288
R. Linda:
There I was happily going about me business at me place of employment, looking forward to the big hand on the clock hitting 5:00 p.m. in which yours truly would be heading out the door, all work finished and a weekend of lying in me hammock coming up. BUT, unforeseen circumstances presented themselves at precisely five minutes to five in the afternoon. Yes, there I was packing up when over comes Dominick Wong (I know the name is strange looking, but if you could lay your eyes on Dom, well you'd say he was too. He's the product of an Italian mother and Philippino father) who gently broke it to me that we had been chosen as the last minute replacements of two other busier reporters, to go to Albany, New York for a news lecture.
"When?" I asked in a bit of a shock.
"Tomorrow. I pick you up at four in the a.m. and it's a four hour trip and probably four hours of being bored out of our minds, then four hours back and that's the story, Gabe."
I looked at him in disbelief me eyes mere slits in me head, but it's Saturday, I thought disappointed.
He sighed.
"Gabe, Joe and Albert have some stupid story they are working on together and they can't get away, so Benson selected us to go in their stead, because he says, we have slow work, nothing pressing going on."
I sighed. Joey and Albert were always concocting things to keep them from any job or news related events outside of the greater Boston area. I knew only too well that their reputations preceded them when it came to shirking assignments or anything else they didn't feel like doing. They were always too busy and always working on something "important" so this news, while a bit of a shock that their attending something that would enhance their news gathering skills had fallen on us, was not the shock it could have been, instead, simply an annoying fact of me working life.
"Okay," I sighed again. "What is it this time that we are being forced to listen to?"
"You're gonna love it, you and I are attending a small lecture event called "Being On Top Of The News, How To Sort Through The Stuff."
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him to see if he was joking. He wasn't. Wong's eyebrows were raised in self horror that he uttered what he did and at the same time had that 'can you believe this shite' look on his face.
"The stuff?"
"Yeah, that's what they are calling news, stuff. So, I can be by your house at 4 tomorrow morning. Benson is giving us one of the company cars so I can drive and well, we'll get there when we get there and sort through the "stuff" and then . . . " He threw up his hands like he didn't know what else to say. Well, I didn't either so I slammed the rest of my STUFF in me briefcase, as I shook me head like I had a palsy going on.
"What choice, huh?" I said. "All righty then. I'll see you at 4 a.m." And with that we parted ways and off I went cursing under me breath the names of Joey and Albert. Those two I already knew were probably spending their weekend in a pub singing Irish drinking songs while me and Wong took the long drive to a lecture that was probably being given by Sarah Palin or someone with a grudge against the media. SIGH.
Luckily I got meself up at quarter after three on that rainy morning. I jumped in the shower coffee-less and was getting dressed when at 3:45 a.m. Wong pulls up me driveway. I hadn't had coffee, I hadn't had breakfast, I was half clothed and there he was 15 minutes ahead of time. I jumped into me clothes and with hair not quite dry (so I was sporting the slick look), I grabbed me briefcase and ran out the door when I realised I was wearing me bedroom moccasins, so back in I ran, kicked off the mocs and shoved me feet into me shoes, laces flapping, me heels not quite in me shoes as I shuffled back out. Tonya came running after me through the misty rain, hair in curlers, dressed in a fluffy bathrobe, with fluffier slippers looking like that stereotypical housewife you see in cartoons, waving a thermos of coffee after me. Gladly I took it from her, gave her a quick kiss goodbye and in I got and off we went to the sound of tyres crunching small stones on the wet dirt drive and crashing droplets of rain on the car roof and bonnet, the wind screen wipers on extra fast. Just enough sound to put one in a trance or worse, to sleep.
I cannot say that I remember much of the drive to Albany, just that we were driving through some scary mountains in the middle of nowhere to get there. Rainy mist descending every so often that it looked like we were on another planet. No towns for miles and miles, though we did find a Dunkin Donuts where we both replenished our thermoses and bought a dozen jelly doughnuts to while away the monotony and stave off the sleep we desperately wanted.
Once we arrived in Albany and drove around lost for a few minutes in the pouring rain, we found a parking garage and I must say stepping out of the car after being on the road for so long, we were both stiff and cranky. We limped down the street to the hotel where the STUFF lecture was being held and found we were on time for a complimentary breakfast which consisted of . . . jelly doughnuts and coffee. Yup. I think if either of us sees another jelly doughnut in our lives, it will be too soon.
We got our name tags and had our press credentials around our necks and feeling damp and arthritic we made our way into the big room. Our seats were decent and we did see a few people from other news organisations we knew. We waved while under our collective breaths we muttered things like, "HI YA SAM, you sorry loser," or "HI THERE KELLY, you stupid scribe," and so we amused ourselves like that until the lecture started and everyone had settled.
