The wife was now overly excited to show everyone her new lucky pendant, actually, she was just as high energy as her son, and it was then I realised Guido is more an Abdullah than an O'Sullivan! I was worn out quite literally from the two days of bombastic, over-the-top, Abdullah energy field that had invaded me humble abode. I was dragging from the lack of breakfast and having been drained of all me own energy I had expended to feed everyone else. Add to that I was quite a bit lighter in the wallet of my hard-earned cash and being subject to the kinetic energy of two jumping bean kiddos pulling on me, asking me what I had bought them. And add to this, I was trying to play catchup by looking at the selections on a menu while the waitress stood over me with a pencil poised impatiently. It was all a bit much. I was knackered from the first 10 seconds two days ago of the in-law's arrival. The gift opening had started not five minutes before the entire Abdullah Family had entered my abode. That night we had a birthday dinner that started at six and went to 11 at night! Who does that? And the Christmas music, O M G! If I hear another Christmas carol I will be certifiable.
 |
| Still waiting to win a million dollars |
I am home now. Everyone is gone THANK THE FATES FOR SMALL FAVOURS! But I am so overly knackered I cannot sleep. Figures.
Oh, the check for lunch? Do you want to know who paid? Well, that was one of the strange things, it wasn't me for a change. Big Tony paid, I did offer, as did several other relatives and all my neighbours offered to pay for their own, but no he insisted. When the bill was being brought over, I was calculating how many pendants could have been purchased for the price of lunch, or gyros even (which made for an amusing image in my head of all of them in their pj's sitting at the long table playing with those things -- mental patients that they are). I was also wondering if any of the relatives had looked around and noticed how nice the inn was. Maybe stay there next time? Probably not, not when the excuse is the two boyos, the free food, and the free Irish indentured worker at their service. You know, there is no reason I can't stay there. SIGH.
Gabe
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