05 February 2019
Story #942
R. Linda:
They say things come in threes, but not in me house, they don't. They come in sixes, yes, they do!
We had snow last week on top of snow we already had, and on top of that mess, we had sleet, which made the landscape look sparkly pretty, but it was a deadly skating rink. How do I know this? Well, from up close and personal experiences of the snow and ice kind.
It all started at 6:30 a.m. when me apple-cheeked, grey-haired Mam was fretting at the window, watching the ice pellets raining down on the winter wonderland outside. I asked her what the matter was, it wasn't like she needed to go out in THAT.
"Ock, Gabriel! I need get dose hard maple candies me sick friend likes so mooch. An' I doont want to risk it in dis 'ere out dere."
"Tell you what, if you can wait, I will pick them up on me way home tonight."
She was thrilled I was risking me life and limbs so she didn't have to. So later, on me way to work, I saw the maple sugar place was open and there were only a few motors in the lot, so I decided, 'Hey, I will pick up the candies now since there be no crowd.'
I pulled in, parked the mobile, stepped out onto the sandy, wet ground, and went inside. I bought the candies and then headed back to my motor. As I got to me door me feet came out from under me and wham, there I was laid out on the wet ground, sleet pelting me from above, and to put it not so delicately, it looked like I had wet meself, but was no more than icy cold sleet from above, and ice and wet from below. I couldn't go to work like that, and not really wanting to get in me motor and get me seat wet, I heaved meself up and stood in the pelting madness wondering how to get meself home to change without getting the driver's seat soaked. I went to the boot, found a wool throw (yes, I know better than to get wool wet, but what could I do?) and gingerly went back to the driver's side, opened the door, threw in the throw, and got in. Just so you know, the candy never came into contact with the wet ground and remained safe.
I drove back home, which luckily wasn't far, and as I be getting out of me motor I see this white thing out of the corner of me eye in the meadow just beyond the house. I look at the dog run and the gate be wide open and there romping in the meadow be me hound drenched to the skin looking at me sheepishly. I sighed, put the candy on the dashboard, and went sloshing out to the meadow, calling the stupid thing, which then got down on its two front legs, barking with joy; it was playtime! No, it wasn't. I had a time corralling the hound, but I finally got hold of her and had to drag her through the icy cold mess to the dog run, where I made sure the gate was locked and she was inside. O'Hare must have been in a hurry when he fed her and left the gate wide open, a sure invitation for the exiting of hound to field.
I went back to the motor, retrieved the hard candies that started all this, closed the garage door to keep out the ice, and went into the house. There, I found Mam leaving me a voicemail that the basement was flooded! For joy!
"Wot 'appened to you?" She said, looking surprised to see me, soaking wet.
"I slipped when I went to buy your candies."
"Are ye all roight?" She was concerned and trying to brush off the wet like that would help.
"I be fine, just cold and wet. I need to change, but let me see the basement." And down I went to see not a flooded basement but the beginnings of one. What had happened was that Mam's craft cabinet was shoved up against the outside waterline, causing the fittings to loosen and drip. I fixed that in no time, thinking I'd have to have a talk with he kiddos rough housing near the cabinet as I be sure they hit up against it and moved it back into the water line. SIGH.
I had changed into dry clothing and left for the garage to wipe the seat dry before I left for Boston. I got the seat cleaned up, had to listen to Mam's dissertation on ruining wool blankets as I handed over the candies, which stopped the wool and water tirade. I clicked on the garage door opener, and notta. I clicked again, and again, and again, and no door opened for me! I was near beside meself. I wanted to kick the door, but I knew that wouldn't do anything but bruise me toes, so I stood there inwardly trying to calm meself down. Then I hear the voice of me sainted wee Mam.
"Did ye try da breaker?"
Oh yeah, that. This has happened before, and sure enough, the breaker was off, so I turned it on and, wonders of wonders, the door opened. I waved thank you to Mam, backed out and started off once again, now being late for me work. While I was playing over in me mind what I would tell Cruella the reason for me lateness, I looked down and I saw a flashing light on me dashboard. I look and have no clue what I be looking at, just that it's a warning light that something be wrong with the mobile. I pulled over, got the pamphlet out on me particular model Saturn, and there it was. The light was warning me that something was amiss with me car's system. It said to drive to the nearest dealership to have it hooked up to a particular computer, which will tell the car maintenance man what be the matter.
