572
09 September 2012
R. Linda:
Well just when I thought it was safe to go to Flann O'Brien's I find me two Irish buds are still here and holding court at the bar. Yes, I walked in for a cold one having done a story in Roxbury and there they were sitting at the bar having a wonderful time, surrounded by adoring fans. I tell ya!
Imagine me surprise to see them still here! I walked up unnoticed such was the riveting conversation, and I wasn't noticed until way later. I thought to give you a sample of the foolishness that are the lives of Dalton and O'Leary and their new fans at O'Brien's.
First thing I heard was this from Dalton:
"Sooo me mam wuz wonderin' why her Christmas cactus wasn't a bloomin' and wot the pink knobs were grown all over boff of em'. I stood dere a minute wonderin' meself when I realised it must be me fault dey weren't a-bloomin'. At summers end two years back, I had been down wit allergy so I decided to move me mam's plants outta da lounge so I won't haf da sneezin' fits. As I got em' ta da kitchen table I set me doon cause me mobile rang and while I was talkin' I noticed stuff on da plants an decided it wuz pollen, da bane of me existence. Me mam's art bushes were nearby so I brushed off sum of da stuff from one plant and it fell on the leaves of da other and den I did da same ting to da other one. I cross pollinated her cacti unknowingly and later never tinkin' wot da results would be. She has had no flowers only fruit on dem plants fer da past two years and can't figure it out. I don't haf da 'eart ta tell her wot I did."
I almost said, "You did wot?" But I shook me head and ordered me beer as the session went on.
Not to be outdone O'Leary pipes up with this gem:
"Speakin' a holidays . . ." He began and I creased me brow at that. Dalton was talking plants that just happened to have the word Christmas in them, but OK.
"Dis past Easter, St. Patrick's Church hadda bit of a pageant dat da wee ones act out da parts of Jaysus comin' into Jerusalem on a donkey. Dey particularly vie fer da part of da donkey dey do, and las Easter me wee seven year old niece got da part. She was all a sparkle she would get ta doff da eyesore of a grey donkey suit and get a bray out as her only line on stage. Sos dis wuz all fine and good until we saw da boyo dey picked fer da part a Jaysus to ride in on me niece's back. He wuz a thin tall tower of a twelve year old, and the idea of 'em sittin' on her, wuz an odd ting even for a childish production dat dese tings operate under. I tell ya was almost funny he tryin' not to sit on her, her bein so far below 'em, he, walking like a spider over her as she crawled in, took all the sacredness away frum da play it did."
I wanted to speak up and throw in a "You think?" but I remained sipping me beer and shaking me head to meself at the wonder of these two. There the others stood thinking about all that when a rather attractive waitress came on for her shift. She stood to the side tying her apron and was being savoured by the eyesight of several male customers. I felt like snapping me fingers in front of their faces and saying, "Snap out of it!"
As she took herself off to a table of patrons, quite oblivious of the lustful adoration, Dalton sighed and said, with a finger in the air to bring home a point, "I fer one, am very upset with Angelina Jolie for being gay part time."
"Here, here!" the rest of them said and they all took a swallow of beer. I was like, "Really?" But I continued to sip me beer, me eyes bugging out of me head at the nonsense.
Then with much ceremony, Dalton lifted his jar on high and said this disconnect, "Let us not ever forget the unsung efforts of Mrs. Beethoven!"
I stared straight ahead trying to figure that one out, as they all clinked jars and drank, but the bartender found that worth a chuckle as he cleaned jars.
Not to be left out of the entertainment industry discussion, O'Leary heaved a bigger sigh than his cohort and looked at the faces around him for dramatic effect (I would guess) and plunged in, yes R. Linda plunged into an episode of Dr. Who. Do people over here even know who Dr. Who be?
