Crying Wolf Once Too Often And Being Taken Seriously For It

18 January 2022

Story #1056

R. Linda:

When it was Mam's birthday, we didn't celebrate it with a fancy lunch out (which she looked forward to). No, it was pandemic time again with the new Omicron variant, so we did the usual homemade dinner and cake at home with the kiddos. I promised her that as soon as things ended and her favourite restaurant was back in action, we'd celebrate belatedly. She was fine with that, as I knew she would be.

Well, things never got better as far as the pandemic was concerned, but her favourite restaurant was serving to limited capacity. I asked her if she'd like to attempt lunch out, and she agreed. With the kiddos in school and Tonya taking a personal day, I made reservations, and the three of us took off for a late celebration. 

When we got to the restaurant, we noticed the old tree that sheltered the place was gone, and with all that was going on this year, we did remember hearing it was blown over in a windstorm. This saddened the owners, staff, and clients, but the owners had an idea, and the restaurant is the house where Little Red Riding Hood was written, the whimsy flowed, and what could be salvaged of that ancient tree was done well. The ingenious owners put a door on the trunk that was left, hollowed it out, and preserved it.

Clever preservation, don't you agree?

We were there for the first sitting of a five-course meal, and the chef has not lost his touch for excellent cuisine. What made Mam happy was that the three dining areas had two tables in each room, giving plenty of space between diners. We noticed an upgrade in the charming decor and enjoyed getting out since it had been a long time since we had done anything.

Tonya had called ahead to let them know it was Mam's birthday. When we got to dessert, the waitress brought out a packet of herbs (the usual birthday giveaway) and asked who was celebrating the day. I piped up and said, "Me Mam, she's 105 today!"

"105? Wow, you look good for your age," the woman said. She was not sure we were joking or serious until Mam agreed that she looked good for 105. The diners at the end of the room overheard, and all three turned to look at us and smile. 

I have found it not unusual for New Hampshire natives to live well over 100. In almost every town, a gold-topped walking stick is given to the oldest resident every year. Well, Mam be nowhere near that age, and it has been a standing joke in our family that the number of candles on one's cake never reflects their true age. There have been times she has been 2 years old, and times she was 165! So this was just another of our idiosyncrasies made public for the first time. We did not expect the reaction we got!

I overheard the table down the other end whisper loudly for one of them to call the local news station. 105, can you imagine? Let's get the news guys here. Tonya heard, and I heard, and we looked wide-eyed at each other. Mam hadn't heard and was going on about turning 105, so what did we do before the news crew arrived, and we found ourselves on New England network television?

We thought the waitress understood it was a joke, but we don't think she really thought that. She looked like she believed Mam was 105, and Mam was convincing going on about how she uses coconut oil on her skin to look not past 50. Oh dear, oh dear!

I told the waitress and the table down the other end that it was a joke, but by then, no one believed me. 

We got out of there fast, but Mam wanted to go to the gift shop, which was not attached to the restaurant, so, shrugging our shoulders, we went there. Since it was her birthday (kind of), I told Mam to pick out anything she wanted and I would get it for her. The cashier overheard and commented on what a good son she had. And she, of course, quipped she was 105 so . . . 

It struck me that if she was 105, WHAT DID THAT MAKE ME? I was about to say something when the three diners who wanted to call the news station walked in and congratulated her on turning 105. This added credence to an out-of-control lie. Tonya got us going, and we left there as soon as I had Mam's purchases. 

I'm not sure I can go back there anytime soon, unless in disguise. I want to take Tonya there for an evening Valentine's dinner, but unless she dyes her hair blond and I grow a moustache and beard, we will celebrate elsewhere. 

Gabe

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