Just Gargle With Chicken Soup And You'll Be Just Fine

14 March 2015

Story #764

R. Linda,

I can tell you about this now because it is finally fading from me memory, which is a good thing. Being a not-so-good segment of time, I have been reluctant to revisit the whole fiasco, but you were pounding me about being sick, so it is only fair to give you a dissertation on just how ill I was and how ill-treated I became.

It started before we moved into the new abode. The kiddies were sick, Tonya was ill, me Mam -- not so much but getting there, and me just fine and dandy. Then the night of being attacked by me mattress (see 16 Feb. 2015 - Don't Try This At Home --For That Matter Don't Try It PERIOD!) happened and soon after as we started the move, both Mam and I got the bacterial infection that wasn't a bacterial infection, but a virus, that turned back into a bacterial infection . . . you'll see what I mean.

Mam was doing better than meself. I felt the thing coming on, I did, and made haste to call the physician's office to head off the illness, because I knew from Tonya and the boyos what could be coming. THEY had gone to their doctor and were told they had a bacterial infection. Here's a Z-Pack (steroids) and cough syrup, go home, get plenty of rest and fluids, and all will be well. And that is what happened.

Meanwhile, I got Nurse Ratchet on the phone from the same medical office, and she told me that coming in solely for a Z-Pack was out of the question. I got a lecture on antibiotics and how, if I did not need them, then I shouldn't have them. Now, all I did was mention my family had the sickness, and I knew I was also coming down with it. They were on Z-Packs, so I SAID I know this will be bad. I did not say put me on steroids! I said I was coming down with the same thing. Could I get an appointment? No, I could not get an appointment because I wasn't freaking far enough along in the sickness to need to see a doctor!

I tell ya!

I was advised to drink plenty of liquids, get plenty of rest, and eat light yet sustaining foods, such as chicken soup. If me throat was scratchy, tea with honey (sipping only, no chugging) would soothe the raw tissue. So this I did, and I got worse and worse until I was coughing up phlegm and looking like a right sad mess. I was told by all, "Call your doctor!" For all the good it would do me, I did not. I had been told by Nurse Ratchet that all would disappear in a week. I was now on week number three.

Then on Sunday morning (of week number 3), while breakfast was being prepared (at least I was told it was), I could smell nothing. I was so stuffed up that when I rubbed the area between my eyebrows and the bridge of me nose, you could hear SQUISH! Oh yeah, pleasant), I was in the upstairs bathroom, blowing my nose while all were downstairs, when suddenly a great dry and hard piece of phlegm came honking up to the back of me throat, and I started choking. Literally, it was blocking me airways, and I could not breathe. I had me big fingers in me throat gagging me more as I tried to reach in to pull it out. I know it's gross, but... I was in a right panic, I was, and somehow I managed to choke and hack me way down the stairs to the kitchen where everyone stopped and looked at me in horror.

I pointed to my throat and put me hands around it like I was choking meself to signal what was going on when they jumped into motion and started chattering at me, asking me things, like, did I want them to call an ambulance, or did I want to be driven to the ER? Like I could answer them! I pointed to me coat and choked me way to the car with Tonya getting the keys, and her coat and telling Mam to finish off breakfast for the kiddos, she was taking me to the Casualty.

We made it to hospital where by that time, I had stopped choking but could feel the obstruction still at the back of my throat, which was making me gag. I don't know which is worse, choking or gagging. Anyway, me face was blueish, and the receptionist told me to take a seat in the waiting room. Tonya told her I was suffocating, but she didn't care. Take a seat! 

The waiting room was packed to the rafters, and there was a notice that said: PATIENTS WILL BE TAKEN IN THE ORDER THEY COME IN UNLESS URGENT CARE IS NEEDED.

I was gobsmacked I was. Suffocation wasn't urgent? Apparently not. So as I walked in, everyone was staring at me, and I was trying to keep the choking and gagging to a minimum. But some got up and looked at me aghast and moved away. They'd rather stand against the far wall than sit in my vicinity. This perplexed me terribly because they must think I looked that bad. At least that is what I thought. 

After two hours, I was called to the receptionist's desk. By that time, the "thing" in me throat had either gone into me lungs or into me stomach, or I was getting used to it lodged in me throat. I had no idea what it was, just knew that I was pissed off and knackered. 

