10 May 2010
287
R. Linda:
Mother's Day dawned bright and breezy. Beautiful day it was, and I had dreams of swinging in the breeze in the hammie, but I knew it was HER day and that wasn't going to happen. We had decided early on we would have pizza and I'd go out and get her fav cake at the bakery and this I did early. I ordered the pizza and said to her, "Is there anything you'd like me to do today?" And she said, "Yes, could you fix those three boards sticking out of the garden shed, please."
Now let it be known, this be the same shed the car plough lies dead in. I have yet to take the plough off and have the car junked because I found out in passing, that the person who would be coming to take el junk mobile would be me not-so-good friend Percy, Officer Mercer of the law and part-time tow truck operator. So I be putting that off because I know it will cost me something, even though his sign says FREE REMOVAL OF JUNK CARS. For me nothing with him is free. Anyway, Tonya has taken over part of the shed as her garden supply and planting of seedlings area. There are three boards that had popped from having too short nails (and the wrong kind) from the wall and she has asked me repeatedly to do something about them, but I just never seem to find the time.
Well, the time had come. I saw me old neighbour as I was starting to pull out to get nails for me project, and he asked me if I was doing something special for Tonya. I told him we were having a quiet day and I was ordering pizza, cake, etc., and had promised to do a fix-it job which I described.
"Gabe, take my nail gun it'll do the job better and faster, give you more time with your wife."
Never one not to cut time off a chore, I agreed. He even had the four-inch nails I'd need so I got his mini-compressor, got the gun all setup and zap, zap, one board up. Zap, zap, second board up. Zap, zap, OUCH third board up and nail through me hand when the gun double fired. FOUR INCH nail through me hand! I stood there looking at it in disbelief. Oh my, what to do. I put the nail gun down and pulled, but nothing. It didn't hurt, I didn't even know I did it until I saw the nail sticking out of both sides of the fleshy part of me upper hand. I realised I might pull a blood vessel if I pulled it out, so I walked to the back porch where Tonya was enjoying the breeze with a pina colada while awaiting the pizza delivery dude, and I told her I had a "wee bit of a problem."
When she saw me hand she jumped up, her eyes wide and came crashing through the screen door to look at me "problem" and then she started doing that Chef Ramsey thing of rocking on the balls of her feet and punching one fist into the palm of her hand.
"I be going to the casualty," I said calmly.
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" She kept saying staring wide-eyed at me hand.
"I will ring you when I get this thing out," I said digging for me car keys with me good hand.
"NO, I'll drive you."
"No, I'll drive me. You enjoy the day," I said having keys in hand and starting to walk to the car. I knew with her driving in that state, I'd be going to hospital for more than just nail removal.
"Are you crazy? You can't drive to the ER like that, what if you pass out? And enjoy the day? You ARE crazy, how can I enjoy the day with you with a huge nail in your hand, you could bleed to death once they pull that out."
"I'll be fine, you need to wait for the pizza anyway, and don't wait for me," I said getting into the car and I pulled off. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was terribly calm and that surprised even me. I drove meself to hospital emergency and walked into an empty lobby.
"May I help you?" The receptionist asked popping up from a filing cabinet.
I held up me hand.
"Ohhh I see," she said and ticked the keys on her computer. "Name?"
I gave her the insurance particulars and she told me a nurse would be out soon, to have a seat. I sat meself down and three more people came in to see an already-admitted patient. They were asked to have a seat and a nurse would be out to direct them to their relative. They sat down in the small area where I was, and they all three took one look and then another at me impaled hand.
"Ow, that must hurt," the older gent said.
"Yes, it should. But amazingly it doesn't," I said.
"If you hit a nerve you'd know it, maybe it's a clean wound," the woman I took as his wife offered.
"How'd you manage that?" The son asked and I related the embarrassing tale to them. They commiserated with me and we were all very calm. Then the nurse came to fetch me and off I went as I heard them discussing how lucky I was I didn't have meself nailed to a board.
I sat on the table in a little cubicle, curtain drawn as I was asked how and when I did me hand in, and if I remembered when me last tenuous shot was, and two more nurses came in and looked and then looked at each other.
"I'm not sure what to do about that," said one.
"Me either, there is no doctor available right now, so I'll get iodine and pliers," said the other one.
"I don't know, maybe we should wait for Dr. Ambers to be available, he should be down shortly," said the one that had taken me information.
"If you bring me the pliers I can remove it," I offered.
They looked aghast at me like I was crazy.
"No, really it doesn't hurt," I said.
"We'll get the iodine bath and the pliers, but we are waiting for the doctor," the information-wielding nurse said and they left the room.
I waited twenty more minutes and one of them came back to take me to x-ray. They had 11 x-rays of me nailed hand when they were done. The radiologist asked me if I had a Jesus complex. Oh ha ha very funny.
