03 April 2012
513
R. Linda:
Well, there I was, awaiting another Super Tuesday and all my work was done. I was by me lonesome in me hotel room with nothing much to do. I was going to blog a story, but then I realised nothing funny had happened to me of late. So, completely bored with reality telly, I got me computer and signed on to AOL. Yup, I did. I haven't been inside a chat room in years, so I decided to see if they had changed any.
I played with a conceited little twit of a witch until I was tired of her game. Then I got an IM and Tonya wanted to know how I was and what I was doing. Quickly I deleted the screen as if she was there in me hotel room looking over me shoulder. Am I trained or what? I realised how stupid that move was, and had nothing to hide, so I got me screen back up and invited Tonya to the chat, but not before making quick work of the witch before Tonya got in there. Suddenly, who should find me and come strolling into the chat, but WEASIL! I was wondering how he found me, but then he's a hacker extraordinaire, so never mind the how. Shortly after I find Tonya has invited HER MOTHER. Holy moly Batman, I didn't need HER in a chat room WITH me!
Weasil, who the Dragon-in-law likes was calling her his granny, and there I was secretly laughing until the woman went into her usual mode of irritating the hell out of me. I had been laughing until me ribs ached at Weasil's antics, but the entertainment began to taper off when two "snerts" got jealous of the room attention the Weasil was commanding. So they began to set Weasil up. I stuck up for him and found meself in quite a bit of trouble too. I was in the middle of a nasty, but heated war of filthy words about everyone's mother including mine!
Realising where the confrontation was heading before anyone else, I stopped and thought how to direct it elsewhere, when me silence was taken for being wounded in a verbal battle by that damnable Dragon.
She said, "I will protect Gabe!" Like I needed a woman to do this for me! I wanted to tell her to piss off, I was capable of taking care of meself, thank you very much, but I knew if I opened me gob in the room, it would bring the mother thing full around and right back to me. I said nothing, but I did sit and curse her since she couldn't HEAR me. Seeing an opportunity, I began to type a smarty-arse and caustic remark to one of the two individuals, regarding how much I enjoyed his mother the night before when Tonya beat me to it and said, "Leave Gabe alone!" Damn it to bloody hell the woman! First HER mother and now HER. That did it. I deleted me smart remark and attacked me own wife instead. This horrified the Weasil into silence.
Tonya was taken aback, the conceited one (who had remained quiet watching all this) fled the room and the two snerts were stopped dead in their tracks as was the rest of the room. Silence reigned; the screen did not move. It was weird and awful at the same time. And there I was muttering to meself, "OH SHITE." Then suddenly the words of age and wisdom appeared on the screen in the form of the Dragon, coming out of nowhere, and she proceeded to take Weasil to task!
I was baffled. This led the two snerts to laughter as a cowed Weasil agreed to "behave". I was stunned into further silence and wondered at it all. So was Tonya who was afraid I'd jump down her throat and so we both sort of faded into the background.
Finally, totally annoyed and now fighting with the Dragon-n-law over the definition of the word BEHAVE, Weasil gave the room a "Feck this" and signed off.
The snerts were, I knew, rubbing their slimy fingertips together in anticipation of two against one. That one would be yours truly. I smiled at the screen and chuckled at them. Then I disappeared into cyberspace and found Tonya in me IMs and I apologised to her but warned her not to try to help me.
We went back in and there was Weasil back fending them off with sharp quick smarty arse jabs.
The snerts had a field day at both Weasil and my expense (I was too angry to snap at them with any effect). Meanwhile, me mouthy wife was interfering with me and the Weasil's rather clever (or so we thought) retorts. Then just to make it interesting, and because he had had enough of Tonya, Weasil says to me, "Gabe you want me to throw yer wife offline?" Hells no, but I IMed him and said, "Make my freaking day and throw the Dragon lady out of the room!"
"Okie dokie," he IMed back, then on the chat screen he wrote: "Listen uppy I iz gonner throw da old lady out firstie, sorry dere Granny, but ya gots ta go cuz I can't BEHAVE!" And wham she was gone! I was shocked he actually could do it.
"THAT WAS MY MOTHER YOU JUST ..." And suddenly Tonya was GONE.
UH OH
"Anyonie else?" Weasil asked and that drove EVERYONE out of the room except him and me.
"Well done sir!" I wrote. "Except that was me wife you threw out. She's IMing me like mad and I am ignoring her because she's blaming ME."
"Welly Gabee, malice sits deep in my heart souring chat timie fer da rest a da evenin'. I covet the potential ta offend sum unsuspectin' snertie. I be gonner lay in waitie fer a snertie ta take out my aggression on." And I could imagine him sighing at the thought of waiting. We were there for a long time chatting and NO ONE came in. Tonya had given up IMing and had gone to bed, mad. Oh well.
