17 August 2011
443
R. Linda:
Oi, oi, oi! That's how I feel. Last night Tonya had an art association meeting. She decided to give me a break and take her mother with her and then they were going out to dinner. That sounds great, but she was leaving me with the two wee ones! SO in reality I was getting no break to speak of. And worse, they sprung this on me as I walked in the door after a day of hard slog in Boston.
The two ladies took off around 5 p.m. just as I got in. I didn't know about this early leave-taking. I did know Tonya had a meeting, but all the particulars were given to me upon arrival. Yup. So out the door, they went and there I was, tie loosened from the drive home, suit jacket still on, briefcase still in me hand and two small boyos looking up at me asking me "Wot we gonna do Da?" This interpreted by an adult means, "How much can we do to destroy the house and your sanity before you lose your temper and put us to bed?"
I was still trying to process the news that I was on my own with two wee ones and Tonya and the Dragon would be back, "Oh . . . about 9 maybe 9:30." Yeah that's the ticket, you two go and enjoy, by the time you come home your husband and son-in-law will be a certifiable basket case, but it's only the husband, the primary breadwinner, no biggie. Oi, oi, oi! And before she was out the door, O'Hare asked her, "Mam, can we stay up until you get home so we can give Grandma a kiss goodnight?"
"Sure. You guys be good." And out the door, they went and I was still standing there thinking -- until they come home? That is an hour to an hour and a half passed their bedtimes. Wonderful!
I threw my briefcase down, took off me tie and jacket, undid me shirt buttons so I could breathe and rolled up me sleeves, because obviously by the way the two of them were standing there waiting, I was not going to be allowed to go change right off.
"We're hungry," O'Hare whined.
"Of course you are," said I, moving off into the kitchen. "So me boyos what is it you want to eat?"
"Pizzos," Guido said for a change instead of grunting and he pointed at the freezer.
"What are pizzos?"
"He means dose mini pizza things Mam buys at da store," O'Hare said, helpful as always.
I opened the freezer to find a half-empty package of Pizza Bites. I got out the cookie tray, read the directions and popped them in the oven. I bartered time to go change while they baked, and what happened? I get to my bedroom and right behind are the two boyos.
"What's this then?" I asked hanging up me suit jacket.
"We dunt wanna be alone." O'Hare quipped up.
"Alone? This house isn't that big you could be alone. I'm right here," I said getting undressed.
"We dunt wanna be out dere we wanna be wit YOU!" O'Hare spoke up again, pointing a finger at me.
I got changed into me comfy jeans and a T-shirt and back to the kitchen we went. Yes, everywhere I went we went as a unit. O'Hare potty break, we all went. Nappy change for Guid, we all went. Let the dogs out, we all did. Let the dogs back in, and we all went to the door. Oi.
While we waited for the pizza treats I asked what they wanted for dinner and they said . . . pizza. Right. So I asked them what they wanted for drinks and while my back was turned to check on the pizza bites, O'Hare had got the soda out of the fridge and was pouring him and Guido a huge glass each. My intention was two wholesome glasses of milk, but that wasn't happening.
Finally, the treats were ready and they had to cool. We were all sitting at the table, Guido on about three seat cushions to prop him up when I noticed he was falling asleep. I reckoned to let him sleep until the treats were cool and gently wake him, but I didn't have to, because, in his loud voice, O'Hare announced, "THE PIZZA'S READY!" and the wee one jumped out of his snooze overturning the Coca-cola all over him, the table, the treats, and chair, the cushions, the floor, well he was covered in soda, BUT he was wide awake.
So while I cleaned him up, Mr. O'Hare was busy chowing down on the soda soggy treats. He left us, out of the ten that were in the package, four. I didn't need any of those things, but Guido was offended he only had four. At least the soda was cleaned up, Guid was in dry clothing and cushions were in the washer. I was exhausted already.
"I want candy!" O'Hare said going over to the counter, moving his chair and climbing up for the Twizzlers.
