18 June 2011
Story #418
R. Linda:
OK, I have debated about even writing about this because it be so totally unbelievable, but it's me here who finds this stuff and gets a sick chuckle out of it! What the heck, I'll throw caution to the wind and say you won't believe me, even though I do have a picture to prove this. Here goes.
Even in England, we Irish just can't behave ourselves, no, we can't. And if we did, life would be very dull indeed. So let me regale you with how an Irishman cared for a medical problem that had been vexing him for five pesky years! It seems Sean Murphy had a wart on his middle digit, he did. It had grown in time to the size of an American dime, and it was unsightly to Sean, as well as in the way. Now Sean did what most of us would, he saw his doctor, and he tried the creams and ointments to reduce the damn thing, BUT none of it worked. Sooo frustrated with modern medicine, Sean decided to take things into his own hands, so to speak, that is.
Anyway, he had a few pints when a brilliant idea popped into his near-pickled brain, and that idea was if you can't get rid of a pesky wart by conventional means, then by the saints, do it yourself! And so he hatched a plan, he did.
In his desperation to be rid of said wart, our Sean looked to unconventional wisdom that was floating around his soggy brain that told him to go get that 12 bore Beretta he saw laying in a hedgerow (????? I know, I know, but Sean swore that's where he got the gun and that's when the idea popped into his head), and took aim, he did, at the pesky wart. With enough courage to resolve the problem for good, he fired. Uh-huh. I'll pause here as you think about this and take a moment to bow your head in memory of that pesky wart AND finger. Yes, Sean shot off most of his middle finger; he did. And guess what? THAT surprised him! Yes, it did.
"I didn't expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it, but the gun recoiled and that was it," he told the Daily Telegraph. "The best thing is that the wart has gone . . . it was giving me a lot of trouble."
O K
But this story doesn't end here, no, R. Linda, it does not, it gets worse for our Sean, it does. Seems right after the demise of said wart along with part of the digit on his left hand, his place of employment got wind of what our Sean did and fired his arse. Not only THAT, but the local police got wind of the incident as well and well . . . they opened an investigation and poor Sean was looking at maybe 15 years prison time for not shooting off the wart but possessing an illegal handgun! Ya just can't win! Lose part of a finger and win time in the nick!
Sean's defence attorney said, "Mr. Murphy was a victim of his own stupidity when domestic pressures got to him."
Duh, do you think?
So it was settled. Sean pleaded guilty to theft of a gun and was found guilty of possessing a firearm without a proper certificate. In return, Sean was given a 16-week suspended sentence with 100 community service hours and a fine of $140. The South Yorkshire Police are still investigating how the Beretta appeared in a hedgerow. Gee, I wonder.
So there you have it, R. Linda, a tale of desperation, bloodshed, loss of a finger, crazy consequences, and another example of Irish Know Not.
R. Linda:
OK, I have debated about even writing about this because it be so totally unbelievable, but it's me here who finds this stuff and gets a sick chuckle out of it! What the heck, I'll throw caution to the wind and say you won't believe me, even though I do have a picture to prove this. Here goes.
Even in England, we Irish just can't behave ourselves, no, we can't. And if we did, life would be very dull indeed. So let me regale you with how an Irishman cared for a medical problem that had been vexing him for five pesky years! It seems Sean Murphy had a wart on his middle digit, he did. It had grown in time to the size of an American dime, and it was unsightly to Sean, as well as in the way. Now Sean did what most of us would, he saw his doctor, and he tried the creams and ointments to reduce the damn thing, BUT none of it worked. Sooo frustrated with modern medicine, Sean decided to take things into his own hands, so to speak, that is.
Anyway, he had a few pints when a brilliant idea popped into his near-pickled brain, and that idea was if you can't get rid of a pesky wart by conventional means, then by the saints, do it yourself! And so he hatched a plan, he did.
In his desperation to be rid of said wart, our Sean looked to unconventional wisdom that was floating around his soggy brain that told him to go get that 12 bore Beretta he saw laying in a hedgerow (????? I know, I know, but Sean swore that's where he got the gun and that's when the idea popped into his head), and took aim, he did, at the pesky wart. With enough courage to resolve the problem for good, he fired. Uh-huh. I'll pause here as you think about this and take a moment to bow your head in memory of that pesky wart AND finger. Yes, Sean shot off most of his middle finger; he did. And guess what? THAT surprised him! Yes, it did.
"I didn't expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it, but the gun recoiled and that was it," he told the Daily Telegraph. "The best thing is that the wart has gone . . . it was giving me a lot of trouble."
O K
But this story doesn't end here, no, R. Linda, it does not, it gets worse for our Sean, it does. Seems right after the demise of said wart along with part of the digit on his left hand, his place of employment got wind of what our Sean did and fired his arse. Not only THAT, but the local police got wind of the incident as well and well . . . they opened an investigation and poor Sean was looking at maybe 15 years prison time for not shooting off the wart but possessing an illegal handgun! Ya just can't win! Lose part of a finger and win time in the nick!
Sean's defence attorney said, "Mr. Murphy was a victim of his own stupidity when domestic pressures got to him."
Duh, do you think?
So it was settled. Sean pleaded guilty to theft of a gun and was found guilty of possessing a firearm without a proper certificate. In return, Sean was given a 16-week suspended sentence with 100 community service hours and a fine of $140. The South Yorkshire Police are still investigating how the Beretta appeared in a hedgerow. Gee, I wonder.
So there you have it, R. Linda, a tale of desperation, bloodshed, loss of a finger, crazy consequences, and another example of Irish Know Not.
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| Photo of Sean's loss by Ross Parry |
Gabe
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Sean, Sean, Sean ...
ReplyDeleteShooting yourself in the foot is one thing, but the hand? Seems he did both!
ReplyDelete