10 August 2011
Story #440
R. Linda:
Let me tell you how I spent yesterday afternoon. I came home early from work, unfortunately. Unfortunately, because I would be thrilled to get a few hours off any other time, it was what I was coming home to. Yes, the Dragon-in-law be still "visiting" me abode. So, I WAS hoping for heavy traffic to wend away a few hours, but no, it was early enough, and the flow of motors north was a breeze. I WAS hoping for terrible weather (it was threatening downpours all day), so I'd have to pull over to the side of the road and wait it out, but that didn't happen either. Therefore, I reached me home in record time. Darn it!
Tonya was still at work, O'Hare was in school, and Guido entertained his grand dragon. At least that's what it looked like when I walked into Guido swearing up a storm, fists clenched, his face red as he screamed at her in gibberish that sounded so like cursing. It seemed she was sitting at the kitchen table with a spoonful of applesauce, and Guido took exception that it was baby food and he wasn't eating it, snack or no snack. He wanted a strawberry Twizzler.
So, walking in on this was not a thrill. No, because I knew instantly what was going on. As soon as SHE saw me, she started gabbing about his not eating correct and healthy food, and he was gabbing at me that SHE wasn't giving him what Mommy does. My head was about to burst.
I got the Twizzlers, to Dragon tsking behind me, and then I took the dish of applesauce. I thrust the Twizzler into the applesauce and then offered him to bite the applesauce end, which he did. Then I stirred the sauce with the Twizzler, and it went on that way until he had eaten Twizzler and applesauce. How hard was that? Gees the woman!
"Best of two worlds," I said to her, loosening me tie and sitting down while he went off content to play. She eyed me like I was the worst father on earth. Well, too bad I had a half day in the hot city, and I was home to kick back, not police the house.
"Gabriel, I need you to drive me to the market. I was going to make Tonya's favourite dessert, and I need a few ingredients, " she said after a while.
Oh, good. Like, I wanted to go back out with Dragon. But what choice? She can't see to save her life, so we packed up a protesting Guido, who finally settled down when Granny Dragon told him she'd buy him a toy if he was a good boy. Yup, complains about sweets but isn't above bribery.
Off we go, and as I come around the common, there is a sign that says Show on the Green. As we drove past, she said to me, "SNOW ON THE GREEN; it's August, for heaven's sake!"
It was just another day with the Dragon. I explained that it did not say snow; it said show, and she made me turn around, drive back, and STOP so she could read it for herself. I sat there watching her lips move, and then she put on her glasses and looked again.
"Satisfied Mother Abdullah?" I asked.
She huffed, and so off I set AGAIN for the store. Once there, I saw the outdoor urns that Tonya wanted. The last time we were there, they were all out. So I told Dragon I would get the two urns and wait in the car for her. The grocery store was only 30 yards away from the garden centre, and she did not want to walk. She suggested I get out, and she'd park nearer the grocery store and meet me there when she was done. I said that was all right with me; I left the car open so I could get the urns in the back.
Well, R. Linda, she did leave the car open. It wasn't a minute or two, and I could see the motor from the garden centre the entire time. I thought she'd leave me the car keys like any normal person would, especially since it looked like rain was coming sooner rather than later, but no. She had put down all the windows and the sunroof and left with Guido to do her "quick shop," which wasn't quick at all. Twenty minutes for two items. Yup.
I had long put the urns in the back, got in the driver's seat, and sat there enjoying the cool breeze while watching the black rain clouds congregate overhead. I looked at my watch. We were in 20 minutes, and there was no Dragon and kiddo. I couldn't play the radio—NO KEYS! I couldn't drive around the parking lot for amusement—NO KEYS! I couldn't do anything but sit there.
