Midnight Madness . . . uh no, make that Midnight Twerking

25 September 2013

709

R. Linda:

So here it is; I haven't heard from the Weasel in a month. I was starting to forget he existed; yes, I was. Well, I was hoping to, let's put it that way. I even got over the nightly nightmares of him showing up at me house unannounced. I was feeling pretty good about me life being Weasil-free. Then something happened in Colorado AGAIN. First, it was fires, then mega dust storms, and now it's floods.

Me mind was slowly awakened to the fact this was going on, and I did look to see how Denver was faring since it was okay. I settled back down, and life went on UNTIL that evening when there was a knock on me door; it was September 13 -- UNLUCKY. Living in the woods as we do, we don't get many, if any, visitors at night, so we were kind of in a shock. I looked at Tonya, and she looked at me; the baby stopped feeding, and the two boyos said together, "Aren't ya gonna git that?"

Reluctantly, I got meself upright and went to the door, and there lit all aglow by me front door light was . . . the Weasil family! ALL FOUR OF THEM.

I wanted to shut that door really fast and hope they didn't see me, but they did, I knew they did, they knew they did, so what could I do? It was Friday the 13th, and I have no luck, as you know, so I opened the door, forced a smile (which was more like a tick taking over my face) and gestured them in.

"What a surprise!" I said, genuinely meaning it.

"Yeaz wellie, we gotz floodied outty da housie, sos we came here," Weasil said.

"You did, did you? Flooded out, hum? So you packed it up and rowed over here to New Hampshire, all the way from Colorado." I surmised aloud.

"Yeppers, we did." He declared proud of himself.

All I could think was that things in Denver might be okay, but Steamboat, well, I guess not. His wife had left us by the door and gone into the living room to see me wife. Her two little monsters went with her. Me too, got up and, with legs spread apart and hands-on light sabres, sized up the two intruders. They knew, and I don't know how they knew, that these two foreign kiddos were the enemy. Never seen them or met them before, but THEY KNEW. It's the force I tell ya it be with them, not with me.

"Our house is on the side of a hill, and the rangers said we should get out because the rain loosened the soil, and they were afraid there could be a mudslide, and we'd all be buried alive." Mrs. Weasil was telling the wife, her eyes very round and big in the telling.

"Oh, oh, too bad," I said, they taking it as sympathetic but me meaning it the other way. I have to say, if you build your house below a ridge line, on the side of a cliff, what do you think will happen if there is a lot of rain or snow or even an avalanche? Hum? Nothing? Just that it will sit there clinging to the rock, and well, we all know that rock slides in Colorado occur daily. Just sayin'.

Meanwhile, right in front of us, Coraline (the youngest of the Weasil clan and the most deadly) said to Guido (because he was the smaller of the two light sabre-wielding kiddos), "Gimmie that."

She doesn't know Guido. He's a toughie and not to be messed with, small or not. Now, if it had been O'Hare, he would have handed over the light sabre and run crying to his room, but she thought because he was the bigger, older kiddo, he'd be the one NOT to mess with. Little did she know because when Guido shouted, "NO!" at her (her hair flying back in the breeze), she reached for it and got a quick snap of the sabre upside her head for her trouble. At which she stood holding her head and glaring at him communicating without saying it, "I'll get you and your little dog too for that!"

Weasil, seeing this (which happened in a quick instant), immediately got himself into diplomatic mode and said something unintelligible, and this had her pouting but saying nothing.

"We brought you a cake," Mrs. Weasil said, quickly shoving a cake box at me wife. "Coraline made it."

Me wife looked pleased until the name Coraline was put out in the air in which her look turned to apprehension, but she took it into the kitchen and opened it anyway. Yes, we both imagined something decorated with rodent heads and tails and snake skins. We honestly didn't know what to expect.

Cautiously, Tonya opened the box and a long sigh of relief came out of her as I peeked in and saw a nicely iced cake.

"Chocolate!" Tonya said with a smile.

"No, Marmite," Coraline said, "it is a Marmite cake, I like Marmite."

"Ohhh," Tonya reacted, looking at the suddenly unappetising cake.

"Cora loves, loves, loves Marmite," her mother explained with a half smile.

It was like everyone deflated even more, if it was possible. Weasil, seeing this, clapped a hand on me shoulder and whispered, "A walk through a cemetery might cheer you up."

Oh yeah, sure it would. I just looked at his grinning countenance and shook me head.

So, the short of this was because it was late at night, and there were no hotels, motels, or a bed and breakfast nearby, WE were the accommodations for the Weasil family. Oh yeah, that meant doubling up, sleeping bags, calling for the couch, fighting over blankets . . . yup.

Finally, we thought we were all settled down when Coraline and Max were pulling at the blanket they both wanted and their mother made them share since my wife didn't want it cut in half just to make both happy. I tell ya! After that, me two were yelling they wanted a glass of water each and then everyone wanted one. Trying once again, as we all got sort of settled or were in the process, Weasil shouted out, "Niters Max," and Max shouted back, "Niter's Dad," and it just kept on going to where our names were shouted out wishing us good niters, and then it started again and kept on going. I tell ya! I was sure this was going to continue into dawn's early light I did.

Once the niters died down, it was, "I CAN'T SLEEP."

