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R. Linda:
The whole day I was in a good mood. I even listened to the "important message from Dr. Ron Paul." That is how happy I was. The dragon was going home! News like that doesn't get any better. But then me fortunes changed the very next day, the day SHE was to wing it home.
IT FREAKING SNOWED! Like we lived in the North Pole kind of snow. LOTS of the white stuff. Tonya called to find out about flight delays, but that wasn't to be, the airline cancelled the dragon-in-laws flight. Woe was me! She was delighted she said, to spend an extra day with her dear daughter's family. Oh yea!
I just knew if it kept snowing she'd stay longer, and if it really kept snowing she'd be living with us forever and I be not the suicidal type, but I do think I'd consider it. I also knew me green blankie would go the way of that afghan that hung forlornly over the cedar chest at the end of me bed. Worse, I think me brain would look all ratty and full of holes as well from things like this:
We were sitting at the dinner table when the conversation turned to the intellectual (and I used that word very loosely), the dragon-in-law had been told by me proud wife about an article I had written that got some buzz and was about me fav guy Mitt Romney. Well, not to be outdone, the dragon-in-law got onto telling me she had seen Mitt on the telly programme 60 Seconds.
Yes, I sat there thinking I heard wrong and asked what programme?
"Why 60 Seconds, the one with Andy Rooney."
Now me wife had gone to change the little Airport's nappy, so I did not hide me caustic side.
"Oh," says I, "that's the one where Andy Rooney comes on and says,"Hello, I'm Andy . . . " and then the Amazing Race comes on immediately after."
The Dragon looked at me like I be daft.
"Well, Gabriel, he says a little more than "Hello, I'm Andy Rooney."
I said, "Does he? Does he actually get to say his last name before they cut to the Amazing Race?"
"What are you talking about? Of course he gets to say his last name and then he talks about something important to him." She said this with irritation in her voice.
"Then I must be mistaken, I thought with Morley Shafter, Mike Wallace, and oh yeah Leslie Stahl, all saying their names, poor Andy wouldn't have time to say his last name, let alone talk about anything. You know how it goes, it comes on and you get, "Hi, I'm Morley . . . " and then they cut right to "And I'm Mike . . ." and finally there is Leslie with that hay stack on her head saying, "I'm Leslie Stahl and this is . . . " and then Andy comes on."
She sat for a few quiet minutes looking at me extremely confused and not a little bit annoyed. She learned forward and put her hand on me forearm and like I was mentally deficient, she slowly pronounced her words, "No, they all say their names and one of them says this is 60 Seconds and Andy Rooney . . . "
I cut her off, "See that's the thing, it is only 60 seconds so no one can really tell a story especially one about Mitt Romney."
Tonya was leaning on the door jam holding the Airport unbeknownst to me taking this all in.
"Stop it," she said sitting down after I finally realised I was being watched. "She means 60 Minutes."
"Oh my did I say something else?" The Dragon laughed.
"Why yes you did," I started but was cut off by Tonya.
"Don't pay him any mind, Mom, he's teasing you."
"Oh my was he?" She replied.
I wanted to jump in but I didn't, I knew better. But see this is the kind of thing about the dragon-in-law that drives me up a pole. She doesn't realise half the time what she is saying, AND all this flying up here to take care of us, was me taking care of everyone, including HER, who didn't need any taking care of. Of course, if it was only me and her at the house I'd have had her committed to a mental institution and not told Tonya what I had done. Then I'd have all the Tetley Tea and me green blankie and I'd live happily ever after.
So I did the next best thing, I called every airline in existence to get her on a flight out the next day!
Gabe
Copyright © 2007 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
The whole day I was in a good mood. I even listened to the "important message from Dr. Ron Paul." That is how happy I was. The dragon was going home! News like that doesn't get any better. But then me fortunes changed the very next day, the day SHE was to wing it home.
IT FREAKING SNOWED! Like we lived in the North Pole kind of snow. LOTS of the white stuff. Tonya called to find out about flight delays, but that wasn't to be, the airline cancelled the dragon-in-laws flight. Woe was me! She was delighted she said, to spend an extra day with her dear daughter's family. Oh yea!
I just knew if it kept snowing she'd stay longer, and if it really kept snowing she'd be living with us forever and I be not the suicidal type, but I do think I'd consider it. I also knew me green blankie would go the way of that afghan that hung forlornly over the cedar chest at the end of me bed. Worse, I think me brain would look all ratty and full of holes as well from things like this:
We were sitting at the dinner table when the conversation turned to the intellectual (and I used that word very loosely), the dragon-in-law had been told by me proud wife about an article I had written that got some buzz and was about me fav guy Mitt Romney. Well, not to be outdone, the dragon-in-law got onto telling me she had seen Mitt on the telly programme 60 Seconds.
Yes, I sat there thinking I heard wrong and asked what programme?
"Why 60 Seconds, the one with Andy Rooney."
Now me wife had gone to change the little Airport's nappy, so I did not hide me caustic side.
"Oh," says I, "that's the one where Andy Rooney comes on and says,"Hello, I'm Andy . . . " and then the Amazing Race comes on immediately after."
The Dragon looked at me like I be daft.
"Well, Gabriel, he says a little more than "Hello, I'm Andy Rooney."
I said, "Does he? Does he actually get to say his last name before they cut to the Amazing Race?"
"What are you talking about? Of course he gets to say his last name and then he talks about something important to him." She said this with irritation in her voice.
"Then I must be mistaken, I thought with Morley Shafter, Mike Wallace, and oh yeah Leslie Stahl, all saying their names, poor Andy wouldn't have time to say his last name, let alone talk about anything. You know how it goes, it comes on and you get, "Hi, I'm Morley . . . " and then they cut right to "And I'm Mike . . ." and finally there is Leslie with that hay stack on her head saying, "I'm Leslie Stahl and this is . . . " and then Andy comes on."
She sat for a few quiet minutes looking at me extremely confused and not a little bit annoyed. She learned forward and put her hand on me forearm and like I was mentally deficient, she slowly pronounced her words, "No, they all say their names and one of them says this is 60 Seconds and Andy Rooney . . . "
I cut her off, "See that's the thing, it is only 60 seconds so no one can really tell a story especially one about Mitt Romney."
Tonya was leaning on the door jam holding the Airport unbeknownst to me taking this all in.
"Stop it," she said sitting down after I finally realised I was being watched. "She means 60 Minutes."
"Oh my did I say something else?" The Dragon laughed.
"Why yes you did," I started but was cut off by Tonya.
"Don't pay him any mind, Mom, he's teasing you."
"Oh my was he?" She replied.
I wanted to jump in but I didn't, I knew better. But see this is the kind of thing about the dragon-in-law that drives me up a pole. She doesn't realise half the time what she is saying, AND all this flying up here to take care of us, was me taking care of everyone, including HER, who didn't need any taking care of. Of course, if it was only me and her at the house I'd have had her committed to a mental institution and not told Tonya what I had done. Then I'd have all the Tetley Tea and me green blankie and I'd live happily ever after.
So I did the next best thing, I called every airline in existence to get her on a flight out the next day!
Gabe
Copyright © 2007 All rights reserved
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