17 August to NOW - 2011
444
R. Linda:
I got home at 5 because as you know I've been reporting on the Romney campaign and with the man himself here in New Hampshire, it has been early hours home unless there be a house party and then not so much, I don't get in until late. So Wednesday, I did me work thing and got home and as I got in the house I let the dogs out as I usually do. The boyos were being picked up by Tonya at school because they were off to a birthday party and would not be home until after 7. So as I went into the kitchen to get meself a drink, I nearly gave meself a start because I had forgotten (Dadnesia) that Dragon was still at me house. She was sitting at the kitchen table doing a crossword puzzle.
I guess I frightened her as well because she looked as shocked to see me as I was to see her. After we both settled down and stopped bickering about who snuck up on who and who wasn't paying any attention or HEARING the door open, etc., she asked me where the hounds were they weren't jumping around and making a fuss when someone comes inside. I informed her they were out and I would get them in later.
"Oh you shouldn't have let them out, those ferocious turkeys are about the place."
"They'll be all right," I said pouring meself a glass of milk.
"No, and you know that's not true. That crazy Irish dog of yours is all about hunting them down."
"So, we'll have turkey dinner for the next five weeks," I said ignoring the crazy Irish remark and sipping me milk. I left to go change and when I came back there was no Dragon at the table, just the crossword. I looked out the window and there she was walking into the woods calling the dogs.
I stood there with another glass of milk watching to see if they'd actually jump on her and knock her down because they did that with anyone they came upon, but suddenly she did something that got me full attention. She turned around and started running, yes R. Linda, running, faster than I thought her capable, and I looked but no turkeys or dogs were in pursuit.
She was running toward the house, but suddenly did a turn for the garden hose but seeing it wasn't turned on came back towards the house and in the door almost knocking me over.
"What is the matter with you?" I asked as she went for the sink and turned on the cold tap.
"Been stung by bees, get me a Benadryl quick, two of them!"
I did as bidden and she gulped down water with pills and then said she was going for the shower. I was like OK. I mean what was I to do? She seemed to have it under control. Meanwhile, the two crazy dogs showed up to be let in and well, they were fine. So me and said dogs went into the lounge to look at the telly. It was five minutes later with me feet up, dogs starting to doze along with meself, when the Dragon appeared and told me to drive her to the ER.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked her half asleep and somewhat confused.
"I feel funny, my lip feels really big and I itch terribly. Was yellow jackets, the worst kind of insect sting."
Her lip looked fine, she informed she wasn't stung there but was feeling very odd so get in the car and drive fast. So I got her in the car and off we went to the ER. I dropped her at the entrance and went to park the car while she rushed in. Once inside I saw her nowhere when this voice in a cubicle asked me if I am with Mrs. Abdullah. Well, I hated to admit to such but confirmed I was the son-in-law and so she had me sit down to check the Dragon in.
"She's been whisked away by the doctor, those stings can be serious. So can you confirm her birth date for me?"
I sat there stumped, and then I guessed, "Uh 360 A.D.? I really don't know."
Without missing a beat the woman read a birth date to me, and I said that seemed right, and then I wondered if she knew it all along why was she asking ME? Then she said, "She's here for bee stings, is that correct?"
"Uh no it was yellow jackets," said I trying to be concise.
"We'll just leave bee stings, we don't need to be technical." And on she goes asking me if I have a picture I.D. of the Dragon, a scary idea.
"No," says I, "but I can see if it's in the car, she took her insurance cards and left her purse . . . "
"That's okay." Says the woman.
And here I am wondering what do they do in case of a lawsuit with misinformation? And not checking the patient's I.D.? Anyway, she told me to take a seat in the waiting room and they'd let me see her when they were ready. Oh great. So I went into the empty room and there was Jane Valez Mitchell on the telly going strong on Casey Anthony and her parole and I was like isn't this three or four weeks ago news? But I didn't have long to ponder as I was called into one of the rooms where the Dragon was shaking like a leaf and the doctor looked concerned and the two nurses, yes two, were doing blood pressure and the other setting up an EKG. I was like what is going on?
The doctor came over and introduced himself as Dr. James Watson and it was hard for me to not say I'm Sherlock Holmes, but I behaved. He told me he had given the Dragon a small dose of epinephrine and it was giving her spasms. She complained she had pains in her chest and he said the medication is notorious for speeding up the heart so they needed to monitor her. And that I would be there a LONG LONG TIME.
