27 December 2012
616
R. Linda:
OH, and the fun just continues . . .
I need me a holiday from me holiday I do. So once through Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day, I thought all the excitement be over. But, as be usually the case it was nowhere near to be. The day after Christmas I sat in me abode hardly able to move for the toys underfoot, but that was okay, the boyos were busy, and everyone seemed occupied. The women of the house were upstairs doing God knew what and me da was in the kitchen.
As I sat watching the telly he shuffled in and asked for the newspaper which I had not retrieved from the front stoop. So off he went to fetch it, but as it turned out the paper was not on the doorstep but where me mailbox (if I had one) should be. He got me attention by telling me he was getting his coat and going for the paper and a short stroll, and off he went closing the door behind him while I blinked a few times thinking me eyesight was failing me. It seemed dark suddenly and there was a smell of . . . FIRE! I quickly jumped up and almost lost me life for the toys with wheels that I had stepped on causing a roller skate effect, as I fought for me balance as I quickly glided into the kitchen WHERE the smoke was quite a bit thicker and there was an iron pan that me da left heating on the cooker about to break into flame where he greased it!
I came to a rolling, crashing halt at the countertop next to the cooker, and was able to turn the cooker off and throw the pan in the sink. I then extracted me feet from the two huge flatbed trucks that I had somehow slipped into, which caused the unexpected (but quick) entrance into the smoky kitchen.
I tell ya, there be never a dull moment.
As if that wasn't enough, me da was defensive about heating a pan and leaving it. We had grumbling words back and forth before the women came down and seeing immediately there was a smoke problem began opening windows and doors, as I flipped on the stove top exhaust to get the smoke out over the snipping back and forth that me wife put an end to.
By the early evening, all was forgotten and the incident became a bit of a joke, at least Mam thought it that.
Me wife thought it would be lovely to take the wee ones to the local town theatre where there was a special showing of The Polar Express being shown for free. Me town does this annually where they serve hot chocolate with candy canes and each child gets a small red stocking filled with hard candies and they can come in their PJs. So Mam thought it was a quaint tradition and opted to go. Neither me da nor meself wanted to venture into the noise and havoc of kids ramped up on candy and hot chocie, so we stayed home.
Now I had made a fire in the living room fireplace that had been burning all day. I had let it go out because the embers would keep the room warm for hours and there was no need to burn more wood if it was just the two of us. So we two guys spent the night watching videos and eating junk and basically enjoying our time sans wives and kiddos.
We were quite mellowed out on Taddy Porter and three large bags of crisps, Christmas cookies, leftover trifle, and cheese bits when suddenly the front door opened letting in a burst of cold air and the noise level suddenly rose to a pitch that ear plugs would have been just the thing. It was not long after the excitable wee ones were put to bed, Mam had left us about the same time (as she was exhausted) and Tonya looked like she was on her last legs.
"Ye gooe on wit ya's dare kiddos an I'll doo da closin oop," me da said.
Never one to object to a bit of help, the two of us thanked him and off we went. Well, it was maybe twenty minutes later, I be just starting to drift off to sleep when I think I hear a buzzing sound. And I guess I did because the wife shakes me and says, "Is that fire alarm?"
Well, hell yes it was, indeed it certainly was! I jumped up as did she and I went tearing down the stairs to the kitchen, I flipped on the lights just as she came after and nothing.
"Did you have a fire going in the fireplace, because that's what it smells like," Tonya said.
I moved to the living room and flipped on the lights to a smoke-filled room and a log burning merrily in where I thought the fireplace was located, or at least I thought it was from what I could see of the bright flames through the black thick smoke. Tonya started coughing and she ran to the kitchen as I struggled with me pajama tails covering me mouth and nose on me way toward the fireplace.
She caught me with a wet tea towel and shoved oven mitts at me but I couldn't see what they were. I tied the wet towel over me nose and mouth and hoping I was right, went toward the fireplace thinking perhaps the flue was closed. As I made me way to the fireplace I used the mitts to move the hot fireplace screen when I realised they were gloves, not heavy towels I was using. I got them on, held me breath as I wrapped the wet tea towel around me forearm and leaned into the fireplace, hoping not to burn me arm off, I felt around for the flue and YUP it had been closed!
YES, the oldster had not seen the still glowing embers BECAUSE he did not have his glasses on, and he CLOSED the flue BUT he also tossed in a log that was sitting on the granite slab outside the screen, thinking to get it out of the way. Well, the embers caught the dry log and instant fire. SO for the second time in a matter of hours, me da tried to burn down me abode with ME in it!
I tell ya the man has to be watched and STOPPED. I don't know how Mam lives with him at home he doesn't raze the house or burn the kitchen down. I dunno.
I have banned him from the kitchen and the fireplaces. So he says to me a few minutes ago, "Well, I guess I'll haf ta tink of sumting else . . ." with a twinkle in his eye and he walks away. The problem is, he be joking but you know what, if left to himself he will just do that unconsciously I just know it . . . find a way to make a third attempt on me life.
And NO I be not paranoid! COUGH!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
OH, and the fun just continues . . .