I have learned me lesson, nothing has changed, it's all the same old same old, and tomorrow I return home to a wife who probably isn't speaking to me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Well, there I was, awaiting another Super Tuesday and all my work was done. I was by me lonesome in me hotel room with nothing much to do. I was going to blog a story, but then I realised nothing funny had happened to me of late. So, completely bored with reality telly, I got me computer and signed on to AOL. Yup, I did. I haven't been inside a chat room in years, so I decided to see if they had changed any.
I played with a conceited little twit of a witch until I was tired of her game. Then I got an IM and Tonya wanted to know how I was and what I was doing. Quickly I deleted the screen as if she was there in me hotel room looking over me shoulder. Am I trained or what? I realised how stupid that move was, and had nothing to hide, so I got me screen back up and invited Tonya to the chat, but not before making quick work of the witch before Tonya got in there. Suddenly, who should find me and come strolling into the chat, but WEASIL! I was wondering how he found me, but then he's a hacker extraordinaire, so never mind the how. Shortly after I find Tonya has invited HER MOTHER. Holy moly Batman, I didn't need HER in a chat room WITH me!
Weasil, who the Dragon-in-law likes was calling her his granny, and there I was secretly laughing until the woman went into her usual mode of irritating the hell out of me. I had been laughing until me ribs ached at Weasil's antics, but the entertainment began to taper off when two "snerts" got jealous of the room attention the Weasil was commanding. So they began to set Weasil up. I stuck up for him and found meself in quite a bit of trouble too. I was in the middle of a nasty, but heated war of filthy words about everyone's mother including mine!
Realising where the confrontation was heading before anyone else, I stopped and thought how to direct it elsewhere, when me silence was taken for being wounded in a verbal battle by that damnable Dragon.
She said, "I will protect Gabe!" Like I needed a woman to do this for me! I wanted to tell her to piss off, I was capable of taking care of meself, thank you very much, but I knew if I opened me gob in the room, it would bring the mother thing full around and right back to me. I said nothing, but I did sit and curse her since she couldn't HEAR me. Seeing an opportunity, I began to type a smarty-arse and caustic remark to one of the two individuals, regarding how much I enjoyed his mother the night before when Tonya beat me to it and said, "Leave Gabe alone!" Damn it to bloody hell the woman! First HER mother and now HER. That did it. I deleted me smart remark and attacked me own wife instead. This horrified the Weasil into silence.
Tonya was taken aback, the conceited one (who had remained quiet watching all this) fled the room and the two snerts were stopped dead in their tracks as was the rest of the room. Silence reigned; the screen did not move. It was weird and awful at the same time. And there I was muttering to meself, "OH SHITE." Then suddenly the words of age and wisdom appeared on the screen in the form of the Dragon, coming out of nowhere, and she proceeded to take Weasil to task!
I was baffled. This led the two snerts to laughter as a cowed Weasil agreed to "behave". I was stunned into further silence and wondered at it all. So was Tonya who was afraid I'd jump down her throat and so we both sort of faded into the background.
Finally, totally annoyed and now fighting with the Dragon-n-law over the definition of the word BEHAVE, Weasil gave the room a "Feck this" and signed off.
The snerts were, I knew, rubbing their slimy fingertips together in anticipation of two against one. That one would be yours truly. I smiled at the screen and chuckled at them. Then I disappeared into cyberspace and found Tonya in me IMs and I apologised to her but warned her not to try to help me.
We went back in and there was Weasil back fending them off with sharp quick smarty arse jabs.
The snerts had a field day at both Weasil and my expense (I was too angry to snap at them with any effect). Meanwhile, me mouthy wife was interfering with me and the Weasil's rather clever (or so we thought) retorts. Then just to make it interesting, and because he had had enough of Tonya, Weasil says to me, "Gabe you want me to throw yer wife offline?" Hells no, but I IMed him and said, "Make my freaking day and throw the Dragon lady out of the room!"
"Okie dokie," he IMed back, then on the chat screen he wrote: "Listen uppy I iz gonner throw da old lady out firstie, sorry dere Granny, but ya gots ta go cuz I can't BEHAVE!" And wham she was gone! I was shocked he actually could do it.
"THAT WAS MY MOTHER YOU JUST ..." And suddenly Tonya was GONE.
UH OH
"Anyonie else?" Weasil asked and that drove EVERYONE out of the room except him and me.
"Well done sir!" I wrote. "Except that was me wife you threw out. She's IMing me like mad and I am ignoring her because she's blaming ME."
"Welly Gabee, malice sits deep in my heart souring chat timie fer da rest a da evenin'. I covet the potential ta offend sum unsuspectin' snertie. I be gonner lay in waitie fer a snertie ta take out my aggression on." And I could imagine him sighing at the thought of waiting. We were there for a long time chatting and NO ONE came in. Tonya had given up IMing and had gone to bed, mad. Oh well.
I have learned me lesson, nothing has changed, it's all the same old same old, and tomorrow I return home to a wife who probably isn't speaking to me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
