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R. Linda:
Well, another trip to Kittery! My fav -- NOT! About two weeks ago I told me Mam about me ill fated trip to Kittery with the Dragon Lady and Tonya. I noticed she was half listening to what I was saying, because she would interject questions like, "Do they have Calvin Klein there?" and "Crate and Barrel you say?" All stores she's heard about but never placed foot in. It was suggested I should take her and Da there, "Just to look around, you know." Here I was looking for a little sympathy and what did I get? Another trip to Kittery!
I didn't wanna do it! No, I did not. I'd rather slice me throat than take that drive where I could not escape the insane conversation of two old people and of course Tonya! I have been subject to this every evening I come in from work, "So son how'd yer day goo?" "Did ye see any famous peeple taday?" "Yer lookin' tired ya arr, have they bean werkin' ya arse overly so?" And, it goes on, as I say yes or no, and then after dinner I, who report the news, is not asked about it, but instead, is subject to sitting there watching it with them on the telly. And then I get, "Well Gabriel ya never told us THAT!" Or, "Gabe why aren't ye covering that story?" Drives me up a pole it does.
So to be shut up in a car for a good while trying to drive with the sight-seers and salivating shopping wife, is not a dream of mine. If it is, it be a nightmare. BUT I couldn't get out of it, and so I took me another day off from me work and off we went after the sitter came to watch the kiddies (WHICH me Mam was all for taking with us, and well, I've been with the "kiddies" on shopping trips and I can tell you by the end of each trip I be ready to go home and blow me own brains out).
We went and as I already knew would be the case, I did not enjoy it. I think me Mam is ready for the HOME and me Da is not much help. Forget the wife, I should have left her in Maine. But I got home with a headache of huge proportions which got worse as soon as I walked in the door and heard the wailing of the youngest which reverberated inside me skull because he wanted his Mam. Me headache came on in Maine with the "Park it there, what's your name," you see me Mam forgets me first name and calls me by me Da's half the time and vice versa, or I be "what's your name." And "Mr. T could you please hand me that bag?" Don't ask. Then the "I don't want to eat at the Lobster Shack or is that the Clam Hut, what was that Dougal, I mean Gabe," and me favourites, "Where's yer Mam at?" "Ya didn't lose yer old Mam did ya?" "What do you mean you don't know where she be?" Oh it was so much fun NOT!
I'd be burdened with packages from everybody. I'd be the lackey following them around to a point I had so many packages I couldn't see where I was going. It was so bad that every step I took I muttered, "I'm sorry," because of the people I was knocking about as I moved not able to see. Did me old Da offer to help his overburdened son? Of course not, he was piling more onto the load I was weighted down with as it was. Me wife, did Christmas shopping, clothes for the wee ones, me Mam found a kitchen outlet and was stocking up on all sorts of unusual cookware and me Da found the trading post full of outerwear that he "needed" because of the heavy snows back in Ireland. I reminded him he was missing all the cold snow in Eire, he was here, but he didn't seem to hear me. What did I buy? Notta. I couldn't see anything for the packages I was forced to carry, me back was aching and me head was hurting. I just wanted to go home.
At one point I went to the car and unloaded one load, then I went into Old Navy where I found me nearsighted Mam having a conversation with the Old Navy dummies that were lined up at the lip of the store. She was asking one where the sweaters were and was that cashmere she had on, where was the cashmere and she even thought the dummy answered her because she said, "Oh where? Speak a little louder if you please I be a wee bit hard of hearing I be." I stood there embarrassed to go round her up. Me Da had come up beside me, "She's been at THAT for a wee while she has, poor dear can't see to save her life," and off he went. I was like WHAT, Da go get her, but no, no, it was up to me to gently remove her from the dummy conversation and try to convince her they were not real people. And she did not believe me. I had a devil of a time, her arguing with me and apologising to the dummies as I dragged her away, people watching the scene with amused looks on their startled faces. Yup.
Then once I had her moving towards the back of the store in search of sweaters, I took a double take at me wife with TWO shopping carts filled with children's clothes. I left me Mam on her own (hence, from me Da later, "Where'd ya leave yer Mam? What do ya mean ya don't remember?"), and took off to see what on earth Tonya was doing. I had hopes she was minding one of the carts for someone else, but no, no she had both carts and was happily holding a tiny little jacket up with tiny little boots and then "Oh Gabe, look at the cute little shirt with tie" and I was thinking where would either of me laddies wear a tie to and speechless, I tried to get me words of dissent out, but found meself blubbering over the amount of "stuff" she had in both carts.
She overruled yours truly she did. She informed me children's clothes were costly and here she could get some fine things for both boys at half the cost. I will tell you now, if I was either one of them, opening present after present filled with clothing (especially the shirt with tie) would not make for a wonderful childhood memory. This I protested, but to no avail. Me wee ones will be styling in the backwoods of New Hampshire where no one will see them so well outfitted. SIGH. All I can say is I be glad we be a two pay cheque family because while I can't afford all that it seems me wife can! What is wrong with this picture I ask ya.
It has taken me until now to write you about this. It is not a good memory. I be so knackered from everyone at home, it isn't funny nor fun. I be losing weight and sleep from them. It's the constant up and down to get things, the "Gabriel, would you get me a cuppa," and the "Gabriel, would you get me that box of tissues?" I be run ragged I be. I look awful, I feel like I could sleep for a year, and half the time I don't know bloody where anything they ask for is. I be sleep deprived I be and here you are with the Whooping Cough and I be complaining to ya, but I suspect you are somewhat amused by this and secretly think I complain a wee bit too much and maybe I do.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Well, another trip to Kittery! My fav -- NOT! About two weeks ago I told me Mam about me ill fated trip to Kittery with the Dragon Lady and Tonya. I noticed she was half listening to what I was saying, because she would interject questions like, "Do they have Calvin Klein there?" and "Crate and Barrel you say?" All stores she's heard about but never placed foot in. It was suggested I should take her and Da there, "Just to look around, you know." Here I was looking for a little sympathy and what did I get? Another trip to Kittery!
