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R. Linda:
I do not know if you've heard, but two of me countrymen and one Scottish wannabe Irish, are being deported. Deported back to the old country. And why? For using their Irish brains to make money. I mean this is a capitalistic society is it not? Are we not all come here to make the almighty dollar? Pshaw, I was under the impression that was the name of the game.
Anyway, let me tell you what has me so shocked to me green socks. Seems this ingenious couple, a Mr. Tony Davenport and a Ms. Linda (yes, same moniker as your fine self) Broderick (a fine Irish couple if ever there be one), and one Scottish national by the title John Patrick (see he must have some Irish blood to have the Patrick thrown in there) Hay, got together one afternoon over a few bottles of Guinness (I be supposing it was the Guinness, since we all know Guinness is God's brain food to Ireland), and up popped a grand idea.
How about they get Tony's dinosaur of a laptop and see if they can make bar codes of their own. Why not? There wasn't anything else to do! A competition was born and fun was to be had by all. They dragged out the old scanner and went to town. Well, after some trying and a few more bottles of what is good for you, the threesome produced a pretty realistic bar code. Now, all they needed to do, was make it look like someone else's so it be totally convincing.
What had a bar code laying about and oh, right over there on the old patio be a lawn chair. Upon checking, yes indeed, the bar code sticker was still adhered to it. They dragged it inside to the computer and with a little fiddling around and a few more of God's elixir of life, they produced a damn fine bar code. Matter of factuals, it looked amazingly like the one on the lawn chair. Yes, one Home Depot bar code.
Linda said to the gents, "If we had a product we'd be in business having a bar code and all."
Me question, had I been there, would have been, "Linda, why make a bar code first? You need the product to begin with don't you?" BUT I wasn't there to ask that question. So, they did it arsebackwards, but who's faulting their originality?
All right then, after a few more of the elixir of the gods, John PATRICK exclaims (knocking over the empties so it gave his idea more penuche, like a crash of cymbals on a good idea forthcoming), "Why produce a product when we have one right here in front of us?"
Now the Guinness had slowed the thinking of the Irish couple, and they had no clue what John PATRICK was on about. Scratching their heads and reaching for more beer they looked over at their friend and said in unison, "Eh?"
John PATRICK being of more sober mind (supposedly), sighed and rolled his eyes as he pointed to the lawn chair forecefully.
"THAT!" He shouted waving his finger at the lawn chair.
And was answered again in unison with, "Huh?"
"The freaking lawn chair, don't ye git (get) it? We kin (can) make more bar codes an paste them o'er the existin' ones, take the stoof (stuff) back to Home DepO (Depot) an git are (our) money back an then sum." Frustrated at the non registering to their brains of this most wonderful idea he huffed, "Make the bar code fer (for) moore (more) money on the return!"
An "Ohhh," filtered out of the mouths of the couple and with no hesitation on anyone's part, they set to dragging in the rest of the lawn furniture, calculated the prices of each piece and then busily went to creating bar codes that would tweak each original price up a wee bit.
I'd like to say they didn't do this to anything else, but they did. The entire caravan full of furniture was upside ended to see if there was a bar code and when finding one, another was slapped over it. Before long most everything in the travelling trailer was loaded onto a truck and off they weaved to Home Depot to return the goods.
They successfully defrauded the Home Depot Home Furnishing chain for $400,000 but that is the low end of the figure that the authorities know of. I know it be much more because when an Irishmen and a Scot get their heads together, whoa you best watch out.
Not only did they successfully defraud the Home Depot where they were temporarily residing in Texas, they rolled onto California and did it again!
The good times came to an untimely end when Tony got himself caught returning furniture for the third time to the same Home Depot. Yes, the men in blue pulled in Linda and John PATRICK as well. Got hold the scanner, the computer and the very fine printer. Even Tony's attorney was impressed with his client's smarts. He exclaimed on the steps of the courthouse in San Leandro, "He's a very bright individual and this is just a small part of a much bigger life."
Hum, one must ponder what the "much bigger life" was. Bank notes, perhaps? To get away for three years, returning furniture in 21 states and making the finest bar codes in the country, shouldn't Tony, Linda and John PATRICK be given some credit? I ask you now? But no, they are having to forfeit $600,000 (the $200,000 extra couldn't be found where they got it, wink, wink), fined $250,000 which means they be short $50,000!
Tony thought he could sell the motor home and make up the $50,000 but no, he's been denied that. So to the slammer they all go for a yet to be determined amount of time and to add insult to injury, as soon as they hit the fresh air of freedom, wham they will be loaded on a plane or even a ship, and sent home to the Emerald Isle. Yes, the Emerald Isle. Green isle like in moneymaking.
And, here I be in a job that doesn't come near what these three made. I be in the wrong business I can tell you that much.
