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R. Linda:
Thinking me car plow a subject of the past, I sat one snowy evening (of which there were many snowy evenings), contemplating me navel when the phone rang. It was Tonya, she was stuck at a convenience store. Her stuck for a change of pace, wow. Her keys had fallen into the engine and there was no way she could get her hand down where they were to get them out.
Prior to this, we had been bored out of our skulls, it was snowing it seemed every day and every night, the cable was down so no telly, no Internet, no nothing, we were talked out, and staring into space. One of us, probably me, got the cravings for something gooshy. Tonya offered to go out and get something of extreme goosh if I'd make some coffee.
She'd been gone a lot longer than I expected, I'd drank almost the whole pot of Joe and was feeling pretty wired, so when I got her call of being broke down, I was relieved she was alright, and very up to getting out of the house because I couldn't sit still from so much caffeine. Abby told me I could drop the little Airport off and she'd mind him while I went to sort out the car.
I rang Tonya on me way and asked her what exactly had happened.
"I noticed the wind shield fluid wasn't working so I stopped at the convenience store to get some. When I opened the hood, I saw the fluid already in there was frozen, so I knocked on it with my keys to break it up and that's when they slipped into the engine." She told me over the phone.
"Wait, the wind screen fluid was frozen? It has antifreeze in it, how can it be frozen?" I asked confused.
"I didn't have any wind shield fluid so I put windex in there a while back," she said.
Oi! Begorrah me. Windex. Oi, oi, oi! I wondered why the fluid seemed to come out in spurts on warm days and not at all on cold ones when I was driving home from work, but when I got home I forgot to look. Not that I would have known it was Windex in the container.
"All right then, where are the keys exactly?" I asked.
"Um can't see them, just know they are in a hole."
"A hole? OK. Can you get them with a wire hanger if I bring one?"
"No, they are way in there and you can't see them actually. But I know about where they landed," she said.
"We'll have to call a garage."
"No, not after the $79.00 you just paid out we can't afford that." Tonya said as nice as she could but I knew the $79.00 was not a subject to revisit.
"What do you suggest?" I asked sarcastically, but not meaning too, it just came out that way, it was the coffee speaking, it was making me antsy.
"Listen Gabe, maybe you ought to go get your girlfriend and have her bring her boards so you two can jack up the car and look for them that way," she responded just as sarcastically but meaning to sound that way.
I apologised and flubbed around with ideas that went nowhere until she had a good one.
"Remember that earth magnet my mother gave me for Christmas?" She asked.
"How could I forget? How many people are gifted with earth magnets for Christmas?"
"Don't go there Gabe, I am not in a good mood. Just go get it and get out here. I'm at Varney's Store on Route 122."
I had just got to the shed and turned around and went back to the house. I found the earth magnet (WHY -- be all I can think when I look at it, it isn't like Tonya is a scientist type), and the magnet is this magnet that be as long as me index finger, it be smooth and looks like a stretched square that melted. I put the magnet in me pocket and ran out to me car plow.
I was thinking this whole episode could be a disaster since the car plow car wasn't exactly used to going too far without stalling out. I couldn't afford to have both cars towed now could I? I started to slide between me car and the shed wall when suddenly I was stuck on something. I did not want to tear me pants so tried to turn around and found me pants were adhered to me front fender. What the hey I thought, what is this? I put me hands to the material and pulled and then pulled harder when the material finally gave way and I found meself flung back into the shed wall.
I went to right meself when I found me pants were now stuck to the metal brace that lines the wall. Begorrah me! Again, I could see the material had adhered to the brace and I pulled with all me might and freed me pants from the wall. It was then I realised it was the fecking magnet.
These things are extremely strong and yours truly had not thought that they would still emit magnetic attraction to metal objects from inside pants pockets. BUT IT DID!
