Woman hallucinates she's Captain Jack and steals ferryboat

578

21 September 2012

R. Linda:

Imagine my surprise when I saw the headlines: Sentence handed down in the CAPTAIN JACK STEALS FERRY caper! Then, in smaller print, Devon, England. At first, I wondered what happened. Did the Pearl sink, and did the captain need a new boat? Had Speak Like A Pirate Day run amok for our Captain, or was the Captain so full of rum he had lost his wits and his ship and was reduced to stealing a . . . ferryboat?

Well, no, it seems it wasn't our Captain Jack at all that stole the ferryboat; it was a Captain Jack wannabe! Yes, R. Linda, and it wasn't even a man who did the stealing it was a woman! A red-haired woman. At first, when I saw red-haired, I thought of YOU. But no, no, when I saw the actual mug shot, there was no doubt she wasn't you, but possibly a cousin of Weasil's. I mean, who else would steal a ferryboat? Well, ok, Allison Whelan would. That be her name, and she even had a first mate, one Tristam Locke, who went along for the ride to uh . . . well, it was supposed to be a seafaring adventure all the way to St. Tropez! Alas, or avast! It was a dismal failure and a costly one.

I found out this happened last September and at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. But first, let us take a look at Captain Jack and then at the infamous Ms. Whelan to see the resemblance.
             

                                                                               

Even Captain Jack thinks something is fishy. Ali Whelan looks nothing like him. Uh duh!

So here's the scoop, Ms. Whelan, a 51-year-old from Paignton, Devon, England, and her "friend" Locke had been on a binge of sorts. Yes, they had. Ms. Whelan got very drunk on Lambrini, a drink much like the wine coolers you can buy in this country. Anyway, she'd been at it for two days, which makes me wonder if she drank the entire Lambrini supply in Devon. And, as if that Lambrini wasn't enough, Ms. Whelan consumed deadly nightshade, resulting in hallucinations. The biggest hallucination was her thinking she was Captain Jack Sparrow and the ferryboat, the Dart Princess, was really the Black Pearl. Oi!

I must stop and backtrack to the deadly nightshade, aka belladonna plant. I have plenty of that stuff growing in vines around me rhododendrons. I pull it out and know to be careful with it down to the roots. The only thing I can think of was Ms. Whelan, AKA Captain Whelan, brewed the berries as tea and lucky for her, she didn't kill herself (the word deadly nightshade isn't part of its description for nothing). But from what I understand, she was "eating" the plant. Ewww! But probably by the time she ingested the deadly nightshade, she had pickled her insides pretty well with the Lambrini. Lambrini, by the way, has a catchphrase: "Lambrini girls just wanna have fun," yes, and Captain Whelan was no exception!

So she gets down to Kingswear Harbour, spies the 100-seater Dart Princess of Dartmouth at the dock, and since no wildlife cruises to Torbay were scheduled at 3 a.m., the ferry was empty and ripe for the pirating. I don't know; maybe it was a combination of the drink, the weed, and that it was around the date of Talk Like A Pirate Day that Captain Whelan got it into (what was left of her) brain to pirate a ferryboat for a trip to the south of France.

The Dart Princess on a better day

As soon as the two reprobates were on board, Captain Whelan rang 999 because . . .  wait for it . . .  Captain Whelan thought she was having a seizure! Well, the alarm was raised, causing medical technicians to race to the scene as the 45-foot vessel began to ease away from the dock. Upon arrival, the medical personnel tried to board, but first mate Locke would have none of that and became violent, shoving one of them overboard. Meanwhile, Captain Whelan was incoherent and rambling at them as she untied the ferry, setting it fully adrift whilst Locke kept up a verbiage of abuse in their direction.

Ambulance techie Peter Jordan and his colleague were forced to wait in their vehicle for the police to arrive as the ferry began her slow journey into the River Dart proper.

Jordan said, "We saw it drifting down the estuary, I heard a female voice saying they were pirates and asking what are we going to do now?" To which the technicians rang up the police and watched as the ferry drifted off. The only sound they could hear was Captain Whelan shouting, "I'm Jack Sparrow, I'm a pirate!"
  

 

Scene of the crime

   
Captain Whelan and first mate Locke joked about being kidnapped. Captain Whelan, upon seeing the arriving authorities, shouted, "I believe this is out of your jurisdiction."

The authorities watched helplessly as the double-decker ferry drifted farther away from the pontoon and upon the river. An hour later, and about a mile upstream, the authorities had secured lifeboats to bring the two pirates to task and tow the ferry back to its place at harbour.

The cost of this was stacking up. The chase included 30 ambulances, coastguard, police, and Royal National Lifeboat Institution officers. As the vessel drifted, it collided with a catamaran and another vessel called a Tomcat, racking up damages worth £1500!
  

Yup CAUGHT!

Captain Whelan, upon her arrest said she kept tripping over the ropes, which is why she unfastened them and as a result, the Dart Princess was set adrift! Sigh. But she also said she "would have ended up in St. Tropez" if she hadn't been caught. I tell ya! She also admitted she and Locke had been on a drinking binge and had consumed the deadly nightshade plant, thus causing hallucinations. She felt a "bit cocky" with the drink, only she panicked when she spied the police. She was a right mess of contradictions!

The ferry's operations manager, one Ashley Lane, said the pirates were "exceptionally lucky to be alive. If the tide had been going out instead of coming in, the boat could have been pulled onto rocks, and the two of them could have been killed." Whew! They dodged a bullet they did!

Maybe the two miscreants should "parlay" with the officers of the law - yeah, that's the ticket

Prior to Captain Whelan's sentencing earlier this year, Locke was charged with assaulting the ambulance techie and fined £100 for his trouble.

This past Wednesday, in front of the magistrates in Torquay, Captain Whelan pleaded guilty to aggravated vehicle taking and was put in the goal for 122 days. The owners of the ferry, Paignton Pleasure Cruises, commented that if the ferry had floated out to sea, "It could have been serious." I think they'd have broken up and crashed on rocks or high seas, never making it to Brigitte Bardot's fav resort.

So to err is human, and to arr is to pirate. Sigh. I sent this to our own esteemed Captain Jaack for comment. He said, "Cappy Whelan took Talk Like A Pirate Day a tad too seriously," and furthermore, "I hope for her own sake that's really her face when drunk." Then he had an afterthought (unfortunately), "She could be used on health warning posters like YOUNG PERSONS! DO NOT drink or TAKE drugs. You will end up looking like THIS!"

Captain rendering his earnest opinion

And you say I can't be good! Well, Captain Whelan had a whale of a time she did. Her 5 minutes of fame are done, and so is me story.

Gabe
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