I should mention that by this time the two of us were wired from all the coffee we drank and sugar we consumed. We bothered the people on either side of us because neither of us could sit still or keep from whispering to each other about what was being said, and worse finding it all humourous and such a waste of our valuable time.
The speaker talked about the Democratic party and how the early promises were to help those disadvantaged among us, and how instead, they ended up spending other people's money. For a moment I thought I was at a Republican convention or a Teaparty rally. I was looking around for Sarah Palin. The point was politicians lie and we should have known beforehand what was up from past history. But we the media, failed to let the love affair go and the real news got away from us. Then the speaker went on to what's wrong with this picture -- Obama enjoying a holiday in Hawaii and the terrorists enjoying one in Yemen. Somehow the two relate while there is a war going on in Afghanistan! Do we as reporters just like the press junkets instead of examining the problems that face our world? Well, ask Joey and Albert that, and I bet you won't like their answers. Next was Martha Coakley having a problem with meeting the "little people" -- the very voters that could have launched her senate career, but damn it, it was cold outside and Martha wasn't going to shake hands in the cold and Kurt Shillings is a Yankee, for real! Who knew? Was the press remiss on shaking up Ms. Coakley and finding out the real reason she didn't want the senate job? Instead, we revealed her shortcomings on shaking hands at Fenway in the cold and calling a beloved Red Sox player (gulp) a Yankee. Her own hometown hero, come on! What was behind that half-hearted bid really? But wait, equal time to the Republicans. It was ascertained Bush was a better athlete than president, he dodged those shoes better than he did the questions. Maybe we needed to send in our sports reporters to cover Bush. And then you have Donald Rumsfeld and how to field any utterance he threw at you like the famous, "We do know of certain knowledge that he (Bin Laden) is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead." PROFOUND. Oh yeah. And then Rumsfeld's "(Bin Laden) is either alive and well or alive and not too well or not alive." Yup, a reminder of how political savvy works. So after a day of listening to how to TRY to interpret what a politician is saying or is suggesting, and how to nail the hard questions and pin down an answer, a real one, we limped out of the building and hopped into the car and gladly headed to the highway.
Both of us decided that Joey and Albert would have done well to attend the Stuff lecture instead of us. They were the bigwigs covering these people. Wong and meself were regulated to local regurgitation and our STUFF never gets too far afield we can't interpret it properly. Our local government coverage is of the small fish who haven't had the time and experience in how to avoid answering a question, or haven't the entourage to shove us away, or even the proper shoes to outrun us.
Night had fallen early with the rain closing us in. We were depressed by it, but found moments of levity as we thought back over some of the political quotes used by the speaker and how ugly it must be when you work around these political big wheels who are as slick as greased pigs when you are trying to catch them off guard. Joey and Albert would have done well to have taken it in, but like I said to Wong, if we get to where we are covering the national or international politicos we can use some of the ideas that were thrown at us at the lecture.
By ten p.m. we were pulling up me driveway, the rain had stopped, but the fog was all encompassing. I could just make out the warming and welcoming lights of me abode and I felt a surge of happiness fall over me that I was HOME. Dom pulled up to the front door, I gathered up me briefcase, stuck me thermos inside it and opened the car door. Then it happened, I was so stiff I simply fell out the car in a sitting position. Yup, keeled right over and out.
"Oh my God, Gabe are you ok?" Dominick said moving to the passenger side and looking down at me lying on me side in a fetal position on the muddy driveway.
"Uh yeah, I think so there Dom. Just very stiff, give me a moment I'll be fine," said I slightly embarrassed but wondering almost in a panic if I was ok and would be able to move I was that stiff.
Dominick slid back to the drivers side and opened his door rushing to me aid. He helped me up, but I found I could not straighten up. By this time the commotion in the driveway had sent Tonya to the front door. The light from inside washed over me muddy clothing as Dom, short as he is, had slung me arm over his shoulder and we were attempting the one step up to me door.
"Gabe, oh my God, what happened?" Tonya fussed seizing me briefcase and throwing it behind her through the open door, as she leaned her shoulder under me other arm and between the two of them they managed to drag yours truly, the human pretzel inside. After an hour of thawing me bones out by the fire, and sipping hot tea I was doing better. Dom was long gone, and I be kind of thinking I heard him laughing as he pulled off. Yeah well, short people don't have to sit with their limbs up around their chins on long drives like I do.
