76
R. Linda:
As I left you last, I was hopeful that even though me sleep hasn't improved, me dog caring days would. Well, wrong on both counts.
I made the mistake of getting up, showering, dressing for work and going over for 30 minutes of torture to feed, water and walk the dog. Then off to work I would take meself. Sounds feasible, easy peasie (borrowing a Weasil term), the way it should be, but no, that isn't what happened.
I got over there and once again, I had a time of it getting inside. Me work trousers were attacked first foot through the door. I don't know what it is with that stupid mutt, but she only does this in the morning, lulling one into thinking it isn't ever going to happen again. I did not have me trusty newspaper with me (unfortunately), so I had to dance around as she nipped at me socks, shoes, and trouser cuffs. I was full of dog slobber as I danced me way to the kitchen to the canister of dog goodies. I know now to stuff me shirt with them and bring a newspaper.
She had settled down to the treats while I got the food ready. By the time it was in the bowls she had finished the treats and lay there looking at me, the whites of her eyes showing. I sighed and squatted down because I found that is instant get up time. Then she will be licking your face because you are on her level and she loves people who are dog size.
Now I had slobber on me upper body as well as the lower extremities. I took her gently by the collar and put her snoot above the food bowl, and said in a demanding authoritative voice, "Eat Sparkey."
I call her Sparkey because she's a sparkey thing and no lady. I got up and stood there waiting, and waiting and waiting. She hovered over the bowl looking up at me with the whites of her eys showing. I made sounds like, Uhm uhm good, and wow what a lovely meal and yummy. Nothing. I looked at me watch, I had 20 minutes left. I squatted down and she looked at me tail wagging. I moved her bowl closer to her, "Eat," I said. She sniffed it.
"Come on, eat."
She took one kibble and held it in her mouth looking down at the bowl, tail wagging weakly. No chewing, no swallowing, just standing there with me having to inhale the essence of horse meat at 6 a.m.
I cajoled her to take a chew. Finally she dropped it on the floor. I was beside meself. She picked it up and started chewing it into crumbs. These she leisurely licked up. Then she looked at me and wagged her tail.
"Goood doggg." I crooned patting her back.
She wagged her tail and smelled around the bowl for the crumbs. Finding none she took another single kibble in her mouth and proceeded to do the same thing. One kibble at a time. I was thinking Lady had a tooth problem. So I took the kibbles and added water to make them mushy. No way would she eat mush. I reloaded the bowl with fresh kibbles, moved the meat back in and re-served. Once again, one kibble in the mouth, held for a few painful minutes, dropped on the floor, sniffed at, taken back in the mouth, held, chewing to bits all over the floor, licking up the bits, looking at me for approval, then back to sniffing the bowl, and the same thing until every single thing in that bowl was gone. It took that damn dog 45 minutes (that I did not have the time to wait around for). Then I had to take her for her morning constitutional.
I rang work and told them I had a slight problem with me alarm clock and would be in soon. Then I snapped the leash on Lady and to me surprise she took off to the front door leaving me in the kitchen as the leash reeled itself out. It is one of those leashes you have to snap the clip to keep it from getting too long, but I didn't know that until she took off.
I reeled meself to her and clipped the thing so she wouldn't be a mile down the road. For a small dog she almost took me for a flying leap down the steps to the street. She was panting and pulling and I was pulling the other way to keep her at a sedate pace and other dog walkers were looking at me either in amusement or shaking their heads I held too short a rein on Lady. Whatever, it did not matter I was doing me best and begorrah me I still had to go back to the Kremlin and change into slobber free trousers.
I tell you R. Linda, that little dog is evil. She looks all sweet, but she's EVIL. She does that eating ritual just to make me late, make me angry and beside meself that I could lose me job. I don't know a dog that eats like that. I cannot believe, if I do not stand there egging her on and praising her, she won't eat a bite. This painful process is twice a day I go through this. Six in the morning and six at night, and I must tell you, it is damnably inconvenient.