"Oh no you don't young man. You just had pizza and soda, you need to save room for dinner later." This led to a heated argument in which young O'Hare got sent to his room to think about me words and not that he had to, but Guido went with him and was berating his brother in that baby Italian he curses so well with. I had to physically remove him because he was really into it. O'Hare had been sitting crossed-legged on the floor in his room, in a snit looking at Guido as he ranted on. His face was getting as red as the roots of his ginger hair and I knew it would be seconds before he sprung up and punched his brother.
So there I was struggling with baby Guido when O'Hare kicked the door shut at which I turned around and opened it and gave him a few words to the wise about kicking and slamming doors. Then I had to catch up with Guido who had entered the room to put in his two cents and as O'Hare turned his back to the two of us, I dragged Guido down the stairs to the living room where I flicked on Sponge Bob and set him up in front of it with the word, "WATCH!" I pointed at him and put the remote on the table and went back to finish cleaning up the kitchen.
I wasn't in the kitchen more than a minute the volume was turned way up and I ran back to the lounge to find Guido standing atop the sofa with the remote, a huge grin on his face and then upstairs I heard, "TURN DAT DOWN YER BREAKIN MY EAR DRUMS!"
I did better than turning it down, I turned it off. That got Guido to wailing. I was near beside meself because I had to yell to be heard and well, I gave up. I left him there wailing and the other one upstairs shouting and me in the kitchen cursing my wife and dragon-in-law under me breath.
About an hour later I had dinner in the oven, Guido was busy snoozing on the lounge floor, and the other one was sitting on the stairs playing with a dog toy. Sad I know. I told him to come down and asked if he was sorry and he said, "Sorrwee," and I had him help me set the table. I will say they ate all their dinner and were good through the meal, so I promised them we'd look at a movie. I wanted to take them for ice cream, but the car with the car seats had gone out with the wife and Dragon.
So a movie it was. We cleaned up the kitchen and went straight to the telly.
"What would you boyos want to watch?" I asked.
"Pirates of the Carry bean," O'Hare said as Guido in unintelligible Guidoese concurred.
"Okay which one, Black Pearl or Dead Man's Chest?"
"Black pouel," O'Hare spoke up.
The boyos had the promised (if they cleaned their dinner plates) Twizzlers and because we were watching Pirates we had Ginger Beer. Well, Guido had milk, he didn't want "no stinkin' binber bee."
Well, Dragon (yes, I be blaming her) must have put Dead Man's Chest in the Black Pearl box, because what came on was Dead Man's Chest.
"You want me to change this?" I asked.
"Nah, it's okay," O'Hare said. Then the next minute I look over and he's covered his face and saying, "Ima scared."
By this time we are sort of into the movie and Guido was riveted on the barnacle-encrusted father of Will Turner. I got up to change it when Guid started cursing me out -- he wanted "dek mins ches."
"You'll have to man up there O'Hare," I said and got a huge sigh of resignation from the lad.
Well, it wasn't until a few minutes later that O'Hare's uneasiness disappeared and THIS started.
"Da, why iz dat guy gotta head like a shark?" AND "Hey Da, why are dey makin' da ship go under da water?" AND "Da, where iz Jack Sparra gone ta?" AND "Da, I need more Twizzlers." AND "DA, LAGUARDIA ATE ME LAS TWIZZLER!!! WAH WAH WAH . . . "
Nearly three-quarters of the way through the movie I get, "Da, when's dis gonna be over?" Yeah, that's what I wanted to know too. WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER? But I didn't say a word, just thought about it.
Tired of the questions because after a while he was firing them at me faster than I could answer and it got to where I couldn't really answer because I was answering previous questions and missing most of the action so it got frustrating to the point I turned the tables on him and asked him, "O'Hare, why is that dress floating in the air?" Answer, "I dunno," and it went on like that but he rather enjoyed the session. Oi! I looked over and there was Guido hard and fast asleep.
