24 May 2020
987
R. Linda:
Let This Be A Lesson To Those With Cameras On Their Computers
SOOO . . . Me Mam has brought Halloween sooner than later. The middle child Guido by name has made his room an electronics nightmare as far as she is concerned. Not only has the child (if I may refer to an 11-year-old as such), strung LED flashing and changing colour lights all around his room, but he also has a gigantic screen that takes up his entire desk, and gamer hand and headsets Best Buy hasn't seen the like. I tell ya!
Anyway, Guido is a 24/7 addict of YouTube, gamer sites, etc., and with being home this behaviour has turned our soccer star into a troll of sorts. He is grumpy where he used to be a happy sort, he is annoying to the extreme with the attitude he's adopted, and we hardly recognise this new Guido compared to the old one.
For the past three weeks, Mam has gotten up at all hours of the night to open Guido's door and tell him "Enough be enough, shoot it doon!" which be Irish for, enough is enough to shut it down. Well, he doesn't shut it down, instead, he puts on the headset and whispers so she can't readily hear him. Two nights ago, Mam (whose room be next to Guido's) could hear giggling and laughing and after tossing and turning, she had had it. She got up, opened Guido's door and there he was hard and fast asleep! But the screen had a tiny window on the upper right where there were four children about the same age as Guido, who were sitting together silently watching Guido sleep. As soon as Mam came in to try to turn the screen off, they elbowed each other and their eyes shifted to watching Mam come into the room. Well, nothing was said, and she wasn't sure if they could see her or not, but when she sat down on the edge of the bed looking for the off button, they all were staring directly at her! Not a peep from them, as she slid her hand around the screen looking for the power button. But the "children" continued to watch her with "evil smirks," elbowing each other covertly as she ran her hand around the screen unsuccessfully.
Annoyed, she shook Guido who, upon being awoken from a deep sleep was less than helpful in telling her how to shut the system down. As she's trying to get Guido awake enough to help, she turns towards the screen to find the little box where the miscreants were huddled had become full screen and it was like they were sitting next to her! This surprised and scared her at the same time. As she turned to Guido the screen went back to the small box, but the trick had done its damage and now Mam was absolutely certain these "evil spawn" could and did see her.
Guido, finally out of wanting to be left alone hit a button and the "children" disappeared and the set went dark. Unnerved by the experience, Mam went to her room but couldn't sleep. She went downstairs and made herself a cuppa to calm her nerves. It wasn't until 6 a.m. that she finally went back to bed to an uneasy sleep.
That morning she told us about her adventure with Guido sleepily eating his breakfast. Well, as you can imagine, this shocked the heck out of Guido. WHAT??? People watching him as he slept? WHAT???
Ever since this "incident" Guido has slept in his younger brother's room and refuses to sleep in his own because he said, he doesn't know if this evil spawn can just turn on his set and watch him. I did tell him as long as everything was shut OFF that shouldn't happen and I doubted they had that capability. Geez!
My Job In Life Is To Be Annoying
This brings me to where we are today. Mam and Guido are butting heads and here's why: Since me Mam swore up and down the "children" were watching her and Guido, and Guido refusing to sleep in his room, he has gone in and put his screen and controls under his desk and further tarped the whole set up so IF the evil spawn should show up, they won't see much under cover of the tarp. I know the 11-year-old brain is a curious thing it be. Only a week ago, Mam had told Guido to clean his room up. There was clothing and granola bar wrappers strewn about and she wasn't about to have this. Clean it up he did, but since the "incident" he has made it one messy disaster. She went in and found he had put blankets over his windows, the LEDs were flashing, the electronics were covered up, the bed wasn't made, and it was hot from being closed up and he was in there complaining he was uncomfortable.
"Well, fur one ye need to oopen the windoos, and where be the electronics? Oh, they be covered and all dat heat be making it hotter in dis room an' ye have all da lights on! Ya need ta clean it oop."
Guido liked the new look of the room and shook his head. As you can imagine, this was not the behaviour Mam expected and in a stern voice she told him the same thing and to do it NOW. He refused informing her it was his room and he could do as he liked. She, in turn, told him it was HER house and he had to abide by HER rules. He mumbled she was "annoying" him. As you can expect this brought down the house with her and she let into him. He, in turn, told her this: "It is my job in life to be annoying. It is cool and I like to be annoying." To which she told him he was being a horse's behind and just clean it up. To which he started to (but like me Mam he can't not run his mouth), informed her he would but under protest of being his own annoying person and she'd just have to get comfortable with that because this was what he wanted to be, ANNOYING!"