"Dere wuz nuthin' on da telly las night at da hotel sos I flipped a few stations and came upon da Brit sci-fi show Dr. Who. When I wuz younger I usda watch back in da day of Baker and Davidson, but da new version I'da never seen sos I wuz tinkin' ta meself dat da good doctor has changed A LOT. He looks like a soccer hooligan witout da hoodie and if da scary flyin' monster tingees weren't flyin' round I'da taught I wuz watchin' East Enders!"
They all laughed, like they knew what he was talking about and I whistled a "Oooh" right in the gut sound at that insult to the Dr. Who series. After that, I did a bit of plunging meself, I drank down the rest of me beer and ordered up another. Where be the substance in these bits of conversation? Why such a crowd around these two? You'd think they were Buddhas expounding on the virtues of wisdom on zedonks. I didn't get it.
Just as I was about to make me presence known, Dalton pipes up with a bit of conversation I quite obviously missed. It must have been a previous tirade on the Catholic Church in Ireland and somehow he must have got quite animated and threw in the subject of the Unitarian Church. I be sorry I missed all that . . . NOT! Anyway, he looked all hangdog for a moment then he said, "I be sorry if any of ye are members of dat hippy church. I say sorry fer offended yer arses. I be not one of ya but I cringe ta see a church goin' in dat direction all rainbow and such. I guess it be cause I dated a Unitarian once and it didn't werk out well, she left me fer a girlie, was a blow to me manhood it was."
No one said a word. they just shook their heads in sympathy. I sat there sipping and thinking what could he have said about the Unitarian Church that he felt the need to apologise and what an apology it was all left handed. I sat there blinking and looking around in wonderment as if the meaningless drivel of words were floating in the air all visible like.
As it turns out this isn't me first brush with the Dalton/O'Leary show and the spewed forth verbal diarrhoea that discloses for all around, that the two of them have serious personal issues.
I remember quite well back home on the old sod when Dalton was telling the world he was drugged and a druggie. We happened to be in the middle of Dublin at the time, up on Grafton Street where all the tourists were and a police presence to maintain order from the hordes of pickpockets that frequent the road for obvious reasons. There we were come from O'Neill's Pub and walking up Grafton when Dalton declares to one and all the druggy bit.
"I be feeling wonky off since dat field trip ta da dentist," said he loudly. "I never seen a dentist in me life until me back molar started givin' me wot fer. Anywayz while dey had me in da chair dat looks like wot dey use to execute prisoners, dey loaded me up wit a couple jabs wit this gigantic needle to me back gummies wit sumting called Arestin. Flippin' hurt! Sos I finds me out later dat dese side effects can cause flu-like symptoms and PAIN!"
"So dere you go!" Said O'Leary, sympathetic as ever. "Dat be yer problem den."
"Nah, I be not prone ta drug reactions." Says Dalton rubbing the left side of his lower jaw, for effect on the passersby who couldn't help but overhear him. "But dis stuff well it jus moight be so! In da lidderchure it said it be time-released over a ten day period. I don't wanna feel dis way fer ten days stroight I don't! It be putting a cog in me operatin' heavy machinery like me fork lift at werk."
Aw geez. Who is he?
O'Leary thought a moment and then looked at Dalton and muttered, "Sure an who be lookin' at ya anyway."
"Wot?" Dalton said holding his jaw with both hands now, as if the pain had intensified.
O'Leary decided to change the subject and muttered something about stopping off to get a book a the library for his mammy. See, this be what I mean, they go from one subject to an entirely new one and if you aren't alert you have no clue what they be talking about.
Dalton suddenly brightened up. He was all about the library. This was news to me that either of them knew what a library was let alone where to find it. Well, that be where we were headed and this is what was said along the way: "Gabe, ya gotta see dis Miz Dahiquist."
"Dahiquist? Doesn't sound Irish to me," I said offhandedly.
"She's a Vikin' babe as far as librarians gooe." O'Leary smiled brightly.
"And fer sure she's beautiful and Scandinavian?" I said. "Ay, a tall leggy blond." I joked but they didn't take that as a joke, instead they exchanged knowing looks and that made me nervous.
