14 February 2013
632
R. Linda:
Love must be in the air or the males of the office are all playing safe by sending flowers to their significant others. I walked into the place of employment this a.m. and thought I was in a florist. There were huge bouquets of flowers all over the place. It smelled like a garden. I even turned around to make sure I was on the right floor and yup I was!
This is the one day guys can get away with sending their lady love floral arrangements that it looks like the mad hatter of florist designers put together. It is a big score to make sure your lady gets her present of affection AT the office on THIS day of all days so all the other ladies can see how beloved she is. And the more flowers jammed into these arrangements the better. I swear there is a "my boyfriend cares for me more than yours" mentality going on. Size counts!
As soon as the elevator doors opened all the ladies craned their necks in that direction to see if another gaudy arrangement was making its way to their section, and they grade the arrangement as it goes by. I tell ya, the more roses the better! No work will be done today that's for sure.
Charlie Larley (yes, that's his name poor soul) has allergies and it has definitely NOT been a good day for Charlie. He has been popping Claritin pills trying to keep from sneezing his brains out. I don't know how smart that is but what choice, eh? Poor fella.
"Remind me not to come to work next Valentine's Day." He said to me.
Our friend Maureen has in her small cubicle no less than six bouquets of flowers. And she's arranged them according to price and size. Yes, she has. Who knew she was all that popular after some of the stunts she pulled? But Cruella has a theory, that Maureen has sent them to herself.
Nancy O'Shaughnessy has the weirdest arrangement, red and pink swirled lollipops, roses with rhinestones glinting in the middle of each bud as if they were glistening raindrops, red glittered hearts on sticks, loads of dark green ferns and babies breath, and to top this off, a mess of gilded cupids stuck here and there. It is a gigantic display that Maureen stood contemplating only to say, if it weren't so gaudy it might be found at a funeral. Cupid's funeral maybe, but I dunno about her.
Of course, our resident forgetful person, Andy Pops, walked in after I did, did the same thing of turning around to see if he was on the right floor and as he stood there it dawned on him WHAT day had rolled around and like his anniversary he had forgotten it! He raced to the phone and put in a call, not to one florist but I think every shop in the city. He couldn't get a bouquet of roses to save his life. All gone! Yes, R. Linda, every single rose in Boston was probably in our office! I whispered to him that when the ladies all went to lunch he should go around and take a rose from the first twelve bouquets he came across. I know I shouldn't give him ideas, but he was desperate and a fellow brother in trouble.
And, I am not the only one with that idea, a few of the guys heard me and they said they'd try to lift a rose or two to help Andy make an even dozen. Would the ladies know? Yeah they would, so I planned it we go only to the cubicles that have more than one bouquet. I reckoned IF they somehow noticed a bud was missing, they'd chalk it up to the florist's fault. Sounded good to us.
I know this is stealing BUT Andy would be hung out to dry or worse if he returned to his home flower-less on THIS night. Desperate measures for desperate times, I tell ya!
So as soon as lunch came around four of us, went to the cubicles closest that had more than one bouquet of flowers. We acted nonchalantly like we were looking for a file and when people around us got used to our puttering about we'd (covertly as we could), snatch a rose. Well, by the end of the day, we had four dozen roses. Yes, we did, we overdid it big time. AND none of the ladies seemed the wiser.
Andy said if he took all the roses to his wife, she'd be very suspicious he had done something terrible and was plying her with more flowers than she ever wanted. So we divided them up. Alan (I don't know if you remember him), said he'd cancel his order of roses and take a dozen of the free ones. He'd pick up his wife's fav after-dinner wine, one Chocorazzle Delight from the money he would have spent on the roses. Patrick (yes, we got Patrick in on it) said he was thinking of taking a bouquet if no one else wanted it and giving it to his Mam who was visiting. TYPICAL IRISHMAN! The last bouquet fell to me, and well, I had already sent Tonya a dozen to her work. I sighed, "Well, why not? I'll score more brownie points so what the hey."
