26 October 2026
2031
R. Linda:
Tonya went out on Saturday and bought a hiking pack she'd wanted for a long time. It somehow distributes weight so it feels light on the back. She was all anxious to try it out.
Last night was the full moon, and Tonya and 6 of her buddies hiked to the top of a mountain to see it. They planned a peaceful gathering of friends to enjoy the event and each other. But it turned out to be anything but peaceful.
On their way up, as the sun set, they saw glimpses of a shady person off the trail, skirting around them and disappearing into the woodline. They were in numbers and had two dogs, so they kept going, not giving it another thought.
They reached the top of the mountain, settled in for moonrise, and, of course, the food fest to go with it. They even made offerings of seeds, which they burnt for Luna and good luck. Well, someone should have shouted up to old Luna in the sky that LUCK was needed.
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| Think Three Dog Night, Bad Moon Rising |
As the moon rose, set, and finally went down, they packed up and started down the trail to the car park. Not far from the mountain top, they met a uniformed policewoman with a torch (flashlight, to you Americans) who stopped them and asked if they'd seen anyone alone on the trail. Well, yes, yes they had, but it was dusk, and they didn't get a good look at him or her.
Questions abounded, and the policewoman told them she was looking for a teenager. And she gave them a description: "That person is wearing a green hoodie, has an orange backpack, brown hair and brown eyes."
Well, guess who had all that? Yup, Tonya. But the policewoman didn't seem to notice because she was looking for a lost 15-year-old and seemed knackered from the uphill hike.
Prior, the shady person saw the seven women and didn't approach them. Tonya's crew thought they weren't the missing teen, just some shady person hiking after dark (they do do that up here). So the ladies kept hiking down while the policewoman continued up the trail.
Less than 50 yards down, they heard a rumbling sound and felt hurricane-force wind. They looked up and saw a helicopter overhead, its spotlight cutting through the air. It was shining a huge light on them as they traversed the rocky, root-strewn trail. As if that wasn't bad enough, a second helicopter picked them up with another big, bright light. The two finally veered off, and they continued the descent in relative darkness after the bright light invasion.
I told Tonya this morning that, apparently, one helicopter wasn't enough to investigate seven women and two dogs. They sent the second, just in case Tonya and her new backpack tried to make a break for it.
It wasn't long before they were midway down when, all of a sudden, they walked into a large group of police personnel with guns drawn, telling them to approach slowly. And who were they focused on? Yup, me wife. She was dressed as the missing teen; did she do something rash to that person and steal the clothing and backpack?
Well, Tonya and group managed to talk their way out of that assumption and were allowed to continue their descent. Another quarter mile later, the group came across four-wheelers parked on the trail where the vehicles couldn't go any further. The keys were in the ignitions! They, the missing teen, or the shady person could have stolen one or both, and, well, I'll let you imagine the rest.
After beating the urge to fly down the trail on four-wheelers, the ladies reached the parking lot, which looked like Christmas, flashing red, blue, and white lights all over. Police, fire, and rescue had loaded up the lot with their large vehicles. Radios blasted intel, and after a peaceful evening on top of the mountain, you got met with blasting sound and flashing lights--well, you know, that killed the mood.
I am happy to report they found the missing teen two mountains over. He did nothing wrong. He got lost, turned around a few times, and somehow hiked over two mountains, through three towns, and into another state. That's quite a walk for someone who didn't know where he was going
Today, Fish and Game issued advice about hiking alone and what to do if you get lost. Good advice, I'm sure, although perhaps a little late for the lad in question.
Meanwhile, the internet sleuths had been busy. All sorts of comments circulated about a suspicious woman in a green hoodie, carrying an orange backpack, with brown hair. Nobody got close enough to see her eye colour, but apparently that didn't matter. They'd already solved the case.
According to some of these brilliant minds, Tonya had somehow disposed of the missing teenager, stolen his clothes and backpack, and attached herself to a group of innocent hikers to make her escape. Never mind that the teenager was alive and well, two mountains away. Why let a little thing like that interfere with a perfectly good murder mystery?
Missy Tonya isn't happy about any of this. She went up a mountain to admire the full moon and came down a suspected criminal, complete with helicopter surveillance, armed police, and an enthusiastic collection of internet detectives.
But she and the gals are planning another hike. Probably somewhere else.
Personally, I think she should let the police know where they're going beforehand. It'll give them time to organise the helicopters, call in the armed response teams, and make sure the four-wheelers are fuelled up.
After all, you can't be too careful with seven women, two dogs, and a brand-new backpack.
Gabe
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