"Oh fer sure she be. When she gits out her dogeared copy of The Viking War, and I see her run her finger over the heavily underlined yellow highlights, I quiver in me cords I do." Dalton said, completely forgetting his painful jaw.
"Mwaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaa!!! Roight ye do!" I laughed, that be until I saw Ms. Dahiquist with me own two eyes. I stood there mouth gaping open as the two of them went up to the desk and started their flirting. She was at least 8' 10" tall (and that's without high heels), she was big boned and solid, all she needed was one of those operatic hats with the gold horns and she'd look the Valkyrie. I stepped back a few paces in fear of her. Until she smiled and the whole library lit up. It was like the sun suddenly made an appearance after a cloudy start and I was just about blinded when her teeth flashed great whites at me. I wanted to turn and run. She was an amazon of a woman and could snap yours truly in two with one flick of her wrist. I just knew that to be true. I started to backup never taking me eyes off her. She had very light blue eyes, the kind that look like they aren't there until you are up close. Vacant Brunhilda eyes that would eat this Irishman up in one quick bite.
"Ach, Gabe come share the adventure. Ye making a right hames ah dis. Comere' come meet hersil." O'Leary said making me out the fool.
"I be not inept first off," I said to him moving slowly forward.
"I did not say dat in so many words, I mean, can a stupid person be a smarty arse or wot?"
"I hope you be talkin' about yersel, anyway I tink yer ma's callin' ya." I said to him, as I took Brunhilda's outstretched hand and asked after her health. My goodness me, but she had a handshake like a male wrestler, I was actually in some pain when she let go.
"Ay yer ma," he laughed at me.
What is it with us males, as soon a woman makes her presence known we act like school kids. I was embarrassed at meself I was. It was teenaged talk in front of an imposing woman, not to let it go she was the tallest, largest woman I'd ever seen in me short time walking the old sod. Where she came from I only could guess, that you couldn't miss her made me wonder why after three years of me living in Dublin I hadn't seen her somewhere around the place. She'd be hard to miss. But there she was and sizing yours truly up like a late day snack, and that caught me unawares because stupid me was under the impression that her big self was the focus of me two companions . . . uh lust? Little did I know this was a setup BECAUSE I happened to be 6' 2" tall compared to Dalton's just hitting the six foot mark and O'Leary was maybe 5'10" or 11" tall. Call me donkey arse and hit me with a whip to wake me up, I had no clue these two reprobates were setting me up with a woman the size of a killer whale.
Me question to self was THIS: If in hell with two idiots and you're mad at them, where do you tell them to go? So instead I muttered under me breath at the two of them "Awunderwudye." They heard me and chuckled, the dumb sods. Now I had to act the maggot to get her to disdain ever setting eyes on me and had no clue how to go about that. I did have two jape artists right next to me to have taken a learn from, but me brain was too numb to think of that.
"I'm comin' undone," I said in an undertone to Dalton, "you best not do dis because . . . well because . . . I'll tell yer ma wot yer did with her imitation rhinestones." I know imitation rhinestones, but that's what Dalton called them and we are talking the person who was at the end of the brain line and forgot to step forward when they were being handed out.
Next I know me head be swung around like it was hit with a cricket bat and I was being dragged on both sides by Dalton and O'Leary and out the door.
"Ay sorry dere Gabe, we didn't tink no we didn't." O'Leary said letting me go.
"Wot were ya two dayin'? Or, tinkin'? Or not." I said offended.
"I taught ta give yer a wee decko at her, she's a fine one she be and we felt she needed a fella take her mind off an dat vikin' ting she's got goin'."
"Really? And ya taught I was da fella da do it?" I was near exasparated I was. "Wot are ya's like?"
"Well . . . we wuz good rared as Protestants but we turned when we got da Catlick schoolin'." O'Leary joked.
"Not at all funny," I quipped back at him.