On my way home, I decided to stop at the bakery and pick up a dozen assorted pastries and a bottle of that Chocorazzle Delight Alan raved about. The wife had said no chocolates she was dieting, so I know the pastries weren't a good idea either but I was feeling guilty over the flower-napping and well, when I feel that way I EAT sweets! I thought this would be the best Valentines ever! Well, for me at least. Her diet meant more goodies for me insatiable sweet tooth.
I walked in with the pastries, wine and flowers and Tonya took the wine and said, "How many calories?" Then she took the pastries and opened them and said, "Wow, so much for the diet." And then I handed her the flowers and she looked at them and pointed out something I had not noticed.
"Hum Gabe, interesting array. Long stems, very short stems, and look at all the colours!" Yup, being a man I did not notice that we had all been so scared of getting caught that when we plucked a rose we didn't seem to notice the length of the stem, nor colour. Some roses were long-stemmed reds, a few were short-stemmed whites, there were a couple of yellows and a few pinks all lengths in between . . . yup not exactly the traditional bouquet.
Tonya looked at me from between the roses, "Are we celebrating gay pride day? Thus, the rainbow roses? But I don't understand why some have long stems and others short. A tall and short day too?"
Oh boy, I caved and spilled me guts something we four guys had promised NOT to do.
"They are stolen. Every single one. Stolen." I said hanging me head in shame.
"Stolen?"
"Er . . . one of the blokes at work forgot it was Valentine's Day and well . . . there were roses all over the place . . . in abundance Tonya . . . Garden of Eden . . . and so four of us went around snatching the buds to make a dozen because . . . "
"Go on because?"
"Because the florists were plumb out! So we were helping a fellow man stay out of trouble." I said.
"Andy Pop?" She asked.
"How did you know?" I was dumbfounded, but then with a bit of thought, not so dumbfounded. I had told her about Andy's famous forgetfulness.
"And how many roses did you all take?"
"Uh . . . four dozen all total." I sighed.
"And . . . do the other three dozen look like this?"
"Uh . . . I think so." I said and she started laughing.
"Well, that "bloke" Andy who forgot what day it is, will have some 'splainin' to do to his lady love when she sees HER bouquet if it looks anything like this one." Tonya quipped putting the sad bunch I had given her in water. When she put it next to ones I had sent earlier in the day, well . . . really bad comparison. I was sure Andy was in the soup deep because as Tonya so rightly pointed out, we neglected to put our stash in water and so they were rather a sad lot of wilted used to be's. Yup.
"Maybe next Valentine's Day, you "brothers in crime" should send the forgetful Andy a memo that flower-sending day is coming up. Surely you all remembered?" She said looking at me.
"WELL, I DID!" I said defensively.
"I know YOU did, but four dozen stolen roses? Who else forgot?"
"Uh . . . Patrick did, but he has an excuse, he took them for his MAM."
Tonya laughed, I did not.
"And you would have given them to YOUR mother had she been here."
"Would not," I said.
"WOULD TOO! Are you Irish or what?" She smiled slyly.
"Only on St. Patrick's Day," I said and quickly exited the room.
"OHHH!" She chortled after me.
I knew to quit while I was still ahead. So I am popping in the shower, will get the Boston grime and rose smell off me and then I will come back refreshed for pastries and sweet wine. Yes, it is me day and more so because the wife be on a diet, BUT she did get two dozen roses, kinda. So much for the man getting nothing on chocolate high day. I have a box of pastries to polish off. So high five R. Linda chocolate coming me way!
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Love must be in the air or the males of the office are all playing safe by sending flowers to their significant others. I walked into the place of employment this a.m. and thought I was in a florist. There were huge bouquets of flowers all over the place. It smelled like a garden. I even turned around to make sure I was on the right floor and yup I was!