By the weeks end I should be a crazy person, or an unemployed one. I don't know which, probably both.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
As I left you last, I was hopeful that even though me sleep hasn't improved, me dog caring days would. Well, wrong on both counts.
I made the mistake of getting up, showering, dressing for work and going over for 30 minutes of torture to feed, water and walk the dog. Then off to work I would take meself. Sounds feasible, easy peasie (borrowing a Weasil term), the way it should be, but no, that isn't what happened.
I got over there and once again, I had a time of it getting inside. Me work trousers were attacked first foot through the door. I don't know what it is with that stupid mutt, but she only does this in the morning, lulling one into thinking it isn't ever going to happen again. I did not have me trusty newspaper with me (unfortunately), so I had to dance around as she nipped at me socks, shoes, and trouser cuffs. I was full of dog slobber as I danced me way to the kitchen to the canister of dog goodies. I know now to stuff me shirt with them and bring a newspaper.
She had settled down to the treats while I got the food ready. By the time it was in the bowls she had finished the treats and lay there looking at me, the whites of her eyes showing. I sighed and squatted down because I found that is instant get up time. Then she will be licking your face because you are on her level and she loves people who are dog size.
Now I had slobber on me upper body as well as the lower extremities. I took her gently by the collar and put her snoot above the food bowl, and said in a demanding authoritative voice, "Eat Sparkey."
I call her Sparkey because she's a sparkey thing and no lady. I got up and stood there waiting, and waiting and waiting. She hovered over the bowl looking up at me with the whites of her eys showing. I made sounds like, Uhm uhm good, and wow what a lovely meal and yummy. Nothing. I looked at me watch, I had 20 minutes left. I squatted down and she looked at me tail wagging. I moved her bowl closer to her, "Eat," I said. She sniffed it.
"Come on, eat."
She took one kibble and held it in her mouth looking down at the bowl, tail wagging weakly. No chewing, no swallowing, just standing there with me having to inhale the essence of horse meat at 6 a.m.
I cajoled her to take a chew. Finally she dropped it on the floor. I was beside meself. She picked it up and started chewing it into crumbs. These she leisurely licked up. Then she looked at me and wagged her tail.
"Goood doggg." I crooned patting her back.
She wagged her tail and smelled around the bowl for the crumbs. Finding none she took another single kibble in her mouth and proceeded to do the same thing. One kibble at a time. I was thinking Lady had a tooth problem. So I took the kibbles and added water to make them mushy. No way would she eat mush. I reloaded the bowl with fresh kibbles, moved the meat back in and re-served. Once again, one kibble in the mouth, held for a few painful minutes, dropped on the floor, sniffed at, taken back in the mouth, held, chewing to bits all over the floor, licking up the bits, looking at me for approval, then back to sniffing the bowl, and the same thing until every single thing in that bowl was gone. It took that damn dog 45 minutes (that I did not have the time to wait around for). Then I had to take her for her morning constitutional.
I rang work and told them I had a slight problem with me alarm clock and would be in soon. Then I snapped the leash on Lady and to me surprise she took off to the front door leaving me in the kitchen as the leash reeled itself out. It is one of those leashes you have to snap the clip to keep it from getting too long, but I didn't know that until she took off.
I reeled meself to her and clipped the thing so she wouldn't be a mile down the road. For a small dog she almost took me for a flying leap down the steps to the street. She was panting and pulling and I was pulling the other way to keep her at a sedate pace and other dog walkers were looking at me either in amusement or shaking their heads I held too short a rein on Lady. Whatever, it did not matter I was doing me best and begorrah me I still had to go back to the Kremlin and change into slobber free trousers.
I tell you R. Linda, that little dog is evil. She looks all sweet, but she's EVIL. She does that eating ritual just to make me late, make me angry and beside meself that I could lose me job. I don't know a dog that eats like that. I cannot believe, if I do not stand there egging her on and praising her, she won't eat a bite. This painful process is twice a day I go through this. Six in the morning and six at night, and I must tell you, it is damnably inconvenient.
By the weeks end I should be a crazy person, or an unemployed one. I don't know which, probably both.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