I don't know who said that, but no one could sleep. I got up and shuffled into the loft where Weasil and Amanda were because I saw the light was on, and there was Weasil moving around.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

"Nope, nope, noppers." He said, and then Amanda said she couldn't either and as I went to turn around because I thought a light flashed on behind me, the two kiddos were whining they couldn't sleep. Finally, a drowsy Tonya came in with baby, and as I was about to suggest hot milk with honey in the kitchen, the Weasil's prodigy in the living room yelled up. They weren't in the least tired; did we have any board games? Oi!

We shuffled downstairs, Tonya ready to make milk and honey cups and me to find a board game, when Weasil went over to our CD player and turned on some tunes. What came on was Blurred Lines and the most ridiculous behaviour I've seen in years. The entire Weasil family was TWERKING! Weasil made a handstand with his feet on the wall supporting him as he twerked! I was like, what is that?! His two kids were twerking like it was going out of style.

"WHAT are you doing?" I shouted at his upside-down self.

"Twerking," he said, still going at it.

I looked around, and there were me two kiddos TWERKING! I was like, no, this has got to stop.

Weasil had uprighted himself and was twerking across the floor on his way to his wife, but not before he said to me, "I'm more fun than you," and off he went with Amanda doing a mean impression of Miley Cyrus and Weas in the Robin Thicke role.

Guido yelled as he twerked himself towards me to join in. It was fun. Yeah, right, it looked stupid and somewhat ludicrous.

"Comon Gabbie, it's all twerk and no play," Weasil laughed. "Give it a shot."

I'd like to have given Weasil a shot straight to the head with the back of me hand. How he could walk and shake his butt at the same time and so fast was rather bizarrely fascinating. I still don't know how he did that. Is it possible to have a double-jointed butt?

"This is when I wish I had a booty the size of Nicki Minaj's," Amanda said, "You know, the injections for a big butt, much better twerk with a big butt."

"Uh, no, no, I don't know," Tonya said as Amanda twerked by.

Meanwhile, Weasil was full-on twerk with his arms jerking as he twerked around the room. I thought to meself, he looked like the twerking dead!

"Comon Gabbie, twerk baby, twerk, oh yeah," Weasil shouted at me over the loud music, making an Austin Powers impression that wasn't half bad, only the accent was real.

"I don't know how," I said, arms crossed over my chest; there was no way.

"When in doubt, twerk it out!" He laughed.

"No, no, no . . . " I sat meself down watching them when I noticed my two who had joined the frolics and were twerking like they knew all about the method of it came twerking by. I was stunned, but the wife was less than stunned when she yelled at them, "What are you two doing? And more importantly, where did you LEARN THAT?"

"We be twerking while we're working!" O'Hare shouted and twerked even faster. That little booty was really going, and I was thinking, how is he doing that?

For the fact it was 2 a.m., and I wasn't thinking I should have videoed the madness. I wish me brain was working but it was stuck on the fascination that six people were twerking in me abode. I got up and turned the loud music off. Weasil had put Blurred Lines on REPEAT, and after the 20th time, I'd had enough of that. I now understand how Wolfie feels about that song. I will be a happy man, never to hear it again. Yet, there were six people going "Awww." in me direction and one still in twerk, and that was Weasil.

"Stop that," I said.

"Can't stop the twerk once it's started," He laughed, twerking his way into the kitchen.

I'd like to say we all went back to our respective beds, but no, no, no, no, no, NO! That did not happen. Weasil twerked his way to pans, milk, honey, and cups and made everyone a cup to help them sleep, but not before his family and me two boyos sampled the Marmite cake! Oh yeah, they did. They sat there taking great mouthfuls, making pleasurable sounds while Tonya, baby, and I sat there trying not to barf just at the sight.

"Yum," O'Hare said, "Wot are dese green things?"

"Oh, those are pickles," Coraline said, which further grossed me and Tonya out. "Dills."

"An' wot are dese pinky things?" O'Hare just had to ask.

"Oh, that's pink slime, I made up a batch," Coraline said, to which I looked at Tonya, and she looked at me, both of us with our eyes nearly about bugging out of our heads.

Tonya was about to rise out of her chair after shoving the baby at me to take the plates of grossness away from our two younguns' when she realised they had eaten it all and were asking for seconds.

"NO!" She shouted a bit too forcibly and thinking quick, "You'll never sleep with a heavy stomach; now, back to bed, you two."

I could tell you that Tonya, in putting the cake up accidentally on purpose, dropped it all over the floor and that our dog ate it up immediately and had to be put out because the pig got sick on it. I could tell you everyone went back to bed, but that didn't happen. An hour later, Tonya's excuse was baby, so she followed the two boyos up, and Amanda went with her, taking Coraline so there would be no more arguing over the blanket. That left Weasil, Max and me.

I tried backing out to start my ascent to bed, but Weasil AND Max kept asking me things, and it took a half hour before I realised they were having me on and it was a game to them. Oi!

So here I am, quite a bit sleep-deprived because I have been working long hours, and the Weasil family have not left YET! Twerking has become a family pastime (all with the exception of Tonya and Baby), and yes, I tried it, and it nearly put me back out. No Blurred Lines, that CD somehow disappeared . . . hum . . . anyway, Weasil replaced it with Pop That, Pour It Up, and the ever-popular Lollipop, just to name a few. Do I hate to go home? You know I do. TWERK ON!

Gabe
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