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R. Linda:
I had an eventful New Years Eve. After awakening on the floor with a snowman next to me and a raging hangover, I sheepishly went into the kitchen and started coffee and breakfast. The coffee I sipped as I prepared a lovely breakfast tray as a peace offering to me wife, who was less than pleased with me the night before.
Being as subservient as I could (I know sad isn't it? But necessary), I promised to not spike the eggnog ever again with more rum than needed and certainly not 100 proof stuff. I asked if there was anything "sweetie" needed done in preparation for tonight's gathering and I was given a list of things to go round up.
I left to do her bidding and while out, I stopped for a bit of me own shopping at the local DIY store. One thing I knew, there was a snow storm coming and they had these plows on sale. I got a very busy store employee to bring one on a cart to the checkout. I waited in a very long line with the impatient man, and when I went to pay for it, found I did not have me wallet. There was a long line behind me and those people did not look like they were happy with me either. I had them put the box to the side and said I had me wallet in the car, I'd be right back.
I ran meself quickly to the parking lot and went to open me car door, to find it was locked and the keys were inside. How embarrassing was that? I could break the glass and drive for the rest of the winter like I was in the Arctic wind and deep freeze OR, I could ring up the wife and have her come with the spare keys. It didn't take me but a second to know the first idea was the best but then some fellow in a pickup had seen me dilemma and called out to ask if I needed help. I said I did, and he came over with a piece of wire. He stood there snaking the wire through the window and then fished it down the other side. He worked the wire like a professional car thief which made me wonder. Just as he snapped the lock a police car pulled up. I had a lot of explaining to do, BECAUSE I had no identification on me, because that bit of usefulness was inside me car.
I finally had to ring up Tonya and I knew, yes I knew by the icy silence on the other end of the line she was pissed. I put her on with Officer Mercer of the Law and after a few questions, he hung up. He reached into me car got the wallet and looked at the i.d. He turned to me knowing full well who I was, because I had already told him, and I was sure Tonya verified it, but he asked me me name anyway. I was gobsmacked, this cannot be happening I thought. I sighed and answered and then he asked me me address and I answered that and he asked me me birthday and I answered that. The he asked, "And how old does that make you Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Well, he had me there since I've been thirty for the past few years. I stood there mute like an idiot, the pickup driver and me co-conspirator in me crime of breaking and entering me own vehicle started laughing. With a quick, "You find that funny Mr. Davis?" from the officer, the man's laughter abruptly stopped. I calculated on me fingers and in shocked surprised answered, realising I was a lot older than I thought!
The officer told Mr. Davis he could go, and handed me me wallet shaking his head and walking off. Without missing a beat, I slammed the car door and holding me wallet to me pounding heart started to run back to the store when I realised I locked me keys in the car again! I turned me running self toward the police car and waved him down. He rolled down the window and I embarrassingly told him I locked me keys in the car again. His eyes went hard and then he looked over to where Mr. Davis was just starting up his truck.
"If you hurry you can get your friend over there to do his magic act again."
And off he drove. I was thinking he had some kind of thing to open locked doors but he didn't seem to care, he was headed in the direction of the Dunken' Donuts next door. I ran towards Davis and waved at him. He stopped and I hurriedly told him what happened. He looked at me like I was a moron.
"All right, but I'm telling you this, it is the last time I help you."
When I got me keys I was off again for the snow plow. When I got back to the check-out they had put it back because I took so long returning. Agh! I had to go back and find the damn box, and then get another very busy employee to cart it back to the cashier. I tell ya, I have no luck, none. I want to know who that person be who thinks Irish people are lucky.
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I had an eventful New Years Eve. After awakening on the floor with a snowman next to me and a raging hangover, I sheepishly went into the kitchen and started coffee and breakfast. The coffee I sipped as I prepared a lovely breakfast tray as a peace offering to me wife, who was less than pleased with me the night before.
Being as subservient as I could (I know sad isn't it? But necessary), I promised to not spike the eggnog ever again with more rum than needed and certainly not 100 proof stuff. I asked if there was anything "sweetie" needed done in preparation for tonight's gathering and I was given a list of things to go round up.
I left to do her bidding and while out, I stopped for a bit of me own shopping at the local DIY store. One thing I knew, there was a snow storm coming and they had these plows on sale. I got a very busy store employee to bring one on a cart to the checkout. I waited in a very long line with the impatient man, and when I went to pay for it, found I did not have me wallet. There was a long line behind me and those people did not look like they were happy with me either. I had them put the box to the side and said I had me wallet in the car, I'd be right back.
I ran meself quickly to the parking lot and went to open me car door, to find it was locked and the keys were inside. How embarrassing was that? I could break the glass and drive for the rest of the winter like I was in the Arctic wind and deep freeze OR, I could ring up the wife and have her come with the spare keys. It didn't take me but a second to know the first idea was the best but then some fellow in a pickup had seen me dilemma and called out to ask if I needed help. I said I did, and he came over with a piece of wire. He stood there snaking the wire through the window and then fished it down the other side. He worked the wire like a professional car thief which made me wonder. Just as he snapped the lock a police car pulled up. I had a lot of explaining to do, BECAUSE I had no identification on me, because that bit of usefulness was inside me car.
I finally had to ring up Tonya and I knew, yes I knew by the icy silence on the other end of the line she was pissed. I put her on with Officer Mercer of the Law and after a few questions, he hung up. He reached into me car got the wallet and looked at the i.d. He turned to me knowing full well who I was, because I had already told him, and I was sure Tonya verified it, but he asked me me name anyway. I was gobsmacked, this cannot be happening I thought. I sighed and answered and then he asked me me address and I answered that and he asked me me birthday and I answered that. The he asked, "And how old does that make you Mr. O'Sullivan?"
Well, he had me there since I've been thirty for the past few years. I stood there mute like an idiot, the pickup driver and me co-conspirator in me crime of breaking and entering me own vehicle started laughing. With a quick, "You find that funny Mr. Davis?" from the officer, the man's laughter abruptly stopped. I calculated on me fingers and in shocked surprised answered, realising I was a lot older than I thought!
The officer told Mr. Davis he could go, and handed me me wallet shaking his head and walking off. Without missing a beat, I slammed the car door and holding me wallet to me pounding heart started to run back to the store when I realised I locked me keys in the car again! I turned me running self toward the police car and waved him down. He rolled down the window and I embarrassingly told him I locked me keys in the car again. His eyes went hard and then he looked over to where Mr. Davis was just starting up his truck.
"If you hurry you can get your friend over there to do his magic act again."
And off he drove. I was thinking he had some kind of thing to open locked doors but he didn't seem to care, he was headed in the direction of the Dunken' Donuts next door. I ran towards Davis and waved at him. He stopped and I hurriedly told him what happened. He looked at me like I was a moron.
"All right, but I'm telling you this, it is the last time I help you."
When I got me keys I was off again for the snow plow. When I got back to the check-out they had put it back because I took so long returning. Agh! I had to go back and find the damn box, and then get another very busy employee to cart it back to the cashier. I tell ya, I have no luck, none. I want to know who that person be who thinks Irish people are lucky.
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
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