They did the EKG she was okay, but her blood pressure was high, the itching was lessening and her lip was feeling more normal, but she had red blotches on her legs and stomach where the yellow jackets had got her. After a while of her settling down, the doctor left for another patient with one nurse and the other stayed behind to read her blood pressure. She was very busy talking to me about Scotland. She thought my accent was Scottish. I didn't correct her, I'd leave that to Dragon, but she was busy snoozing. Anyway, she turns from me and says, "I don't understand why there is no auto-pressure reading. I wanted to say because she's dead? But I held me tongue, the machine made the noise of gearing up and again no reading on the monitor. Uh oh, maybe she was dead! Well, turns out the cuff wasn't on the Dragon's arm, oh silly nurse! Geez. So I am thinking misinformation and ineptness. OK.
So finally pressure is coming down, the nurse leaves and Dragon continues to snooze. I am sitting there looking at her pale skin because she was pale which is not the norm. Her lower jaw is sunk in her head and she looks like a corpse. I was giving meself the ab-dabs (heebie jeebies) just looking at her. When sitting there for more than forty-five minutes with no one to talk to, one thinks stupid thoughts. For me, I was wondering how many yellow jackets succumbed to Dragon contact. Did they scream as they made contact? I know I should be shot, but it was the only thought I had. Then it struck me I should call Tonya. OMG, how could I have not rung her? Then I see the sign, NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED IN THE EMERGENCY. Well, I'd have to go outside but before I could, the nurse was back to check on her so I sat there until that was done. The nurse leaves and there is this minor disturbance down by the registration and I could see three motley teens all wearing knit caps in 80-degree heat outside. Idiots I thought. Well, I didn't dream how much more of being idiots they could be before one of the nurses said loud enough for me to hear, "Well, it looks like an infected hang nail. But if you want to see a doctor we can arrange it."
I was like what? Are you kidding me? A hang nail? You came to an emergency room for a hang nail? Seriously dude? Where is your mother? I snickered to meself. Well, the two with the hang nail victim, started laughing at him, so he left and they followed. I figured oh well, time to go outside to ring up Tonya. As I was walking down the hall the three came back and had decided the hang nail must be seen because if it was too infected he could lose his finger. I was like RIGHT YOUNG MAN you take care of that! As I was going out the door I was thinking how proud his Mam will be when she gets the bill for an emergency hang nail operation.
So out I went and I rang me wife telling her where her mother and meself were and why. Only her phone kept fading in and out from a near-dead battery. I told her not to come, things were getting better and we'd be home in another hour or two, or three. Well, because she didn't really know what the hell I said, she left the boyos with the birthday hostess and flew over to the ER. There I was half asleep in a chair when she walked in and I heard something about, "he had this hang nail . . ." and of course the first person she sees is ME and she knew by looking at me there isn't a thing wrong, so naturally the reprimand starts with, "OH MY GOD GABRIEL! A HANG NAIL?" I pointed at her mother who was doing the, "Huh? What? Uh?" and I said to her, "Not me, no hang nail that's next door, they probably thought you were the lad's mam, no Tonya," and I gestured again towards the woman on the gurney I thought she'd recognise right off, but no. "Your mother was nearly eaten by yellow jackets."
I explained and Dragon explained and then the doctor came in and he explained it all. I guess he decided to not wait another hour but let us take the Dragon Lady home since we had turned into the Bickersons and were disrupting the operation on the hang nail. I guess it was enough. So they unhooked the Dragon from the machines that were monitoring heartbeat and blood pressure, had a few laughs with her and she made some lame jokes about the "bees" and the best was it was ALL MY FAULT. Well, of course, it was! I let the dogs out and there were these war-like turkeys and blah blah blah, my son-in-law has no compassion for his animals. NOT TRUE! It's the other way around for heaven's sake.
So we had a script to stop off at the chemist's, I mean pharmacy for. We all went in because this was an excuse to shop while waiting. I was like are you kidding me? I pointed out to the Dragon she had a not-so-nice dose of epinephrine and she was supposed to be taking it easy and resting not shopping for toys for the boyos and of course, the wife was busy in the cosmetic department. Oi! So I went and waited for the two Epi Pens that the Dragon was to keep with her at all times since she was sensitive to stings and in the kit the chemist told me, we had a bogus pen to practice with. Em . . . wonderful. We could all practice if we got bored. And then of course we had the script for steroids. Yup, a manly Dragon was just what I wanted armed with a lethal Epi Pen.
