31 July 2013
691
R. Linda:
As if the false contractions of the pregnant person in the house aren't enough, the yowling in the pouring down rain the other night just added to the stress. It had been a foggy, moist day followed by a downpour that Neptune would have declared a waterfall if it wasn't falling from the sky. The lightning was flashing, the thunder was vibrating the house and in the midst of this I am hearing something outside. It sounded like a banshee it did and Mr. Kits was all about it.
I looked outside but could see notta in the gloom and the pelting rain. I stood at the window and listened, and yes, there it was some ghostly screaming in the wind. I went to the door and opened it and looked out. Nothing, the sound had stopped, and I was getting pelted with water, so I closed the door and turned around to a hissing sound. There was Mr. Kits, back arched up and walking sideways, and right next to me feet was this soaking wet grey thing trying to lift the wet hairs up and walk sideways in a circle dance with Mr. K. I gasped, I had let in a rat!
I was gobsmacked, I guess while I was looking outside for a human being, the thing had pounced on in to save itself from drowning. The yowling had now increased because both cat and rat were war dancing and letting the other know it meant business.
O'Hare came to see what the commotion was all about and stood there laughing and pointing at the two combatants. I told him to get back in case they came together he didn't want to get scratched or worse, bitten. Tonya had seen the situation and had gone for a towel. This she threw at me making the soggy rat jump and as it did, this set Mr. Kit upon it.
I tell ya if it wasn't so wet and slippery Mr. K would have made a meal of its diminutive self! I suddenly realised it wasn't a rat, it was a cat! Yes, it was a feline. Add that to me already alarmed mind that the furniture was being knocked over as the two set at it.
O'Hare had the presence of mind to get his water gun and squirt Mr. K who took off like a bat out of hell for the upstairs and I threw the towel over the small grey intruder. I was ordered to dry her off by the wife as she didn't want to touch a stray cat. Yeah, but it was alright for me too. Gees the woman.
So I told O'Hare to run upstairs and close Mr. Kits in. Then I took the struggling wet feline and started to towel her dry which she did not mind in the least, though she was jumpy as to where Mr. Kits might pop from.
"She'z wearin' a necklice," Guido pointed out, meaning a collar and low and behold it had TAGS.
I got her in the kitchen and read off the info to Tonya who dialled the number given only to get a tape recording that the "Taylor's are on holiday, we will return Wednesday. Please call back then. But if it is an emergency leave your name and number and we'll call you back immediately upon our return."
Oh, goody. It was Sunday night, and we had this cat until Wednesday, possibly Thursday. Great, just great. There was no address and I tried the reverse phone number but it was a private listing! Oi, oi, oi.
"Her name is Lady Grey," I said looking at the tag. "She looks like a Russian Blue but I be no authority on cat breeds. But she looks like royal blood is somewhere because she has the Lady thing going."
"Good deducing Sherlock," the wife said.
Since we were stuck with the cat for a few days we decided we needed to properly introduce Mr. Kits to Lady Grey and hope we could all get through until we could get the owners to pick their cat up.
The reintroduction with Lady Grey looking more herself instead of a drowned rat, seemed to go well with Mr. Kits. There was a little hissing but not much of anything else like we witnessed before. So all was well, we locked Lady Grey in the kitchen and let Mr. K have the run of the rest of the abode.
It had to be around 2:30 in the morning when we were awakened to "boom, boom, boom," downstairs and then the caterwauling of not one cat but two! Upon examination, Mr. Kits was responsible for the booms because he was working to get that kitchen door open, and on the other side, the crooning was just as loud! I peeked in and she was just fine, sitting on the kitchen counter. Great! I would be wiping that down in the morning.
I took a struggling Mr. Kits and locked him in the bedroom with me and Tonya. And all night he walked over us and would make this cute sound like he was a kitten. I can't even describe it, but it was a lovey sound and frankly, I was embarrassed for him. He'd come over to me face and run his moist nose across it and well at that hour it was just gross. By the time we woke up, I had forgotten about the visitor in the kitchen.
I barged in leaving the door open behind me to make coffee. I was rudely bumped out of my sleepy haze by the loud love songs beginning under me feet. I took the sprayer from the sink and sprayed them both to shut them up. I know water everywhere. Both of them scattered. I put out cat food thinking that would be agreeable to them, but neither came. So while coffee was brewing I wiped down the countertops and table, then took the towel I had dried Lady Grey off the night before to the laundry room.
What I saw in there defies every reason why I shouldn't be blind from the sight. There they were doing the dirty. Now I wanna know how a neutered cat can do that?!