Back in the cubicle, I sat waiting again when in walked Percy (see 01 Feb, 2010 Eventful New Year's Eve - continued for my first meeting Percy). Yes, that horrible human being had been on duty and brought in a driver who was complaining of chest pains (probably faking it so as not to get a ticket). He saw me name on the roster and decided to pay a visit. You don't know how thrilled I wasn't.
"Gabe old pal, old buddy, heard ya nailed yourself, ha ha ha ha."
I just looked at him and waved me nailed hand at him.
"I don't know, you sure are something. How'd ya do it Gabe? Trying to be macho for the little woman were ya? Ha ha ha ha ha, bet she was impressed when she saw THAT, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
I wanted to punch him, he was very annoying and I was not up for the levity at me own expense.
"You want me to get my pliers out of the cruiser? I can pull that sucker out, then you'd be good to go, but I can tell ya Gabe, old pal, old buddy, that hand will be three sizes what it is now by tomorrow."
"No thank you."
"Okay, Gabe. I gotta go, can't wait to let the guys at the station know what your latest hi jinx is, ha ha ha ha." And off he went, thank God.
In another thirty minutes, the good doctor bounced in all smiles and he took a look at me hand and told me he'd seen much worse. He asked me how I'd done it and I again explained it all and when I was done, he slid his stool over to the x-ray screen and looked hard at me radiographs.
"Gabe, you have embedded wire in your hand from the coil that holds the nails together as they bolt out of the gun. That should be removed, but the orthosurgeon might not think so. I'll get the nail out, but I know the wire will remain. We'll set up an appointment with an ortho man for you in a couple of days."
"Oh okay," I said, not quite letting that new part of me injury sink in.
The nurse brought in a bowl filled with iodine and a roll of bandage, and let's not forget the pliers.
"Now Gabe, this may hurt but we will get this out, I'll give you prescriptions for pain and antibiotics, wrap your hand up to keep it clean and I want you not to use it for the rest of the day."
"Okay," said I as the nurse placed me hand in the bowl of liquid.
Two nurses held my hand down in the bowl as the doctor added his and then he got a grip with the pliers and Bob's your uncle and the nail was out. I can't say it hurt (that much), it was a strange sensation, but once out the wound started to throb like a son of a bitch. They put antiseptic cream on the holes and wrapped the hand up like a mitten, fingers and all. It looked a lot worse than it was. Two prescriptions were ripped from a pad, handed to me and I was told to go to chemists and get them filled.
I felt a little shaky kneed for some odd reason on me way to the parking lot. I guess it was that the nail being removed was done and over. Funny how it hits you after the fact and I think seeing the x-rays made me queasy. After all, who likes looking at their skeleton with a nail sticking out of it? I will say when you look at the radiographs, it looks so sterile, but when you see the nail embedded in the flesh it looks creepy. So not sure why it had the opposite effect on me.
I spent another thirty minutes at the chemist (pharmacist to you) and armed with scripts took meself home. I pulled into the driveway to find the pizza delivery van parked driverless there. I thought he was awfully late getting to me house, but then as I rounded the back of the house, there on the porch was the pizza delivery dude, me wife, and two kiddies eating cake. The cake had been cut and there wasn't much of it left.
As soon as Tonya saw me she flew off the porch to see me hand. I told her it was fine, I could have pulled it meself but not to worry no bone or blood vessels were hit. The dude came down, fork and cake plate in hand, coffee cup and saucer in the other and stood there chewing and listening to me conversation with Tonya. I looked at him in silent inquiry.
"Oh Gabe, this is Pete. Since you wouldn't let me go to the emergency with you and I was stressed and hadn't heard from you, I asked Pete if he'd like to have some pizza and keep me company until you got back."
"Yeah Mr. O'Sullivan, I hope ya don't mind but this cake is delicious, my third piece, and well who am I to refuse a pretty lady?"
I was like WHAT, WHAT? That was me cake, well technically it was HER cake and PRETTY LADY? What's up with THAT? AND let's not forget I paid for that delicious cake of which there was one skinny piece left! And there was no pizza, they had stress-eaten the entire pie! I was like thanks a lot, but I understood it, yes I did, I should have rang the wife up, but I purposely didn't because I thought it would make things worse, she was helpless at home and all that. Had I known she had taken up with the pizza delivery dude and they were chowing away on an entire pie AND eating THE cake, the best part of the day, I'd have called her and had her bring the whole feast over to the ER while I waited for nail removal. Gees, I can't cut a break even when I'm injured.
Anyway, here are a few x-rays Dr. Linda. Just so you can see the damage. I did not take pictures of the offending nail protruding from me hand, I wasn't thinking about being photo-ready at the time. Sigh. BUT I did make a drawing!