We almost forgot the boyos. We were nearing home when Tonya remembered where she left them, so I turned the motor around and headed out to pick them up. Once in the car, Dragon regaled them with her near-death experience at the fault of the killer bees and of course "your father" because he let those poor defenseless dogs out to be devoured by the renegade turkey clan. I tell ya, the woman be a nutcase.
So get this, she has to take three Benadryl a day, steroid meds for three days, and two Pepcid ACs a day for three days. And the next day she's asleep wherever she sits down. When we were having dinner she was snoozing in the lounge. Oi! I went to get her and you'd think she just came home from a month's recovery from some catastrophic illness in the hospital. Oi, we had the down-in-the-mouth face, the "I'm very tired, so none of your jokes Gabriel," of which I was like what jokes? But she never takes me seriously so why do I wonder what jokes? Then later, I found her hard and fast asleep leaning on me while we watched the late news. I asked the wife to help get her off, but she left and went to bed, leaving me there! SIGH.
Today, me wife had already booked lunch at Pickety for her and MOTHER since MOTHER was supposed to leave Saturday BUT THAT AIN'T HAPPENING. Well, miraculous recovery when the word Pickety is mentioned.
"I'm not taking that second Benadryl makes me too tired," says the dressed to the nines, ready to go to luncheon Dragon. I was home. And why? Because I was working from home. I had a Romney thingie to go to so there was no reason for me to go into Boston when I had to be in New Hampshire. That also meant I was subject to being HER waiter, footman, valet, servant, slave, and what have you. If she saw me she'd put me to task for something. I told her I was WORKING, but if it wasn't working for her, then I wasn't working, I was lazing around. So I am home doing hard time. Yes, I am. She's not leaving anytime soon BECAUSE we need to recover from our horrible woodland experience. Yes, we do.
I would love to ring up Cruella and say, "Hey baby, I need a trip out of town, like out of the country, got anything?"
SIGH.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I got home at 5 because as you know I've been reporting on the Romney campaign and with the man himself here in New Hampshire, it has been early hours home unless there be a house party and then not so much, I don't get in until late. So Wednesday, I did me work thing and got home and as I got in the house I let the dogs out as I usually do. The boyos were being picked up by Tonya at school because they were off to a birthday party and would not be home until after 7. So as I went into the kitchen to get meself a drink, I nearly gave meself a start because I had forgotten (Dadnesia) that Dragon was still at me house. She was sitting at the kitchen table doing a crossword puzzle.
I guess I frightened her as well because she looked as shocked to see me as I was to see her. After we both settled down and stopped bickering about who snuck up on who and who wasn't paying any attention or HEARING the door open, etc., she asked me where the hounds were they weren't jumping around and making a fuss when someone comes inside. I informed her they were out and I would get them in later.
"Oh you shouldn't have let them out, those ferocious turkeys are about the place."
"They'll be all right," I said pouring meself a glass of milk.
"No, and you know that's not true. That crazy Irish dog of yours is all about hunting them down."
"So, we'll have turkey dinner for the next five weeks," I said ignoring the crazy Irish remark and sipping me milk. I left to go change and when I came back there was no Dragon at the table, just the crossword. I looked out the window and there she was walking into the woods calling the dogs.
I stood there with another glass of milk watching to see if they'd actually jump on her and knock her down because they did that with anyone they came upon, but suddenly she did something that got me full attention. She turned around and started running, yes R. Linda, running, faster than I thought her capable, and I looked but no turkeys or dogs were in pursuit.
She was running toward the house, but suddenly did a turn for the garden hose but seeing it wasn't turned on came back towards the house and in the door almost knocking me over.
"What is the matter with you?" I asked as she went for the sink and turned on the cold tap.
"Been stung by bees, get me a Benadryl quick, two of them!"
I did as bidden and she gulped down water with pills and then said she was going for the shower. I was like OK. I mean what was I to do? She seemed to have it under control. Meanwhile, the two crazy dogs showed up to be let in and well, they were fine. So me and said dogs went into the lounge to look at the telly. It was five minutes later with me feet up, dogs starting to doze along with meself, when the Dragon appeared and told me to drive her to the ER.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked her half asleep and somewhat confused.
"I feel funny, my lip feels really big and I itch terribly. Was yellow jackets, the worst kind of insect sting."