I was asked why I was there, and I told the woman. I even said, "I be suffocating slowly, it be hard to breathe, can't catch me breath without having a choking spasm." 

She typed it in, took me insurance information and told me to go back out and have a seat. I tell ya! 

So out I went, and everyone who had sat back down after I left flew to the wall when I came back. I was genuinely feeling like I had cooties. I had no clue what the feck was the matter. Finally, I was called after 45 more minutes of trying not to have a choking fit, which was torture!

I walked into the cubicle, and the nurse told me not to worry, me eye would be just fine. EYE? Then she asked me what was wrong, and I told her, all the time wondering what she meant about me eye. So she told me that usually what they do for choking like mine is turn the person upside down like you do a baby, you know, hold them by the heels and pound their back to bring up whatever is choking them. I am over 6 feet and weigh a good 13 stones, so really? I don't think so. That procedure did not occur, so there is no cause for me to be concerned. Instead, she went on about the eye. The breakage of blood vessels typically heals within two to three weeks. Did I happen to see an article in some magazine about eye tattoos? Well, no, I hadn't, and I had no clue what she meant. She said I could tell people I got one. Again, REALLY?

I still didn't know what she was going on about. She left me, assuring me the doctor would be in soon. Soon, 10 minutes later, this squeaky clean type comes in. He was about my age, maybe a little older, and he told me his name, shook me hand and said, "That eye is nothing. Is that why you are here?"

I told him I didn't know anything about an eye, I was choking and explained it all again for the umpteenth time. He seemed unconcerned and dismissed what I told him. I told him my whole family had a bacterial infection and that I had got it worse than the rest, and here I was. He said, 'Nah, it wasn't bacterial; it was a virus going around.' He said everyone in the waiting room was there for the same thing. He didn't feel inclined to hurry any of them in or out because he'd been seeing this "cold" for a few weeks. Great. So he looks in me ears and down me throat and he says, my Ph isn't balanced and to go home and . . . are you ready (because I wasn't)? I should go home and gargle with chicken soup! Why not just eat it? I could gargle with warm water and salt and get the PH balanced, so why chicken soup? For the throat, I was to take a jar of honey and spoon it in slowly, letting it "Glide down your throat to soothe and hydrate", and THAT would help with the soreness. But that eye, now that eye, needs no attention; the blood can't go anywhere, so it will absorb back into the body on its own. Give this all another week, and I'd be much better. Yeah, right, I had enough. 

What kind of meds do I need? Well, not antibiotics and then came another lecture on how antibiotics worked, followed by a dissertation on the human immune system, followed by Ph unbalancing acts caused by illness, what to look for if I should choke so hard I break a rib (oh, thank you, doctor, for that warning). Water was the best remedy for what ails ya. Yes indeed. Oh, and chicken soup too!

I got straight to the point. This homoeopathic stuff was for the birds when feeling as sick as I did. I knew none of it would work fast or help right away. In a year after a straight diet of chicken soup with spoonfuls of honey, I might improve a little, or I might be walking and clucking like a chicken and buzzing like a bee.

"Don't take NyQuil, it's all alcohol and will do nothing for you," he told me. "Just chicken soup and honey. Tylenol only if you have aches." Well, I had that too! Gees. Mucinex? "Oh no, that stuff doesn't work." Really? QUACK QUACK QUACK!

When I got to the car, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. My left eye was completely blown out. The white was red! No wonder the waiting room was full of patients who took flight. I was one scary-looking dude, with a red eye and a blueish face! I tell ya! I had choked so hard I blew the blood vessels to Kingdom come and back. 

So I told Tonya all this, and we stopped to get Mucinex. Guess what it did? It worked. Not completely, but it was some relief. I ATE the chicken soup I did not gargle it, I tried the freaking honey and I have to tell you the combination of the two is YUCKY. 

I ended up calling a new doctor, and I got an appointment right away. I went in and was thoroughly examined, and it was found I had a BACTERIAL INFECTION. I was given a Z-Pack and for the cough (which had developed as a result of the choking), cough syrup with codeine. Within the week, I was much improved. But it was five weeks of this! It wasn't until that fifth week that I had come to my wits' end and called that new physician. Me only problem was the codeine in the cough suppressant put me to sleep and made me majorly groggy, thus no stories on the blog.

That's the story, and now you have all the bizarre details.

Gabe
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