This is the one day guys can get away with sending their lady love floral arrangements that it looks like the mad hatter of florist designers put together. It is a big score to make sure your lady gets her present of affection AT the office on THIS day of all days so all the other ladies can see how beloved she is. And the more flowers jammed into these arrangements the better. I swear there is a "my boyfriend cares for me more than yours" mentality going on. Size counts!
As soon as the elevator doors opened all the ladies craned their necks in that direction to see if another gaudy arrangement was making its way to their section, and they grade the arrangement as it goes by. I tell ya, the more roses the better! No work will be done today that's for sure.
Charlie Larley (yes, that's his name poor soul) has allergies and it has definitely NOT been a good day for Charlie. He has been popping Claritin pills trying to keep from sneezing his brains out. I don't know how smart that is but what choice, eh? Poor fella.
"Remind me not to come to work next Valentine's Day." He said to me.
Our friend Maureen has in her small cubicle no less than six bouquets of flowers. And she's arranged them according to price and size. Yes, she has. Who knew she was all that popular after some of the stunts she pulled? But Cruella has a theory, that Maureen has sent them to herself.
Nancy O'Shaughnessy has the weirdest arrangement, red and pink swirled lollipops, roses with rhinestones glinting in the middle of each bud as if they were glistening raindrops, red glittered hearts on sticks, loads of dark green ferns and babies breath, and to top this off, a mess of gilded cupids stuck here and there. It is a gigantic display that Maureen stood contemplating only to say, if it weren't so gaudy it might be found at a funeral. Cupid's funeral maybe, but I dunno about her.
Of course, our resident forgetful person, Andy Pops, walked in after I did, did the same thing of turning around to see if he was on the right floor and as he stood there it dawned on him WHAT day had rolled around and like his anniversary he had forgotten it! He raced to the phone and put in a call, not to one florist but I think every shop in the city. He couldn't get a bouquet of roses to save his life. All gone! Yes, R. Linda, every single rose in Boston was probably in our office! I whispered to him that when the ladies all went to lunch he should go around and take a rose from the first twelve bouquets he came across. I know I shouldn't give him ideas, but he was desperate and a fellow brother in trouble.
And, I am not the only one with that idea, a few of the guys heard me and they said they'd try to lift a rose or two to help Andy make an even dozen. Would the ladies know? Yeah they would, so I planned it we go only to the cubicles that have more than one bouquet. I reckoned IF they somehow noticed a bud was missing, they'd chalk it up to the florist's fault. Sounded good to us.
I know this is stealing BUT Andy would be hung out to dry or worse if he returned to his home flower-less on THIS night. Desperate measures for desperate times, I tell ya!
So as soon as lunch came around four of us, went to the cubicles closest that had more than one bouquet of flowers. We acted nonchalantly like we were looking for a file and when people around us got used to our puttering about we'd (covertly as we could), snatch a rose. Well, by the end of the day, we had four dozen roses. Yes, we did, we overdid it big time. AND none of the ladies seemed the wiser.
Andy said if he took all the roses to his wife, she'd be very suspicious he had done something terrible and was plying her with more flowers than she ever wanted. So we divided them up. Alan (I don't know if you remember him), said he'd cancel his order of roses and take a dozen of the free ones. He'd pick up his wife's fav after-dinner wine, one Chocorazzle Delight from the money he would have spent on the roses. Patrick (yes, we got Patrick in on it) said he was thinking of taking a bouquet if no one else wanted it and giving it to his Mam who was visiting. TYPICAL IRISHMAN! The last bouquet fell to me, and well, I had already sent Tonya a dozen to her work. I sighed, "Well, why not? I'll score more brownie points so what the hey."
On my way home, I decided to stop at the bakery and pick up a dozen assorted pastries and a bottle of that Chocorazzle Delight Alan raved about. The wife had said no chocolates she was dieting, so I know the pastries weren't a good idea either but I was feeling guilty over the flower-napping and well, when I feel that way I EAT sweets! I thought this would be the best Valentines ever! Well, for me at least. Her diet meant more goodies for me insatiable sweet tooth.