R. Linda:
Mother's Day dawned bright and breezy. Beautiful day it was, and I had dreams of swinging in the breeze in the hammie, but I knew it was HER day and that wasn't going to happen. We had decided early on we would have pizza and I'd go out and get her fav cake at the bakery and this I did early. I ordered the pizza and said to her, "Is there anything you'd like me to do today?" And she said, "Yes, could you fix those three boards sticking out of the garden shed, please."
Now let it be known, this be the same shed the car plough lies dead in. I have yet to take the plough off and have the car junked because I found out in passing, that the person who would be coming to take el junk mobile would be me not-so-good friend Percy, Officer Mercer of the law and part-time tow truck operator. So I be putting that off because I know it will cost me something, even though his sign says FREE REMOVAL OF JUNK CARS. For me nothing with him is free. Anyway, Tonya has taken over part of the shed as her garden supply and planting of seedlings area. There are three boards that had popped from having too short nails (and the wrong kind) from the wall and she has asked me repeatedly to do something about them, but I just never seem to find the time.
Well, the time had come. I saw me old neighbour as I was starting to pull out to get nails for me project, and he asked me if I was doing something special for Tonya. I told him we were having a quiet day and I was ordering pizza, cake, etc., and had promised to do a fix-it job which I described.
"Gabe, take my nail gun it'll do the job better and faster, give you more time with your wife."
Never one not to cut time off a chore, I agreed. He even had the four-inch nails I'd need so I got his mini-compressor, got the gun all setup and zap, zap, one board up. Zap, zap, second board up. Zap, zap, OUCH third board up and nail through me hand when the gun double fired. FOUR INCH nail through me hand! I stood there looking at it in disbelief. Oh my, what to do. I put the nail gun down and pulled, but nothing. It didn't hurt, I didn't even know I did it until I saw the nail sticking out of both sides of the fleshy part of me upper hand. I realised I might pull a blood vessel if I pulled it out, so I walked to the back porch where Tonya was enjoying the breeze with a pina colada while awaiting the pizza delivery dude, and I told her I had a "wee bit of a problem."
When she saw me hand she jumped up, her eyes wide and came crashing through the screen door to look at me "problem" and then she started doing that Chef Ramsey thing of rocking on the balls of her feet and punching one fist into the palm of her hand.
"I be going to the casualty," I said calmly.
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" She kept saying staring wide-eyed at me hand.
"I will ring you when I get this thing out," I said digging for me car keys with me good hand.
"NO, I'll drive you."
"No, I'll drive me. You enjoy the day," I said having keys in hand and starting to walk to the car. I knew with her driving in that state, I'd be going to hospital for more than just nail removal.
"Are you crazy? You can't drive to the ER like that, what if you pass out? And enjoy the day? You ARE crazy, how can I enjoy the day with you with a huge nail in your hand, you could bleed to death once they pull that out."
"I'll be fine, you need to wait for the pizza anyway, and don't wait for me," I said getting into the car and I pulled off. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was terribly calm and that surprised even me. I drove meself to hospital emergency and walked into an empty lobby.
"May I help you?" The receptionist asked popping up from a filing cabinet.
I held up me hand.
"Ohhh I see," she said and ticked the keys on her computer. "Name?"
I gave her the insurance particulars and she told me a nurse would be out soon, to have a seat. I sat meself down and three more people came in to see an already-admitted patient. They were asked to have a seat and a nurse would be out to direct them to their relative. They sat down in the small area where I was, and they all three took one look and then another at me impaled hand.
"Ow, that must hurt," the older gent said.
"Yes, it should. But amazingly it doesn't," I said.
"If you hit a nerve you'd know it, maybe it's a clean wound," the woman I took as his wife offered.
"How'd you manage that?" The son asked and I related the embarrassing tale to them. They commiserated with me and we were all very calm. Then the nurse came to fetch me and off I went as I heard them discussing how lucky I was I didn't have meself nailed to a board.
I sat on the table in a little cubicle, curtain drawn as I was asked how and when I did me hand in, and if I remembered when me last tenuous shot was, and two more nurses came in and looked and then looked at each other.
"I'm not sure what to do about that," said one.
"Me either, there is no doctor available right now, so I'll get iodine and pliers," said the other one.
"I don't know, maybe we should wait for Dr. Ambers to be available, he should be down shortly," said the one that had taken me information.
"If you bring me the pliers I can remove it," I offered.
They looked aghast at me like I was crazy.
"No, really it doesn't hurt," I said.
"We'll get the iodine bath and the pliers, but we are waiting for the doctor," the information-wielding nurse said and they left the room.
I waited twenty more minutes and one of them came back to take me to x-ray. They had 11 x-rays of me nailed hand when they were done. The radiologist asked me if I had a Jesus complex. Oh ha ha very funny.
