Chapter tres

4 May 2005

126

R. Linda;

I do sincerely hope that both Mr. Brown and Mr. Osbourne have a sense of humour if ever they should happen upon me satire. It isn't meant to deride but to have fun with them. I be forever in trouble of me own making, SIGH, so I suppose we should chalk it up to Gabriel being Gabriel.

Onward we go then to where most wouldn't tread, but then most aren't an O'Sullivan (a clan of fearless funny people who most of them are spending their humourous time in a nick someplace, or in a pub writing this sort of stuff).

Chapter 3

It struck me that Ozzy was being held by Italian dermatologists who had recently expanded their horizons into a new salve for swollen ankles, and further were about to delve into the denture adhesive market. But could there be an underlying motive to the fact that Galileo's I'insettifugo was no longer available and Ozzy was being held world captive direly in need of the rash whipping salve on purpose? Hum. The more I thought about it the more I believed it. Was this a way to force the Scottish government to lift its ban on hunting haggis? Ozzy WAS Galileo's leading scientist at one time. He left them because . . . because why? I couldn't remember why, but it seemed to me, that the ban on haggis had something to do with it, AND Ozzy was the one that had the secret formula used in the I'insettifugo making it a cut above the rest. When he left the secret went with him. I think.

Suddenly, Cooler had a thought, and I mean his brain kicked in suddenly on things I wasn't even thinking of.

"You know, it strikes me that you two should go to Rome, Italy, where the makers of Galileo's I'insettifugo are headquartered. See if you can find out if they are behind this. I do believe I read an article in the London Times that there was a strange disappearance of several prize haggises from a government reserve not too long ago in Scotland. Seems the investigators believed the haggises were stolen for some scientific experiment, though they could not prove it. And something else, I read there is a red rash that seems to have spread all over the world and everyone's coming down with the itchies. Could it be that the makers of Galileo's I'insettifugo, the world-renowned Non-Importa Farmacia Group, are holding out for a huge Galileo's I'insettifugo payoff and using Ozzy as a ploy for their devious ends to make big bucks?"

Sara was the first to understand where Cooler was going with his hypothesis. I was still wondering if the makers of Galileo's I'insettifugo were doing well with their new denture adhesive. Then it hit me. Why didn't I think of that? I slapped me forehead in the realisation that everything Cooler surmised might be true!

"Dr. Cooler, you may haveth hit on thumthing. I think I remember hewing about that inthdent and yeth a number of haggthth were tholen. Could be the makth of Galileo'th I'Inthettifugo have taken Othy in a ploy to get the Thcottith govment to let them hunt haggth? And, maybe they ah behind theith mytheirouth rath that theems to be thpading all over th world!"

It struck me that might make sense if she spoke without the lisp, but then again . . .

"Mr. O'Hooligan, would you be willing to go to Rome, Italy with Sara here and look into this matter? With your expertise in symbology/interpretation of Gaelic words and Sara's degrees up the wahzoo in scientific formulas, you would make quite a formidable team don't you think?

I really wanted to ponder this for a moment. But I also needed a holiday and why not Rome? Corporate spying was not me forte' and why would a symbologist slash interpreter of Gaelic need to accompany a speech-impaired scientist, also not qualified in the spy business to go on a spy mission on a bunch of Italian denture adhesive makers?

I didn't have time to answer because suddenly Sara Pignelli had her arm in mine and with a bright cheery smile she declared to Cooler, "Why yeth we would be thonoured to thpy on the Italian thinenethth and get the gooth on them and thenth we can free Othy and treat hith rath and then we can be world famouth and maybe even havth theth at the of the thory."

Well, that last promise of sex at the end of the story was enough for me. I winked at Cooler and the next thing I knew, Sara and I were in the space shuttle heading for Rome, Italy.

Gabe

Copyright © 2005 All rights reserved