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R. Linda:
I know you can't get enough of our busy little town news. Just yesterday, a business owner of a small art shop called our two put-upon minions of the law on a vexing problem. How many times does something have to happen that you can call it vexing? I dunno meself, but I'd think more than once, but I be not correct. I discovered that if it happens once, it be a vexing problem that may continue unabated unless something is done about it. Confused? I am.
I can just see these two officers when the phone rings, "YOU get it," "No, it's YOUR turn," and I think I should quit me job and join the 'force'. Then there would be three of us enjoying life, laughter and crazy people. Think of the wealth of material I'd have for the blog.
Back to the latest news. The art shop owner rang for "advice" - yes, she did. She wanted to know how to prevent something from happening twice. Um hum. So, to fully understand what she was talking about, our men of law enforcement drove on over to the shop. The art shop owner pointed out that someone used her backyard as a shortcut, so they didn't have to stop at the STOP sign. Now, to understand this, you have to know that people up here have sizable properties. Homes are not next to each other, and in this case, her corner property had two roads that came down on either side of it, with another road in the front of the house and behind her yard woodland.
I know what you're thinking; just bear with me here. We are talking about a very small, not too populated and, in most minds, not too educated, wooded state in the country's north. Sort of boxed away and forgotten, ya know what I mean? With a small population with little to do most of the year, unless it's time to chop down trees, they get bored easily and whipped up over the most minor things. Anyway, the vehicle had damaged her fence (yes, one of those white picket things that populate New England) and left tyre tracks across the lawn. What she wanted was advice on keeping traffic from going through her property. I'll let that settle in your mind for a few minutes while you think about it.
Okay, you can stop laughing now, THAT really happened! The officer's advice besides, "We doubt that will happen again," was "Put up a higher fence." OH YEAH! That was their solution. No, we'll stake out the premises and see who the culprit is. Nah, a bigger, higher fence, please, so we can return to the barracks and wait for the next crazy call.
One more, because it's related to the prior news story. Our two police officers were called back to the art owner's shop in the wee hours. But let me catch you backwards a few hours earlier. Seems someone choked on swallowing an egg whole while drinking a beer at the only pub in town. The ambulance was called, and the two aboard had administered to the choking victim, Heimliching the egg out of the man. To show his thanks and good well, he offered to buy the ambulance personnel a beer each. They declined being on duty, but well, everyone (all heavily in their cups) in the pub insisted, and these two, thinking it would be the typical slow night it always is, had not one, but six each. Unfortunately, as they were settled in with the patrons, their pagers went off, and they had a call. Slamming down their beers, they ran out and drove off. It was a few minutes later when one of them realised they were headed in the wrong direction. To right this wrong, they were just about coming up to where the art shop was when they saw a few cars stopped at the STOP sign. It was late at night. These thoughtful men didn't want to wake the art shop owner with their sirens. The shop owner, by the by, was not asleep but sitting on her back porch enjoying the fireflies when the ambulance cut through her backyard and out to the other street, continuing on the way to being of assistance. WELL, as you can imagine, this did not sit well with the art shop owner, who got on the horn and gave the local constabulary an earful. Meanwhile, the ambulance made it to the scene of distress, which turned out to be old man McGetigan having lost the band-aid from his finger in the opening of a Ziploc bag of cheese chunkies. That action had started a recent cut to bled. McGetigan, being in his 90s, gave it no thought, so by the time his wife saw him and the blood dripping down his arm and all over the floor, she thought he had shot himself and called the ambulance. Once she rang THEM, she also rang the police to tell them her husband was trying to commit suicide. Oi!
To make this painful story short, one officer was dropped off at the art shop owner's, and the other continued on to the attempted suicide. When the one heard that it was the ambulance that barreled through the backyard, he got in touch with his comrade in law who told him to borrow a car and get over to McGetigan's because the old man was about to beat up on the old lady for accusing him of trying to kill himself when all he wanted was his cheese chunkies! But worse, one of the ambulance drivers had passed out and smelled of beer. The other one had bandaged the wrong finger on the wrong hand of a raging McGetigan; the wife was distraught, and well, he had his hands full.
YUP. Mrs. McG was given a citation for calling the police needlessly, and ambulance personnel - arrested and eventually fired. Art shop owner to be paid restitution for yard and fence damages by former ambulance personnel. The pub owner was cited for serving alcohol to two ambulance personnel, knowing full well they were on duty. Nuff said.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I know you can't get enough of our busy little town news. Just yesterday, a business owner of a small art shop called our two put-upon minions of the law on a vexing problem. How many times does something have to happen that you can call it vexing? I dunno meself, but I'd think more than once, but I be not correct. I discovered that if it happens once, it be a vexing problem that may continue unabated unless something is done about it. Confused? I am.
I can just see these two officers when the phone rings, "YOU get it," "No, it's YOUR turn," and I think I should quit me job and join the 'force'. Then there would be three of us enjoying life, laughter and crazy people. Think of the wealth of material I'd have for the blog.