The movie got to the end credits and O'Hare informed me that as soon as the music went off Guido would wake up. It was 9:45 and I was damned if I was going to have a wide awake, getting his second wind Guido on my hands. So much to the annoyance of his older brother, I kept resetting that end music credit score (I think I did it seven times) until their mother FINALLY waltzed in the door. And what did she do, she walked in and said, "OH THERE ARE MY THREE MEN." And what did that booming voice do but wake up Guido who at first was looking around like he didn't know any of us and then it was like where am I and then it was OH ITS YOU. And rubbing the eyes and then falling down and getting up and whimpering then trying to get away from any one of us who tried to cuddle him and finally there he was GUIDO OF BENSONHURST, cursing us out a royal stream for interrupting his snooze.
I left it to the ladies to get the two boyos to bed. I followed shortly after, completely wiped out. And all night in my dreams I heard that end credit music and O'Hare's voice somewhere in dreamland asking me all kinds of questions about pirates. Oi, oi, oi!
Today, I am barely functioning. Everyone who has seen me so far has asked me if I feel ok. Or, chuckle with, "What late night Gabe?" Yeah. Did I mention that the two women entered the abode at 10:10? Hum? Oh yeah, they did and they were happy, happy, they were, had a few drinks, feeling no pain, just happiness. Yup, they were. I didn't get asked how the boyos were or if I had any trouble, no it was assumed a good time was had by all. Boys night together, oh yeah. And it was suggested since it seemed things went smoothly we should do it again sometime soon. Not if I can help it.
So if I seem out of it, it is because I AM. And if I seem in a testy mood it is because I AM THAT TOO. And if I seem unsociable, well I have a damn good reason for that. And I don't ever want to see another strawberry Twizzler again. I failed to mention that when the rolling sword fight between Captain Jack, Will Turner and the Commodore was going on, the two boyos were up with their Twizzlers doing the same thing and I got zapped in the face a few times from misaimed feints. I ended up taking the Twizzlers away, finding my hands wet with strawberry goo and boyos finding THAT very funny and then taking a paper napkin to wipe the goo off and finding the napkin disintegrating and me wearing strawberry goo and bits of napkin on me hands. OH YEAH, FUN TIME FOR GABE. NOT.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Oi, oi, oi! That's how I feel. Last night Tonya had an art association meeting. She decided to give me a break and take her mother with her and then they were going out to dinner. That sounds great, but she was leaving me with the two wee ones! SO in reality I was getting no break to speak of. And worse, they sprung this on me as I walked in the door after a day of hard slog in Boston.
The two ladies took off around 5 p.m. just as I got in. I didn't know about this early leave-taking. I did know Tonya had a meeting, but all the particulars were given to me upon arrival. Yup. So out the door, they went and there I was, tie loosened from the drive home, suit jacket still on, briefcase still in me hand and two small boyos looking up at me asking me "Wot we gonna do Da?" This interpreted by an adult means, "How much can we do to destroy the house and your sanity before you lose your temper and put us to bed?"
I was still trying to process the news that I was on my own with two wee ones and Tonya and the Dragon would be back, "Oh . . . about 9 maybe 9:30." Yeah that's the ticket, you two go and enjoy, by the time you come home your husband and son-in-law will be a certifiable basket case, but it's only the husband, the primary breadwinner, no biggie. Oi, oi, oi! And before she was out the door, O'Hare asked her, "Mam, can we stay up until you get home so we can give Grandma a kiss goodnight?"
"Sure. You guys be good." And out the door, they went and I was still standing there thinking -- until they come home? That is an hour to an hour and a half passed their bedtimes. Wonderful!
I threw my briefcase down, took off me tie and jacket, undid me shirt buttons so I could breathe and rolled up me sleeves, because obviously by the way the two of them were standing there waiting, I was not going to be allowed to go change right off.
"We're hungry," O'Hare whined.
"Of course you are," said I, moving off into the kitchen. "So me boyos what is it you want to eat?"
"Pizzos," Guido said for a change instead of grunting and he pointed at the freezer.
"What are pizzos?"
"He means dose mini pizza things Mam buys at da store," O'Hare said, helpful as always.
