27 December, 2009

I hate computers

13 January 2005
110

R. Linda:

Of late me home laptop has been sluggish and to key up on anything including AOL, I sit there and sit there, and sit there waiting. It has become an eternal process that made me think I should take some time and go defragment me memory. No, not ME memory like me head, me machine's memory. So off I go to the Window part of me computer and I click on Defrag and up comes me hard drive. I click analyse and oh begorrah me, but there are red stripes all over the place, and I be in sore need of defragmentation. I do this you see and me computer is running smoother, but still be slow.

I ask one of me friends at work how to make it go faster. They tell me to clean out 0 byte files, run a registry check for split registries, and basically get rid of files I do not use. So this I do and again, me computer is running a wee bit faster, but still not great.

I write me journalist friend who I think be savvy on the way of computers over in London, and he writes me back that if I did all I said I did, and have a broadband connection, then it might be spyware slowing the system down. He tells me to get Pest Control and I do this because I find the powers that be where I work (in the system part anyway), are familiar with this particular programme (they were impressed I'd know about it, and I didn't tell them where I heard, so took the praise for meself), and so they gave me a disk to download.

This I did, and begorrah me R. Linda, but all the spyware on me computer was a massive mess of things. I didn't realise how much spying was going on in me computer! And, I must tell you was a great deal of it. I zapped all the spyware, and then inadvertently I zapped me AOL, so there was none to be had.

I went to Tonya and asked to borrow her AOL disk for 9.0 Security Edition SE. I had the 9.0 Optimum, and was going to upgrade when I zapped what I had. So, I took the disk back to me abode, got it in the tray, clicked it up and it started downloading when suddenly me new Pest programme blasts on the screen and says: DO YOU WANT TO REMOVE THIS PEST BEFORE PROCEEDING WITH INSTALLATION? I was like what pest? I looked and there is this MtsAxInstaller.exe that is part of the AOL installation of all things.

Well, you know I'm going to zap it, and I did. I even cut short the installation process and canceled it. I clicked me way to AOL Download and decided to do the deed from the AOL website from me Internet connection. Guess what? It happened again.

So, I canceled that and took meself to the website for a second time. Before I downloaded I updated all my anti-virus programmes, and there we had it again! Now I be cursing not only me machine, but AOL. I let it download. Me mistake because then after the download installed, I could get no connection. All me connections INCLUDING DIAL-UP were gone. I couldn't get to the Internet either because me Microsoft Explorer was incapacitated.

I was beside meself. I phoned the Weasil (that is how desperate I be) and told him me plight. He was calm, above it all, snobbish almost, as he told me what to do. I had to manually delete MtsAxInstaller all over again. I had to root out AsMetaStream.dll which would not delete and I had to run Pest Control which took most of it for me, then I had to go over to Tonya's to her machine, where Mr. W had sent her (since he couldn't send me) a website where I could purchase a Windows Registry Programme that would also root out the offending files and fix me machine so it would at least run. This I did and downloaded to a disk and over to me place I ran. Inserted disk, clicked on install, got there, did that, and then ran back to Tonya's again so I could register the fecker so it would work and because the fix he was going to give me would not last long enough for me to register on me machine. Then back again, with Mr. W's directions I got me dial up to work by fudging wires as a temporary fix and online to the Net I go. I was able to run the register and lordy me, but what it didn't pick up. Fragmented pieces of registry everywhere, 94 of them! It repaired that. Then he took me to the connection bridge and we patched me router system and deleted Port Magic since it was bloody useless at that point.

Then with the computer intelligence only a weasel could have, he told me to go to Add and Remove Programmes and remove Viewpoint. I was like huh? Viewpoint I said was part of AOL media and he said, "Gabriel, I hate ta tell ya dis but it be part of Adware. It be spyware." Well, that was enough for yours truly, so I put me finger on the zap button and it was removed. Then I had to manually remove what I could. I have two files left, but Weasil tells me they be spyware free so they be "okie dokie" for now. Only they can kick in and re-tree themselves if I don't keep an eye on them. Oi!

I would never have known about this if it wasn't for the Pest Control. So today I went into work and this is what I found out. AOL is full of viruses. Lots of spyware. Viewpoint made some deal worth $10 million with AOL to come on board. It plays your media files and spies on you at the same time. It is one of the biggest viruses online and AOL has it. It is near impossible to get rid of, even if you dump your AOL. You need another programme to kill it. As far as I know it is on the 9.0 programmes, all of them! I hate when AOL is in beta mode, all the bugs come creeping out and you have no clue.

I be up and running as you can see, one eye on me letter to you and one eye on me Windows files, me Pest Control is on and at the ready. So if your computer isn't running exactly right or you seem to be zapping a lot of Adware, well you will keep on doing it as long as you run 9.0 until it goes out of beta testing. Sigh.

Gabe
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