"Not in me Irish home you don't!" I yelled at the two miscreants. I got crazy for a moment and shooed them telling them that wasn't nice, but let's remember I wasn't fully awake, but I guess the sight of that jolted me into reality.
It was then I suspected that Lady Grey was not fixed. She was doing all kinds of rolling around on the floor and making blood-curdling sounds to get Mr. K's attention and she had it. Oh yeah, he was all about platonic romance but he'd try his best to make like he wasn't altered, no, no, he was sniffing the air, his mouth hanging open like a deviant, and she would be doing her enticing while he'd get on his haunches and watch like a voyeur. And even though he can't do a thing to satisfy her, he is making it look like he's just playing hard to get.
I have never seen so many contortions by a cat in me life! This thing makes sounds I didn't know a cat could make. They are very come hither, and she even gets me attention! Mr. K, when she's not looking is busy grooming the tuxedo to look his best and snappy-ist. He even walks with swag when he sees her and it all goes to hell in a handbag because the next moment he's jumping her.
I ended up getting a holster for O'Hare's water gun that I use quite regularly to break up the craziness of cat love.
Tonya sees no harm in this, but I am increasingly uneasy. He dogs her everywhere she goes, he's becoming a stalker for heaven's sake. He is her shadow, and at night our sleep is disrupted by the crooning and caterwauling. They lurk and slink and they made a bed of the discarded towel on the laundry room floor that if you walk in there they are grooming each other! And they stop and look at you like YOU HAVE A NERVE! GET OUT! Cat foreplay I tell ya!
We have tried separating them, but that makes it worse the noise level of the two of them calling to each other is ear-shattering. He stalks her, she stalks him, she scampers off, he scampers after. If he's not paying any attention she comes in like cat woman, her tail snapping and she gets down and wiggles her behind like she's going to pounce and then she springs, but not on him just close enough to cuff him good in the head and then she runs off and he sits up looking amazed. It takes a few minutes to get himself up into a scardy cat arch backstretch, then we take one long stride forward and stretch both front legs and then we suddenly remember we need to be in the other room and rocket away in search of the femme fatale.
My cat is delusional, he thinks he's got the equipment, either that or he's working his way to an Academy Award to make her believe he's got that equipment. Either that or she's very dumb. Her "people" are back. By the time I get home, she should be gone. Let's hope this does not throw the grand master of illusion into a funk.
As for me, I am hoping to get a good night's sleep.
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
As if the false contractions of the pregnant person in the house aren't enough, the yowling in the pouring down rain the other night just added to the stress. It had been a foggy, moist day followed by a downpour that Neptune would have declared a waterfall if it wasn't falling from the sky. The lightning was flashing, the thunder was vibrating the house and in the midst of this I am hearing something outside. It sounded like a banshee it did and Mr. Kits was all about it.
I looked outside but could see notta in the gloom and the pelting rain. I stood at the window and listened, and yes, there it was some ghostly screaming in the wind. I went to the door and opened it and looked out. Nothing, the sound had stopped, and I was getting pelted with water, so I closed the door and turned around to a hissing sound. There was Mr. Kits, back arched up and walking sideways, and right next to me feet was this soaking wet grey thing trying to lift the wet hairs up and walk sideways in a circle dance with Mr. K. I gasped, I had let in a rat!
I was gobsmacked, I guess while I was looking outside for a human being, the thing had pounced on in to save itself from drowning. The yowling had now increased because both cat and rat were war dancing and letting the other know it meant business.
O'Hare came to see what the commotion was all about and stood there laughing and pointing at the two combatants. I told him to get back in case they came together he didn't want to get scratched or worse, bitten. Tonya had seen the situation and had gone for a towel. This she threw at me making the soggy rat jump and as it did, this set Mr. Kit upon it.
I tell ya if it wasn't so wet and slippery Mr. K would have made a meal of its diminutive self! I suddenly realised it wasn't a rat, it was a cat! Yes, it was a feline. Add that to me already alarmed mind that the furniture was being knocked over as the two set at it.
O'Hare had the presence of mind to get his water gun and squirt Mr. K who took off like a bat out of hell for the upstairs and I threw the towel over the small grey intruder. I was ordered to dry her off by the wife as she didn't want to touch a stray cat. Yeah, but it was alright for me too. Gees the woman.
So I told O'Hare to run upstairs and close Mr. Kits in. Then I took the struggling wet feline and started to towel her dry which she did not mind in the least, though she was jumpy as to where Mr. Kits might pop from.
"She'z wearin' a necklice," Guido pointed out, meaning a collar and low and behold it had TAGS.
I got her in the kitchen and read off the info to Tonya who dialled the number given only to get a tape recording that the "Taylor's are on holiday, we will return Wednesday. Please call back then. But if it is an emergency leave your name and number and we'll call you back immediately upon our return."