Shortly after, I noticed this old man sitting in his motor across from me, watching me. I was like, what is he looking at? I wanted to wave, but I didn't. I thought he thought I was just someone sitting in someone else's car and up to no good. As I pondered this, I felt a drop of rain on me hand resting on the door. Then another and another, when suddenly the heavens opened up, and there I sat being drowned by rain coming through the sunroof, in through the open windows and there I was like a drenched rat while this old man was looking at me like I was crazy for not battening down the hatches. But I couldn't, and where was I to go. His car? Like he'd let me in! So all I could do was sit there getting soaked and cursing Dragon's arse for making me look the bloody fool and ruining me business suit!
Meanwhile, the Dragon and Guido were coming out of the market to see it pouring rain. So what did they do? They went back inside, where it was dry, to wait it out. Do you want to know how long I was out there? No, you probably don't, but IT WAS A LONG FREAKING WET TIME!!! Add in the thunder and lightning, and that makes a doubly good time NOT!
As it started to let up, the old man's wife came with her shopping under an umbrella. He helped load up his car while telling her about ME. She glanced over and had one of those "oh dear me" looks. They got in, and as they pulled out, they both stared at me as if I was a sopping wet lunatic, which is precisely what I felt like. Yup, and then the people in the car next to mine came, and once again, I was being looked at and, this time, snickered at as they pulled out and by the time they started to drive off, in full laughter.
Yup, yup, yup.
FINALLY, SHE shows up, and without a word, she hands me Guido and puts her bag in the back on the floor. And she asks me for a towel. Like, I have one. Right, you are. So she goes in her bag and gets a trash can liner. She puts that in Guido's car seat and one for her in the passenger side in front, what I refer to as the Death Seat, and she makes no mention of the wet, or me, or the fact she had the keys, which she put in the ignition without even a glance at me wet countenance, and so we drove home IN SILENCE.
You can say she got me back for those turkeys. Yeah, I locked the doors. I couldn't help meself. YUP.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Let me tell you how I spent yesterday afternoon. I came home early from work, unfortunately. Unfortunately, because I would be thrilled to get a few hours off any other time, it was what I was coming home to. Yes, the Dragon-in-law be still "visiting" me abode. So, I WAS hoping for heavy traffic to wend away a few hours, but no, it was early enough, and the flow of motors north was a breeze. I WAS hoping for terrible weather (it was threatening downpours all day), so I'd have to pull over to the side of the road and wait it out, but that didn't happen either. Therefore, I reached me home in record time. Darn it!
Tonya was still at work, O'Hare was in school, and Guido entertained his grand dragon. At least that's what it looked like when I walked into Guido swearing up a storm, fists clenched, his face red as he screamed at her in gibberish that sounded so like cursing. It seemed she was sitting at the kitchen table with a spoonful of applesauce, and Guido took exception that it was baby food and he wasn't eating it, snack or no snack. He wanted a strawberry Twizzler.
So, walking in on this was not a thrill. No, because I knew instantly what was going on. As soon as SHE saw me, she started gabbing about his not eating correct and healthy food, and he was gabbing at me that SHE wasn't giving him what Mommy does. My head was about to burst.
I got the Twizzlers, to Dragon tsking behind me, and then I took the dish of applesauce. I thrust the Twizzler into the applesauce and then offered him to bite the applesauce end, which he did. Then I stirred the sauce with the Twizzler, and it went on that way until he had eaten Twizzler and applesauce. How hard was that? Gees the woman!
"Best of two worlds," I said to her, loosening me tie and sitting down while he went off content to play. She eyed me like I was the worst father on earth. Well, too bad I had a half day in the hot city, and I was home to kick back, not police the house.
"Gabriel, I need you to drive me to the market. I was going to make Tonya's favourite dessert, and I need a few ingredients, " she said after a while.
Oh, good. Like, I wanted to go back out with Dragon. But what choice? She can't see to save her life, so we packed up a protesting Guido, who finally settled down when Granny Dragon told him she'd buy him a toy if he was a good boy. Yup, complains about sweets but isn't above bribery.