Her lip looked fine, she informed she wasn't stung there but was feeling very odd so get in the car and drive fast. So I got her in the car and off we went to the ER. I dropped her at the entrance and went to park the car while she rushed in. Once inside I saw her nowhere when this voice in a cubicle asked me if I am with Mrs. Abdullah. Well, I hated to admit to such but confirmed I was the son-in-law and so she had me sit down to check the Dragon in.
"She's been whisked away by the doctor, those stings can be serious. So can you confirm her birth date for me?"
I sat there stumped, and then I guessed, "Uh 360 A.D.? I really don't know."
Without missing a beat the woman read a birth date to me, and I said that seemed right, and then I wondered if she knew it all along why was she asking ME? Then she said, "She's here for bee stings, is that correct?"
"Uh no it was yellow jackets," said I trying to be concise.
"We'll just leave bee stings, we don't need to be technical." And on she goes asking me if I have a picture I.D. of the Dragon, a scary idea.
"No," says I, "but I can see if it's in the car, she took her insurance cards and left her purse . . . "
"That's okay." Says the woman.
And here I am wondering what do they do in case of a lawsuit with misinformation? And not checking the patient's I.D.? Anyway, she told me to take a seat in the waiting room and they'd let me see her when they were ready. Oh great. So I went into the empty room and there was Jane Valez Mitchell on the telly going strong on Casey Anthony and her parole and I was like isn't this three or four weeks ago news? But I didn't have long to ponder as I was called into one of the rooms where the Dragon was shaking like a leaf and the doctor looked concerned and the two nurses, yes two, were doing blood pressure and the other setting up an EKG. I was like what is going on?
The doctor came over and introduced himself as Dr. James Watson and it was hard for me to not say I'm Sherlock Holmes, but I behaved. He told me he had given the Dragon a small dose of epinephrine and it was giving her spasms. She complained she had pains in her chest and he said the medication is notorious for speeding up the heart so they needed to monitor her. And that I would be there a LONG LONG TIME.
They did the EKG she was okay, but her blood pressure was high, the itching was lessening and her lip was feeling more normal, but she had red blotches on her legs and stomach where the yellow jackets had got her. After a while of her settling down, the doctor left for another patient with one nurse and the other stayed behind to read her blood pressure. She was very busy talking to me about Scotland. She thought my accent was Scottish. I didn't correct her, I'd leave that to Dragon, but she was busy snoozing. Anyway, she turns from me and says, "I don't understand why there is no auto-pressure reading. I wanted to say because she's dead? But I held me tongue, the machine made the noise of gearing up and again no reading on the monitor. Uh oh, maybe she was dead! Well, turns out the cuff wasn't on the Dragon's arm, oh silly nurse! Geez. So I am thinking misinformation and ineptness. OK.
So finally pressure is coming down, the nurse leaves and Dragon continues to snooze. I am sitting there looking at her pale skin because she was pale which is not the norm. Her lower jaw is sunk in her head and she looks like a corpse. I was giving meself the ab-dabs (heebie jeebies) just looking at her. When sitting there for more than forty-five minutes with no one to talk to, one thinks stupid thoughts. For me, I was wondering how many yellow jackets succumbed to Dragon contact. Did they scream as they made contact? I know I should be shot, but it was the only thought I had. Then it struck me I should call Tonya. OMG, how could I have not rung her? Then I see the sign, NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED IN THE EMERGENCY. Well, I'd have to go outside but before I could, the nurse was back to check on her so I sat there until that was done. The nurse leaves and there is this minor disturbance down by the registration and I could see three motley teens all wearing knit caps in 80-degree heat outside. Idiots I thought. Well, I didn't dream how much more of being idiots they could be before one of the nurses said loud enough for me to hear, "Well, it looks like an infected hang nail. But if you want to see a doctor we can arrange it."
I was like what? Are you kidding me? A hang nail? You came to an emergency room for a hang nail? Seriously dude? Where is your mother? I snickered to meself. Well, the two with the hang nail victim, started laughing at him, so he left and they followed. I figured oh well, time to go outside to ring up Tonya. As I was walking down the hall the three came back and had decided the hang nail must be seen because if it was too infected he could lose his finger. I was like RIGHT YOUNG MAN you take care of that! As I was going out the door I was thinking how proud his Mam will be when she gets the bill for an emergency hang nail operation.