That memory came back full force and the reason it came back was that while I was listening to the two of them I was not focused on the young lady who had come in after the other waitress. But somehow me brain registered her appearance and filed her in the back of me mind. Now that I had come out of me dream state, I looked up to see the bartender had left and this very tall blond was in front of me asking me if I wanted another Guinness. I looked up at her mouth agape, yes, a very unflattering face I was wearing. She had to be 8' 10" tall and oh my God did she look like . . . gulp . . . BRUNHILDA of the National Library of Dublin!
I stupidly said something like, "Huh?" That's when me cohorts saw me and there was a general Irish loud quarrel about me "snakin' in unnoticed," and there I was trying to make the best of this all the while wondering if me eyes were deceiving me, but not for long.
"Gabe, 'av ya met Brunhilda 2?" O'Leary full of the drink had slid up next to me and put his free arm around me shoulder sloshing over me other the beer he held loosely in his animated hand, as he indicated the waiting barmaid. I couldn't find words.
"DIS beauty be a distant relative of Ms. Dahiquist, ya remember her dontcha?" And he laughed like this was the greatest thing. "But I be lyin like a dog she ain't related." And he let go of me and lurched back to what was centre stage for him, next to Dalton who had no legs to move with, such was the drink keeping him where he was on his bar stool. Everyone found this hysterical except me and the barmaid.
I looked at the giantess and she smiled, "Yeah great guys your friends, one of these days they go too far with the Brunhilda crap and I'm gonna knock their skinny arse heads together, not that it will do any good, they're empty and can only fill em' up with Irish beer."'
"I hear ya," I said smiling back relieved I had an understanding person before me. Shortly after I weaselled (yes I did) me way out of O'Brien's but not before I asked the two eejits when they were leaving and was graced with the answer, "We might not gooe until dey deport us," and laughter abounded, yes it did, but I wasn't joining in. As they ordered up and more of their fans came waltzing in, I weaselled out just so I could run home and write this up and share it with YOU. Because you and I both know this sort of foolishness amuses you. At least with you, I wouldn't have to worry about being set up with giantesses, only short leprechauns wearing sombreros. Oi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
09 September 2012
R. Linda:
Well just when I thought it was safe to go to Flann O'Brien's I find me two Irish buds are still here and holding court at the bar. Yes, I walked in for a cold one having done a story in Roxbury and there they were sitting at the bar having a wonderful time, surrounded by adoring fans. I tell ya!
Imagine me surprise to see them still here! I walked up unnoticed such was the riveting conversation, and I wasn't noticed until way later. I thought to give you a sample of the foolishness that are the lives of Dalton and O'Leary and their new fans at O'Brien's.
First thing I heard was this from Dalton:
"Sooo me mam wuz wonderin' why her Christmas cactus wasn't a bloomin' and wot the pink knobs were grown all over boff of em'. I stood dere a minute wonderin' meself when I realised it must be me fault dey weren't a-bloomin'. At summers end two years back, I had been down wit allergy so I decided to move me mam's plants outta da lounge so I won't haf da sneezin' fits. As I got em' ta da kitchen table I set me doon cause me mobile rang and while I was talkin' I noticed stuff on da plants an decided it wuz pollen, da bane of me existence. Me mam's art bushes were nearby so I brushed off sum of da stuff from one plant and it fell on the leaves of da other and den I did da same ting to da other one. I cross pollinated her cacti unknowingly and later never tinkin' wot da results would be. She has had no flowers only fruit on dem plants fer da past two years and can't figure it out. I don't haf da 'eart ta tell her wot I did."
I almost said, "You did wot?" But I shook me head and ordered me beer as the session went on.
Not to be outdone O'Leary pipes up with this gem:
"Speakin' a holidays . . ." He began and I creased me brow at that. Dalton was talking plants that just happened to have the word Christmas in them, but OK.