I took the thing out and got into the car. Stupid me put it on the car seat and reached into me right hand pocket for me keys when WHAM me hand was struck by the earth magnet attaching itself to me keys. Well, there was nothing to be done for it so, I put the key in the ignition, the earth magnet adhered to the house key which was adhering to the car key as if it had a life of it's own. Sighing, I turned the ignition and the car plow sputtered to life like an emphysema patient. I put it into first and it groaned reluctantly and started to roll forward. With a little coaxing I got it to the road and started on me merry way to the convenience store.
When I arrived at Varney's there was no Tonya in the car. That meant I had to go inside, so I turned off the ignition and then had to pull for all I was worth to get the key out of the ignition because the magnet had now adhered itself and the keys to the metal ring that surrounds the starter. Oi!
I had to put me foot on the dashboard to brace meself to pull with all me might to get the keys out of the ignition. I have to tell you, about then I was not only frozen from no heater in the car, but me strength was waning from so much tugging about.
I found Tonya in the store talking to the guy behind the counter sipping a hot coffee. I thought to meself she sure knows how to stay warm compared to yours truly who seems to find himself either locked out in the cold, or in a car with no heat, or trying to get out of a car with no heat with an earth magnet that isn't going to let him out.
"You sure took your time," Tonya remarked.
"You should only know," I countered.
"You bring the magnet?" She asked giving me the half drunk cup of steaming coffee. She knew I was a frozen block, so was nice of her. I handed her the magnet which was still attached to me keys. She looked at the mess then at me. I reluctantly put the hot cup of java down and had her hold onto the keys while I pulled the magnet free, but as it came undone I went backwards and took down a display of potato crisps, me hand flying over me head as the magnet got stuck on the downed display rack. I tell ya, it wasn't me night.
I apologised for the mess as I tried to free meself from under the crisps, the rack, and pull the damn magnet off the rack, but it only pulled the rack with me as I struggled. The owner was very nice, he tried to help me free the magnet from the rack and as we pulled, the force of separation sent him flying backwards into a display of Coke A Cola. The cans were everywhere and since he had the magnet he found himself looking for his hand which was surrounded by several cans of soda. I got down on the floor with him and pried the cans from the magnet.
Tonya had seen enough and had stealthily backed out of the store taking the coffee and gooshy goodies with her. I was like thanks a lot Tonya. Once we had the magnet out in the open, he gave it to me. I offered to help clean the mess up, but he told me to just go. I did.
Meanwhile, Tonya had the bonnet open to her car and was looking inside. She said nothing about what just transpired in the store, only put her hand out like a surgeon for the flipping magnet. I happily gave it over.
"Keys please, give me your keys."
I handed over me keys. I was wondering how she was going to get the magnet down to where the keys were, but she be a smartie she be. She let the magnet adhere to me keys, and tied the string from her hoodie to the key ring. She gave me the torch she had in her pocket and had me shine it down the engine well. Then very carefully she let the magnet down into the engine careful to keep it from any metal surfaces. Then I heard it, CLINK! The sound of metal flying up hitting metal. Carefully she lifted the string up and there at the end was me keys, and HERS! Genius, pure genius. I be very impressed with her ingenuity.
She broke the magnet's hold on the keys like it was nothing by attracting it with me key ring. She untied the hoodie string and left me to pry the magnet off me keys AGAIN.
"Thanks darling," she said as she got into her car, "See you at home, I have the gushy goodies."
I stood there trying to pry me keys apart as she drove off. I couldn't do it and the magnet had the car key in an embrace where the part that goes into the ignition wasn't free. There was only one thing to do, I took a great sigh of courage and walked with forced determination into the convenience store. You know he wasn't happy to see me, but with characteristic New England gusto, he took the challenge back outside where there was no metal stands, no coke displays. Varney took one look at me vehicle and asked me if THAT was mine, I said it was with a bit of pride and then he started chuckling. He'd never seen a snow plow on a car before, but whatever. A good twenty minutes I was free and on me way home to goosh, vowing never to return to Varney's not because the whole episode was embarrassing, but he had insulted me car plow!