Gabe
Copyright © 2003 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I do not know if you've heard, but two of me countrymen and one Scottish wannabe Irish, are being deported. Deported back to the old country. And why? For using their Irish brains to make money. I mean this is a capitalistic society is it not? Are we not all come here to make the almighty dollar? Pshaw, I was under the impression that was the name of the game.
Anyway, let me tell you what has me so shocked to me green socks. Seems this ingenious couple, a Mr. Tony Davenport and a Ms. Linda (yes, same moniker as your fine self) Broderick (a fine Irish couple if ever there be one), and one Scottish national by the title John Patrick (see he must have some Irish blood to have the Patrick thrown in there) Hay, got together one afternoon over a few bottles of Guinness (I be supposing it was the Guinness, since we all know Guinness is God's brain food to Ireland), and up popped a grand idea.
How about they get Tony's dinosaur of a laptop and see if they can make bar codes of their own. Why not? There wasn't anything else to do! A competition was born and fun was to be had by all. They dragged out the old scanner and went to town. Well, after some trying and a few more bottles of what is good for you, the threesome produced a pretty realistic bar code. Now, all they needed to do, was make it look like someone else's so it be totally convincing.
What had a bar code laying about and oh, right over there on the old patio be a lawn chair. Upon checking, yes indeed, the bar code sticker was still adhered to it. They dragged it inside to the computer and with a little fiddling around and a few more of God's elixir of life, they produced a damn fine bar code. Matter of factuals, it looked amazingly like the one on the lawn chair. Yes, one Home Depot bar code.
Linda said to the gents, "If we had a product we'd be in business having a bar code and all."
Me question, had I been there, would have been, "Linda, why make a bar code first? You need the product to begin with don't you?" BUT I wasn't there to ask that question. So, they did it arsebackwards, but who's faulting their originality?
All right then, after a few more of the elixir of the gods, John PATRICK exclaims (knocking over the empties so it gave his idea more penuche, like a crash of cymbals on a good idea forthcoming), "Why produce a product when we have one right here in front of us?"
Now the Guinness had slowed the thinking of the Irish couple, and they had no clue what John PATRICK was on about. Scratching their heads and reaching for more beer they looked over at their friend and said in unison, "Eh?"
John PATRICK being of more sober mind (supposedly), sighed and rolled his eyes as he pointed to the lawn chair forecefully.
"THAT!" He shouted waving his finger at the lawn chair.
And was answered again in unison with, "Huh?"
"The freaking lawn chair, don't ye git (get) it? We kin (can) make more bar codes an paste them o'er the existin' ones, take the stoof (stuff) back to Home DepO (Depot) an git are (our) money back an then sum." Frustrated at the non registering to their brains of this most wonderful idea he huffed, "Make the bar code fer (for) moore (more) money on the return!"
An "Ohhh," filtered out of the mouths of the couple and with no hesitation on anyone's part, they set to dragging in the rest of the lawn furniture, calculated the prices of each piece and then busily went to creating bar codes that would tweak each original price up a wee bit.
I'd like to say they didn't do this to anything else, but they did. The entire caravan full of furniture was upside ended to see if there was a bar code and when finding one, another was slapped over it. Before long most everything in the travelling trailer was loaded onto a truck and off they weaved to Home Depot to return the goods.
They successfully defrauded the Home Depot Home Furnishing chain for $400,000 but that is the low end of the figure that the authorities know of. I know it be much more because when an Irishmen and a Scot get their heads together, whoa you best watch out.
Not only did they successfully defraud the Home Depot where they were temporarily residing in Texas, they rolled onto California and did it again!
The good times came to an untimely end when Tony got himself caught returning furniture for the third time to the same Home Depot. Yes, the men in blue pulled in Linda and John PATRICK as well. Got hold the scanner, the computer and the very fine printer. Even Tony's attorney was impressed with his client's smarts. He exclaimed on the steps of the courthouse in San Leandro, "He's a very bright individual and this is just a small part of a much bigger life."
Hum, one must ponder what the "much bigger life" was. Bank notes, perhaps? To get away for three years, returning furniture in 21 states and making the finest bar codes in the country, shouldn't Tony, Linda and John PATRICK be given some credit? I ask you now? But no, they are having to forfeit $600,000 (the $200,000 extra couldn't be found where they got it, wink, wink), fined $250,000 which means they be short $50,000!
Tony thought he could sell the motor home and make up the $50,000 but no, he's been denied that. So to the slammer they all go for a yet to be determined amount of time and to add insult to injury, as soon as they hit the fresh air of freedom, wham they will be loaded on a plane or even a ship, and sent home to the Emerald Isle. Yes, the Emerald Isle. Green isle like in moneymaking.
And, here I be in a job that doesn't come near what these three made. I be in the wrong business I can tell you that much.
Gabe
Copyright © 2003 All rights reserved
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