"Dis past Easter, St. Patrick's Church hadda bit of a pageant dat da wee ones act out da parts of Jaysus comin' into Jerusalem on a donkey. Dey particularly vie fer da part of da donkey dey do, and las Easter me wee seven year old niece got da part. She was all a sparkle she would get ta doff da eyesore of a grey donkey suit and get a bray out as her only line on stage. Sos dis wuz all fine and good until we saw da boyo dey picked fer da part a Jaysus to ride in on me niece's back. He wuz a thin tall tower of a twelve year old, and the idea of 'em sittin' on her, wuz an odd ting even for a childish production dat dese tings operate under. I tell ya was almost funny he tryin' not to sit on her, her bein so far below 'em, he, walking like a spider over her as she crawled in, took all the sacredness away frum da play it did."
I wanted to speak up and throw in a "You think?" but I remained sipping me beer and shaking me head to meself at the wonder of these two. There the others stood thinking about all that when a rather attractive waitress came on for her shift. She stood to the side tying her apron and was being savoured by the eyesight of several male customers. I felt like snapping me fingers in front of their faces and saying, "Snap out of it!"
As she took herself off to a table of patrons, quite oblivious of the lustful adoration, Dalton sighed and said, with a finger in the air to bring home a point, "I fer one, am very upset with Angelina Jolie for being gay part time."
"Here, here!" the rest of them said and they all took a swallow of beer. I was like, "Really?" But I continued to sip me beer, me eyes bugging out of me head at the nonsense.
Then with much ceremony, Dalton lifted his jar on high and said this disconnect, "Let us not ever forget the unsung efforts of Mrs. Beethoven!"
I stared straight ahead trying to figure that one out, as they all clinked jars and drank, but the bartender found that worth a chuckle as he cleaned jars.
Not to be left out of the entertainment industry discussion, O'Leary heaved a bigger sigh than his cohort and looked at the faces around him for dramatic effect (I would guess) and plunged in, yes R. Linda plunged into an episode of Dr. Who. Do people over here even know who Dr. Who be?
"Dere wuz nuthin' on da telly las night at da hotel sos I flipped a few stations and came upon da Brit sci-fi show Dr. Who. When I wuz younger I usda watch back in da day of Baker and Davidson, but da new version I'da never seen sos I wuz tinkin' ta meself dat da good doctor has changed A LOT. He looks like a soccer hooligan witout da hoodie and if da scary flyin' monster tingees weren't flyin' round I'da taught I wuz watchin' East Enders!"
They all laughed, like they knew what he was talking about and I whistled a "Oooh" right in the gut sound at that insult to the Dr. Who series. After that, I did a bit of plunging meself, I drank down the rest of me beer and ordered up another. Where be the substance in these bits of conversation? Why such a crowd around these two? You'd think they were Buddhas expounding on the virtues of wisdom on zedonks. I didn't get it.
Just as I was about to make me presence known, Dalton pipes up with a bit of conversation I quite obviously missed. It must have been a previous tirade on the Catholic Church in Ireland and somehow he must have got quite animated and threw in the subject of the Unitarian Church. I be sorry I missed all that . . . NOT! Anyway, he looked all hangdog for a moment then he said, "I be sorry if any of ye are members of dat hippy church. I say sorry fer offended yer arses. I be not one of ya but I cringe ta see a church goin' in dat direction all rainbow and such. I guess it be cause I dated a Unitarian once and it didn't werk out well, she left me fer a girlie, was a blow to me manhood it was."
No one said a word. they just shook their heads in sympathy. I sat there sipping and thinking what could he have said about the Unitarian Church that he felt the need to apologise and what an apology it was all left handed. I sat there blinking and looking around in wonderment as if the meaningless drivel of words were floating in the air all visible like.
As it turns out this isn't me first brush with the Dalton/O'Leary show and the spewed forth verbal diarrhoea that discloses for all around, that the two of them have serious personal issues.
I remember quite well back home on the old sod when Dalton was telling the world he was drugged and a druggie. We happened to be in the middle of Dublin at the time, up on Grafton Street where all the tourists were and a police presence to maintain order from the hordes of pickpockets that frequent the road for obvious reasons. There we were come from O'Neill's Pub and walking up Grafton when Dalton declares to one and all the druggy bit.
