Letters from home, ah for feck sake!

11 March 2012

507

R. Linda:

It has come to me attention that we in Ireland have a way of slanging our words so it makes a tourist cringe they can understand nothing of what we are saying. Someone sent me a list of slang a while back and asked me what it all meant. Well, I was too lazy to write it out UNTIL I got a couple of letters from the old sod and they were filled with some of that slang. I decided to put forth the crazy exchange to unload some of what we sound like when we get into an argy and since these letters both be from members of me very own family, it probably gives you some insight as to why I be the way I am.  ;~( So here goes:



BEGORRAH! I heard from me sainted Mam, and got a letter from me Cousin Sean I did. All on the same day. That in itself be enough to create a fantastical headache. I opened them both and laid them out on the table to read them as I snacked before Tonya and the kiddos got home.

Me Mam's opening was, "Didja no wot yer eejit of a cousin be doin' wit himself? Well, I'll tellya wot I will. It be the fumilies understandin' it be, dat he is wantin' ta be a professioneel bike rider. I'm bein' a tout I am tellin' on him ta ya, but ya should no da fumily be upset wit himself fer takin' up on such a fool ting."

I looked over at the opening to Sean's letter and he wrote, "After I tole me, sainted mammy, I was goin' ta go on a professioneel bike cyclin' tour you coulda bate nails into a bog wit a saucepan at her reaction. I tole her I was not a weaklin', nor uncoordinated on a bike! And YOUR mam wus dere and she piped oup and said, "For fecks sake gawson, ya couldn't bate nails into a bog wit a saucepan!" Me taughts not exactly on meself but I wus struck dumb by da two of em, I wus."

And me Ma went on further to say, "An HE says he's a goin to bike his way ta Londonderry frum Newry! Up back of leap! I exploded at em. "Do ya know yer goin' ta be in da middle a-nowhere! I even asked him if he knew where in God's planet Londonderry wuz from here!"

And Sean's letter, "I felt wit da two of em' facin off at me I hadda go bovine yer wan over dere be givin' me da evil eye and me wan an onlee Mam be lookin' at me like da weather be cat high in shite. Like I be havin' a feckin wreck er!"

Then me Mam's letter continued, "I said to em' "I haven't a clue wat yer talkin' about d'yaknowhwatimeanlike?"

And Sean, "I went outside so the two of em' would stop vexing me! And once out I could still hear em both yellin' after me arse, "And the sun be splitting the rocks!" One of 'em' yelled. I was banjaxed in me brain frum it all I tellya."

And me Mam, "And even his own Mutha shouted outin da window at em', she said, "Boyo there be soom nice beoirs in Londonderry, fix yersel oop wit one of dem why dunt ya?"

And Sean, "So I yelled back at em', I said, "Ye soound like ya had soom head on me and I wuz da one on da looney juice, oop a good show and I've had it wit da two of ya!"

And me Mam, "He was a yellin' at us a two pence show ee wuz, so we started laffin, dere wuz nuthin ta be done fer it and me sissy said out da window at em', "You go oun patty boy, yup o dat patty boy wheelin hiz way oop nort on a bike," and den she laffed she wus beside herself, "he'll never mak o ting of himself he wont."

And Sean, "Sos I yelled back at er, "Now yer tinkin' yer suckin diesel, huh mam?" I know you tink yer winnin' on dis but yer not suckin' no diesel on me account! I know what ur tinkin' dat I be soom class of eejit."

And me Mam, "And yer auntie yells out at em' cuz she's ad enuff she said, "Stop actin' da maggot you gow an git back in here an look in da want adverts fer a real job why dunt ya?"

And Sean, "Sos I yelled back er', "Yeah no bother, but not now! I be a wheelin' off ta Antrim maybe find sum wee buns ta wheel wit me why don't I? Or, better, find me a quare bad fella wit a sweet to beat idea on robbin a bank and den on the telly you'll be tunin' in ta see me saying ta da camera "roight a'll see ya in court!" an yer can be proud I be yer oun Cat Malogen!"

