19 August 2006
173
R. Linda:
Last night me wife and I ran into Johnny Depp walking his dog. Mr. Depp had a fedora hat pulled down over his face, but we recognised him all the same. We chatted about his dog, a black wiry thing with big feet and a gregarious personality. Something the owner did not possess. In his quiet way, Mr. D asked us if we'd like to go back to his place for a bit of a chat and a drink. Well, hell yes Tonya said (of course she would) and we did.
The apartment was on the top floor and had three levels. It is a seedy place and damp. The carpeting is old remnants and in tatters, and there are books and papers strewn everywhere. Somehow Tonya ended up in the kitchen making sannys while I took Mr. D's dog for another walk.
The dog is a cool sort. We went all over the back wooded area and along the river and I must say I truly enjoyed the dog's company and wouldn't mind owning him. When we got back, Tonya was getting drinks in the kitchen, Mr. D was in his small study (I say small for all the books and papers I don't truly know how big it really was), in front of a telly screen with a large picture book open on his lap. The book and the movie he was simultaneously reading and watching were about an outlaw. I thought the cast list said William Boyd and commented to Mr. D that the actor used to play a cowboy named Hopalong Cassidy (how do I know this? Me granddad used to talk about him, he'd say there was this American actor who looked just like him. And pictures proved there was a resemblance, and begorrah Cassidy be an Irish name and me granddad thought they were related for sure, but I digress).
Mr. Depp looked down his nose at me like "What?" I be sure he had no idea who I be referring to, so I said to him as I pointed at the screen, "The man there looks like a pirate, you are going to play another pirate?"
And he looks at the telly then back at me and says, "No, he's an outlaw. He's riding a horse."
I swear to you R. Linda, the character was dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow only he was wearing a sombrero! I have to tell you I got a close-up look at Mr. Depp and without the theatrical make-up, he's a nerdy-looking fellow he is. His jowls be on the chubby side and his eyes are beady brown marbles. I was thinking, What happened to you? So there we are in an argy over captain/outlaw (with me thinking what a nerd the man be) when I look out the window and there is me da outside looking in for me. I be like what the feck? How did he find me here of all places? Here I be with a major star and there be me parents (yes, me sainted mother was with him) there to wreck me time. I excused meself and went outside and me parents told me I must come away with them immediately there be trouble in the family. I be pissed now, but family be family, so I grab Tonya, wave at Mr. Depp and downstairs we go.
What do I find? me entire family is assembled in the parking lot and they have this giant platter of shortbread and me cousin has poked gold stick pins with angels into the shortbread because she has no toothpicks. She has Tonya helping her do this so she can serve the shortbread while we discuss "What an idiot your brother-in-law is." Meaning me sister's husband the Dolan person.
I find that not only is the Dolan person an idiot, but me sister is a bigger idiot. Seems she had an affair with someone and the Dolan person found out and he took all their money and ran off. He bought a supermarket to show her up. She wants him and the money back, but not necessarily in that order, and she wants him to sell the supermarket because she doesn't want him to turn their house into market aisles of produce. I be beside meself now and be working on pinning the shortbread which is crumbling to tiny pieces every time I stick a pin into a slice, out of sheer frustration that if I don't pin the shortbread, I might kill someone.
Everyone is dead serious and Mr. Depp is up above us looking down out of his window wondering why we are having a family reunion in the parking lot of his building. I was wondering the same thing.
I wanted to go back up to his place and free meself of the relatives, tell him I wanted his dog and by cracky he best sell it to me because I might steal it if he didn't. Then I woke up. It must be the anchovy pizza I ate last night. I guess no more anchovies for me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Last night me wife and I ran into Johnny Depp walking his dog. Mr. Depp had a fedora hat pulled down over his face, but we recognised him all the same. We chatted about his dog, a black wiry thing with big feet and a gregarious personality. Something the owner did not possess. In his quiet way, Mr. D asked us if we'd like to go back to his place for a bit of a chat and a drink. Well, hell yes Tonya said (of course she would) and we did.
The apartment was on the top floor and had three levels. It is a seedy place and damp. The carpeting is old remnants and in tatters, and there are books and papers strewn everywhere. Somehow Tonya ended up in the kitchen making sannys while I took Mr. D's dog for another walk.
The dog is a cool sort. We went all over the back wooded area and along the river and I must say I truly enjoyed the dog's company and wouldn't mind owning him. When we got back, Tonya was getting drinks in the kitchen, Mr. D was in his small study (I say small for all the books and papers I don't truly know how big it really was), in front of a telly screen with a large picture book open on his lap. The book and the movie he was simultaneously reading and watching were about an outlaw. I thought the cast list said William Boyd and commented to Mr. D that the actor used to play a cowboy named Hopalong Cassidy (how do I know this? Me granddad used to talk about him, he'd say there was this American actor who looked just like him. And pictures proved there was a resemblance, and begorrah Cassidy be an Irish name and me granddad thought they were related for sure, but I digress).
Mr. Depp looked down his nose at me like "What?" I be sure he had no idea who I be referring to, so I said to him as I pointed at the screen, "The man there looks like a pirate, you are going to play another pirate?"
And he looks at the telly then back at me and says, "No, he's an outlaw. He's riding a horse."
I swear to you R. Linda, the character was dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow only he was wearing a sombrero! I have to tell you I got a close-up look at Mr. Depp and without the theatrical make-up, he's a nerdy-looking fellow he is. His jowls be on the chubby side and his eyes are beady brown marbles. I was thinking, What happened to you? So there we are in an argy over captain/outlaw (with me thinking what a nerd the man be) when I look out the window and there is me da outside looking in for me. I be like what the feck? How did he find me here of all places? Here I be with a major star and there be me parents (yes, me sainted mother was with him) there to wreck me time. I excused meself and went outside and me parents told me I must come away with them immediately there be trouble in the family. I be pissed now, but family be family, so I grab Tonya, wave at Mr. Depp and downstairs we go.
What do I find? me entire family is assembled in the parking lot and they have this giant platter of shortbread and me cousin has poked gold stick pins with angels into the shortbread because she has no toothpicks. She has Tonya helping her do this so she can serve the shortbread while we discuss "What an idiot your brother-in-law is." Meaning me sister's husband the Dolan person.
I find that not only is the Dolan person an idiot, but me sister is a bigger idiot. Seems she had an affair with someone and the Dolan person found out and he took all their money and ran off. He bought a supermarket to show her up. She wants him and the money back, but not necessarily in that order, and she wants him to sell the supermarket because she doesn't want him to turn their house into market aisles of produce. I be beside meself now and be working on pinning the shortbread which is crumbling to tiny pieces every time I stick a pin into a slice, out of sheer frustration that if I don't pin the shortbread, I might kill someone.
Everyone is dead serious and Mr. Depp is up above us looking down out of his window wondering why we are having a family reunion in the parking lot of his building. I was wondering the same thing.
I wanted to go back up to his place and free meself of the relatives, tell him I wanted his dog and by cracky he best sell it to me because I might steal it if he didn't. Then I woke up. It must be the anchovy pizza I ate last night. I guess no more anchovies for me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved
