14 March, 2015

Just gargle with chicken soup and you'll be just fine

14 March 2015

R. Linda,

I can tell you about this now, because it is finally fading from me memory, and that be a good thing. Being a not so good segment of time, I have been reluctant to revisit the whole fiasco, but you were pounding me about being sick so I think it only fair to give you a dissertation on just how sick I was, and how ill treated I became.

It started before we moved into the new abode. The kiddies were sick, Tonya was sick, me Mam -- not so much but getting there, and me just fine and dandy. Then the night of me being attacked by me mattress (see 16 Feb. 2015 - Don't Try This At Home -- for that matter don't try it PERIOD!) happened and soon after as we started the move, both me and Mam got the bacterial infection that wasn't a bacterial infection, but a virus, that turned back into a bacterial infection . . . you'll see what I mean.

So me Mam was doing better than meself. I felt the thing coming on I did, and made haste to call me physician's office to head the illness off because I KNEW from Tonya and the boyos what could be coming. THEY had gone to their doctor and were told they had a bacterial infection, here's a Z-Pack (steroids) and cough syrup, go home get plenty of rest and fluids and all will be well. And that be what happened. Meanwhile, I get nurse Ratchet on the phone from the same medical office, and she TELLS me, that coming in solely for a Z-Pack was out of the question. I got a lecture on antibiotics and how if I did not need them, then I shouldn't have them. Now all I did was mention me family had the sickness and I knew I was coming down with it as well. They were on Z-Packs so I SAID I know this will be bad. I did not say put me on steroids! I said I was coming down with the same thing, could I get an appointment? NO I could not get an appointment because I wasn't freaking far enough along in the sickness to need to see a doctor!

I tell ya!

I was told to drink plenty of liquids, get rest and eat light but sustaining foods like chicken soup. If my throat was scratchy tea with honey (sipping only, no chugging) would soothe the raw tissue. So this I did and I got worse and worse until I was coughing up phlegm and looking a right and sad mess. I was told by all "Call your doctor!" For all the good it would do me, I did not. I had been told by nurse Ratchet that all would disappear in a weeks time. I was now on week number three.

Then on Sunday morning (of week number 3), while breakfast was being prepared (at least I was told it was. I could smell nothing I was that stuffed up that when I rubbed the area between me eyebrows and bridge of me nose you could hear SQUISH! Oh yeah pleasant), I was in the upstairs bathroom blowing me nose while all were downstairs when suddenly a great dry and hard piece of phlegm came honking up to the back of me throat and I started choking. Literally it was blocking me airways and I could not breathe. I had me big fingers in me throat gagging me more as I tried to reach in to pull it out. I know gross, but . . . I was in a right panic I was, and somehow I managed to choke and hack me way down the stairs to the kitchen where everyone stopped and looked at me in horror.

I pointed to me throat and put me hands around it like I was choking meself to signal what was going on when they jumped into motion, and started chattering at me asking me things. Like did I want them to call an ambulance OR, did I want to be driven to the ER? Like I could answer them! I pointed to me coat and choked me way to the car with Tonya getting the keys, coat of her own and telling me Mam to finish off breakfast for the kiddos, she was taking me to the Casualty.

We made it to the hospital where by that time, I had stopped choking but could feel the obstruction still at the back of me throat which was making me gag. I don't know which is worse, choking or gagging. Anyway, me face was blueish and the receptionist told me to take a seat in the waiting room. Tonya told her I was suffocating, but she didn't care, it was take a seat! 

The waiting room was packed to the rafters and there was a notice that said: PATIENTS WILL BE TAKEN IN THE ORDER THEY COME IN UNLESS URGENT CARE IS NEEDED.

I was gobsmacked I was. Suffocation wasn't urgent? Apparently not. So as I walked in everyone was staring at me, and I was trying to keep the choking and gagging to a minimum. But some got up and looked at me aghast and moved away. They'd rather stand against the far wall than sit in me vicinity. This perplexed me terribly that they thought I looked that bad. At least that is what I thought. 

After two hours I was called to the receptionist's desk. By that time the "thing" in me throat had either gone into me lungs or into me stomach, or I was getting used to it lodged in me throat. I had no idea what it was, just knew that I was pissed off and knackered. 

I was asked why I was there, I told the woman. I even said, "I be suffocating slowly, it be hard to breathe, can't catch me breath without having a choking spasm." 

She typed it in, took me insurance information and told me to go back out and have a seat. I tell ya! 

So out I go and everyone who had sat back down after I left, flew to the wall when I came back. I was truly feeling like I had cooties. I had no clue what the feck was the matter. Finally, I was called after 45 more minutes of trying not to have a choking fit which was torture!