I need me a holiday from me holiday I do. So once through Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day, I thought all the excitement be over. But, as be usually the case it was nowhere near to be. The day after Christmas I sat in me abode hardly able to move for the toys underfoot, but that was okay, the boyos were busy, and everyone seemed occupied. The women of the house were upstairs doing God knew what and me da was in the kitchen.
As I sat watching the telly he shuffled in and asked for the newspaper which I had not retrieved from the front stoop. So off he went to fetch it, but as it turned out the paper was not on the doorstep but where me mailbox (if I had one) should be. He got me attention by telling me he was getting his coat and going for the paper and a short stroll, and off he went closing the door behind him while I blinked a few times thinking me eyesight was failing me. It seemed dark suddenly and there was a smell of . . . FIRE! I quickly jumped up and almost lost me life for the toys with wheels that I had stepped on causing a roller skate effect, as I fought for me balance as I quickly glided into the kitchen WHERE the smoke was quite a bit thicker and there was an iron pan that me da left heating on the cooker about to break into flame where he greased it!
I came to a rolling, crashing halt at the countertop next to the cooker, and was able to turn the cooker off and throw the pan in the sink. I then extracted me feet from the two huge flatbed trucks that I had somehow slipped into, which caused the unexpected (but quick) entrance into the smoky kitchen.
I tell ya, there be never a dull moment.
As if that wasn't enough, me da was defensive about heating a pan and leaving it. We had grumbling words back and forth before the women came down and seeing immediately there was a smoke problem began opening windows and doors, as I flipped on the stove top exhaust to get the smoke out over the snipping back and forth that me wife put an end to.
By the early evening, all was forgotten and the incident became a bit of a joke, at least Mam thought it that.
Me wife thought it would be lovely to take the wee ones to the local town theatre where there was a special showing of The Polar Express being shown for free. Me town does this annually where they serve hot chocolate with candy canes and each child gets a small red stocking filled with hard candies and they can come in their PJs. So Mam thought it was a quaint tradition and opted to go. Neither me da nor meself wanted to venture into the noise and havoc of kids ramped up on candy and hot chocie, so we stayed home.
Now I had made a fire in the living room fireplace that had been burning all day. I had let it go out because the embers would keep the room warm for hours and there was no need to burn more wood if it was just the two of us. So we two guys spent the night watching videos and eating junk and basically enjoying our time sans wives and kiddos.
We were quite mellowed out on Taddy Porter and three large bags of crisps, Christmas cookies, leftover trifle, and cheese bits when suddenly the front door opened letting in a burst of cold air and the noise level suddenly rose to a pitch that ear plugs would have been just the thing. It was not long after the excitable wee ones were put to bed, Mam had left us about the same time (as she was exhausted) and Tonya looked like she was on her last legs.
"Ye gooe on wit ya's dare kiddos an I'll doo da closin oop," me da said.
Never one to object to a bit of help, the two of us thanked him and off we went. Well, it was maybe twenty minutes later, I be just starting to drift off to sleep when I think I hear a buzzing sound. And I guess I did because the wife shakes me and says, "Is that fire alarm?"
Well, hell yes it was, indeed it certainly was! I jumped up as did she and I went tearing down the stairs to the kitchen, I flipped on the lights just as she came after and nothing.
"Did you have a fire going in the fireplace, because that's what it smells like," Tonya said.
I moved to the living room and flipped on the lights to a smoke-filled room and a log burning merrily in where I thought the fireplace was located, or at least I thought it was from what I could see of the bright flames through the black thick smoke. Tonya started coughing and she ran to the kitchen as I struggled with me pajama tails covering me mouth and nose on me way toward the fireplace.
She caught me with a wet tea towel and shoved oven mitts at me but I couldn't see what they were. I tied the wet towel over me nose and mouth and hoping I was right, went toward the fireplace thinking perhaps the flue was closed. As I made me way to the fireplace I used the mitts to move the hot fireplace screen when I realised they were gloves, not heavy towels I was using. I got them on, held me breath as I wrapped the wet tea towel around me forearm and leaned into the fireplace, hoping not to burn me arm off, I felt around for the flue and YUP it had been closed!
YES, the oldster had not seen the still glowing embers BECAUSE he did not have his glasses on, and he CLOSED the flue BUT he also tossed in a log that was sitting on the granite slab outside the screen, thinking to get it out of the way. Well, the embers caught the dry log and instant fire. SO for the second time in a matter of hours, me da tried to burn down me abode with ME in it!
I tell ya the man has to be watched and STOPPED. I don't know how Mam lives with him at home he doesn't raze the house or burn the kitchen down. I dunno.
I have banned him from the kitchen and the fireplaces. So he says to me a few minutes ago, "Well, I guess I'll haf ta tink of sumting else . . ." with a twinkle in his eye and he walks away. The problem is, he be joking but you know what, if left to himself he will just do that unconsciously I just know it . . . find a way to make a third attempt on me life.
And NO I be not paranoid! COUGH!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
2 comments:
close calls! but the image of you using toy trucks for skates was an amusing thought lol
LMAO
NO you're not paranoid, he's definitely trying to kill you!LOL
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