So out I went and I rang me wife telling her where her mother and meself were and why. Only her phone kept fading in and out from a near-dead battery. I told her not to come, things were getting better and we'd be home in another hour or two, or three. Well, because she didn't really know what the hell I said, she left the boyos with the birthday hostess and flew over to the ER. There I was half asleep in a chair when she walked in and I heard something about, "he had this hang nail . . ." and of course the first person she sees is ME and she knew by looking at me there isn't a thing wrong, so naturally the reprimand starts with, "OH MY GOD GABRIEL! A HANG NAIL?" I pointed at her mother who was doing the, "Huh? What? Uh?" and I said to her, "Not me, no hang nail that's next door, they probably thought you were the lad's mam, no Tonya," and I gestured again towards the woman on the gurney I thought she'd recognise right off, but no. "Your mother was nearly eaten by yellow jackets."
I explained and Dragon explained and then the doctor came in and he explained it all. I guess he decided to not wait another hour but let us take the Dragon Lady home since we had turned into the Bickersons and were disrupting the operation on the hang nail. I guess it was enough. So they unhooked the Dragon from the machines that were monitoring heartbeat and blood pressure, had a few laughs with her and she made some lame jokes about the "bees" and the best was it was ALL MY FAULT. Well, of course, it was! I let the dogs out and there were these war-like turkeys and blah blah blah, my son-in-law has no compassion for his animals. NOT TRUE! It's the other way around for heaven's sake.
So we had a script to stop off at the chemist's, I mean pharmacy for. We all went in because this was an excuse to shop while waiting. I was like are you kidding me? I pointed out to the Dragon she had a not-so-nice dose of epinephrine and she was supposed to be taking it easy and resting not shopping for toys for the boyos and of course, the wife was busy in the cosmetic department. Oi! So I went and waited for the two Epi Pens that the Dragon was to keep with her at all times since she was sensitive to stings and in the kit the chemist told me, we had a bogus pen to practice with. Em . . . wonderful. We could all practice if we got bored. And then of course we had the script for steroids. Yup, a manly Dragon was just what I wanted armed with a lethal Epi Pen.
We almost forgot the boyos. We were nearing home when Tonya remembered where she left them, so I turned the motor around and headed out to pick them up. Once in the car, Dragon regaled them with her near-death experience at the fault of the killer bees and of course "your father" because he let those poor defenseless dogs out to be devoured by the renegade turkey clan. I tell ya, the woman be a nutcase.
So get this, she has to take three Benadryl a day, steroid meds for three days, and two Pepcid ACs a day for three days. And the next day she's asleep wherever she sits down. When we were having dinner she was snoozing in the lounge. Oi! I went to get her and you'd think she just came home from a month's recovery from some catastrophic illness in the hospital. Oi, we had the down-in-the-mouth face, the "I'm very tired, so none of your jokes Gabriel," of which I was like what jokes? But she never takes me seriously so why do I wonder what jokes? Then later, I found her hard and fast asleep leaning on me while we watched the late news. I asked the wife to help get her off, but she left and went to bed, leaving me there! SIGH.
Today, me wife had already booked lunch at Pickety for her and MOTHER since MOTHER was supposed to leave Saturday BUT THAT AIN'T HAPPENING. Well, miraculous recovery when the word Pickety is mentioned.
"I'm not taking that second Benadryl makes me too tired," says the dressed to the nines, ready to go to luncheon Dragon. I was home. And why? Because I was working from home. I had a Romney thingie to go to so there was no reason for me to go into Boston when I had to be in New Hampshire. That also meant I was subject to being HER waiter, footman, valet, servant, slave, and what have you. If she saw me she'd put me to task for something. I told her I was WORKING, but if it wasn't working for her, then I wasn't working, I was lazing around. So I am home doing hard time. Yes, I am. She's not leaving anytime soon BECAUSE we need to recover from our horrible woodland experience. Yes, we do.
I would love to ring up Cruella and say, "Hey baby, I need a trip out of town, like out of the country, got anything?"
SIGH.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
6 comments:
I know I shouldn't encourage you and laugh, but you are a strange but funny thinking man even in the worst of situations.
Talk about aggressive bugs, she hit the jackpot. Did she go off trail is that what happened? I'm surprised the dogs weren't bitten. And you, looking at her like she was dead, wow what an imagination! Or, wishful thinking? LOL
one word - Ow!
To Fiona, yes she did go off trail. The dogs obviously did not, but then they be smarter than a dragon.
Thank goodness she didn't go into anaphylactic shock. Keep that epi-pen handy at all times. Don't get it mixed up with the lads' magic markers :-)
I'll TRY not to. Uh hem.
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