I didn't wanna do it! No, I did not. I'd rather slice me throat than take that drive where I could not escape the insane conversation of two old people and of course Tonya! I have been subject to this every evening I come in from work, "So son how'd yer day goo?" "Did ye see any famous peeple taday?" "Yer lookin' tired ya arr, have they bean werkin' ya arse overly so?" And, it goes on, as I say yes or no, and then after dinner I, who report the news, is not asked about it, but instead, is subject to sitting there watching it with them on the telly. And then I get, "Well Gabriel ya never told us THAT!" Or, "Gabe why aren't ye covering that story?" Drives me up a pole it does.
So to be shut up in a car for a good while trying to drive with the sight-seers and salivating shopping wife, is not a dream of mine. If it is, it be a nightmare. BUT I couldn't get out of it, and so I took me another day off from me work and off we went after the sitter came to watch the kiddies (WHICH me Mam was all for taking with us, and well, I've been with the "kiddies" on shopping trips and I can tell you by the end of each trip I be ready to go home and blow me own brains out).
We went and as I already knew would be the case, I did not enjoy it. I think me Mam is ready for the HOME and me Da is not much help. Forget the wife, I should have left her in Maine. But I got home with a headache of huge proportions which got worse as soon as I walked in the door and heard the wailing of the youngest which reverberated inside me skull because he wanted his Mam. Me headache came on in Maine with the "Park it there, what's your name," you see me Mam forgets me first name and calls me by me Da's half the time and vice versa, or I be "what's your name." And "Mr. T could you please hand me that bag?" Don't ask. Then the "I don't want to eat at the Lobster Shack or is that the Clam Hut, what was that Dougal, I mean Gabe," and me favourites, "Where's yer Mam at?" "Ya didn't lose yer old Mam did ya?" "What do you mean you don't know where she be?" Oh it was so much fun NOT!
I'd be burdened with packages from everybody. I'd be the lackey following them around to a point I had so many packages I couldn't see where I was going. It was so bad that every step I took I muttered, "I'm sorry," because of the people I was knocking about as I moved not able to see. Did me old Da offer to help his overburdened son? Of course not, he was piling more onto the load I was weighted down with as it was. Me wife, did Christmas shopping, clothes for the wee ones, me Mam found a kitchen outlet and was stocking up on all sorts of unusual cookware and me Da found the trading post full of outerwear that he "needed" because of the heavy snows back in Ireland. I reminded him he was missing all the cold snow in Eire, he was here, but he didn't seem to hear me. What did I buy? Notta. I couldn't see anything for the packages I was forced to carry, me back was aching and me head was hurting. I just wanted to go home.
At one point I went to the car and unloaded one load, then I went into Old Navy where I found me nearsighted Mam having a conversation with the Old Navy dummies that were lined up at the lip of the store. She was asking one where the sweaters were and was that cashmere she had on, where was the cashmere and she even thought the dummy answered her because she said, "Oh where? Speak a little louder if you please I be a wee bit hard of hearing I be." I stood there embarrassed to go round her up. Me Da had come up beside me, "She's been at THAT for a wee while she has, poor dear can't see to save her life," and off he went. I was like WHAT, Da go get her, but no, no, it was up to me to gently remove her from the dummy conversation and try to convince her they were not real people. And she did not believe me. I had a devil of a time, her arguing with me and apologising to the dummies as I dragged her away, people watching the scene with amused looks on their startled faces. Yup.
Then once I had her moving towards the back of the store in search of sweaters, I took a double take at me wife with TWO shopping carts filled with children's clothes. I left me Mam on her own (hence, from me Da later, "Where'd ya leave yer Mam? What do ya mean ya don't remember?"), and took off to see what on earth Tonya was doing. I had hopes she was minding one of the carts for someone else, but no, no she had both carts and was happily holding a tiny little jacket up with tiny little boots and then "Oh Gabe, look at the cute little shirt with tie" and I was thinking where would either of me laddies wear a tie to and speechless, I tried to get me words of dissent out, but found meself blubbering over the amount of "stuff" she had in both carts.
She overruled yours truly she did. She informed me children's clothes were costly and here she could get some fine things for both boys at half the cost. I will tell you now, if I was either one of them, opening present after present filled with clothing (especially the shirt with tie) would not make for a wonderful childhood memory. This I protested, but to no avail. Me wee ones will be styling in the backwoods of New Hampshire where no one will see them so well outfitted. SIGH. All I can say is I be glad we be a two pay cheque family because while I can't afford all that it seems me wife can! What is wrong with this picture I ask ya.
It has taken me until now to write you about this. It is not a good memory. I be so knackered from everyone at home, it isn't funny nor fun. I be losing weight and sleep from them. It's the constant up and down to get things, the "Gabriel, would you get me a cuppa," and the "Gabriel, would you get me that box of tissues?" I be run ragged I be. I look awful, I feel like I could sleep for a year, and half the time I don't know bloody where anything they ask for is. I be sleep deprived I be and here you are with the Whooping Cough and I be complaining to ya, but I suspect you are somewhat amused by this and secretly think I complain a wee bit too much and maybe I do.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