"I be feeling wonky off since dat field trip ta da dentist," said he loudly. "I never seen a dentist in me life until me back molar started givin' me wot fer. Anywayz while dey had me in da chair dat looks like wot dey use to execute prisoners, dey loaded me up wit a couple jabs wit this gigantic needle to me back gummies wit sumting called Arestin. Flippin' hurt! Sos I finds me out later dat dese side effects can cause flu-like symptoms and PAIN!"
"So dere you go!" Said O'Leary, sympathetic as ever. "Dat be yer problem den."
"Nah, I be not prone ta drug reactions." Says Dalton rubbing the left side of his lower jaw, for effect on the passersby who couldn't help but overhear him. "But dis stuff well it jus moight be so! In da lidderchure it said it be time-released over a ten day period. I don't wanna feel dis way fer ten days stroight I don't! It be putting a cog in me operatin' heavy machinery like me fork lift at werk."
Aw geez. Who is he?
O'Leary thought a moment and then looked at Dalton and muttered, "Sure an who be lookin' at ya anyway."
"Wot?" Dalton said holding his jaw with both hands now, as if the pain had intensified.
O'Leary decided to change the subject and muttered something about stopping off to get a book a the library for his mammy. See, this be what I mean, they go from one subject to an entirely new one and if you aren't alert you have no clue what they be talking about.
Dalton suddenly brightened up. He was all about the library. This was news to me that either of them knew what a library was let alone where to find it. Well, that be where we were headed and this is what was said along the way: "Gabe, ya gotta see dis Miz Dahiquist."
"Dahiquist? Doesn't sound Irish to me," I said offhandedly.
"She's a Vikin' babe as far as librarians gooe." O'Leary smiled brightly.
"And fer sure she's beautiful and Scandinavian?" I said. "Ay, a tall leggy blond." I joked but they didn't take that as a joke, instead they exchanged knowing looks and that made me nervous.
"Oh fer sure she be. When she gits out her dogeared copy of The Viking War, and I see her run her finger over the heavily underlined yellow highlights, I quiver in me cords I do." Dalton said, completely forgetting his painful jaw.
"Mwaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaa!!! Roight ye do!" I laughed, that be until I saw Ms. Dahiquist with me own two eyes. I stood there mouth gaping open as the two of them went up to the desk and started their flirting. She was at least 8' 10" tall (and that's without high heels), she was big boned and solid, all she needed was one of those operatic hats with the gold horns and she'd look the Valkyrie. I stepped back a few paces in fear of her. Until she smiled and the whole library lit up. It was like the sun suddenly made an appearance after a cloudy start and I was just about blinded when her teeth flashed great whites at me. I wanted to turn and run. She was an amazon of a woman and could snap yours truly in two with one flick of her wrist. I just knew that to be true. I started to backup never taking me eyes off her. She had very light blue eyes, the kind that look like they aren't there until you are up close. Vacant Brunhilda eyes that would eat this Irishman up in one quick bite.
"Ach, Gabe come share the adventure. Ye making a right hames ah dis. Comere' come meet hersil." O'Leary said making me out the fool.
"I be not inept first off," I said to him moving slowly forward.
"I did not say dat in so many words, I mean, can a stupid person be a smarty arse or wot?"
"I hope you be talkin' about yersel, anyway I tink yer ma's callin' ya." I said to him, as I took Brunhilda's outstretched hand and asked after her health. My goodness me, but she had a handshake like a male wrestler, I was actually in some pain when she let go.
"Ay yer ma," he laughed at me.