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Thinking me car plow a subject of the past, I sat one snowy evening (of which there were many snowy evenings), contemplating me navel when the phone rang. It was Tonya, she was stuck at a convenience store. Her stuck for a change of pace, wow. Her keys had fallen into the engine and there was no way she could get her hand down where they were to get them out.
Prior to this, we had been bored out of our skulls, it was snowing it seemed every day and every night, the cable was down so no telly, no Internet, no nothing, we were talked out, and staring into space. One of us, probably me, got the cravings for something gooshy. Tonya offered to go out and get something of extreme goosh if I'd make some coffee.
She'd been gone a lot longer than I expected, I'd drank almost the whole pot of Joe and was feeling pretty wired, so when I got her call of being broke down, I was relieved she was alright, and very up to getting out of the house because I couldn't sit still from so much caffeine. Abby told me I could drop the little Airport off and she'd mind him while I went to sort out the car.
I rang Tonya on me way and asked her what exactly had happened.
"I noticed the wind shield fluid wasn't working so I stopped at the convenience store to get some. When I opened the hood, I saw the fluid already in there was frozen, so I knocked on it with my keys to break it up and that's when they slipped into the engine." She told me over the phone.
"Wait, the wind screen fluid was frozen? It has antifreeze in it, how can it be frozen?" I asked confused.
"I didn't have any wind shield fluid so I put windex in there a while back," she said.
Oi! Begorrah me. Windex. Oi, oi, oi! I wondered why the fluid seemed to come out in spurts on warm days and not at all on cold ones when I was driving home from work, but when I got home I forgot to look. Not that I would have known it was Windex in the container.
"All right then, where are the keys exactly?" I asked.
"Um can't see them, just know they are in a hole."
"A hole? OK. Can you get them with a wire hanger if I bring one?"
"No, they are way in there and you can't see them actually. But I know about where they landed," she said.
"We'll have to call a garage."
"No, not after the $79.00 you just paid out we can't afford that." Tonya said as nice as she could but I knew the $79.00 was not a subject to revisit.
"What do you suggest?" I asked sarcastically, but not meaning too, it just came out that way, it was the coffee speaking, it was making me antsy.
"Listen Gabe, maybe you ought to go get your girlfriend and have her bring her boards so you two can jack up the car and look for them that way," she responded just as sarcastically but meaning to sound that way.
I apologised and flubbed around with ideas that went nowhere until she had a good one.
"Remember that earth magnet my mother gave me for Christmas?" She asked.
"How could I forget? How many people are gifted with earth magnets for Christmas?"
"Don't go there Gabe, I am not in a good mood. Just go get it and get out here. I'm at Varney's Store on Route 122."
I had just got to the shed and turned around and went back to the house. I found the earth magnet (WHY -- be all I can think when I look at it, it isn't like Tonya is a scientist type), and the magnet is this magnet that be as long as me index finger, it be smooth and looks like a stretched square that melted. I put the magnet in me pocket and ran out to me car plow.
I was thinking this whole episode could be a disaster since the car plow car wasn't exactly used to going too far without stalling out. I couldn't afford to have both cars towed now could I? I started to slide between me car and the shed wall when suddenly I was stuck on something. I did not want to tear me pants so tried to turn around and found me pants were adhered to me front fender. What the hey I thought, what is this? I put me hands to the material and pulled and then pulled harder when the material finally gave way and I found meself flung back into the shed wall.
I went to right meself when I found me pants were now stuck to the metal brace that lines the wall. Begorrah me! Again, I could see the material had adhered to the brace and I pulled with all me might and freed me pants from the wall. It was then I realised it was the fecking magnet.
These things are extremely strong and yours truly had not thought that they would still emit magnetic attraction to metal objects from inside pants pockets. BUT IT DID!