And me Mam, "An me sissy yells back at dat affrontin' stuff, "No bother dats fine, dats grand, not a problem an pick up a few cans on yer way back roight? Try to stay outta any divilment cus yer fatha will have yer hung out ta dry!"

And Sean, "I'm bits in hearin' dat Ma, but I'll be a buck o' a lad iffin' ya don't stop yer yammerin'."

And me Mam chimed to her sister, "He's sum buck!" and she laughed, but her sister said, "He ain't no buck yet, no iffin he persists on ridin' a bike around da country an beyond."

So I be sitting there thinking to meself this was a mean-spirited free-for-all and what next? I looked at Sean's letter and well there was more unfortunately.

Sean's letter said, "I said to meself I did, "I bought a new pair of Nike gutties today, and they are perfect fer bikin'." And damme if I wuzn't overheard by me very own Mam."

And me Mam's letter telling me his Mam said she yelled out the window at him one more time, "Com ere Gawson an tell me wots goin on wit da new trainers yer got on yer manky feet."

And Sean, "I took affront to that I did, me feet weren't smelly or dirty, so wot she was goin on about I didn't have a clue in da world. So I said ta her, "Dere be no smell a neglect here! Oooh boi, yer rioght in da craic aren't ya Ma?""

Well, she wasn't done with him quite yet, she replied back, "Oh it be Lord Harry! Whoo hoo!"

And Sean was mad now, "Geh the stew goin' why dun't ya Ma, and leave me da feck alone! You'll be sorry when I m'hup in the crush and den wot yer goin' to say about dat, huh?"

Then he got on his bike and rode off. And that was it. I was like what the feck? The two of em' writing to me for what exactly? To give me a blow-by-blow of what went on? Like I care about this! I have sat here scratching me head at the wonderment of it all. All I can say is -- in plain English this time -- it seems Sean wants to fancy himself a professional bicyclist and his Mam with the backing of mine, doesn't think that's such a good idea and thinks he'd do better to either find a job or wash his feet? I dunno.

So what be the fuss? Well, if you are Irish you will have no trouble understanding the slang and insults, but if you aren't here's a wee bit of what it all means.

Acting the maggot be acting the fool
Banjaxed means confused, broken down
(To) bate is to beat
Bating nails into a bog with a saucepan is a saying meaning one is a wee bit mindless
(A) beoir be one of the female persuasion
A buck be on of the male persuasion
Cat means bloody awful
Cat Malogen means something terribly horrible and you don't want to think about it
Coom ere' means to come on and start the conversation or listen up
Divilment be having a wicked good time
D'yaknowotimeanlike be like ending a sentence in 'Ok?' or Ya know?"
Going bovine be lowering one's standards to a very deep degree
Gutties are running shoes, trainers in the UK
In bits means sad, down
Looney juice be hard cider
Manky means smelly or filthy dirty
M'hup in the crush be an expression for success
No bother be what it says, not a big deal
Lord Harry means he's putting on airs
Quare would be another way of saying queer
Roight boi is an informal greeting
Smell of neglect off ya means you are a dirty person, you need to bathe more often or something to say so you  insult someone
Sucking diesel be an old expression like "Atta boy! You're on to it now."
Sweet to the beat be just a way of saying "Bril or brilliant"
(A) tout would be a snitch or a teller of secrets
Up back of leap means being in the middle of nowhere or no man's land without a compass
Vexed is to irritate someone beyond the norm
Wee buns mean a simpleton
Wreck er is an expression meaning going out and having a bang-up time of it
Yoke be what you refer to anythings name that escapes your short-term or in some cases, long-term memory
You're some class of eejit means you are a fool of the first degree
Yup o dat or yup ta dat is an expression of confirmation or great news

Gabe
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