23 June 2026
R. Linda:
1172
Being off for the week, I had taken advantage of Amazon's Pre-Prime sale. I was not going to because I was still missing a parcel I ordered from last February, which Amazon swears was delivered to me address. I couldn't find it anywhere, even after searching. It wasn't an easy search because we had like 4 feet of snow, and the drifts and ploughed piles were even higher.
But I did order anyway. I figured no snow (at least not yet, but you never know, this being New Hampshire and all), what could go wrong, right? Well, I'll tell ya what went wrong. I received a notice on me phone that two of me packages were marked "Delivered." I see there is no photo of where they were delivered, and right away a chill went up me spine, that I would never find where the packages were hiding. I spent three days searching a 10-acre property, and nothing. I created maps and search grids in me frustration. Me boyos laughed at me; they thought I had finally lost it, and to be honest, it felt like that to me, too!
Then, on one of those frustrating days, I walked the long, wooded driveway to me mailbox, thinking that perhaps the packages had been left there. Nothing in the mailbox. So I turned around and started the long trek back. As I was rounding one of the bends in the driveway, I saw this brown box in the trees. I was gobsmacked I was. What be this? I walked over to the tree, and sure enough, up in the branches was a box with that smile logo and the word AMAZON written on it.
No way could I reach it, and the tree was a tall sapling, so there would be no climbing it. I shook it, though, and nothing. I had to walk all the way behind me house to the shed to get a ladder, and then all the way back, halfway up me driveway, to where the tree was. I had a time getting the ladder steady because the ground was soggy from the good drenching rain we had had. Finally, I got up it and swiped the box from the tree branches. Guess what? It was me February delivery, a delivery of socks no less.
I surmise the delivery driver placed it on top of a snowbank that later melted, leaving the box sitting in the tree.
Meanwhile, I still had two packages out there, and I had no clue where they were. I complained to Amazon, and they refunded me money. SO I ordered the same two items again, hoping this time they'd be delivered to me garage area, which I set as me drop-off preference.
Well, I hate to tell you, I got a "Delivered" notice with photos this time, but the packages weren't where they were supposed to be. Nope, notta one. Tonya ordered some things as well, and the same thing happened to her. Even me, apple-cheeked, grey-haired little Mam, had packages disappear. Of course, she blamed that on the fairies. She's Irish, so what can I tell ya?
Tonya blamed it first on teenagers, then, after a rather harrowing report on the Boston News station on vandalism at the Reflection Pool, she decided it was the government stealing her goods. For a smart woman, I don't know how she can buy into these conspiracy theories. Me mam decided it wasn't fairies, it had to be the neighbours. Oh goody.
With help like that, I knew I'd have to investigate on my own. I set up wildlife cameras, yes, I did. Four of those suckers I smacked on tree trunks and left for a week. Meanwhile, other deliveries arrived and disappeared, so I was hot to see who I got on me camera.
I put the surveillance card in me computer slot, and the two women gathered behind me to look over my shoulder at just who was taking our "stuff."
"It be dat Lenny person down the road, you no da one wit da limp," Mam said in anticipation she was correcto mondo.
"Nah, it's that kid next door, Barry Jr. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him, he couldn't be trusted." This from the wife.
The screen displayed a number of photos. I clicked the first two; the motion sensor had activated, and I saw nothing. I flipped to the next photo, and there, the overhead light had come on, revealing our thief. Yes, there it was, the culprit standing by our garage, the sensor light illuminating him, holding an armload of packages and sniffing the air.
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| Caught red-pawed! Suspect departs with stolen packages |
"I knew it!" Me Mam shouted. Yeah, sure she did, all that talk about fairies and neighbours, yeah, she knew it NOT.
It was like he had nabbed the goods and was looking around, as if checking whether anyone saw him. Then he was standing upright with the loot in his paws, looking like a burglar caught in the act. The beastie wasn't merely investigating packages. No, he had already taken possession of them. There he stood under the sensor light, bold as brass, holding me parcels like a shopper leaving the post office.
I clicked through the batch of photos, and there was Mr Bear heading for the woods with our parcels. I clicked down to a date I knew I had a package delivered that wasn't there, and sure enough, there was that bear, package and all, and as I went through the photos, there he was disappearing with our parcels deep into the woods!
"Well, I think we now know who our package-stealing thief is," I said.
The next morning, I went out to the woods and followed a path he had made, and it went for a ways, it did. I came upon an entire distribution centre full of unopened boxes. Of course, the bear had no interest in the contents — it just enjoys stealing deliveries.
There were boxes from Amazon, Walmart, Chewy, and one from a place called "Tactical Viking Survival Supplies." That one made me nervous, so I left it alone.
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| Bear Distribution Centre |
I found all our missing packages. I also found a package of replacement socks for me. In fact, judging by the number of socks scattered around the clearing, I think half of New Hampshire's missing footwear was sitting in that bear's warehouse.
Then I spotted something that made me stop cold. There, tucked beneath a fallen log and covered in pine needles, was a faded Amazon box. The shipping label was nearly gone, but I could still read my name. The order date? Three years ago! I opened it right there. Inside was the garlic press Tonya had accused me of never ordering. I stood staring at it while the birds chirped and the wind rustled through the trees.
When I got home, the wife folded her arms.
"Well?" she asked.
I held up the garlic press. For the first time in our marriage, she looked genuinely shocked. Mam squinted at it.
"Dat proves it," she said.
"Proves what?" I asked.
"The fairies hired the bear!"
And you know something? After everything I'd seen that week, and after the past few days of crazy Scottish humour, to this Irishman, it was the most sensible explanation I'd heard.
Gabe
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