Off we go, and as I come around the common, there is a sign that says Show on the Green. As we drove past, she said to me, "SNOW ON THE GREEN; it's August, for heaven's sake!"
It was just another day with the Dragon. I explained that it did not say snow; it said show, and she made me turn around, drive back, and STOP so she could read it for herself. I sat there watching her lips move, and then she put on her glasses and looked again.
"Satisfied Mother Abdullah?" I asked.
She huffed, and so off I set AGAIN for the store. Once there, I saw the outdoor urns that Tonya wanted. The last time we were there, they were all out. So I told Dragon I would get the two urns and wait in the car for her. The grocery store was only 30 yards away from the garden centre, and she did not want to walk. She suggested I get out, and she'd park nearer the grocery store and meet me there when she was done. I said that was all right with me; I left the car open so I could get the urns in the back.
Well, R. Linda, she did leave the car open. It wasn't a minute or two, and I could see the motor from the garden centre the entire time. I thought she'd leave me the car keys like any normal person would, especially since it looked like rain was coming sooner rather than later, but no. She had put down all the windows and the sunroof and left with Guido to do her "quick shop," which wasn't quick at all. Twenty minutes for two items. Yup.
I had long put the urns in the back, got in the driver's seat, and sat there enjoying the cool breeze while watching the black rain clouds congregate overhead. I looked at my watch. We were in 20 minutes, and there was no Dragon and kiddo. I couldn't play the radio—NO KEYS! I couldn't drive around the parking lot for amusement—NO KEYS! I couldn't do anything but sit there.
Shortly after, I noticed this old man sitting in his motor across from me, watching me. I was like, what is he looking at? I wanted to wave, but I didn't. I thought he thought I was just someone sitting in someone else's car and up to no good. As I pondered this, I felt a drop of rain on me hand resting on the door. Then another and another, when suddenly the heavens opened up, and there I sat being drowned by rain coming through the sunroof, in through the open windows and there I was like a drenched rat while this old man was looking at me like I was crazy for not battening down the hatches. But I couldn't, and where was I to go. His car? Like he'd let me in! So all I could do was sit there getting soaked and cursing Dragon's arse for making me look the bloody fool and ruining me business suit!
Meanwhile, the Dragon and Guido were coming out of the market to see it pouring rain. So what did they do? They went back inside, where it was dry, to wait it out. Do you want to know how long I was out there? No, you probably don't, but IT WAS A LONG FREAKING WET TIME!!! Add in the thunder and lightning, and that makes a doubly good time NOT!
As it started to let up, the old man's wife came with her shopping under an umbrella. He helped load up his car while telling her about ME. She glanced over and had one of those "oh dear me" looks. They got in, and as they pulled out, they both stared at me as if I was a sopping wet lunatic, which is precisely what I felt like. Yup, and then the people in the car next to mine came, and once again, I was being looked at and, this time, snickered at as they pulled out and by the time they started to drive off, in full laughter.
Yup, yup, yup.
FINALLY, SHE shows up, and without a word, she hands me Guido and puts her bag in the back on the floor. And she asks me for a towel. Like, I have one. Right, you are. So she goes in her bag and gets a trash can liner. She puts that in Guido's car seat and one for her in the passenger side in front, what I refer to as the Death Seat, and she makes no mention of the wet, or me, or the fact she had the keys, which she put in the ignition without even a glance at me wet countenance, and so we drove home IN SILENCE.
You can say she got me back for those turkeys. Yeah, I locked the doors. I couldn't help meself. YUP.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
We have a term for this mate. It's called water logged.
ReplyDeleteIn a car? Maybe in a boat . . . but who'd a thunk in a car? Oi.
ReplyDeleteAw poor wet you Mr. O'Sullivan. I assume a carton of car deodorizer is needed for the mildewy smell?
ReplyDeleteActually no, but it cleaned the drippy candy and ice cream stains away.
ReplyDelete