I opened the freezer to find a half-empty package of Pizza Bites. I got out the cookie tray, read the directions and popped them in the oven. I bartered time to go change while they baked, and what happened? I get to my bedroom and right behind are the two boyos.
"What's this then?" I asked hanging up me suit jacket.
"We dunt wanna be alone." O'Hare quipped up.
"Alone? This house isn't that big you could be alone. I'm right here," I said getting undressed.
"We dunt wanna be out dere we wanna be wit YOU!" O'Hare spoke up again, pointing a finger at me.
I got changed into me comfy jeans and a T-shirt and back to the kitchen we went. Yes, everywhere I went we went as a unit. O'Hare potty break, we all went. Nappy change for Guid, we all went. Let the dogs out, we all did. Let the dogs back in, and we all went to the door. Oi.
While we waited for the pizza treats I asked what they wanted for dinner and they said . . . pizza. Right. So I asked them what they wanted for drinks and while my back was turned to check on the pizza bites, O'Hare had got the soda out of the fridge and was pouring him and Guido a huge glass each. My intention was two wholesome glasses of milk, but that wasn't happening.
Finally, the treats were ready and they had to cool. We were all sitting at the table, Guido on about three seat cushions to prop him up when I noticed he was falling asleep. I reckoned to let him sleep until the treats were cool and gently wake him, but I didn't have to, because, in his loud voice, O'Hare announced, "THE PIZZA'S READY!" and the wee one jumped out of his snooze overturning the Coca-cola all over him, the table, the treats, and chair, the cushions, the floor, well he was covered in soda, BUT he was wide awake.
So while I cleaned him up, Mr. O'Hare was busy chowing down on the soda soggy treats. He left us, out of the ten that were in the package, four. I didn't need any of those things, but Guido was offended he only had four. At least the soda was cleaned up, Guid was in dry clothing and cushions were in the washer. I was exhausted already.
"I want candy!" O'Hare said going over to the counter, moving his chair and climbing up for the Twizzlers.
"Oh no you don't young man. You just had pizza and soda, you need to save room for dinner later." This led to a heated argument in which young O'Hare got sent to his room to think about me words and not that he had to, but Guido went with him and was berating his brother in that baby Italian he curses so well with. I had to physically remove him because he was really into it. O'Hare had been sitting crossed-legged on the floor in his room, in a snit looking at Guido as he ranted on. His face was getting as red as the roots of his ginger hair and I knew it would be seconds before he sprung up and punched his brother.
So there I was struggling with baby Guido when O'Hare kicked the door shut at which I turned around and opened it and gave him a few words to the wise about kicking and slamming doors. Then I had to catch up with Guido who had entered the room to put in his two cents and as O'Hare turned his back to the two of us, I dragged Guido down the stairs to the living room where I flicked on Sponge Bob and set him up in front of it with the word, "WATCH!" I pointed at him and put the remote on the table and went back to finish cleaning up the kitchen.
I wasn't in the kitchen more than a minute the volume was turned way up and I ran back to the lounge to find Guido standing atop the sofa with the remote, a huge grin on his face and then upstairs I heard, "TURN DAT DOWN YER BREAKIN MY EAR DRUMS!"
I did better than turning it down, I turned it off. That got Guido to wailing. I was near beside meself because I had to yell to be heard and well, I gave up. I left him there wailing and the other one upstairs shouting and me in the kitchen cursing my wife and dragon-in-law under me breath.
About an hour later I had dinner in the oven, Guido was busy snoozing on the lounge floor, and the other one was sitting on the stairs playing with a dog toy. Sad I know. I told him to come down and asked if he was sorry and he said, "Sorrwee," and I had him help me set the table. I will say they ate all their dinner and were good through the meal, so I promised them we'd look at a movie. I wanted to take them for ice cream, but the car with the car seats had gone out with the wife and Dragon.
So a movie it was. We cleaned up the kitchen and went straight to the telly.
"What would you boyos want to watch?" I asked.
"Pirates of the Carry bean," O'Hare said as Guido in unintelligible Guidoese concurred.
"Okay which one, Black Pearl or Dead Man's Chest?"