Well, they don't make Saturns anymore, there be no dealership and I had a long drive ahead. Did I just keep going and hope for the best, or get out in the pouring rain and jump up and down, thrashing the motor like it could feel the blows, resulting in yours truly getting soaked to the skin, just like the dog AGAIN? As much as I felt like doing that, I did not, I continued to drive feeling stressed me motor would break down in the middle of the super highway and I'd get hit from behind (because we all know Massachusetts drivers are the worst in the nation, they stop for no man or beast).
Somehow, I arrived at work, and the parking garage was full. That meant being out on the street or finding a garage with open spaces. I was too late to drive around for the parking garage, so I found a place a block up on the street. I parked the car, got out, and got me money to pay for 2 hours of parking, and as soon as I stepped out, I was lying on me back after slipping on a patch of ice I did not see. Yeah, I was not happy. By no means was there any joy in me for life or limb. I lay there for a few seconds, hoping to be run over to end it, but the crazy Mass. drivers somehow avoided me. It figures. I tell ya!
So it seems I be having this run of bad luck, R. Linda. It seems like I be complaining all the time lately. I don't mean to, but the fates are against me, and I do not know what to do about this. Any suggestions from your diminutive and brilliant self would be greatly appreciated, as long as one of those suggestions isn't STAY HOME! Because I be not safe there either.
Note: Me warning light was that me gas cap was not on right. I paid through the nose to find THAT out. Ask me if I be happy, I dare ya.
Gabe
Copyright © 2019 All rights reserved
Story #942
R. Linda:
They say things come in threes, but not in me house, they don't. They come in sixes, yes, they do!
We had snow last week on top of snow we already had, and on top of that mess, we had sleet, which made the landscape look sparkly pretty, but it was a deadly skating rink. How do I know this? Well, from up close and personal experiences of the snow and ice kind.
It all started at 6:30 a.m. when me apple-cheeked, grey-haired Mam was fretting at the window, watching the ice pellets raining down on the winter wonderland outside. I asked her what the matter was, it wasn't like she needed to go out in THAT.
"Ock, Gabriel! I need get dose hard maple candies me sick friend likes so mooch. An' I doont want to risk it in dis 'ere out dere."
"Tell you what, if you can wait, I will pick them up on me way home tonight."
She was thrilled I was risking me life and limbs so she didn't have to. So later, on me way to work, I saw the maple sugar place was open and there were only a few motors in the lot, so I decided, 'Hey, I will pick up the candies now since there be no crowd.'
I pulled in, parked the mobile, stepped out onto the sandy, wet ground, and went inside. I bought the candies and then headed back to my motor. As I got to me door me feet came out from under me and wham, there I was laid out on the wet ground, sleet pelting me from above, and to put it not so delicately, it looked like I had wet meself, but was no more than icy cold sleet from above, and ice and wet from below. I couldn't go to work like that, and not really wanting to get in me motor and get me seat wet, I heaved meself up and stood in the pelting madness wondering how to get meself home to change without getting the driver's seat soaked. I went to the boot, found a wool throw (yes, I know better than to get wool wet, but what could I do?) and gingerly went back to the driver's side, opened the door, threw in the throw, and got in. Just so you know, the candy never came into contact with the wet ground and remained safe.
I drove back home, which luckily wasn't far, and as I be getting out of me motor I see this white thing out of the corner of me eye in the meadow just beyond the house. I look at the dog run and the gate be wide open and there romping in the meadow be me hound drenched to the skin looking at me sheepishly. I sighed, put the candy on the dashboard, and went sloshing out to the meadow, calling the stupid thing, which then got down on its two front legs, barking with joy; it was playtime! No, it wasn't. I had a time corralling the hound, but I finally got hold of her and had to drag her through the icy cold mess to the dog run, where I made sure the gate was locked and she was inside. O'Hare must have been in a hurry when he fed her and left the gate wide open, a sure invitation for the exiting of hound to field.
