01 January 2023
1086
R. Linda:
Lost 20 pounds American this year from being ill. So now it seems time to fatten yours truly up, way up! How to do this? Have your wife and kiddos, as well as your Mam make 4 tons of buttery, sugary, cookies! That's one way. Add to that your mother-in-law will come to visit and not only cause stress eating on my part, but she will bring with her a ton of sugar cookies with thick buttery icing and sprinkles!
With everyone off from school and work, there have been half a dozen tea times a day instead of just one a day. The tea, cream, and sugar are brought out with platters of cookies. It is hard to sit through the mother-in-law's whining about everything from her husband to Trump, with the husband sitting right there! After seven or eight of these conversations that degenerate into shouting matches, with cookie crumbs flying through the air from gestating persons shouting a point at another cookie-gesticulating person trying to make theirs to the tipping over of the cream and sugar and oh my what a mess it becomes.
This, was enough that soon I came to the realisation that for me at least, it was making meself scarce every time I heard the tea gong. I was frankly knackered from brushing cookie crumbs out of me hair every time an argy erupted around me.
I would excuse meself and go put on me stealth sneakers, yes stealth R. Linda, once on I be like a panther in the jungle, SOUNDLESS, as I grab me jacket and gently ease me tall self out the door to me faithful old car and quietly I start it up and slowly roll down the driveway to freedom, that is -- if no one hears me. When that happens I gun the damn thing, letting the gravel fly just to get to the driveway end and away.
The first few times I made my way to a Mexican restaurant that just opened. It was lunchtime and I was the only customer which meant I got service like a king would get. It was not long before me sainted, apple-cheeked, grey-haired little Mam grew wise to me escape and joined me. I had this:
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| This was lethal stuff -- the nightmares I had that night would scare a ghost |
She had quesadillas with a coke and was perfectly happy. Maybe it was the saltless margarita but we both know me digestive system and BRAIN are on spicy food revolt. I put meself through this, knowing the end result because it tastes so good at the time.
Well, after that night Mam and I skipped out the next day for something a little more mild at another place that was far enough away, no one could find us.
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| This time we had artisan BLTs with coffee. I consumed mine in one bite as you can see |
The only problem here was, I was burping bacon and the coffee kept me up all night. So we decided to go somewhere else the next time we needed to be on the run. You'd think I'd have learned me lesson on the bacon and coffee, but no, we went out on a day everything was closed but Dunks.
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| Avocado toast with a macchiato |
Yikes and yuck! The bacon looked half cooked on one side, but I ate it anyway and found meself in the loo that night . . . and sleepless to boot!
Finally, on our last escape together, and I say last because the warring cookie eaters and tea drinkers got wise to us (took a week for them to), we found there was no eatery we hadn't been to that we wanted to revisit. So we ended up on the other side of New Hampshire on the Vermont border in Wolfie's old stomping grounds, Walpole. There we went to a local gourmet restaurant to find tongue on the menu and little else. Neither me nor Mam like tongue so that put us in the cafe next door for . . . you guessed it giant cups of maple lattes!
I was up at night for weeks following and had gained only three pounds American for all that!
Well, the cookie wars continue and I have learned how to zone out. I just sit there with an untouched cup of tea, and a cookie on a plate (balanced on me knee), staring off into space like I'm not there, with cookie crumbs sprinkling on me hair from above. I do have a confession for you though. In October I did take meself to the chocolate shop and bought up a few white chocolate ghosts that I ate on me own.
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| Was yummy, I'll have to try the spiders and bats next time |
That be if I don't buy the entire haunted house and eat that first.
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| You know I can eat that entire thing |
I should stick to chocolate. I be sure if I do I can get that 20 pounds back easily along with a muffin top to top all muffin tops!
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| Oh and happy belated Halloween from Tonya and I. Seen here having our cuppa joes, me spilling mine from coffee nerves |
If the cookie wars go on, or by some miracle, we run out of cookies, I should weigh 11 stone by then, by sneaking chocolate ghosts. Even Tonya has grown sick of cookies and well for me I find normal food not appetising either since the bacon episodes. Bring on the chocie!
Wasting away not in Margaritaville, but the wild woods of N. H.
Gabe
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