"Black pouel," O'Hare spoke up.
The boyos had the promised (if they cleaned their dinner plates) Twizzlers and because we were watching Pirates we had Ginger Beer. Well, Guido had milk, he didn't want "no stinkin' binber bee."
Well, Dragon (yes, I be blaming her) must have put Dead Man's Chest in the Black Pearl box, because what came on was Dead Man's Chest.
"You want me to change this?" I asked.
"Nah, it's okay," O'Hare said. Then the next minute I look over and he's covered his face and saying, "Ima scared."
By this time we are sort of into the movie and Guido was riveted on the barnacle-encrusted father of Will Turner. I got up to change it when Guid started cursing me out -- he wanted "dek mins ches."
"You'll have to man up there O'Hare," I said and got a huge sigh of resignation from the lad.
Well, it wasn't until a few minutes later that O'Hare's uneasiness disappeared and THIS started.
"Da, why iz dat guy gotta head like a shark?" AND "Hey Da, why are dey makin' da ship go under da water?" AND "Da, where iz Jack Sparra gone ta?" AND "Da, I need more Twizzlers." AND "DA, LAGUARDIA ATE ME LAS TWIZZLER!!! WAH WAH WAH . . . "
Nearly three-quarters of the way through the movie I get, "Da, when's dis gonna be over?" Yeah, that's what I wanted to know too. WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER? But I didn't say a word, just thought about it.
Tired of the questions because after a while he was firing them at me faster than I could answer and it got to where I couldn't really answer because I was answering previous questions and missing most of the action so it got frustrating to the point I turned the tables on him and asked him, "O'Hare, why is that dress floating in the air?" Answer, "I dunno," and it went on like that but he rather enjoyed the session. Oi! I looked over and there was Guido hard and fast asleep.
The movie got to the end credits and O'Hare informed me that as soon as the music went off Guido would wake up. It was 9:45 and I was damned if I was going to have a wide awake, getting his second wind Guido on my hands. So much to the annoyance of his older brother, I kept resetting that end music credit score (I think I did it seven times) until their mother FINALLY waltzed in the door. And what did she do, she walked in and said, "OH THERE ARE MY THREE MEN." And what did that booming voice do but wake up Guido who at first was looking around like he didn't know any of us and then it was like where am I and then it was OH ITS YOU. And rubbing the eyes and then falling down and getting up and whimpering then trying to get away from any one of us who tried to cuddle him and finally there he was GUIDO OF BENSONHURST, cursing us out a royal stream for interrupting his snooze.
I left it to the ladies to get the two boyos to bed. I followed shortly after, completely wiped out. And all night in my dreams I heard that end credit music and O'Hare's voice somewhere in dreamland asking me all kinds of questions about pirates. Oi, oi, oi!
Today, I am barely functioning. Everyone who has seen me so far has asked me if I feel ok. Or, chuckle with, "What late night Gabe?" Yeah. Did I mention that the two women entered the abode at 10:10? Hum? Oh yeah, they did and they were happy, happy, they were, had a few drinks, feeling no pain, just happiness. Yup, they were. I didn't get asked how the boyos were or if I had any trouble, no it was assumed a good time was had by all. Boys night together, oh yeah. And it was suggested since it seemed things went smoothly we should do it again sometime soon. Not if I can help it.
So if I seem out of it, it is because I AM. And if I seem in a testy mood it is because I AM THAT TOO. And if I seem unsociable, well I have a damn good reason for that. And I don't ever want to see another strawberry Twizzler again. I failed to mention that when the rolling sword fight between Captain Jack, Will Turner and the Commodore was going on, the two boyos were up with their Twizzlers doing the same thing and I got zapped in the face a few times from misaimed feints. I ended up taking the Twizzlers away, finding my hands wet with strawberry goo and boyos finding THAT very funny and then taking a paper napkin to wipe the goo off and finding the napkin disintegrating and me wearing strawberry goo and bits of napkin on me hands. OH YEAH, FUN TIME FOR GABE. NOT.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
