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R. Linda:
Well, it came to me attention last week that Grandma Mabel who lives in the local nursing home was reported missing. Ah yes, she was gone out for a smoke and never came back. Now Grandma is 89 years of age and not exactly mobile, no you see she has a walker that helps her get around and it is a slow getting around it is. It takes her maybe three minutes to clamp that baby down and slide forward, clamp it down a few more inches and slide forward again, and this process, tedious as it may sound, is Grandma's basic mode of getting anywhere. She refuses a wheel chair because she declares she is not cripple, just stiff in the old joints. Well ok there Grandma!
So the other night after making her way to the elevator, she met an attendant and informed him she had her ciggies and was going down for a smoke. This is not unusual in patients who are somewhat mobile. So the attendant hit the elevator door button, held the door open because it took a bit of an eternity for Granny to clamp and slide, but once in, the elevator door shut and then it took several minutes for her to turn round and then reach over to hit the button DOWN. Once she landed, it was get that walker in between the door and the elevator so it stayed open. We all know elevators, they wait for no one, they close as soon as they open. This was a trick Granny had mastered for on the way down she'd inch up to the door, so as soon as it opened, CLAMP, doors bump and go back, and Grandma slides on out.
Now to get out of doors it would take Grandma about 30 minutes to clamp and slide her way down the hallway, passing numerous other rooms and finally the front desk and another fifteen to make it to the door, where once she'd get there, she'd wait for someone to come along to hold it open. So right there you know there were people around who helped her get outside, for, by that time, a very needful smoke. So the question came up, how is it, they lost sight of a not too fast Granny with a walker, smoking a cigarette, right outside the glass window?
She had gone missing for TWO HOURS. That's one long smoke. The police were called after a couple of attendants took a walk down the street and couldn't see her anywhere. Once the particulars were taken, the local constabulary went on the search. Granny's picture even hit the local airways in the hopes that someone had seen her. We went to bed worried for the old dear's safety, but we needn't have worried, when we awoke the next day it was to the local news announcing Granny Mabel had run out of ciggies and applied the old clamp and slide four blocks down to the local convenience store for a pack of Lucky Strikes, which of course they did not carry. Memory, yes, she has trouble discerning if this is 1954 or 2010. So off she was sent with her pack of Camel Super Lights and of course she lit up once outside, took a leisurely smoke she did, and then once again it was time to clamp and slide on towards the nursing home. It was midway down block number two she was spotted lighting up again, when the boys in blue caught sight of her.
She was quite indignant they'd force her into their police car and question her whereabouts. This was America was it not? She was a free woman and therefore, she could buy a pack of smokes when she needed, and it wasn't like she wasn't going back. What "blunderheads" they were, she told them to their faces.
So I be happy to report Miss Granny is no longer unsupervised OUTSIDE, she is also been told she can buy her smokes at the commissary in the building. This, gave me pause, because we are talking CIGARETTES, the things that be a hazard to one's health we are. And that the nursing home sells them, well, this is different. BUT we live in New Hampshire and I must remember, it is Live Free Or Die country and if one chooses cigarettes as the way to go, there be no stopping them. What a State! What a Granny!
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Well, it came to me attention last week that Grandma Mabel who lives in the local nursing home was reported missing. Ah yes, she was gone out for a smoke and never came back. Now Grandma is 89 years of age and not exactly mobile, no you see she has a walker that helps her get around and it is a slow getting around it is. It takes her maybe three minutes to clamp that baby down and slide forward, clamp it down a few more inches and slide forward again, and this process, tedious as it may sound, is Grandma's basic mode of getting anywhere. She refuses a wheel chair because she declares she is not cripple, just stiff in the old joints. Well ok there Grandma!
So the other night after making her way to the elevator, she met an attendant and informed him she had her ciggies and was going down for a smoke. This is not unusual in patients who are somewhat mobile. So the attendant hit the elevator door button, held the door open because it took a bit of an eternity for Granny to clamp and slide, but once in, the elevator door shut and then it took several minutes for her to turn round and then reach over to hit the button DOWN. Once she landed, it was get that walker in between the door and the elevator so it stayed open. We all know elevators, they wait for no one, they close as soon as they open. This was a trick Granny had mastered for on the way down she'd inch up to the door, so as soon as it opened, CLAMP, doors bump and go back, and Grandma slides on out.
Now to get out of doors it would take Grandma about 30 minutes to clamp and slide her way down the hallway, passing numerous other rooms and finally the front desk and another fifteen to make it to the door, where once she'd get there, she'd wait for someone to come along to hold it open. So right there you know there were people around who helped her get outside, for, by that time, a very needful smoke. So the question came up, how is it, they lost sight of a not too fast Granny with a walker, smoking a cigarette, right outside the glass window?
She had gone missing for TWO HOURS. That's one long smoke. The police were called after a couple of attendants took a walk down the street and couldn't see her anywhere. Once the particulars were taken, the local constabulary went on the search. Granny's picture even hit the local airways in the hopes that someone had seen her. We went to bed worried for the old dear's safety, but we needn't have worried, when we awoke the next day it was to the local news announcing Granny Mabel had run out of ciggies and applied the old clamp and slide four blocks down to the local convenience store for a pack of Lucky Strikes, which of course they did not carry. Memory, yes, she has trouble discerning if this is 1954 or 2010. So off she was sent with her pack of Camel Super Lights and of course she lit up once outside, took a leisurely smoke she did, and then once again it was time to clamp and slide on towards the nursing home. It was midway down block number two she was spotted lighting up again, when the boys in blue caught sight of her.
She was quite indignant they'd force her into their police car and question her whereabouts. This was America was it not? She was a free woman and therefore, she could buy a pack of smokes when she needed, and it wasn't like she wasn't going back. What "blunderheads" they were, she told them to their faces.
So I be happy to report Miss Granny is no longer unsupervised OUTSIDE, she is also been told she can buy her smokes at the commissary in the building. This, gave me pause, because we are talking CIGARETTES, the things that be a hazard to one's health we are. And that the nursing home sells them, well, this is different. BUT we live in New Hampshire and I must remember, it is Live Free Or Die country and if one chooses cigarettes as the way to go, there be no stopping them. What a State! What a Granny!
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