I walked in with the pastries, wine and flowers and Tonya took the wine and said, "How many calories?" Then she took the pastries and opened them and said, "Wow, so much for the diet." And then I handed her the flowers and she looked at them and pointed out something I had not noticed.
"Hum Gabe, interesting array. Long stems, very short stems, and look at all the colours!" Yup, being a man I did not notice that we had all been so scared of getting caught that when we plucked a rose we didn't seem to notice the length of the stem, nor colour. Some roses were long-stemmed reds, a few were short-stemmed whites, there were a couple of yellows and a few pinks all lengths in between . . . yup not exactly the traditional bouquet.
Tonya looked at me from between the roses, "Are we celebrating gay pride day? Thus, the rainbow roses? But I don't understand why some have long stems and others short. A tall and short day too?"
Oh boy, I caved and spilled me guts something we four guys had promised NOT to do.
"They are stolen. Every single one. Stolen." I said hanging me head in shame.
"Stolen?"
"Er . . . one of the blokes at work forgot it was Valentine's Day and well . . . there were roses all over the place . . . in abundance Tonya . . . Garden of Eden . . . and so four of us went around snatching the buds to make a dozen because . . . "
"Go on because?"
"Because the florists were plumb out! So we were helping a fellow man stay out of trouble." I said.
"Andy Pop?" She asked.
"How did you know?" I was dumbfounded, but then with a bit of thought, not so dumbfounded. I had told her about Andy's famous forgetfulness.
"And how many roses did you all take?"
"Uh . . . four dozen all total." I sighed.
"And . . . do the other three dozen look like this?"
"Uh . . . I think so." I said and she started laughing.
"Well, that "bloke" Andy who forgot what day it is, will have some 'splainin' to do to his lady love when she sees HER bouquet if it looks anything like this one." Tonya quipped putting the sad bunch I had given her in water. When she put it next to ones I had sent earlier in the day, well . . . really bad comparison. I was sure Andy was in the soup deep because as Tonya so rightly pointed out, we neglected to put our stash in water and so they were rather a sad lot of wilted used to be's. Yup.
"Maybe next Valentine's Day, you "brothers in crime" should send the forgetful Andy a memo that flower-sending day is coming up. Surely you all remembered?" She said looking at me.
"WELL, I DID!" I said defensively.
"I know YOU did, but four dozen stolen roses? Who else forgot?"
"Uh . . . Patrick did, but he has an excuse, he took them for his MAM."
Tonya laughed, I did not.
"And you would have given them to YOUR mother had she been here."
"Would not," I said.
"WOULD TOO! Are you Irish or what?" She smiled slyly.
"Only on St. Patrick's Day," I said and quickly exited the room.
"OHHH!" She chortled after me.
I knew to quit while I was still ahead. So I am popping in the shower, will get the Boston grime and rose smell off me and then I will come back refreshed for pastries and sweet wine. Yes, it is me day and more so because the wife be on a diet, BUT she did get two dozen roses, kinda. So much for the man getting nothing on chocolate high day. I have a box of pastries to polish off. So high five R. Linda chocolate coming me way!
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
4 comments:
LMAO
I'm high fiving back even if I don't have any chocolate. ok chocorazzle?
what is it and how is it?LOL Loved the story but don't care much about cut flowers.LOL I like to kill my own plants thank you very much.
I think I'll pick up fudge ingredients. I haven't had chocolate in DAYS!
Chocorazzle Delight is a red chocolate after dinner wine. It tastes sweet but has a slight nip to it. I thought it would be like a port wine, but it isn't anywhere near that. It is hard to describe. We had it alone and I think it would have been better with an accompaniment of the pastries which we are having NOW. LOL With Irish coffees!
would it be mean of me to say I hope you gain 5 pounds?LMAO
Yes it would.
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