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R. Linda:
After me stressed filled Saturday, I got meself home to flop down on me comfy couch, glass of Jamesons in hand to do nothing but veg after a day of driving a snake around, being accosted by not one but three Officer Mercers of the law, and a million people driving slowly by me, their faces pressed to their windows, eyes wide at the 'drug dealer' pulled to the side of the road. Sigh.
I had but one tiny sip of that whiskey when me softball playing wife comes in, the little Airport in hand, and announces we are getting Chinese food for dinner. She whips the whiskey out of me hand because guess who's doing more driving? All I wanted was to sit there for an indefinite period, have her run her hand gently through me hair, telling me all was well and I was snake free -- and that's what counted. BUT NO! We are going out for Chinese food.
Can we do the pick up route I ask, I be too knackered to be going into a restaurant and privately I be thinking that someone might recognise the drunken crazy junkie and snake strangler of an Irishman from the expressway. I be not ready to go out in public just quite yet.
Tonya sees I be stressed and I suppose grateful the snake is gone and smilingly says, "Sure honey."
She took our son for a nappy change, and while she's doing that would I please go order and then we'll all go. None of what I hoped she say like, "You sit there and chill Gabriel, you did good with the snake, I know honey you need to just relax." No, none of that, instead I be ordering Chinese food and driving with her and the son to the take out place. Not her going for it, no that would be too easy.
I know I sound like a nancie, you don't have to tell me. But think of what me life has been of late. It is remarkable I be sane at all and not in a deep depression.
I got up and went into the kitchen where we keep a folder of restaurants we like. I see the Chinese dragon on the menu and I order our usual egg foo yong. Twenty minutes the lady says. I heave a great sigh and pick up me keys, jam me Boston Red Sox baseball cap over me face (so I won't be that easily recognisable) as Ton and O'Hare reappear set to go. So off we go to the next town over. I pull into Golden Palace, and run in. I tell the man I be picking up the order for O'Sullivan and he looks at me askance and says there is no order for O'Sullivan. I say egg foo yong, he looks at the bags waiting for pickup and shakes his head then tells me I probably ordered from the Golden Dragon on the other side of town. He isn't happy about that, but OK.
I be thinking he be right because there was a dragon on the menu. So I tell Tonya wrong place, must drive to the other. She laughs. I get to the Golden Dragon, run in, same thing. No order for egg foo yong, no order for O'Sullivan. Now I be puzzled. I go back to the car, Tonya giggles at me. Says it must be the Golden China between this place and the last one. I drive there, I be worn out, but I shuffle in. Lady says, no, no egg foo yong, no O'Sullivan. WHAT?
Dejectedly, I went out to the car. Tonya doesn't laugh this time, nary a giggle. Hum, how about the Golden China Temple? Do they have a dragon on the menu I ask? She doesn't know, but what the heck, so off I go. I ran in and you guessed it. I dragged meself out now totally embarrassed, because there were a lot of people in there waiting and of course they heard the exchange. I say to Tonya we should just order here and forget about it. She says no, our order is ready somewhere. I know it be too far to go home to see what the name on the menu is, so I drive to the Chinese restaurant I saw on the way to the this last, the Golden Maple. How many Chinese restaurants can one town have? Tonya was shaking her head that we've never been to the Golden Maple, so why would we have a menu from there? I don't know, I be clueless, and by now, I don't care.
I pulled in and suggested she go in, maybe she'd be lucky. No, she's not doing it. So I go slamming in, same freaking thing. The owner says did I maybe order from the Golden Panda on the town line? The Golden what? I never heard of a Golden Panda. So he tells me how to get there, and I go out and now Tonya is not finding any humour in any of this. The Airport is hungry and fussing in the back seat. She tells me she doesn't appreciate the joke. I tell her it be no joke. She says what kind of an idiot would order and not know from where he ordered? Oi!
After taking a few wrong turns I find the Golden Panda. In neon lights there is a panda bear over the top of the doorway. I looked at Tonya and say, "There was no panda on that menu, was a dragon." No way am I going in there. I know already this isn't the place. She got all upset with me and slamming the door she leaves me sitting there, motor idling. A minute later she comes out with a large paper sack smelling of egg foo yong, huge shite eating grin on her face. She points to the bag and on the side is a dragon. I got out of the car, took off me baseball cap, threw it on the ground and then stomped it into the dirt. She waited patiently for the hissy fit to be over. I got in and jammed the dirty cap over me head and hit the steering wheel. She says to me, "Darling, they were the Golden Chinese Dragon, now they are the Golden Panda. Seems the Golden Dragon restaurant sued them to change their name, we had one of the old menus."
Nothing more to say. NOTHING!
