23 December 2004
107
R. Linda:
Like a condemned man I skied ever farther away from the warm house of hot cocoa, non-deliverable packages, and the warrior princess of New Jersey. I kept on skiing thinking I would end up starving, cold and no one would find my body until the spring, but then it hit me spring in these parts happens in June. Oh, woe is meself!
Because the roads were not ploughed very well, if at all in some places, yours truly did a fair amount of fast skiing. Of course, I was going downhill most of the way and I was going especially speedy because the skis I had were childrens, and much too short for someone over 6' tall. Even me poles were short and I must have been a sight, but there was nary a soul about to see me -- thank God.
I found meself coming into a more populated area (that would be where the houses weren't two miles apart). I found meself on this more travelled road and noticed way below me what looked like a newer building. Yes, yes there was the U.S. Post Office in New Boston, and feeling lucky I found the driveway and stopped at the top. This driveway was a downward spiral and I silently debated meself if I should take off the skis or give it a go and ski on down.
Meanwhile, the sky was turning a threatening grey and I thought I saw a snowflake or two, or three. So digging my short poles in I went speeding down the windy drive and it was one harrowing experience, R. Linda. I was going much too fast and I could not stop! I ended up crashing into the heavy glass doors and right on in and to the counter. I was lucky I wasn't hurt, or anyone else for that matter. However, meself was in luck I was the only patron.
Standing behind the counter with arms folded over her ample bosom was the postmistress. Her eyes were slits and she didn't look impressed with my entrance. I tried to make light of me skiing in, but there was no mirth on her disapproving face. I told her who I was and that I had come for our package.
The woman's jaw was working the whole time and I could feel the explosion of anger about to rip me to shreds but she controlled it by asking me, "Yah mathah sent you did she?" This was said with a glance at me tiny skis.
Begorrah me, I explained Tonya was not me Mam and that we were looking for a package from her sister from New Jersey.
"New Jahsey is it? Well, let me go on and have a look see, it seems ta me the drivah has everything loaded on his truck."
There I was trying to swallow this bit of information. As if. I knew better. I stood there for what seemed an eternity until she came shuffling back with a long package. It was stained on one end and looks like it has been through WW1 and 2.
Without a word, I signed me name on the pink slip and she shoved it over the counter at me.
"You ski all the way heah? How do you think you'ah gonnah get that home when you have to use ski poles in an uphill direction, ay yah?"
Good question. I looked around me and she turned around and slapped a USPS canvas bag that looked like one of those green grocer bags with the big bucket bottom and the long strap for your shoulder.
"Heah, you can put it in this."
I silently tried jamming the long thin package in the provided bag and of course, it didn't fit. She took hold of it and wrapped the bag around the package with Priority Mail tape leaving the strap free. Well, that did the trick.
"That'll be thirty-five dollahs fah the bag and 15 cents fah the tape."
HUH? Me dander was starting to rise, so I dug in me back pocket and slammed me wallet on the counter and then counted it all out. That left me $1.00 to my name. She smiled at me and it was a wicked smile.
"What ya got in theaah? A snake?"
That made me stand very still. If there is one thing I don't like it be snakes. To suggest such was enough for me creative imagination to kick in. I could see a long fat yellow boa constrictor snaking its way out of the soggy end of the package as I skied on in the dark, snowy night. I could see it in my mind, curling around me numb limbs, me not feeling anything until it had wrapped itself around my neck, me thinking me muffler was too tight and SQUERK, the breath be squeezed out of me body as I lost me footing and started to tumble down a snow-covered hill, rolling over and over and becoming a giant snowball. Only me hands and ski-shod feet hanging out. Oi!
I shook my head to clear the awful thoughts and slung the makeshift carrier over me back. Clicking me skis out of the place, I be sure she was having a good laugh with the postman later over all this. Snake indeed.
All the way home I wanted to stop and check the package for movement. I was hoping if it was a snake it was frozen solid as I was. About 12 hours later I reached my temporary home, a tear in me eye so grateful was I to see the place.
The package turned out to be no snake, but a miniature Christmas tree. It is decorated and all, just so me and Tonya would have a tree. How thoughtful of sister Fatima to do something like that. I see me trouble was worth it because Tonya got all teary on exhausted me. I be thawing out with a good hot cup of cocoa. What else? Don't say a word, I know what you are thinking.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Like a condemned man I skied ever farther away from the warm house of hot cocoa, non-deliverable packages, and the warrior princess of New Jersey. I kept on skiing thinking I would end up starving, cold and no one would find my body until the spring, but then it hit me spring in these parts happens in June. Oh, woe is meself!