Even me wife was snickering in the kitchen as she made up a late night feast of bangers and mash for me supper-less pretzel like self. I don't want to hear from short people about this, I truly don't and that includes me muse. It was embarrassing and I can't believe I even wrote to tell you of it. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
There I was happily going about me business at me place of employment, looking forward to the big hand on the clock hitting 5:00 p.m. in which yours truly would be heading out the door, all work finished and a weekend of lying in me hammock coming up. BUT, unforeseen circumstances presented themselves at precisely five minutes to five in the afternoon. Yes, there I was packing up when over comes Dominick Wong (I know the name is strange looking, but if you could lay your eyes on Dom, well you'd say he was too. He's the product of an Italian mother and Philippino father) who gently broke it to me that we had been chosen as the last minute replacements of two other busier reporters, to go to Albany, New York for a news lecture.
"When?" I asked in a bit of a shock.
"Tomorrow. I pick you up at four in the a.m. and it's a four hour trip and probably four hours of being bored out of our minds, then four hours back and that's the story, Gabe."
I looked at him in disbelief me eyes mere slits in me head, but it's Saturday, I thought disappointed.
He sighed.
"Gabe, Joe and Albert have some stupid story they are working on together and they can't get away, so Benson selected us to go in their stead, because he says, we have slow work, nothing pressing going on."
I sighed. Joey and Albert were always concocting things to keep them from any job or news related events outside of the greater Boston area. I knew only too well that their reputations preceded them when it came to shirking assignments or anything else they didn't feel like doing. They were always too busy and always working on something "important" so this news, while a bit of a shock that their attending something that would enhance their news gathering skills had fallen on us, was not the shock it could have been, instead, simply an annoying fact of me working life.
"Okay," I sighed again. "What is it this time that we are being forced to listen to?"
"You're gonna love it, you and I are attending a small lecture event called "Being On Top Of The News, How To Sort Through The Stuff."
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him to see if he was joking. He wasn't. Wong's eyebrows were raised in self horror that he uttered what he did and at the same time had that 'can you believe this shite' look on his face.
"The stuff?"
"Yeah, that's what they are calling news, stuff. So, I can be by your house at 4 tomorrow morning. Benson is giving us one of the company cars so I can drive and well, we'll get there when we get there and sort through the "stuff" and then . . . " He threw up his hands like he didn't know what else to say. Well, I didn't either so I slammed the rest of my STUFF in me briefcase, as I shook me head like I had a palsy going on.
"What choice, huh?" I said. "All righty then. I'll see you at 4 a.m." And with that we parted ways and off I went cursing under me breath the names of Joey and Albert. Those two I already knew were probably spending their weekend in a pub singing Irish drinking songs while me and Wong took the long drive to a lecture that was probably being given by Sarah Palin or someone with a grudge against the media. SIGH.
Luckily I got meself up at quarter after three on that rainy morning. I jumped in the shower coffee-less and was getting dressed when at 3:45 a.m. Wong pulls up me driveway. I hadn't had coffee, I hadn't had breakfast, I was half clothed and there he was 15 minutes ahead of time. I jumped into me clothes and with hair not quite dry (so I was sporting the slick look), I grabbed me briefcase and ran out the door when I realised I was wearing me bedroom moccasins, so back in I ran, kicked off the mocs and shoved me feet into me shoes, laces flapping, me heels not quite in me shoes as I shuffled back out. Tonya came running after me through the misty rain, hair in curlers, dressed in a fluffy bathrobe, with fluffier slippers looking like that stereotypical housewife you see in cartoons, waving a thermos of coffee after me. Gladly I took it from her, gave her a quick kiss goodbye and in I got and off we went to the sound of tyres crunching small stones on the wet dirt drive and crashing droplets of rain on the car roof and bonnet, the wind screen wipers on extra fast. Just enough sound to put one in a trance or worse, to sleep.
I cannot say that I remember much of the drive to Albany, just that we were driving through some scary mountains in the middle of nowhere to get there. Rainy mist descending every so often that it looked like we were on another planet. No towns for miles and miles, though we did find a Dunkin Donuts where we both replenished our thermoses and bought a dozen jelly doughnuts to while away the monotony and stave off the sleep we desperately wanted.
Once we arrived in Albany and drove around lost for a few minutes in the pouring rain, we found a parking garage and I must say stepping out of the car after being on the road for so long, we were both stiff and cranky. We limped down the street to the hotel where the STUFF lecture was being held and found we were on time for a complimentary breakfast which consisted of . . . jelly doughnuts and coffee. Yup. I think if either of us sees another jelly doughnut in our lives, it will be too soon.
We got our name tags and had our press credentials around our necks and feeling damp and arthritic we made our way into the big room. Our seats were decent and we did see a few people from other news organisations we knew. We waved while under our collective breaths we muttered things like, "HI YA SAM, you sorry loser," or "HI THERE KELLY, you stupid scribe," and so we amused ourselves like that until the lecture started and everyone had settled.