Let's Hope He Doesn't Grow Up To Do This
Meanwhile, back in Ireland my cousin Sean has been dating 2 women. You asked me how Sean was, well here it is. One woman, he's known for a very long time and she be divorced with 2 wee ones. The other woman, he met on his return to Ireland not that long ago. It seems the divorced one is of the mind that she and Sean are on the road to getting engaged. She has no idea that there be another woman Sean be dating at the same time, and vice versa. Not long ago, the divorced one was having her mother visit and wasn't available to do up the town with Sean. The other one had to work at her job of waitressing, so old Sean found himself on his own. Being Sean and not having a vehicle he asked the divorcee if he could borrow her new car. She, of course, said he could and so he did. Wanting a night out in Dublin town, he drove to a bar that just happened to be next door to his girlfriend's workplace. Sneaking into the pub, Sean, being the life of any party even when there isn't one, got flirty with the female bartender, a woman of ill repute. Having had a few and flirting his arse off it was clear that Sean was in his cups. He decided he should leave and so lurched out to the borrowed car. As he sat for a moment trying to remember how to put the motor in gear he got a text. He opened it up to see the bartender had sent him a picture of her lady parts. This so excited old Sean that instead of putting the motor in forward, he put it in reverse and as a result of his lead foot he smashed the car's bumper parked behind him. Well, you'll never guess whose car that was? Yeah, the waitress he was dating. She came running out to find her shiny red sports car with a crumpled bumper and there was Sean in a car she did not recognise looking like he had no clue what happened.
To make a long story short, the waitress found out about the divorcee and the divorcee found out about the waitress, BUT neither knew about the bartender. After the waitress had her repair estimate, Sean told her he would pay for the damage, but he didn't which ended up with the waitress suing the divorcee's insurance company for the repair money. Sean was hauled into court as he was the perpetrator of the damage, and was being sued for his part in the "accident." Unbeknownst to all 3 parties the judge had the police report and proceeded to read it aloud.
"It says here Mr. O'Sullivan that you told the officer you had a few drinks, started the car and thought you put it in the drive mode when in reality you put it in reverse, hitting the plaintiff's auto. This is after you received a text message from a woman who sent a photo of her private parts. You told the officer, upon seeing the photo, that you got excited and that's when you hit the plaintiff's car. Is that correct Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Well, you would have thought a gun went off in the courtroom, both women exchanged high eyebrow glances with WHAT written all over their faces.
The judge continued, "You told THIS to the male officer to impress him, as only men will do with other men and you see where it has got you, Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Yes, yes, he saw where it got him. A DUI, a fine for THAT, a fine for damages to BOTH vehicles, and he be dateless, AGAIN. Yeah, just when things were looking up for old Sean THIS happens, as he says, no fault of his own. Yeah right, and I have a bridge over the River Liffey to sell him for a half penny.
Culture Shock
Tonya's brother Bruno, has a college-age daughter. She had started university up here at Plymouth State (this was before the lockdowns happened). So this fall when she came up with her mam and da, they stopped by here first for lunch. The daughter was excited to be away from "congested New Jersey," and on a prior visit to look over the school was all happy with the scenery and things to do in the surrounding areas. Two weeks into her studies, I was in Plymouth for work and stopped by to take her to lunch. The poor thing was all out of sorts, gone was the excitement and pleasure of being away from home. Her demeanour was such that I asked her what had happened.
"Uncle Gabe, it is like being on another planet up here. I had like no clue what all the L.L. Bean bags were about and L.L. Bean? I mean really! I was like further surprised when a classmate included me in a trip to shop for clothes, I thought yea great let's go. Well, we went to the like freaking GAP Uncle Gabe, the GAP! Who shops at the GAP? And for khakis? I was like, no, I won't wear khakis and worse they were picking out FLANNEL SHIRTS! I was sooo horrified. I was like where is Bloomies? Where is Macy's? Isn't there like a Neiman Marcus up here?"
Oh, the poor thing, I thought. I should have warned her, but I hadn't thought of it.
"And I thought things were odd like when I first moved up here and was looking for a supermarket. There are none! Instead, there are these like bodegas called General Stores, I mean like what is THAT? This is SO not New Jersey." She sighed. "I thought like how great it would be to like, get away from all the competition, big hair, and snarkiness and here I am with like, farm folk! OMG!!!"
Oh, the poor thing had to endure this culture shock for at least 3 months before being sent home for the lockdown pandemic. Tonya tells me the niece has already applied to another college, Rutgers in NEW JERSEY. She refuses to come back to "Like agricultural central, the land of L.L. Bean" and would rather be with the hip generation. Well, LIKE ok then.
