Me Birthday Filled With Sour People And A Birthday Cake I Needed a Magnifying Glass To See

12 January 2023

1087

R. Linda:

If there is one thing I am superstitious about it is leaving the Christmas decorations up past the 2nd of January. I don't know where I got this crazy notion from, but all my life I've felt if the decorations are still up by my birthday (12 days after the New Year), bad luck is coming my way!

This year I started to take the decorations down on the second of January as be me usual practice. Only because I was somewhat physically disabled I couldn't do all of it. I was at the mercy of whoever was around and we know the kiddos weren't helping because if they could, those decorations would be up all year round. My wife helped a bit but complained of headache and me Mam be a short person like yourself, so she can't reach very high and because of my arm weakness, I can't either even though I am over six feet tall!

So not everything was put up. Every day I'd get some Christmas something and throw it in the plastic bin to go to the attic. The tree was undecorated but still in the lounge so that was my main focus. I asked that lazy good-for-nothing Sean to take it out but he has yet to do it. 

So it was another birthday that has come and gone, sigh. But what a strange day it was and I blame it on the tree still standing in the lounge! I got up and was given birthday wishes and regards by the inhabitants of the house and off they went on their merry ways. I took meself to the lounge to enjoy me cup of joe and wake up, which is what I usually do on mornings I have off from work. Yes, I was off because I consider my birthday me national holiday. 

I was vegging and sipping joe when I spied that tree, completely naked of decor and ready to go. I narrowed me eyes and muttered to it how much bad luck I was in for. I know talking to inanimate objects be a sign of unhinging. Then in bounced me Mam who informed me we were going out to lunch (her treat), for me big day. Never one to refuse food I got meself up, got showered and dressed and off we went, cursing Sean and the tree as I went out the door. 

I was informed that after luncheon, we were going grocery shopping because my little grey-haired, apple-cheeked Mam needed help carrying the goodies from the market to the car and then from the car to the kitchen. No problem, as incapacitated as I was I had started physical therapy and was doing quite well. However, going to the greengrocer was not the way I wanted to spend me big day.

We went to an eatery that we'd never been to for luncheon. It was a grill that had taken over an old McDonald's building that had been there for a few years and had pretty good reviews. Mam pointed at the sign out front that said, "Kids eat free!" Well, we were in a jolly mood and as the owner came up to greet us, she informed him I was her kid and so I should eat free. He laughed and said, "Is that the way it is now?" So we three being in a generally jovial mood went into the dining area where we were seated next to an open space where we could see another dining room next to the one we were seated in. It was packed with people, and I said to Mam it looked like a party.

She looked soberly at me and shook her head, "No I tink it be a funeral dere, Gabriel. Dot would explain all da dark clothes an' somber looks." And she was right. Just then I saw our waitress a young thing in her early twenties who had her arms crossed over her chest, looking straight at me with a glare on her face. I looked behind me to see if she was glaring at someone behind me but there wasn't anyone, so must be me! She turned on her heel and went into the kitchen. She came back with the same attitude glaring at yours truly and then popping into the kitchen once again. Meanwhile, we looked over the menu. She came out again, same thing, and I looked at her inquiringly like are you going to take our order? Well, she put her arms down, grabbed her order book, and pushed off like coming to us was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Whadda ya want to drink?" Yup, no hi, my name is Myrtle, and I will be your server. Nah, just whadda ya want. Well, we ordered 2 cokes and I told her we were ready to order if that was ok. She sighed like it was an imposition, and started scribbling on her pad. I ordered for us both and she left without a word.

"Is it me?" I asked Mam.

"No dear, it's her. Got a bug up her behind because the waitress in the funeral room will be getting a lot of tips and here she be regulated to serving us since we be the only ones here."

Yeah, if we weren't there she'd have found a way into the next room to help out and make more money than she would with just the two of us. That seemed a plausible assessment.

Someone from the kitchen served us, but I saw this person do the same with customers in the front dining room as well. I guess our waitress only took orders and plunked drinks down. Finally, as we were finishing up our waitress came up with a big smile and handed me the bill. I saw how it was, we were leaving and she could get into the other room. Mam grabbed the bill and wagged her finger at me, not to think about paying for the meal, it was her treat. 

"Are you leaving her a dollar for all the sunshine she bestowed upon us?" I quipped. "Not even a -- can I refill your glass, is everything all right . . .?"

"Nooo, but it will be 15%, not 20 for the poor attitude and she did nuthin' but bring us cokes and a sour face!" I don't know if she did leave that or what, though for a minute I imagined in my mind the sour-faced lass waving a dollar bill at us shouting so the world would hear her, "Thanks for nothing! Don't come back anytime soon!" Be that didn't happen so I surmised Mam was nice despite the sourness. I was just glad to be out in the fresh air away from the sombre people next to us and the sour waitress. 