Oh, goody. It was Sunday night, and we had this cat until Wednesday, possibly Thursday. Great, just great. There was no address and I tried the reverse phone number but it was a private listing! Oi, oi, oi.
"Her name is Lady Grey," I said looking at the tag. "She looks like a Russian Blue but I be no authority on cat breeds. But she looks like royal blood is somewhere because she has the Lady thing going."
"Good deducing Sherlock," the wife said.
 |
| Doesn't it look at home . . . and happy? |
The reintroduction with Lady Grey looking more herself instead of a drowned rat, seemed to go well with Mr. Kits. There was a little hissing but not much of anything else like we witnessed before. So all was well, we locked Lady Grey in the kitchen and let Mr. K have the run of the rest of the abode.
It had to be around 2:30 in the morning when we were awakened to "boom, boom, boom," downstairs and then the caterwauling of not one cat but two! Upon examination, Mr. Kits was responsible for the booms because he was working to get that kitchen door open, and on the other side, the crooning was just as loud! I peeked in and she was just fine, sitting on the kitchen counter. Great! I would be wiping that down in the morning.
I took a struggling Mr. Kits and locked him in the bedroom with me and Tonya. And all night he walked over us and would make this cute sound like he was a kitten. I can't even describe it, but it was a lovey sound and frankly, I was embarrassed for him. He'd come over to me face and run his moist nose across it and well at that hour it was just gross. By the time we woke up, I had forgotten about the visitor in the kitchen.
I barged in leaving the door open behind me to make coffee. I was rudely bumped out of my sleepy haze by the loud love songs beginning under me feet. I took the sprayer from the sink and sprayed them both to shut them up. I know water everywhere. Both of them scattered. I put out cat food thinking that would be agreeable to them, but neither came. So while coffee was brewing I wiped down the countertops and table, then took the towel I had dried Lady Grey off the night before to the laundry room.
What I saw in there defies every reason why I shouldn't be blind from the sight. There they were doing the dirty. Now I wanna know how a neutered cat can do that?!
"Not in me Irish home you don't!" I yelled at the two miscreants. I got crazy for a moment and shooed them telling them that wasn't nice, but let's remember I wasn't fully awake, but I guess the sight of that jolted me into reality.
It was then I suspected that Lady Grey was not fixed. She was doing all kinds of rolling around on the floor and making blood-curdling sounds to get Mr. K's attention and she had it. Oh yeah, he was all about platonic romance but he'd try his best to make like he wasn't altered, no, no, he was sniffing the air, his mouth hanging open like a deviant, and she would be doing her enticing while he'd get on his haunches and watch like a voyeur. And even though he can't do a thing to satisfy her, he is making it look like he's just playing hard to get.
I have never seen so many contortions by a cat in me life! This thing makes sounds I didn't know a cat could make. They are very come hither, and she even gets me attention! Mr. K, when she's not looking is busy grooming the tuxedo to look his best and snappy-ist. He even walks with swag when he sees her and it all goes to hell in a handbag because the next moment he's jumping her.
I ended up getting a holster for O'Hare's water gun that I use quite regularly to break up the craziness of cat love.
Tonya sees no harm in this, but I am increasingly uneasy. He dogs her everywhere she goes, he's becoming a stalker for heaven's sake. He is her shadow, and at night our sleep is disrupted by the crooning and caterwauling. They lurk and slink and they made a bed of the discarded towel on the laundry room floor that if you walk in there they are grooming each other! And they stop and look at you like YOU HAVE A NERVE! GET OUT! Cat foreplay I tell ya!
We have tried separating them, but that makes it worse the noise level of the two of them calling to each other is ear-shattering. He stalks her, she stalks him, she scampers off, he scampers after. If he's not paying any attention she comes in like cat woman, her tail snapping and she gets down and wiggles her behind like she's going to pounce and then she springs, but not on him just close enough to cuff him good in the head and then she runs off and he sits up looking amazed. It takes a few minutes to get himself up into a scardy cat arch backstretch, then we take one long stride forward and stretch both front legs and then we suddenly remember we need to be in the other room and rocket away in search of the femme fatale.
My cat is delusional, he thinks he's got the equipment, either that or he's working his way to an Academy Award to make her believe he's got that equipment. Either that or she's very dumb. Her "people" are back. By the time I get home, she should be gone. Let's hope this does not throw the grand master of illusion into a funk.
As for me, I am hoping to get a good night's sleep.
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
2 comments:
aughhhhhh i was expecting christian grey's sister! lolololol not a cat but i laughed anyway.
ROFLMAO
I hate crying cats! but more than that? I hate wet cat noses in my face!
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