Gabe
Copyright © 2020 All rights reserved
987
R. Linda:
Let This Be A Lesson To Those With Cameras On Their Computers
SOOO . . . Me Mam has brought Halloween sooner than later. The middle child Guido by name has made his room an electronics nightmare as far as she is concerned. Not only has the child (if I may refer to an 11-year-old as such), strung LED flashing and changing colour lights all around his room, but he also has a gigantic screen that takes up his entire desk, and gamer hand and headsets Best Buy hasn't seen the like. I tell ya!
Anyway, Guido is a 24/7 addict of YouTube, gamer sites, etc., and with being home this behaviour has turned our soccer star into a troll of sorts. He is grumpy where he used to be a happy sort, he is annoying to the extreme with the attitude he's adopted, and we hardly recognise this new Guido compared to the old one.
For the past three weeks, Mam has gotten up at all hours of the night to open Guido's door and tell him "Enough be enough, shoot it doon!" which be Irish for, enough is enough to shut it down. Well, he doesn't shut it down, instead, he puts on the headset and whispers so she can't readily hear him. Two nights ago, Mam (whose room be next to Guido's) could hear giggling and laughing and after tossing and turning, she had had it. She got up, opened Guido's door and there he was hard and fast asleep! But the screen had a tiny window on the upper right where there were four children about the same age as Guido, who were sitting together silently watching Guido sleep. As soon as Mam came in to try to turn the screen off, they elbowed each other and their eyes shifted to watching Mam come into the room. Well, nothing was said, and she wasn't sure if they could see her or not, but when she sat down on the edge of the bed looking for the off button, they all were staring directly at her! Not a peep from them, as she slid her hand around the screen looking for the power button. But the "children" continued to watch her with "evil smirks," elbowing each other covertly as she ran her hand around the screen unsuccessfully.
 |
| The scary screen in Guido's cave (he had moved his bed since) |
Annoyed, she shook Guido who, upon being awoken from a deep sleep was less than helpful in telling her how to shut the system down. As she's trying to get Guido awake enough to help, she turns towards the screen to find the little box where the miscreants were huddled had become full screen and it was like they were sitting next to her! This surprised and scared her at the same time. As she turned to Guido the screen went back to the small box, but the trick had done its damage and now Mam was absolutely certain these "evil spawn" could and did see her.
Guido, finally out of wanting to be left alone hit a button and the "children" disappeared and the set went dark. Unnerved by the experience, Mam went to her room but couldn't sleep. She went downstairs and made herself a cuppa to calm her nerves. It wasn't until 6 a.m. that she finally went back to bed to an uneasy sleep.
That morning she told us about her adventure with Guido sleepily eating his breakfast. Well, as you can imagine, this shocked the heck out of Guido. WHAT??? People watching him as he slept? WHAT???
Ever since this "incident" Guido has slept in his younger brother's room and refuses to sleep in his own because he said, he doesn't know if this evil spawn can just turn on his set and watch him. I did tell him as long as everything was shut OFF that shouldn't happen and I doubted they had that capability. Geez!
My Job In Life Is To Be Annoying
This brings me to where we are today. Mam and Guido are butting heads and here's why: Since me Mam swore up and down the "children" were watching her and Guido, and Guido refusing to sleep in his room, he has gone in and put his screen and controls under his desk and further tarped the whole set up so IF the evil spawn should show up, they won't see much under cover of the tarp. I know the 11-year-old brain is a curious thing it be. Only a week ago, Mam had told Guido to clean his room up. There was clothing and granola bar wrappers strewn about and she wasn't about to have this. Clean it up he did, but since the "incident" he has made it one messy disaster. She went in and found he had put blankets over his windows, the LEDs were flashing, the electronics were covered up, the bed wasn't made, and it was hot from being closed up and he was in there complaining he was uncomfortable.
"Well, fur one ye need to oopen the windoos, and where be the electronics? Oh, they be covered and all dat heat be making it hotter in dis room an' ye have all da lights on! Ya need ta clean it oop."
Guido liked the new look of the room and shook his head. As you can imagine, this was not the behaviour Mam expected and in a stern voice she told him the same thing and to do it NOW. He refused informing her it was his room and he could do as he liked. She, in turn, told him it was HER house and he had to abide by HER rules. He mumbled she was "annoying" him. As you can expect this brought down the house with her and she let into him. He, in turn, told her this: "It is my job in life to be annoying. It is cool and I like to be annoying." To which she told him he was being a horse's behind and just clean it up. To which he started to (but like me Mam he can't not run his mouth), informed her he would but under protest of being his own annoying person and she'd just have to get comfortable with that because this was what he wanted to be, ANNOYING!"