Free from all that we continued on to the market and I pushed the cart while Mam threw what she wanted in. We got to the checkout and it started all over again the negative attitudes of people serving us. Mam had put her groceries on the conveyor belt in a certain order, like dairy all together, snacks all together, etc. The checker looks and says to her, "You need to rearrange your items they will take out my cash register the way you have them."

Huh? Normally a checker takes the first item, ticks it off, and slides it down a small ramp to the bagger and on it goes. I was puzzled but said nothing as me Mam took three jugs of milk and proceeded to move them across the counter out of the way of the cash register which seemed crazy to me. One of the jugs fell over and when the checker picked it up to scan there was dripping. This was pointed out not by me Mam, but by the young bagger lad who offered to go get another, but the checker said, "No, don't trouble it is just condensation."

Obviously, it was not, and Mam said as much.

"Hon, get that roll of paper towels next to you will ya, and let's clean the condensation off the milk."

"Hon" was not something you called me Mam and I saw her eyes narrow.

I was like NO DON'T YOU DARE GET THOSE PAPER TOWELS, the bagger should be doing that OR Ms. Checker should have a roll under her counter. Mam was quick not only did she wipe that jug of milk off she cleaned the counter! I was stunned to silence watching this. Meanwhile, we had a few people queuing up behind us also watching the show.

Well, an argy ensued between me Mam, and the checker on the fact the jug WAS leaking, and then the bagger took me Mam's side and he left abruptly and brought back another jug. 

Holding the leaking jug up the checker says to him, "So what do I do with this now? It's leaking all over me and the floor!" 

"So ya admit it's leakin' now do ya?" Me Mam snaps. 

The checker gave her a look and checked the rest of the items. It came time to pay, Mam whipped out her bank card and the machine decided not to work or recognise the card. The bagger told her the machine was on the fritz all day and just keep trying it would eventually start reading. Well, the checker was looking at Mam's wallet and pointing to cards in the wallet suggesting she try that one and then if that one didn't work, try another. Well, this set Mam off. She got her cash and paid that way because she was so pissed off. Words were muttered under breaths and we started off. As we got to where the store manager was lounging she said loudly, "Dat woman shouldn't be in dat job she's ornery and rude." That got his lounging attention as he looked from us to the checker who was busy harassing the next customer. 

I said to Mam as we were putting the bags in the car, "You know it could have been worse, she could have told you to have each item facing the scanner," and I laughed.

"Oh fur sure and I'd have knocked her in the nose I would have," she said getting feisty.

I was surprised she was as restrained as she had been. Me Mam be not known for an even temper. When her Irish be up, it is way up it be. However, she restrained herself in honour of my big day, uh-huh.

Everything calmed down, we got home and put the groceries away, and she made us both tea and got scones and clotted cream with raspberry jam ready. We were laughing and having a good time when her phone rang. It was Tonya. She had stopped to pick up the birthday cake. Mam had her on speakerphone so I could hear the conversation.

"I think there is a problem with the cake. It is micro size." She said.

"Micro size? I ordered a 6-person cake I did." Mam informed her.

"Well, if we were a family of hobbits that might do." Tonya laughed. "But no, really this is like 6" of cake."

"Nooo, can't be. Just coom home wit it." Mam instructed to Tonya's audible sigh.

I had to laugh when I saw the cake, there was no place to write Happy Birthday Gabe on it, and we each got a sliver. Yes, we did! I had wanted a pina colada cake and I got one, even if it was more a personal cake than one for 6 people! I told them not to load it with candles, they'd melt the thing. When they told me to make a wish, I said, "I wish for a bigger cake!" and then was told because I wished out loud me wish wouldn't come true. Such helps they be.

"Just blow out the candle," the youngest moaned, he was all about my presents.

"I have to take me time because one good blow on the candle and it will slide across the counter and you will be wearing it," I said, and then I made me wish and we cut slivers so we all got a bite, sadly no leftovers.

So here be me BIG cake, that afforded us nothing but laughs for the rest of the night. 

Yessiree, a birthday cake that I will never forget! It be just a tad bigger than the water glass!

It wasn't until a little bit ago I realised that bad luck was beginning because of the Christmas tree still standing in the lounge and that me experiences of the day, ME DAY were the result! So this evening I got after Sean like a dog nipping at heels. He promises me that it will be out of here and me luck should change. Remains to be seen if either happens. It is too late so I be doomed with no luck until next year.

And there it remains

Gabe

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