I walked into the cubicle and the nurse told me not to worry me eye will be just fine. MY EYE? Then she asked me what was wrong and I told her, all the time wondering what she meant about me eye. So she told me usually what they do for choking like mine, is turned the person upside down like you do a baby, you know hold them by the heels and pound their back to bring up whatever be choking them. I be over 6 feet and weight a good 13 stones, so really? I don't think so. That procedure did not happen so no cause for me concern. Instead, she went on about the eye. That the breakage of blood vessels would heal in two to three weeks time. Did I happen to see an article in some magazine about eye tattoos? Well, no I hadn't and I had no clue what she meant. She said I could tell people I got one. Again, REALLY?

I still didn't know what she was going on about. She left me assuring me doctor would be in soon. Soon was 10 minutes later this squeaky clean type comes in. He was about me age maybe a little older, and he tells me his name and shakes me hand and says, "That eye is nothing. Is that why you are here?"

I told him I didn't know anything about an eye, I was choking and explained it all again for the umpteenth time. He seemed pretty unconcerned and dismissed what I told him. I told him me whole family had a bacterial infection and that I had got it worse than the rest and here I was. He said, nah it wasn't bacterial, it was a virus going around. He said everyone in the waiting room was there for the same thing. He didn't feel inclined to hurry any of them in or out because he's been seeing this "cold" for a few weeks. Great. So he looks in me ears and down me throat and he says, me Ph isn't balanced and to go home and . . . are you ready (because I wasn't)? I should go home and gargle with chicken soup! Why not just eat it? I could gargle with warm water and salt and get the PH balanced, why chicken soup? For the throat I was to take a jar of honey and spoon it in slowly letting it "glide down your throat to soothe and hydrate" and THAT would help with the soreness. But that eye, now that eye needs no attention, the blood can't go anywhere so it will absorb back into the body on its own. Give this all another week and I'd be much better. Yeah right, I had enough. 

What kind of meds do I need? Well, not antibiotics and then came another lecture on how antibiotics worked, followed by a dissertation on the human immune system, followed by ph unbalancing acts caused by illness, what to look for if I should choke so hard I break a rib (oh thank you doctor for that warning), and water was the best remedy for what ails ya. Yes indeed. Oh, and chicken soup too!

I got straight to the point. This homoeopathic stuff was for the birds when feeling as sick as I did. I knew none of it would work fast or help right away. Maybe in a year after a straight diet of chicken soup with spoonfuls of honey I might improve a little, or I might be walking and clucking like a chicken and buzzing like a bee.

Don't take NyQuil it be all alcohol and will do nothing for you, he told me. Just chicken soup and honey. Tylenol only if you have aches. Well, I had that too! Gees. Mucinex? Oh no, that stuff doesn't work. Really? QUACK QUACK QUACK!

When I got to the car I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Me left eye was completely blown out. The white was red! No wonder the waiting room full of patients took flight. I was one scary looking dude, with a red eye and a blueish face! I tell ya! I had choked so hard I blew the blood vessels to Kingdom come and back. 

So I told Tonya all this, we stopped and got Mucinex and guess what it DID work. Not completely but it was some relief. I ATE the chicken soup I did not gargle it, I tried the freaking honey and I have to tell you the combination of the two be YUCKY. 

I ended up calling a new doctor, I got an appointment right away. I went in, was thoroughly examined, it was found I had a BACTERIAL INFECTION. I was given a Z-Pack and for the cough (which had developed as a result of the choking), cough syrup with codeine. Within the week I was much improved. But it was five weeks of this! It wasn't until that fifth week I had come to me wits end and called that new physician. Me only problem was the codeine in the cough suppressant put me to sleep and made me major sleepy, thus no stories on the blog.

That's the story and now you have all the bizarre details.

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  1. roflmao you cracked me up with squish and cooties! I just got sick again so I'm going back on mucinex. So as for the phlegm? Triple YUCK! should have called the story super snot and how to blow out your eyeballs.LMAO

    1. Only you would come up with a title like that. Gees. No sympathy for the sick man. Get well soon.

    2. Want sympathy? Oooh poor BABY! Gio gargle some chicken soup.LOL

  2. terrible time sounds like. wishing you well and that you never have to see chicken soup again lol my hubby makes a mean chicken soup maybe i should send you some?

    1. No, no thanks that's okay I be sure he makes a delectable chicken soup, but I be chickened souped out at the moment.

  3. Are you sure you didn't gargle chicken soup prior to the casualty visit? I have a sensitive gag reflex and this story really touched it. Thanks Gabe! Ahemmmm