I went back to the motor, retrieved the hard candies that started all this, closed the garage door to keep out the ice, and went into the house. There, I found Mam leaving me a voicemail that the basement was flooded! For joy!
"Wot 'appened to you?" She said, looking surprised to see me, soaking wet.
"I slipped when I went to buy your candies."
"Are ye all roight?" She was concerned and trying to brush off the wet like that would help.
"I be fine, just cold and wet. I need to change, but let me see the basement." And down I went to see not a flooded basement but the beginnings of one. What had happened was that Mam's craft cabinet was shoved up against the outside waterline, causing the fittings to loosen and drip. I fixed that in no time, thinking I'd have to have a talk with he kiddos rough housing near the cabinet as I be sure they hit up against it and moved it back into the water line. SIGH.
I had changed into dry clothing and left for the garage to wipe the seat dry before I left for Boston. I got the seat cleaned up, had to listen to Mam's dissertation on ruining wool blankets as I handed over the candies, which stopped the wool and water tirade. I clicked on the garage door opener, and notta. I clicked again, and again, and again, and no door opened for me! I was near beside meself. I wanted to kick the door, but I knew that wouldn't do anything but bruise me toes, so I stood there inwardly trying to calm meself down. Then I hear the voice of me sainted wee Mam.
"Did ye try da breaker?"
Oh yeah, that. This has happened before, and sure enough, the breaker was off, so I turned it on and, wonders of wonders, the door opened. I waved thank you to Mam, backed out and started off once again, now being late for me work. While I was playing over in me mind what I would tell Cruella the reason for me lateness, I looked down and I saw a flashing light on me dashboard. I look and have no clue what I be looking at, just that it's a warning light that something be wrong with the mobile. I pulled over, got the pamphlet out on me particular model Saturn, and there it was. The light was warning me that something was amiss with me car's system. It said to drive to the nearest dealership to have it hooked up to a particular computer, which will tell the car maintenance man what be the matter.
Well, they don't make Saturns anymore, there be no dealership and I had a long drive ahead. Did I just keep going and hope for the best, or get out in the pouring rain and jump up and down, thrashing the motor like it could feel the blows, resulting in yours truly getting soaked to the skin, just like the dog AGAIN? As much as I felt like doing that, I did not, I continued to drive feeling stressed me motor would break down in the middle of the super highway and I'd get hit from behind (because we all know Massachusetts drivers are the worst in the nation, they stop for no man or beast).
Somehow, I arrived at work, and the parking garage was full. That meant being out on the street or finding a garage with open spaces. I was too late to drive around for the parking garage, so I found a place a block up on the street. I parked the car, got out, and got me money to pay for 2 hours of parking, and as soon as I stepped out, I was lying on me back after slipping on a patch of ice I did not see. Yeah, I was not happy. By no means was there any joy in me for life or limb. I lay there for a few seconds, hoping to be run over to end it, but the crazy Mass. drivers somehow avoided me. It figures. I tell ya!
So it seems I be having this run of bad luck, R. Linda. It seems like I be complaining all the time lately. I don't mean to, but the fates are against me, and I do not know what to do about this. Any suggestions from your diminutive and brilliant self would be greatly appreciated, as long as one of those suggestions isn't STAY HOME! Because I be not safe there either.
Note: Me warning light was that me gas cap was not on right. I paid through the nose to find THAT out. Ask me if I be happy, I dare ya.
Gabe
Copyright © 2019 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO sorry. I didnt laugh at the first fall, but the second one had me cracking up! I have a couple if things for you. Pack a non wool blanket in the car at ALL times. Take a dry set of clothes and shoes in a tote just kn case. I have ways carried a set of just in case clothes when my kids were younger. I still carry a just in case shirt in my backpack. And get yourself some non skid shoes! LMAO
ReplyDeleteNo skid shoes — there are none already looked. You haven’t told me anything the wife and Mam told me. Hindsight and all that rot. Tried to do a good deed and look where it got me — sigh.
DeleteMaybe no skid shoes but how about a boatload of shamrocks and lucky horseshoes coming your way? I would be happy to gather the articles and send on, LOL, sounds like you need all the luck you can muster.
ReplyDeleteSend it all I need all the help I can get.
Delete