What is it with us males, as soon a woman makes her presence known we act like school kids. I was embarrassed at meself I was. It was teenaged talk in front of an imposing woman, not to let it go she was the tallest, largest woman I'd ever seen in me short time walking the old sod. Where she came from I only could guess, that you couldn't miss her made me wonder why after three years of me living in Dublin I hadn't seen her somewhere around the place. She'd be hard to miss. But there she was and sizing yours truly up like a late day snack, and that caught me unawares because stupid me was under the impression that her big self was the focus of me two companions . . . uh lust? Little did I know this was a setup BECAUSE I happened to be 6' 2" tall compared to Dalton's just hitting the six foot mark and O'Leary was maybe 5'10" or 11" tall. Call me donkey arse and hit me with a whip to wake me up, I had no clue these two reprobates were setting me up with a woman the size of a killer whale.
Me question to self was THIS: If in hell with two idiots and you're mad at them, where do you tell them to go? So instead I muttered under me breath at the two of them "Awunderwudye." They heard me and chuckled, the dumb sods. Now I had to act the maggot to get her to disdain ever setting eyes on me and had no clue how to go about that. I did have two jape artists right next to me to have taken a learn from, but me brain was too numb to think of that.
"I'm comin' undone," I said in an undertone to Dalton, "you best not do dis because . . . well because . . . I'll tell yer ma wot yer did with her imitation rhinestones." I know imitation rhinestones, but that's what Dalton called them and we are talking the person who was at the end of the brain line and forgot to step forward when they were being handed out.
Next I know me head be swung around like it was hit with a cricket bat and I was being dragged on both sides by Dalton and O'Leary and out the door.
"Ay sorry dere Gabe, we didn't tink no we didn't." O'Leary said letting me go.
"Wot were ya two dayin'? Or, tinkin'? Or not." I said offended.
"I taught ta give yer a wee decko at her, she's a fine one she be and we felt she needed a fella take her mind off an dat vikin' ting she's got goin'."
"Really? And ya taught I was da fella da do it?" I was near exasparated I was. "Wot are ya's like?"
"Well . . . we wuz good rared as Protestants but we turned when we got da Catlick schoolin'." O'Leary joked.
"Not at all funny," I quipped back at him.
That memory came back full force and the reason it came back was that while I was listening to the two of them I was not focused on the young lady who had come in after the other waitress. But somehow me brain registered her appearance and filed her in the back of me mind. Now that I had come out of me dream state, I looked up to see the bartender had left and this very tall blond was in front of me asking me if I wanted another Guinness. I looked up at her mouth agape, yes, a very unflattering face I was wearing. She had to be 8' 10" tall and oh my God did she look like . . . gulp . . . BRUNHILDA of the National Library of Dublin!
I stupidly said something like, "Huh?" That's when me cohorts saw me and there was a general Irish loud quarrel about me "snakin' in unnoticed," and there I was trying to make the best of this all the while wondering if me eyes were deceiving me, but not for long.
"Gabe, 'av ya met Brunhilda 2?" O'Leary full of the drink had slid up next to me and put his free arm around me shoulder sloshing over me other the beer he held loosely in his animated hand, as he indicated the waiting barmaid. I couldn't find words.
"DIS beauty be a distant relative of Ms. Dahiquist, ya remember her dontcha?" And he laughed like this was the greatest thing. "But I be lyin like a dog she ain't related." And he let go of me and lurched back to what was centre stage for him, next to Dalton who had no legs to move with, such was the drink keeping him where he was on his bar stool. Everyone found this hysterical except me and the barmaid.
I looked at the giantess and she smiled, "Yeah great guys your friends, one of these days they go too far with the Brunhilda crap and I'm gonna knock their skinny arse heads together, not that it will do any good, they're empty and can only fill em' up with Irish beer."'
"I hear ya," I said smiling back relieved I had an understanding person before me. Shortly after I weaselled (yes I did) me way out of O'Brien's but not before I asked the two eejits when they were leaving and was graced with the answer, "We might not gooe until dey deport us," and laughter abounded, yes it did, but I wasn't joining in. As they ordered up and more of their fans came waltzing in, I weaselled out just so I could run home and write this up and share it with YOU. Because you and I both know this sort of foolishness amuses you. At least with you, I wouldn't have to worry about being set up with giantesses, only short leprechauns wearing sombreros. Oi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
