Me Work

23, January, 2003

Story #6

R. Linda:

In the course of me journey towards the Pulitzer Prize, I leave out the truisms of me profession. Yes, I be a journalist, no I am not a leading columnist. What I do is run after people with a pad and pencil (sometimes a tape recorder, and nowadays a phone) and badger them with questions they don't necessarily want to answer or be reminded of. That puts me just shy of the label paparazzi, and I can identify with those persons because I have been kicked, punched, shouted at, chased, and cursed a blue streak. If only me mother knew.

I go back to the newspaper with whatever I am lucky to get and throw it into a pool on the subject. Then some editor goes over it and takes a little from my contribution and a little from someone else's and makes up News Capsules! Aren't you impressed?

If I want to impress someone, I say I am a journalist. I never tell them what I really do because it sounds so paparazzi. Sometimes they send me to cover fluff stuff like waiting under Michael Jackson's window ready to catch his dangling son, or maybe get a real story. Most times I am chasing Mitt Romney, our new governor asking him stupid questions like, "Mr. Romney, how does it feel to be an out-of-stater who's purchased the Massachusetts election?" Or, "Mr. Romney, do your holding hands with your lieutenant governor make your wife mad?" Now it's "Governor Romney, when you danced with that short woman at your inaugural did you notice her nose was bleeding from hitting your belt buckle?"

Since I am the new kid on the block, I won't have a byline until I work me way up. And from where I be sitting, it is the only place to go. Of course, I could infiltrate the opposition by posing as a Dunkin' Donuts delivery boy and sneaking into Ms. O'Neill's office and reading her copy. I'm already endeared to her, so like I say, there is no other place to go but up.

I am sorry your New Year's wasn't rousingly exciting. I need to send you me new book, Gabriel O'Sullivan's How To Ski Into Aspen Trees And Still Look You're Having a Good Time Doing It. That should cheer you up. Take you until New Year's 3010 to finish it, so at least you'll be occupied.

Gabe
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