Back to the latest news. The art shop owner rang for "advice" - yes, she did. She wanted to know how to prevent something from happening twice. Um hum. So, to fully understand what she was talking about, our men of law enforcement drove on over to the shop. The art shop owner pointed out that someone used her backyard as a shortcut, so they didn't have to stop at the STOP sign. Now, to understand this, you have to know that people up here have sizable properties. Homes are not next to each other, and in this case, her corner property had two roads that came down on either side of it, with another road in the front of the house and behind her yard woodland.
I know what you're thinking; just bear with me here. We are talking about a very small, not too populated and, in most minds, not too educated, wooded state in the country's north. Sort of boxed away and forgotten, ya know what I mean? With a small population with little to do most of the year, unless it's time to chop down trees, they get bored easily and whipped up over the most minor things. Anyway, the vehicle had damaged her fence (yes, one of those white picket things that populate New England) and left tyre tracks across the lawn. What she wanted was advice on keeping traffic from going through her property. I'll let that settle in your mind for a few minutes while you think about it.
Okay, you can stop laughing now, THAT really happened! The officer's advice besides, "We doubt that will happen again," was "Put up a higher fence." OH YEAH! That was their solution. No, we'll stake out the premises and see who the culprit is. Nah, a bigger, higher fence, please, so we can return to the barracks and wait for the next crazy call.
One more, because it's related to the prior news story. Our two police officers were called back to the art owner's shop in the wee hours. But let me catch you backwards a few hours earlier. Seems someone choked on swallowing an egg whole while drinking a beer at the only pub in town. The ambulance was called, and the two aboard had administered to the choking victim, Heimliching the egg out of the man. To show his thanks and good well, he offered to buy the ambulance personnel a beer each. They declined being on duty, but well, everyone (all heavily in their cups) in the pub insisted, and these two, thinking it would be the typical slow night it always is, had not one, but six each. Unfortunately, as they were settled in with the patrons, their pagers went off, and they had a call. Slamming down their beers, they ran out and drove off. It was a few minutes later when one of them realised they were headed in the wrong direction. To right this wrong, they were just about coming up to where the art shop was when they saw a few cars stopped at the STOP sign. It was late at night. These thoughtful men didn't want to wake the art shop owner with their sirens. The shop owner, by the by, was not asleep but sitting on her back porch enjoying the fireflies when the ambulance cut through her backyard and out to the other street, continuing on the way to being of assistance. WELL, as you can imagine, this did not sit well with the art shop owner, who got on the horn and gave the local constabulary an earful. Meanwhile, the ambulance made it to the scene of distress, which turned out to be old man McGetigan having lost the band-aid from his finger in the opening of a Ziploc bag of cheese chunkies. That action had started a recent cut to bled. McGetigan, being in his 90s, gave it no thought, so by the time his wife saw him and the blood dripping down his arm and all over the floor, she thought he had shot himself and called the ambulance. Once she rang THEM, she also rang the police to tell them her husband was trying to commit suicide. Oi!
To make this painful story short, one officer was dropped off at the art shop owner's, and the other continued on to the attempted suicide. When the one heard that it was the ambulance that barreled through the backyard, he got in touch with his comrade in law who told him to borrow a car and get over to McGetigan's because the old man was about to beat up on the old lady for accusing him of trying to kill himself when all he wanted was his cheese chunkies! But worse, one of the ambulance drivers had passed out and smelled of beer. The other one had bandaged the wrong finger on the wrong hand of a raging McGetigan; the wife was distraught, and well, he had his hands full.
YUP. Mrs. McG was given a citation for calling the police needlessly, and ambulance personnel - arrested and eventually fired. Art shop owner to be paid restitution for yard and fence damages by former ambulance personnel. The pub owner was cited for serving alcohol to two ambulance personnel, knowing full well they were on duty. Nuff said.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
6 comments:
LMAO
I THINK I WANT TO MOVE TO NEW HAMPSHIRE! But just during the summer when there's nothing on t.v.LOL
Listen to police calls!
didn't you tell me about a man who called the police because someone ran over his chicken? Where's that story? LOL
I did but I forgot that one.
So here it is: The chicken story be me neighbour Lois, yes the flasher, I made it seem like some farmer, but no it was HER. She has chickens and the roosters crow at 4 a.m. When she first got them it was hell because you could hear them crowing. We finally got used to it and don't hear them. Anyway, the chickens, and who knew this, travel. I thought they stayed by their pen, but if they are free range they even go up in trees! Well, they all disappeared for two months but you could hear the rooster crow from afar. I asked Lois about this, she said, "Not to worry, they'll come back when they feel like it." And sure enough one day they were back, then a few weeks later same thing. So one day they migrated to me old neighbour's property and the stupids went down to the road at the end of his driveway to peck on gravel that helps the chickie digestion. Well, one of them got herself run over and when Lois came home from work and was pulling up the driveway (since we no longer have our own road) she noticed this heap of feathers and realised it was WANDA! Yes, a chicken named Wanda. Anyway, she called the cops hoping they'd track down the chicken killer. Yup. So THAT is why I haven't put it on the blog, but I have now, so this should end any questions on the dead chicken.
POOR WANDA! COULDN'T EVEN COOK HER AND EAT HER!LMAO
OH MY. Muse -- ONLY YOU would think of that.
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