Let's Hope He Doesn't Grow Up To Do This
Meanwhile, back in Ireland my cousin Sean has been dating 2 women. You asked me how Sean was, well here it is. One woman, he's known for a very long time and she be divorced with 2 wee ones. The other woman, he met on his return to Ireland not that long ago. It seems the divorced one is of the mind that she and Sean are on the road to getting engaged. She has no idea that there be another woman Sean be dating at the same time, and vice versa. Not long ago, the divorced one was having her mother visit and wasn't available to do up the town with Sean. The other one had to work at her job of waitressing, so old Sean found himself on his own. Being Sean and not having a vehicle he asked the divorcee if he could borrow her new car. She, of course, said he could and so he did. Wanting a night out in Dublin town, he drove to a bar that just happened to be next door to his girlfriend's workplace. Sneaking into the pub, Sean, being the life of any party even when there isn't one, got flirty with the female bartender, a woman of ill repute. Having had a few and flirting his arse off it was clear that Sean was in his cups. He decided he should leave and so lurched out to the borrowed car. As he sat for a moment trying to remember how to put the motor in gear he got a text. He opened it up to see the bartender had sent him a picture of her lady parts. This so excited old Sean that instead of putting the motor in forward, he put it in reverse and as a result of his lead foot he smashed the car's bumper parked behind him. Well, you'll never guess whose car that was? Yeah, the waitress he was dating. She came running out to find her shiny red sports car with a crumpled bumper and there was Sean in a car she did not recognise looking like he had no clue what happened.
To make a long story short, the waitress found out about the divorcee and the divorcee found out about the waitress, BUT neither knew about the bartender. After the waitress had her repair estimate, Sean told her he would pay for the damage, but he didn't which ended up with the waitress suing the divorcee's insurance company for the repair money. Sean was hauled into court as he was the perpetrator of the damage, and was being sued for his part in the "accident." Unbeknownst to all 3 parties the judge had the police report and proceeded to read it aloud.
"It says here Mr. O'Sullivan that you told the officer you had a few drinks, started the car and thought you put it in the drive mode when in reality you put it in reverse, hitting the plaintiff's auto. This is after you received a text message from a woman who sent a photo of her private parts. You told the officer, upon seeing the photo, that you got excited and that's when you hit the plaintiff's car. Is that correct Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Well, you would have thought a gun went off in the courtroom, both women exchanged high eyebrow glances with WHAT written all over their faces.
The judge continued, "You told THIS to the male officer to impress him, as only men will do with other men and you see where it has got you, Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Yes, yes, he saw where it got him. A DUI, a fine for THAT, a fine for damages to BOTH vehicles, and he be dateless, AGAIN. Yeah, just when things were looking up for old Sean THIS happens, as he says, no fault of his own. Yeah right, and I have a bridge over the River Liffey to sell him for a half penny.
Culture Shock
Tonya's brother Bruno, has a college-age daughter. She had started university up here at Plymouth State (this was before the lockdowns happened). So this fall when she came up with her mam and da, they stopped by here first for lunch. The daughter was excited to be away from "congested New Jersey," and on a prior visit to look over the school was all happy with the scenery and things to do in the surrounding areas. Two weeks into her studies, I was in Plymouth for work and stopped by to take her to lunch. The poor thing was all out of sorts, gone was the excitement and pleasure of being away from home. Her demeanour was such that I asked her what had happened.
"Uncle Gabe, it is like being on another planet up here. I had like no clue what all the L.L. Bean bags were about and L.L. Bean? I mean really! I was like further surprised when a classmate included me in a trip to shop for clothes, I thought yea great let's go. Well, we went to the like freaking GAP Uncle Gabe, the GAP! Who shops at the GAP? And for khakis? I was like, no, I won't wear khakis and worse they were picking out FLANNEL SHIRTS! I was sooo horrified. I was like where is Bloomies? Where is Macy's? Isn't there like a Neiman Marcus up here?"
Oh, the poor thing, I thought. I should have warned her, but I hadn't thought of it.
"And I thought things were odd like when I first moved up here and was looking for a supermarket. There are none! Instead, there are these like bodegas called General Stores, I mean like what is THAT? This is SO not New Jersey." She sighed. "I thought like how great it would be to like, get away from all the competition, big hair, and snarkiness and here I am with like, farm folk! OMG!!!"
Oh, the poor thing had to endure this culture shock for at least 3 months before being sent home for the lockdown pandemic. Tonya tells me the niece has already applied to another college, Rutgers in NEW JERSEY. She refuses to come back to "Like agricultural central, the land of L.L. Bean" and would rather be with the hip generation. Well, LIKE ok then.
Gabe
Copyright © 2020 All rights reserved