Because the roads were not ploughed very well, if at all in some places, yours truly did a fair amount of fast skiing. Of course, I was going downhill most of the way and I was going especially speedy because the skis I had were childrens, and much too short for someone over 6' tall. Even me poles were short and I must have been a sight, but there was nary a soul about to see me -- thank God.
I found meself coming into a more populated area (that would be where the houses weren't two miles apart). I found meself on this more travelled road and noticed way below me what looked like a newer building. Yes, yes there was the U.S. Post Office in New Boston, and feeling lucky I found the driveway and stopped at the top. This driveway was a downward spiral and I silently debated meself if I should take off the skis or give it a go and ski on down.
Meanwhile, the sky was turning a threatening grey and I thought I saw a snowflake or two, or three. So digging my short poles in I went speeding down the windy drive and it was one harrowing experience, R. Linda. I was going much too fast and I could not stop! I ended up crashing into the heavy glass doors and right on in and to the counter. I was lucky I wasn't hurt, or anyone else for that matter. However, meself was in luck I was the only patron.
Standing behind the counter with arms folded over her ample bosom was the postmistress. Her eyes were slits and she didn't look impressed with my entrance. I tried to make light of me skiing in, but there was no mirth on her disapproving face. I told her who I was and that I had come for our package.
The woman's jaw was working the whole time and I could feel the explosion of anger about to rip me to shreds but she controlled it by asking me, "Yah mathah sent you did she?" This was said with a glance at me tiny skis.
Begorrah me, I explained Tonya was not me Mam and that we were looking for a package from her sister from New Jersey.
"New Jahsey is it? Well, let me go on and have a look see, it seems ta me the drivah has everything loaded on his truck."
There I was trying to swallow this bit of information. As if. I knew better. I stood there for what seemed an eternity until she came shuffling back with a long package. It was stained on one end and looks like it has been through WW1 and 2.
Without a word, I signed me name on the pink slip and she shoved it over the counter at me.
"You ski all the way heah? How do you think you'ah gonnah get that home when you have to use ski poles in an uphill direction, ay yah?"
Good question. I looked around me and she turned around and slapped a USPS canvas bag that looked like one of those green grocer bags with the big bucket bottom and the long strap for your shoulder.
"Heah, you can put it in this."
I silently tried jamming the long thin package in the provided bag and of course, it didn't fit. She took hold of it and wrapped the bag around the package with Priority Mail tape leaving the strap free. Well, that did the trick.
"That'll be thirty-five dollahs fah the bag and 15 cents fah the tape."
HUH? Me dander was starting to rise, so I dug in me back pocket and slammed me wallet on the counter and then counted it all out. That left me $1.00 to my name. She smiled at me and it was a wicked smile.
"What ya got in theaah? A snake?"
That made me stand very still. If there is one thing I don't like it be snakes. To suggest such was enough for me creative imagination to kick in. I could see a long fat yellow boa constrictor snaking its way out of the soggy end of the package as I skied on in the dark, snowy night. I could see it in my mind, curling around me numb limbs, me not feeling anything until it had wrapped itself around my neck, me thinking me muffler was too tight and SQUERK, the breath be squeezed out of me body as I lost me footing and started to tumble down a snow-covered hill, rolling over and over and becoming a giant snowball. Only me hands and ski-shod feet hanging out. Oi!
I shook my head to clear the awful thoughts and slung the makeshift carrier over me back. Clicking me skis out of the place, I be sure she was having a good laugh with the postman later over all this. Snake indeed.
All the way home I wanted to stop and check the package for movement. I was hoping if it was a snake it was frozen solid as I was. About 12 hours later I reached my temporary home, a tear in me eye so grateful was I to see the place.
The package turned out to be no snake, but a miniature Christmas tree. It is decorated and all, just so me and Tonya would have a tree. How thoughtful of sister Fatima to do something like that. I see me trouble was worth it because Tonya got all teary on exhausted me. I be thawing out with a good hot cup of cocoa. What else? Don't say a word, I know what you are thinking.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
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