Back in the cubicle, I sat waiting again when in walked Percy (see 01 Feb, 2010 Eventful New Year's Eve - continued for my first meeting Percy). Yes, that horrible human being had been on duty and brought in a driver who was complaining of chest pains (probably faking it so as not to get a ticket). He saw me name on the roster and decided to pay a visit. You don't know how thrilled I wasn't.
"Gabe old pal, old buddy, heard ya nailed yourself, ha ha ha ha."
I just looked at him and waved me nailed hand at him.
"I don't know, you sure are something. How'd ya do it Gabe? Trying to be macho for the little woman were ya? Ha ha ha ha ha, bet she was impressed when she saw THAT, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
I wanted to punch him, he was very annoying and I was not up for the levity at me own expense.
"You want me to get my pliers out of the cruiser? I can pull that sucker out, then you'd be good to go, but I can tell ya Gabe, old pal, old buddy, that hand will be three sizes what it is now by tomorrow."
"No thank you."
"Okay, Gabe. I gotta go, can't wait to let the guys at the station know what your latest hi jinx is, ha ha ha ha." And off he went, thank God.
In another thirty minutes, the good doctor bounced in all smiles and he took a look at me hand and told me he'd seen much worse. He asked me how I'd done it and I again explained it all and when I was done, he slid his stool over to the x-ray screen and looked hard at me radiographs.
"Gabe, you have embedded wire in your hand from the coil that holds the nails together as they bolt out of the gun. That should be removed, but the orthosurgeon might not think so. I'll get the nail out, but I know the wire will remain. We'll set up an appointment with an ortho man for you in a couple of days."
"Oh okay," I said, not quite letting that new part of me injury sink in.
The nurse brought in a bowl filled with iodine and a roll of bandage, and let's not forget the pliers.
"Now Gabe, this may hurt but we will get this out, I'll give you prescriptions for pain and antibiotics, wrap your hand up to keep it clean and I want you not to use it for the rest of the day."
"Okay," said I as the nurse placed me hand in the bowl of liquid.
Two nurses held my hand down in the bowl as the doctor added his and then he got a grip with the pliers and Bob's your uncle and the nail was out. I can't say it hurt (that much), it was a strange sensation, but once out the wound started to throb like a son of a bitch. They put antiseptic cream on the holes and wrapped the hand up like a mitten, fingers and all. It looked a lot worse than it was. Two prescriptions were ripped from a pad, handed to me and I was told to go to chemists and get them filled.
I felt a little shaky kneed for some odd reason on me way to the parking lot. I guess it was that the nail being removed was done and over. Funny how it hits you after the fact and I think seeing the x-rays made me queasy. After all, who likes looking at their skeleton with a nail sticking out of it? I will say when you look at the radiographs, it looks so sterile, but when you see the nail embedded in the flesh it looks creepy. So not sure why it had the opposite effect on me.
As soon as Tonya saw me she flew off the porch to see me hand. I told her it was fine, I could have pulled it meself but not to worry no bone or blood vessels were hit. The dude came down, fork and cake plate in hand, coffee cup and saucer in the other and stood there chewing and listening to me conversation with Tonya. I looked at him in silent inquiry.
"Oh Gabe, this is Pete. Since you wouldn't let me go to the emergency with you and I was stressed and hadn't heard from you, I asked Pete if he'd like to have some pizza and keep me company until you got back."
"Yeah Mr. O'Sullivan, I hope ya don't mind but this cake is delicious, my third piece, and well who am I to refuse a pretty lady?"
I was like WHAT, WHAT? That was me cake, well technically it was HER cake and PRETTY LADY? What's up with THAT? AND let's not forget I paid for that delicious cake of which there was one skinny piece left! And there was no pizza, they had stress-eaten the entire pie! I was like thanks a lot, but I understood it, yes I did, I should have rang the wife up, but I purposely didn't because I thought it would make things worse, she was helpless at home and all that. Had I known she had taken up with the pizza delivery dude and they were chowing away on an entire pie AND eating THE cake, the best part of the day, I'd have called her and had her bring the whole feast over to the ER while I waited for nail removal. Gees, I can't cut a break even when I'm injured.
Anyway, here are a few x-rays Dr. Linda. Just so you can see the damage. I did not take pictures of the offending nail protruding from me hand, I wasn't thinking about being photo-ready at the time. Sigh. BUT I did make a drawing!
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
4 comments:
Gabe, one word: OUCH!!!
Oh my God, Gabe. I hope your hand is healed. We need more stories, you must have working hands for that. ;) xoxo
The typing hand is typing as you see here for yourselves, but I appreciate the concern. Thanks so much. Cheers!
Nooooooooo I did the same thing only I shot my foot.
Post a Comment