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
After me stressed filled Saturday, I got meself home to flop down on me comfy couch, glass of Jamesons in hand to do nothing but veg after a day of driving a snake around, being accosted by not one but three Officer Mercers of the law, and a million people driving slowly by me, their faces pressed to their windows, eyes wide at the 'drug dealer' pulled to the side of the road. Sigh.
I had but one tiny sip of that whiskey when me softball playing wife comes in, the little Airport in hand, and announces we are getting Chinese food for dinner. She whips the whiskey out of me hand because guess who's doing more driving? All I wanted was to sit there for an indefinite period, have her run her hand gently through me hair, telling me all was well and I was snake free -- and that's what counted. BUT NO! We are going out for Chinese food.
Can we do the pick up route I ask, I be too knackered to be going into a restaurant and privately I be thinking that someone might recognise the drunken crazy junkie and snake strangler of an Irishman from the expressway. I be not ready to go out in public just quite yet.
Tonya sees I be stressed and I suppose grateful the snake is gone and smilingly says, "Sure honey."
She took our son for a nappy change, and while she's doing that would I please go order and then we'll all go. None of what I hoped she say like, "You sit there and chill Gabriel, you did good with the snake, I know honey you need to just relax." No, none of that, instead I be ordering Chinese food and driving with her and the son to the take out place. Not her going for it, no that would be too easy.
I know I sound like a nancie, you don't have to tell me. But think of what me life has been of late. It is remarkable I be sane at all and not in a deep depression.
I got up and went into the kitchen where we keep a folder of restaurants we like. I see the Chinese dragon on the menu and I order our usual egg foo yong. Twenty minutes the lady says. I heave a great sigh and pick up me keys, jam me Boston Red Sox baseball cap over me face (so I won't be that easily recognisable) as Ton and O'Hare reappear set to go. So off we go to the next town over. I pull into Golden Palace, and run in. I tell the man I be picking up the order for O'Sullivan and he looks at me askance and says there is no order for O'Sullivan. I say egg foo yong, he looks at the bags waiting for pickup and shakes his head then tells me I probably ordered from the Golden Dragon on the other side of town. He isn't happy about that, but OK.
I be thinking he be right because there was a dragon on the menu. So I tell Tonya wrong place, must drive to the other. She laughs. I get to the Golden Dragon, run in, same thing. No order for egg foo yong, no order for O'Sullivan. Now I be puzzled. I go back to the car, Tonya giggles at me. Says it must be the Golden China between this place and the last one. I drive there, I be worn out, but I shuffle in. Lady says, no, no egg foo yong, no O'Sullivan. WHAT?
Dejectedly, I went out to the car. Tonya doesn't laugh this time, nary a giggle. Hum, how about the Golden China Temple? Do they have a dragon on the menu I ask? She doesn't know, but what the heck, so off I go. I ran in and you guessed it. I dragged meself out now totally embarrassed, because there were a lot of people in there waiting and of course they heard the exchange. I say to Tonya we should just order here and forget about it. She says no, our order is ready somewhere. I know it be too far to go home to see what the name on the menu is, so I drive to the Chinese restaurant I saw on the way to the this last, the Golden Maple. How many Chinese restaurants can one town have? Tonya was shaking her head that we've never been to the Golden Maple, so why would we have a menu from there? I don't know, I be clueless, and by now, I don't care.
I pulled in and suggested she go in, maybe she'd be lucky. No, she's not doing it. So I go slamming in, same freaking thing. The owner says did I maybe order from the Golden Panda on the town line? The Golden what? I never heard of a Golden Panda. So he tells me how to get there, and I go out and now Tonya is not finding any humour in any of this. The Airport is hungry and fussing in the back seat. She tells me she doesn't appreciate the joke. I tell her it be no joke. She says what kind of an idiot would order and not know from where he ordered? Oi!
After taking a few wrong turns I find the Golden Panda. In neon lights there is a panda bear over the top of the doorway. I looked at Tonya and say, "There was no panda on that menu, was a dragon." No way am I going in there. I know already this isn't the place. She got all upset with me and slamming the door she leaves me sitting there, motor idling. A minute later she comes out with a large paper sack smelling of egg foo yong, huge shite eating grin on her face. She points to the bag and on the side is a dragon. I got out of the car, took off me baseball cap, threw it on the ground and then stomped it into the dirt. She waited patiently for the hissy fit to be over. I got in and jammed the dirty cap over me head and hit the steering wheel. She says to me, "Darling, they were the Golden Chinese Dragon, now they are the Golden Panda. Seems the Golden Dragon restaurant sued them to change their name, we had one of the old menus."
Nothing more to say. NOTHING!
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
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