I took the thing out and got into the car. Stupid me put it on the car seat and reached into me right hand pocket for me keys when WHAM me hand was struck by the earth magnet attaching itself to me keys. Well, there was nothing to be done for it so, I put the key in the ignition, the earth magnet adhered to the house key which was adhering to the car key as if it had a life of it's own. Sighing, I turned the ignition and the car plow sputtered to life like an emphysema patient. I put it into first and it groaned reluctantly and started to roll forward. With a little coaxing I got it to the road and started on me merry way to the convenience store.
When I arrived at Varney's there was no Tonya in the car. That meant I had to go inside, so I turned off the ignition and then had to pull for all I was worth to get the key out of the ignition because the magnet had now adhered itself and the keys to the metal ring that surrounds the starter. Oi!
I had to put me foot on the dashboard to brace meself to pull with all me might to get the keys out of the ignition. I have to tell you, about then I was not only frozen from no heater in the car, but me strength was waning from so much tugging about.
I found Tonya in the store talking to the guy behind the counter sipping a hot coffee. I thought to meself she sure knows how to stay warm compared to yours truly who seems to find himself either locked out in the cold, or in a car with no heat, or trying to get out of a car with no heat with an earth magnet that isn't going to let him out.
"You sure took your time," Tonya remarked.
"You should only know," I countered.
"You bring the magnet?" She asked giving me the half drunk cup of steaming coffee. She knew I was a frozen block, so was nice of her. I handed her the magnet which was still attached to me keys. She looked at the mess then at me. I reluctantly put the hot cup of java down and had her hold onto the keys while I pulled the magnet free, but as it came undone I went backwards and took down a display of potato crisps, me hand flying over me head as the magnet got stuck on the downed display rack. I tell ya, it wasn't me night.
I apologised for the mess as I tried to free meself from under the crisps, the rack, and pull the damn magnet off the rack, but it only pulled the rack with me as I struggled. The owner was very nice, he tried to help me free the magnet from the rack and as we pulled, the force of separation sent him flying backwards into a display of Coke A Cola. The cans were everywhere and since he had the magnet he found himself looking for his hand which was surrounded by several cans of soda. I got down on the floor with him and pried the cans from the magnet.
Tonya had seen enough and had stealthily backed out of the store taking the coffee and gooshy goodies with her. I was like thanks a lot Tonya. Once we had the magnet out in the open, he gave it to me. I offered to help clean the mess up, but he told me to just go. I did.
Meanwhile, Tonya had the bonnet open to her car and was looking inside. She said nothing about what just transpired in the store, only put her hand out like a surgeon for the flipping magnet. I happily gave it over.
"Keys please, give me your keys."
I handed over me keys. I was wondering how she was going to get the magnet down to where the keys were, but she be a smartie she be. She let the magnet adhere to me keys, and tied the string from her hoodie to the key ring. She gave me the torch she had in her pocket and had me shine it down the engine well. Then very carefully she let the magnet down into the engine careful to keep it from any metal surfaces. Then I heard it, CLINK! The sound of metal flying up hitting metal. Carefully she lifted the string up and there at the end was me keys, and HERS! Genius, pure genius. I be very impressed with her ingenuity.
She broke the magnet's hold on the keys like it was nothing by attracting it with me key ring. She untied the hoodie string and left me to pry the magnet off me keys AGAIN.
"Thanks darling," she said as she got into her car, "See you at home, I have the gushy goodies."
I stood there trying to pry me keys apart as she drove off. I couldn't do it and the magnet had the car key in an embrace where the part that goes into the ignition wasn't free. There was only one thing to do, I took a great sigh of courage and walked with forced determination into the convenience store. You know he wasn't happy to see me, but with characteristic New England gusto, he took the challenge back outside where there was no metal stands, no coke displays. Varney took one look at me vehicle and asked me if THAT was mine, I said it was with a bit of pride and then he started chuckling. He'd never seen a snow plow on a car before, but whatever. A good twenty minutes I was free and on me way home to goosh, vowing never to return to Varney's not because the whole episode was embarrassing, but he had insulted me car plow!
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
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