I should mention that by this time the two of us were wired from all the coffee we drank and sugar we consumed. We bothered the people on either side of us because neither of us could sit still or keep from whispering to each other about what was being said, and worse finding it all humourous and such a waste of our valuable time.
The speaker talked about the Democratic party and how the early promises were to help those disadvantaged among us, and how instead, they ended up spending other people's money. For a moment I thought I was at a Republican convention or a Teaparty rally. I was looking around for Sarah Palin. The point was politicians lie and we should have known beforehand what was up from past history. But we the media, failed to let the love affair go and the real news got away from us. Then the speaker went on to what's wrong with this picture -- Obama enjoying a holiday in Hawaii and the terrorists enjoying one in Yemen. Somehow the two relate while there is a war going on in Afghanistan! Do we as reporters just like the press junkets instead of examining the problems that face our world? Well, ask Joey and Albert that, and I bet you won't like their answers. Next was Martha Coakley having a problem with meeting the "little people" -- the very voters that could have launched her senate career, but damn it, it was cold outside and Martha wasn't going to shake hands in the cold and Kurt Shillings is a Yankee, for real! Who knew? Was the press remiss on shaking up Ms. Coakley and finding out the real reason she didn't want the senate job? Instead, we revealed her shortcomings on shaking hands at Fenway in the cold and calling a beloved Red Sox player (gulp) a Yankee. Her own hometown hero, come on! What was behind that half-hearted bid really? But wait, equal time to the Republicans. It was ascertained Bush was a better athlete than president, he dodged those shoes better than he did the questions. Maybe we needed to send in our sports reporters to cover Bush. And then you have Donald Rumsfeld and how to field any utterance he threw at you like the famous, "We do know of certain knowledge that he (Bin Laden) is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead." PROFOUND. Oh yeah. And then Rumsfeld's "(Bin Laden) is either alive and well or alive and not too well or not alive." Yup, a reminder of how political savvy works. So after a day of listening to how to TRY to interpret what a politician is saying or is suggesting, and how to nail the hard questions and pin down an answer, a real one, we limped out of the building and hopped into the car and gladly headed to the highway.
Both of us decided that Joey and Albert would have done well to attend the Stuff lecture instead of us. They were the bigwigs covering these people. Wong and meself were regulated to local regurgitation and our STUFF never gets too far afield we can't interpret it properly. Our local government coverage is of the small fish who haven't had the time and experience in how to avoid answering a question, or haven't the entourage to shove us away, or even the proper shoes to outrun us.
Night had fallen early with the rain closing us in. We were depressed by it, but found moments of levity as we thought back over some of the political quotes used by the speaker and how ugly it must be when you work around these political big wheels who are as slick as greased pigs when you are trying to catch them off guard. Joey and Albert would have done well to have taken it in, but like I said to Wong, if we get to where we are covering the national or international politicos we can use some of the ideas that were thrown at us at the lecture.
By ten p.m. we were pulling up me driveway, the rain had stopped, but the fog was all encompassing. I could just make out the warming and welcoming lights of me abode and I felt a surge of happiness fall over me that I was HOME. Dom pulled up to the front door, I gathered up me briefcase, stuck me thermos inside it and opened the car door. Then it happened, I was so stiff I simply fell out the car in a sitting position. Yup, keeled right over and out.
"Oh my God, Gabe are you ok?" Dominick said moving to the passenger side and looking down at me lying on me side in a fetal position on the muddy driveway.
"Uh yeah, I think so there Dom. Just very stiff, give me a moment I'll be fine," said I slightly embarrassed but wondering almost in a panic if I was ok and would be able to move I was that stiff.
Dominick slid back to the drivers side and opened his door rushing to me aid. He helped me up, but I found I could not straighten up. By this time the commotion in the driveway had sent Tonya to the front door. The light from inside washed over me muddy clothing as Dom, short as he is, had slung me arm over his shoulder and we were attempting the one step up to me door.
"Gabe, oh my God, what happened?" Tonya fussed seizing me briefcase and throwing it behind her through the open door, as she leaned her shoulder under me other arm and between the two of them they managed to drag yours truly, the human pretzel inside. After an hour of thawing me bones out by the fire, and sipping hot tea I was doing better. Dom was long gone, and I be kind of thinking I heard him laughing as he pulled off. Yeah well, short people don't have to sit with their limbs up around their chins on long drives like I do.
Even me wife was snickering in the kitchen as she made up a late night feast of bangers and mash for me supper-less pretzel like self. I don't want to hear from short people about this, I truly don't and that includes me muse. It was embarrassing and I can't believe I even wrote to tell you of it. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
1 comment:
Lucky you didn't get a charlie horse too! I sympathize I drove from Alberta to British Columbia once, non-stop. You want to talk pretzels?
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